Dating while being plus sized...

allifantastical
allifantastical Posts: 946 Member
in Motivation and Support
Recently I just got out of a relationship with someone who I thought I would marry. Needless to say I am devastated. I work from home and I am not very outgoing when it comes to approaching people in public. Unfortunately my size really effects my confidence. I don't want to jump into a serious relationship right away and I want to take some time to work on myself but it would be nice to have someone to go to the movies with or to a baseball game, or just someone to have a meaningful conversation with.

The free online dating websites are a waste of time for me. Does anyone else have any suggestions as to where I should start looking? I was thinking about Eharmony but like I said, I'm not 100% ready to be in a super serious relationship.

And please don't tell me "when you stop looking, it will come to you." even if it might be true. I feel like since I work from home I have to put myself in the position, instead of it knocking on my front door. The only person who comes to my door is the mailman and he is way to old for me. :laugh:
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Replies

  • catshark209
    catshark209 Posts: 1,133 Member
    eHarmony said I was unmatchable, lol.
  • catshark209
    catshark209 Posts: 1,133 Member
    I clicked "post reply" cuz I was distracted. Anyway, you're beautiful, you shouldn't have much trouble finding someone. I kinda went after my partner, poor thing, but he walked in my store looking hot and well....what could I do lol?
    Unfortunately, I am a huge dork and wouldn't have any good suggestions. I notice guys making convo with me at the bookstore, not bad looking either, but I'm taken so I kinda cut it off.
  • meechi53
    meechi53 Posts: 195 Member
    Grocery stores are a GREAT place to meet nice guys, also concerts, festivals, art fairs, and you might not be into it but if you are near a track, NASCAR/IndyCar/GrandAm races are good places to meet nice guys (not all of 'em are backwoods rednecks!). I'm married and a huge race fan and I meet nice single guys all the time that always ask me "well do you have any nice friends like you!" and I'm nowhere near my goal weight yet, so that's not an issue at all.
  • daffodilsoup
    daffodilsoup Posts: 1,972 Member
    Honestly, if you aren't interested in a serious relationship right now, I would give the free dating sites a try. I didn't meet my current boyfriend there, but I went on a lot of fun and interesting dates while I was a member on OkCupid.com. I had just broken up with my ex and wanted to get out there and meet people, so it was a good time.

    Also, meetup.com is fun - it's not really a dating site, but you get to meet people with similar interests, and it's nice for just meeting people (also, it kept me from holing myself up in my room feeling sorry for myself).

    Use this time to have fun and don't put too much pressure on yourself. :)
  • JoeD1968
    JoeD1968 Posts: 167
    "I don't want to jump into a serious relationship right away and I want to take some time to work on myself but it would be nice to have someone to go to the movies with or to a baseball game, or just someone to have a meaningful conversation with. "



    what is this "meaningful conversation you speak of":laugh:
  • KJL83
    KJL83 Posts: 3
    Hi! I am so sorry about your relationship ending. I have been there and it is devastating regardless of which side you are on.

    I have been married for 11 months to a man I met on a free dating site (plentyoffish.com). We have been together 4.5 years now. I didn't place much faith in plentyoffish.com (POF, for short) or other free dating sites, since there seems to be a direct correlation between the subscription price and the quality of the subscribers. There are lots of unemployed, uneducated, etc. people on POF. But I always figured that since I, an employed, well educated, attractive, and intelligent woman was on POF, surely there must be a few similar men out there! And I was right. My husband was starting his last semester of college when we started dating, so he was a "poor college student" which is why he was using a free site, but he is now gainfully employed, has both bachelor's and master's degrees, and I would say he's pretty attractive ;)

    I wouldn't discount the free sites just yet, especially since you are just looking for friendship/casual dating right now. The way I saw it, was that it didn't cost me anything to be on them, so why not? Eharmony is good but unless you live in a very large city, you will probably have lots of matches that are 5+ hours away. It's also something I would wait on until you're ready for something long term. I think that anyone who pays Eharmony's high prices is most likely looking for something serious.

