Unsupportive spouse...

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ls_66
ls_66 Posts: 395 Member
in Motivation and Support
tough day.. disastrous diary.... sometime I wonder when you have an un-supportive spouse (that at times feels like she is trying to derail your journey to an healtier life) wouldn't almost be better to get fat again.. make her happy.. you know... die young and be done.. feel like I'm constantly battling her on really basic stuff.. she could give a f$%& about grocery shopping and even less buying unprocessed foods... if it was up to her we would be eating out every single fu%$%g time
Came home tonight extremely tired and unbelievably hungry (partially my fault) fridge empty or almost.... two leftover boxes with loads of pasta and I just gave in scarfed everything down topped it with 4 waffles slathered in Nutella and washed down with 2 beers.... fu%^& dieting.................... I'm so over I give up
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Replies

  • smsgreaves
    smsgreaves Posts: 57 Member
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    Don't give up!! I know what it's like, my spouse is supportive but he's also stick thin and always has been, so he doesn't get that I can't really have steak sandwich 3 nights a week! I'm really struggling with cooking different meals for the 3 of us (9yr old daughter as well) because they don't care about fresh healthy and low cal/carb they just want pie, chips, roast potatoes etc etc. Sometimes you have to do things for yourself... you'll find plenty of support on here, make the most of it. Just don't give up, you're allowed have one really stinking bad diary day!!
  • ls_66
    ls_66 Posts: 395 Member
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    but this is a daily struggle... I work 8 to 5 sneak in workouts during lunch breaks without telling her just because she would say instead of eating lunch at your desk and going to the gym why don't you come home earlier..... I have to do my own grocery shopping if I want to eat, if she cooks it's usually unhealthy and when I say I will fix myself something she says I can never cook anything good .... let's just out to eat
  • Miss_Suzylee
    Miss_Suzylee Posts: 26
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    You might as well just stop waiting for her to come around. Do your own shopping on the weekends and plan your own meals
  • wendiann2222
    wendiann2222 Posts: 36
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    Perhaps counseling? Maybe she's afraid she'll lose you after you lose weight and get fit? Has her own insecurities? Craves your attention? Maybe a bit of marital counseling, a visit with a dietician, and a few cooking classes together will help? There is no doubt she's driving you batty right now but I believe there is a reason why you married her.
    Hopefully you and your spouse will ba able to put it all behind you soon :)
  • smkafka
    smkafka Posts: 134 Member
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    You need to stay doing what you are doing or the decision to quit will make you unhappy too! My husband is not supportive at all. He sits and eats junk food in front of me all evening long. I buy healthy food at the grocery store and cook which is hard because I put in extremely long days too! Do you have the options to go grocery shopping together or cook together? It may help. I have no answers for you other then to tell you not to give up!! I will provide support if you want to friend me. Best of luck to you!! :smile:
  • buckeyegirl6973
    buckeyegirl6973 Posts: 21 Member
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    just keep making urself healthy. i also work 8-5 shift and i also may work 12-16 hr days(i have 2 jobs). my husband isn't the healthy one. he will eat what i cook or he can fin for himself. i only want to lose about (or can) 5 more pds. but i do want to tone up some more. I work out by my self..and i'm fine with it. sometimes my 6 yr old likes to work out some too..thats' nice to see im teaching him good habits. if we do go out to eat as a family..i eat healthy. and the one place we all can be happy at is subway!. i just learned it's my life and i'm gonna do what makes me feel happy and healthy inside and out. yea it hurts my spouse isn't on board, but i keep moving forward for me, my self and I. because i know i want to live a long life for my kids. at least the one thing i don't have is my spouse doesnt nag me on what i do or eat. i do like to run 5k's.. and i do wish he'd be there to see me finish..but oh well..life goes on and i'm proud of myself..and i can surely say i've done it on my own!!!...good luck to you and jsut keep pushing urself...it's mind over matter!!
  • ChrisStoney
    ChrisStoney Posts: 479 Member
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    Your wife will probably read this and buy you some cheese..... to go with your whine, haha

    You have to do it for yourself, start buying your own food, cut back on work to go to the gym, make it your priority. My wife used to cook very fattening foods, until me and my son stopped eating it and told her, "it is too fattening we won't eat it, she refused to buy what we wanted so I went and bought it, she used to try to de-rail my exercise by trying to tell me I couldn't go to the gym because something had come up..... now she is 'on the program' I am 50 pounds lighter, and I feel great.

