Grrrr......Rant needed!

bazaar1982

Sorry - I just need to vent!!!

Why do people think its ok to say 'you look good considering you've had 2 kids' or similar? Do they think its ok to say 'its ok your fat, you've had babies'? which is essentially what they are saying? i dont fit into another category of looks just because I had babies!! I want to look/feel good as normal person!

i think this has compounded with the fact that my ex's new GF said (in response to the fact that I am on a diet) oh yes *** (my ex) said that you used to be ever so slim, you know before the kids' (insert b*tchy smile here) ARRRRRRH! first off I'm not sure whats worse - the fact that shes calling me fat now, or the fact that shes obviously been discussing my weight with my ex - I can imagine the conversation went something like:

Her 'god shes a bit of a heffa, what on earth did you see in her?'
him ' well she was much skinnier when we met, just got fat since'
her 'ha! yeah right'

sorry. Rant over.

Dudagarcia

Aww words can really hurt, and I'm sorry. You'll just have to continue going forward and accomplish what you've set out to. Forget the negative words and remember all the positive ones you have gotten. ((hugs))

bazaar1982

Aww words can really hurt, and I'm sorry. You'll just have to continue going forward and accomplish what you've set out to. Forget the negative words and remember all the positive ones you have gotten. ((hugs))

i know, thank you - i think it hurt more that someone who spent 4 years with me, and was supposed to have loved me, has obviously been discussing my weight with his new GF.

LynC33

Sorry - I just need to vent!!!

Why do people think its ok to say 'you look good considering you've had 2 kids' or similar? Do they think its ok to say 'its ok your fat, you've had babies'? which is essentially what they are saying? i dont fit into another category of looks just because I had babies!! I want to look/feel good as normal person!

i think this has compounded with the fact that my ex's new GF said (in response to the fact that I am on a diet) oh yes *** (my ex) said that you used to be ever so slim, you know before the kids' (insert b*tchy smile here) ARRRRRRH! first off I'm not sure whats worse - the fact that shes calling me fat now, or the fact that shes obviously been discussing my weight with my ex - I can imagine the conversation went something like:

Her 'god shes a bit of a heffa, what on earth did you see in her?'
him ' well she was much skinnier when we met, just got fat since'
her 'ha! yeah right'

sorry. Rant over.

Why do you care what your ex and his new gf think? Let them get on with their pathetic lives and dont worry about what they say. Dont take comments like that(the first comment u mentioned) in a negative way. Maybe they've seen ppl who have had 2 kids and put on a ****load of weight and maybe they actually think you look great after having two kids. We are our own worst enemy, just because we have low self esteem and think the worst of ourselves, doesnt mean everyone else thinks the worst of us. As for your ex, he's an ex for a reason....forget him and what he thinks, its not important.

LynC33

Also, your ex may have not even said anything to his new gf about you, she may have just said that to piss u off.

bazaar1982

Also, your ex may have not even said anything to his new gf about you, she may have just said that to piss u off.

No, i''m sure he did say it! she didn't know me or him when we were together - and I was a very slim size 8 -10 (UK) when we got together, so i'm sure its from him.

I know I shouldnt care, but sadly I do! I already felt that I'd been traded in for a newer model (she's 8 years younger than me!) and whilst she's very nice I still felt a bit stund by it.

I didn't think I suffered from lack of confidence but lately I havenoticed that I make alot of 'fat' jokes about myself, I always thought it was a way of saying 'yes i'm fat, but I don't care' - but now i'm starting to think its more 'yes, i'm fat and I DO care, so I'm going to say something funny about it before you do'. not sure what to do with that nugget of realisation, but at least I've noticed!!!

LynC33

Also, your ex may have not even said anything to his new gf about you, she may have just said that to piss u off.

No, i''m sure he did say it! she didn't know me or him when we were together - and I was a very slim size 8 -10 (UK) when we got together, so i'm sure its from him.

I know I shouldnt care, but sadly I do! I already felt that I'd been traded in for a newer model (she's 8 years younger than me!) and whilst she's very nice I still felt a bit stund by it.