    Also, I've been plus size my whole life and while dating is a bit harder because some men flat out don't want to date a PS woman, there are men out there who will. And if you think about it, if the guy loves you when you're PS, he'll definitely love you when you slim down, and that's how you know he's a keeper :)

    Good luck!!
  • KJL83
    KJL83 Posts: 3
    I second the meetup.com suggestion. I probably went to 10-15 local meetups from this site when I was single. I met a few people that I still keep in contact with. It's a great way to meet new friends, and who knows, you might meet the love of your life!
  • LoreyGiblin
    LoreyGiblin Posts: 13
    Honestly, if you aren't interested in a serious relationship right now, I would give the free dating sites a try. I didn't meet my current boyfriend there, but I went on a lot of fun and interesting dates while I was a member on OkCupid.com. I had just broken up with my ex and wanted to get out there and meet people, so it was a good time.

    Also, meetup.com is fun - it's not really a dating site, but you get to meet people with similar interests, and it's nice for just meeting people (also, it kept me from holing myself up in my room feeling sorry for myself).

    Use this time to have fun and don't put too much pressure on yourself. :)

    I AGREE 100% !! dating sites don't mean "serious relationship" unless you allow to get to that point.
  • verptwerp
    verptwerp Posts: 3,659 Member
    There are terrific people everywhere ...... I've met nice men & women while I've been hiking ..... at the library ...... taking classes ...... at local ballgames ...... in the coffee shops & at the supermarket ....... at my gym ...... and volunteering ......

    Oh, almost forgot ..... at the vet when my kitty was in for vaccines LOL

    Smiling helps !
  • allifantastical
    allifantastical Posts: 946 Member

    what is this "meaningful conversation you speak of":laugh:

    You know....ones you have under the covers. LOL just kidding!!!!
  • allifantastical
    allifantastical Posts: 946 Member

    Also, I've been plus size my whole life and while dating is a bit harder because some men flat out don't want to date a PS woman, there are men out there who will. And if you think about it, if the guy loves you when you're PS, he'll definitely love you when you slim down, and that's how you know he's a keeper :)

    Good luck!!

    That is so true! I always wanted to find someone when I was PS so I knew they would love me no matter what.
  • siriusalien
    siriusalien Posts: 207
    Ya'Know I find that if your doing something YOU like, whatever that is, you'll invariable be hangin with others who like the same thing. Viola- meaningful conversation! I think, as its been true in my life, that its less about where/how do i meet people, but more what do I WANT TO DO? Find your passion- go for it
  • legnarevocrednu
    legnarevocrednu Posts: 467 Member
    eHarmony said I was unmatchable, lol.
    Me too!!!! Hahahaha
  • katheern
    katheern Posts: 213 Member
    I used okcupid and I met my boyfriend that way. He was someone who also used to be plus sized and lost a lot of weight. I was plus size when we started dating and he really inspired me to finally lose that weight. Plus I knew he would eat the good food with me so it was helpful to have someone to keep me on track.

    I have also had friends meet people with varying success using meetup.com. It's a way to meet people doing activities you already enjoy doing.

    I've lost 75lbs since being with him (he's lost another 10-15lbs) and we are very happy together still 2 years later.

    Don't let being plus sized/age/whatever else stop you from finding love again. Everyone deserves to be loved and you CAN find love again.
  • WhittRak
    WhittRak Posts: 567 Member
    I can't give any other advice other than the advice you said you did not want.
  • ninakir88
    ninakir88 Posts: 292 Member
    I met my fiance on POF and I was getting ready to cancel my account.. haha
    you never know...
  • legnarevocrednu
    legnarevocrednu Posts: 467 Member
    Recently I just got out of a relationship with someone who I thought I would marry. Needless to say I am devastated. I work from home and I am not very outgoing when it comes to approaching people in public. Unfortunately my size really effects my confidence. I don't want to jump into a serious relationship right away and I want to take some time to work on myself but it would be nice to have someone to go to the movies with or to a baseball game, or just someone to have a meaningful conversation with.