    After all your weight is your problem and no one elses, so don't even try to blame it on your wife!!
  • buckeyegirl6973
    buckeyegirl6973 Posts: 21 Member
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    chris said it all!!..totally agree!!
  • avt85
    avt85 Posts: 64
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    You might as well just stop waiting for her to come around. Do your own shopping on the weekends and plan your own meals

    +1. worst case, just get yourself some healthy frozen meals, which should be the right portions you need anyway (for weightloss) that is.
  • tsaarloos
    tsaarloos Posts: 58 Member
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    PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP!! When you get to the results you've worked for- that will make the victory that much sweeter. Maybe she's a little jealous and/or ashamed that she's not with you on this? Is it possible she's having feelings of guilt because she wants to have the will power to be doing the same thing? Obviously, there is a problem, but you giving up isn't the solution, you started on this journey for a reason and I'm sure it wasn't because you were happy with what you were doing. If you're doing good things during the day, then at the very least you are improving. If she does the grocery shopping, would it be possible for you to make a list for her of things you would like? I know it's tough, years ago when I was really being good, I practically made two dinners every night, one for the Husband and kids and one for myself- it was usually a revised version of what I made for them. If they wanted speghetti, I would reserve some sauce, measure my meat and make speghetti squash, skipped the french bread and added a salad (for everyone)... Tacos- measured my meat, limited my cheese, skipped sour cream and instead of tortillas used lettuce leaves... I'm sure there will be a TON more ideas from others here... We are all behind you if you need us, because we need you too. Feel free to add me if you wish. :)
  • AggieLu
    AggieLu Posts: 873 Member
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    Lino, I won't let you give up. I'm sorry your wife doesn't see the wonderful man that you are and does not support you. You have to be selfish and do your own thing. Hugs.
  • Bonita_Lynne_58
    Bonita_Lynne_58 Posts: 2,845 Member
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    Please don't give up! I know how hard this can be....I'm dealing with my marital issues...have asked for a divorce...am catching hell from all sides...my son...my inlaws...even some of my own family. It's so easy to just say screw it. But easy isn't good for either of us.

    You've made great progress....please don't stop now. Please! I'm so terribly sorry.

    If you ever need an ear to listen....send a pm.

    Nita...(Bonita)
  • DrJackson6
    DrJackson6 Posts: 156 Member
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    You might as well just stop waiting for her to come around. Do your own shopping on the weekends and plan your own meals

    I agree and shake today off! Start again tomorrow. Persistence is the key to overcoming our stumbles. DO NOT QUIT!
  • ls_66
    ls_66 Posts: 395 Member
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    thank you all for both the smart remarks and the encouragement, today is a slightly better day and there is always tomorrow
  • MyOwnSunshine
    MyOwnSunshine Posts: 1,312 Member
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    I don't understand why you can't buy your own groceries and cook your own meals. You don't have to eat what she eats, nor should you expect her to be your servant and buy/cook/serve you things that she doesn't want.

    If she is a stay-at-home wife, perhaps you should let her know that the arrangement isn't meeting your needs, so she can start working and you can cut back on your work hours to better meet your health needs. If she works full-time like you, you're being a cry baby.
  • oharab
    oharab Posts: 14 Member
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    I don't understand why you can't buy your own groceries and cook your own meals. You don't have to eat what she eats

    I do. 'cos it's hard work! My wife is a fussy eater, always has been. She also won't cook, so I have to cook 2 meals, every day. We also have an 8 month old daughter who's weaning so now I prepare 3 meals when I get home from work.

    That said, you've got to stick to the courage of your convictions. You decided you wanted to change the way you look & feel about yourself. Quitting won't make those changes happen. It's not easy, but you can do this.

    B.
  • Hayesgang
    Hayesgang Posts: 624
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    Your wife will probably read this and buy you some cheese..... to go with your whine, haha

    You have to do it for yourself, start buying your own food, cut back on work to go to the gym, make it your priority. My wife used to cook very fattening foods, until me and my son stopped eating it and told her, "it is too fattening we won't eat it, she refused to buy what we wanted so I went and bought it, she used to try to de-rail my exercise by trying to tell me I couldn't go to the gym because something had come up..... now she is 'on the program' I am 50 pounds lighter, and I feel great.

    After all your weight is your problem and no one elses, so don't even try to blame it on your wife!!



    ^^^This 110% - Our family has 2 different dinners every night. It is not my job to tell my husband what he can or can't eat. When we go grocery shopping I get my stuff and they get theirs. We have plenty of foods in the house that aren't part of my eating plan and it's MY responsibily to eat or not eat them. You are a grown man, if there isn't food in the house go buy some and make it, if she eats it great if not, she knows where she can go get food.
  • BigRedgw2010
    BigRedgw2010 Posts: 127 Member
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    You are in control of what you put in your mouth and you can't blame anyone but yourself.

    This is why you are here to get the motivation and support from us. So let's do it!!!!
  • hesn92
    hesn92 Posts: 5,967 Member
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    Start taking care of yourself. Buy your own food and cook your own meals. Tell her if she's not going to be supportive then when it comes to food, she takes care of herself and you take care of you.
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
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    Seriously...what's with the damn Pity Party?

    I'll be blunt honest.

    You either WANT to be healthy or you don't. There is only ONE PERSON RESPONSIBLE. YOU. You need sit down, look yourself in a mirror and ask... DO YOU WANT TO BE HEALTHY? You have already REALIZED where you are. You need to VISUALIZE it. You need to make the CHOICE to become it. You need to TAKE ACTION upon the choices EVERY DAY that will bring you to SUCCESS.

    95% of your journey is MENTAL. Fix it. Become AWARE. Bring the Drive to success from the inside and push away everything that gets in the way. Your wife makes a dinner for 2 loaded with **** that is going to take you over your daily goals...say thank you, and make something else. YOU have to make the Choices. YOU have to hold yourself responsible.

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