I didn't think I suffered from lack of confidence but lately I havenoticed that I make alot of 'fat' jokes about myself, I always thought it was a way of saying 'yes i'm fat, but I don't care' - but now i'm starting to think its more 'yes, i'm fat and I DO care, so I'm going to say something funny about it before you do'. not sure what to do with that nugget of realisation, but at least I've noticed!!!

No hun, he has downgraded, he had the best and let it go. You are in the best position now...to focus on you for a change, your goals and dreams. You will find strength and happiness from the people that love you and the people that matter, and then you will find someone way better that appreciates you and makes you feel beautiful whatever size you are. Keep smiling. I know its hard not to care what idiots think, but trust me it gets easier.

rachaela06

Take your frustration and use it as motivation!! They shouldn't discuss you or your weight, but since they did, use their ignorance to your advantage. One day, you will knock their socks off with how amazing you look.

gchutson

Again... Here's a few steps to help you with the crushing things other people say...

Step 1: Stop giving a *kitten* what other people think.
Step 2: Repeat Step 1.

I'm having t-shirts printed.

bazaar1982

thanks guys - think i just needed to rant!

i appear confident so people presume they can say what they want to me - but it hurts!

bazaar1982

Again... Here's a few steps to help you with the crushing things other people say...

Step 1: Stop giving a *kitten* what other people think.
Step 2: Repeat Step 1.

I'm having t-shirts printed.

maybe you could include a little electric shock system, that shocks you everything you start to give a *kitten* ..... :laugh: id buy one!:laugh:

jamm2000

I always find humor in this conversation, that I have had quite a few times:

Guy: You don't look like you have 3 kids.
Me: What does someone with 3 kids look like?
Guy: Like she is about to have a 4th!

How funny is that, and sadly, quite often true. Not me!! I always vowed that I would not use marriage and kids as an excuse to sit and spread. I was (somewhat) fit and health conscious before the man, and that's how I'd like to be in our 10 year anniversary pictures.

bazaar1982

I always find humor in this conversation, that I have had quite a few times:

Guy: You don't look like you have 3 kids.
Me: What does someone with 3 kids look like?
Guy: Like she is about to have a 4th!

How funny is that, and sadly, quite often true. Not me!! I always vowed that I would not use marriage and kids as an excuse to sit and spread. I was (somewhat) fit and health conscious before the man, and that's how I'd like to be in our 10 year anniversary pictures.

^^^ that would be fine by me! I dont want to look like i've had kids!

my problem is that I was slim without trying before baby number 2 - for some reason it didn't all spring back after her!

AprilRenewed

I'm so sorry. I totally understand why you're hurting. I don't understand why people say those sorts of things, but I've heard them spoken to others as well. I guess...I think, now this isn't speaking for the ex's nasty GF, but for those who say "You look good considering you've had 2 kids" I think people mean to make you feel better. I don't think they realize it has the opposite affect. I think they're thinking it's reassuring to you. You know? I mean, I know it's not. But I tend to try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I am not saying you're wrong to hurt. I would too, I think.

As for the ex's nasty GF...she's an idiot. Do NOT let her stupid remarks get to you because she is worthless. She's with your ex, after all.

LeilaFace

I HATE HAVING EXs.... Sometimes I think that "service" in Eternal Sunshine on the Spotless Mind would be a necessary evil. i'm sorry you're going through this. It does suck and sometimes we do let *kitten* get to us, because we're human. Bottom line: you're doing what you can do and you will reach your goals with or without THEIR remarks.

You know what I get? Because I'm Polynesian people think that it's in my genes to "be big." So they tell me you look great considering ... Considering what that I'm Hawaiian so I'm supposed to be big?

Eff that noise. our bodies are what we make of them. They're the clay we're the sculptors. We can make them whatever we want. Don't forget that.

engodwin

You know I've never thought about it like that... I've said to my friends with kids "You look great. I hope I look that good when I have kids." (Mind you I only say this to people who actually DO look great. You know back down to their pre prego weight and all.) But I didn't think that could be considered offensive. I meant it more like Good for you! Because what society shows us is that women let themselves go after having kids.... I'll consider this next time I go to say these words....

katejkelley

That was a really *****y thing of her to say. Keep in mind -he's your ex for a reason, and he's her problem now. You deserve and can do better!