    The free online dating websites are a waste of time for me. Does anyone else have any suggestions as to where I should start looking? I was thinking about Eharmony but like I said, I'm not 100% ready to be in a super serious relationship.

    And please don't tell me "when you stop looking, it will come to you." even if it might be true. I feel like since I work from home I have to put myself in the position, instead of it knocking on my front door. The only person who comes to my door is the mailman and he is way to old for me. :laugh:
    I strongly suggest Okcupid or POF. I get lots of hits on both. However, that being said, your lack of confidence will be an issue. When I was 259 pounds, I never got hit on and felt invisible to guys. Now that I'm 170, it happens pretty frequently. Sure, my appearance improved, but my confidence took a BIG leap as well. I feel comfortable and confident and guys can't help but be attracted to that. Just push outside your comfort zone. Fake confidence if you have to but it's definitely important. Good luck!
  • carriem73
    carriem73 Posts: 333 Member
    try making new friends first- concentrate on being happy with yourself, and then when the time is right, look back into dating.

    if you work from home, it may be a challenge to meet people- look in your area for groups with similar interests- book clubs, sports leagues (for fun types..), wine tastings- once you start making new friends, and you work on your fitness level, you will gain a new sense of confidneconfidence, which will help you be ready for a relationship!

    Good luck- add me if you want a new friend!
  • janalayn
    janalayn Posts: 510 Member
    Just get out and be active. If you are doing things you like to do (concerts, festivals, whatever) then you will meet people who like those things too. Just be yourself -- like yourself -- and your size won't matter. When I was single at the bars (and almost 40), guys came on to me all the time because even though I was fat I had confidence and liked myself. All my thinner friends couldn't figure out what I was doing ... but it was just self-confidence. I met my fiance at the bar, he is 7 years younger and in great shape and loves me for me, not my weight. When his friends asked "why are you with her" .. he told them that I make him happy. Can't ask for more than that!! Good luck
  • PandaHerber
    PandaHerber Posts: 43 Member
    I also suggest Meetup.com or maybe look into volunteering activities in your local community?? Maybe rather than focus on a relationship, you focus on yourself and bettering yourself not only physically but also emotionally. Sometimes giving back helps you get out there, meet new people in a different setting and see what the world has to offer. Make some new friends which in turn will get you out there even more in a new setting and then yes, the rest can just fall in place.
    I did meet my boyfriend online, so I'm all for that too. But I've met some amazing people through school and volunteering. I find meeting people doing things I love are the best because then at least you have a common interest!!

    Best of luck.
  • nattielove
    nattielove Posts: 17 Member
    I know you said you didn't want to hear "stop looking and you'll find someone", but it's true. You can't think of every male you speak to as a potential prospect. Find male company in the form of friendship, find hobbies that force you to leave the house and as a result meet people. I want to say you can't meet someone sitting on your couch, but I suppose you can if you do try internet dating lol. If you recently got out of such a serious relationship, you need to focus on yourself, and learning to depend on yourself rather than on others for happiness. If you're a happy person, you'll easily find other happy people.
  • HeidiMuszall
    HeidiMuszall Posts: 13 Member
    I've been in the same boat for the last few years. I agree that the best thing is just to focus on socializing, making new friends (men or women). One way that I have met several cool people over the last year or so is on the website Yelp.com. They have an events page on their website and depending on the city that you live in and how many people actively use the website in your city, there may be a lot of fun things for you to check out. So it's not a dating site, but I have found it to be a fun way to meet people and find fun stuff to do.
  • Dayna154
    Dayna154 Posts: 910 Member
    go do things you enjoy and make friends at those things/places, friendship is what you are looking for. Be open to people in general. By what you say you don’t necessarily want a man in your life if you want to fix yourself or just come to terms with your relationship ending.. Find some women to hang out with. They will help you by talking and doing things with you..
    Nothing better than spending time with close friends. Then when you are ready to date for real go on line or where ever and find a man... Men deserve the best from us just as much as we do... Think about it
  • Roadie2000
    Roadie2000 Posts: 1,801 Member
    Feel free to joint our MFP single people group
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/282-single-peeps

    I don't really like eHarmony, I'm on Match right now and it seems to be working pretty well. If you just want to try it for a bit, there are free sites like OKCupid or Plenty of Fish. I also hear good things about meetup.com, not necessarily for dating but for making friends or meeting people in general.
  • CoffeeNBooze
    CoffeeNBooze Posts: 966 Member
    Sorry to hear it. Honestly, just getting out there and talking to people is the way to go. Making random conversation with strangers, whenever you get comfortable to. It just takes time though, I understand not being super confident. I hope you don't feel like you need someone though. It is nice to have someone but not the end all, especially just getting out of a serious relationship. My suggestion is take some time to work on yourself, feel good about yourself, go out with some friends! You'll meet more people through friends and talking more :) Best of luck to you, you'll be fine!
  • turquoise_elephant
    turquoise_elephant Posts: 83 Member
    Ya'Know I find that if your doing something YOU like, whatever that is, you'll invariable be hangin with others who like the same thing. Viola- meaningful conversation! I think, as its been true in my life, that its less about where/how do i meet people, but more what do I WANT TO DO? Find your passion- go for it

    This is exactly right in my opinion.
    Think about things you enjoy, and see if there is anything local nearby, like a club or hobby group that you can join. It's a great way to meet people with similar interests.

    In terms of making new friends (or meeting a potential partner), I always found it was a good idea to be approachable. In the beginning I would spend most of the time I was with other people thinking 'they won't like me', 'They think I'm fat' etc etc. Because I was thinking these negative things it really did project outwards and didn't make me very attractive to other people. I have now moved the full-length mirror out of my bedroom so I don't see my body EVERY morning. I choose clothes I think are pretty, I do my hair and makeup and I leave the house feeling good. I'm still the same person inside that I was when I was slim, albeit with a few more self-conscious thoughts. The more you practice pushing those thoughts out of your mind, the better you get at it and the quicker you get back to being yourself again.

    It's also always a good idea to concentrate on the other person you are talking to. Ask them questions about themselves, keep them talking about themselves. Everyone loves to talk about themselves, and being the interested listener will get you major brownie points and make you even more attractive.

    Good luck! And the main thing, have fun with it!
  • jcstanton
    jcstanton Posts: 1,849 Member
    eHarmony said I was unmatchable, lol.
    Me too!!!! Hahahaha

    What a coincidence...ME TOO! Maybe we should get together and start our own dating site--"unmatchable.com, We'll match you when eHarmony can't get the job done". :laugh:
  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
    I met my husband on a chat site 10 years ago. I weighed 340 lbs. He saw past the packaging to the gift inside and we have been married for almost 8 years. Before I met him, I dated several guys. I did not let my size hold me back and the guys I dated didn't have an issue with it either.

    The suggestions for meetup.com are the best. You are out doing something you enjoy and so is the other person. That means you have a common interest. Don't go to functions looking for a man....go looking to enjoy yourself. If you appear to be on the hunt, you will chase people off

    Being single isn't all that bad..being with the wrong person is a heck of a lot worse.
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
    I can't date right now personally, but I attract a really bad sort as it is, and right now I have even less self confidence than usual, so I might as well have a big 'use me' sign on my forehead.
  • swisspea
    swisspea Posts: 327 Member
    I'm sorry to hear that!

    I met my husband on a dating site when I moved somewhere new and knew absolutely no one (and didn't speak the language), and all I was really looking for was some friends and maybe a few dates. It was a surprise, and an amazing experience!

    Meetup.com also saved my social life when I moved to another country. I met lots of people who spoke English and were interested in having fun, trying new activities and meeting new friends- I really suggest it!

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