Body confidence.

aleham

I work at a restaurant as a waitress and most of my co-workers are thin and blonde. I felt a little intimidated by this at first, but I quickly brushed it off.

I meet the new guy tonight and he seems okay, a little arrogant maybe but pleasant enough. So I'm friendly, I ask questions about his life etc. I had some trouble carrying some plates, he asked me if I was okay and I said "oh yeah, I think my arms are a little fatigued because of the weight training I've been doing. I should have had a protein shake or something before coming to work" he grinned and asked "you work out? How come?" A question I get ALL OF THE TIME. I don't know why, maybe it's because I don't look like someone who spends time exercising because I'm closer to 70kg on the scales?

I explained to him that I want to get healthier and build a bit of muscle and stuff like that. "and to look good naked, that's a popular one" I said (half) jokingly. He said "you don't need to do that to be more attractive, your personality is great". I've been known to misunderstand comments like these, especially when they're about my attractiveness/weight etc, so to make it clear I asked "oh, so you think my personality is attractive but I'm not" he says "oh, when you put it that way it does sound a bit mean. Haha, I'm good at back-handed compliments, or thinly veiled insults".

He could have just been joking around to avoid the awkwardness of a misunderstanding or he could have meant it. It shouldn't matter to me but it does. I know my body and my confidence isn't going to change overnight, but comments like this really throw me. I don't know why. It shouldn't matter if someone thinks I'm unattractive, and that might not even have been what he meant, but my interpretation of it completely shattered my ability to strut.

Anybody else get self concious? How do you cope with it when it happens?

rayne78

I think he was saying you don't need to be working out to be more attractive than you already are, because you have a great personality and that makes you infinitely attractive on top of your physical attractiveness. Sounds like a great compliment to me! Is he cute?

nightsrainfall

I think what he originally said was supposed to be a compliment. I work with a lot of guys, and sometimes they don't quite think that how they said something can be somewhat an insult to us women - because what they think is important or what they think we think is important isn't always true...

But I am very self concious and have a poor-er body confidence. It's something I am trying to work on. I know it's me and not them. Very few people actually personally and intentially insult another person over their physical image to their face - no one's perfect and with the average person being what they are it would be a whole lot of "the pot calling the kettle black."

I think sometimes taking a step back helps. I'm use to hearing compliments that might actually be insults (I told you the guys don't think right?). So go for intent. If they are intending it to be a compliment give them the benefit of the doubt. If it was supposed to be an insult, still take it as a compliment, because now not only are you attractive on the outside, you are so great with your personality that you even outshine yourself. True, something might be an insult, but you rock for doing what you are doing, being how you are, etc so what do they matter anyway? The only person we live with and interact with 24/7 (and should be impressing) is ourselves. I personaly have a big problem with thinking sticking to my guns on I'm good enough, but again it's something I'm working on.

Body confidence, body image, viewpoint are all mind over matter - it's not about what the actual physical apperance is (or even what other people see), it's about what is in our own heads. Put on a pair of rose tinted glasses for a bit and enjoy - you deserve it!

Auspiciousgirl

You wrote..." he grinned and asked "you work out? How come?" ... He said "you don't need to do that to be more attractive, your personality is great"...

Boy says you're a hottie! No need to over-analyze these comments, they are compliments and you should smile

aleham

It's not really about what he said so much as how I automatically felt under attack and wretched about my physical appearance. I'm open to the possibility that he was actually complimenting me, but what worries me is how I automatically assumed it was an insult and how much that assumption hurt me. So I suppose what I should really ask is: does anybody else experience this problem. If so, how do you deal with it?

I'm fairly sure that he didn't intend to offend me, that's why I was just as pleasant and friendly to him for the rest of the night, however, that crippling, self-concious feeling was still there.

I feel pretty silly.

aleham

I think what he originally said was supposed to be a compliment. I work with a lot of guys, and sometimes they don't quite think that how they said something can be somewhat an insult to us women - because what they think is important or what they think we think is important isn't always true...

But I am very self concious and have a poor-er body confidence. It's something I am trying to work on. I know it's me and not them. Very few people actually personally and intentially insult another person over their physical image to their face - no one's perfect and with the average person being what they are it would be a whole lot of "the pot calling the kettle black."

I think sometimes taking a step back helps. I'm use to hearing compliments that might actually be insults (I told you the guys don't think right?). So go for intent. If they are intending it to be a compliment give them the benefit of the doubt. If it was supposed to be an insult, still take it as a compliment, because now not only are you attractive on the outside, you are so great with your personality that you even outshine yourself. True, something might be an insult, but you rock for doing what you are doing, being how you are, etc so what do they matter anyway? The only person we live with and interact with 24/7 (and should be impressing) is ourselves. I personaly have a big problem with thinking sticking to my guns on I'm good enough, but again it's something I'm working on.

Body confidence, body image, viewpoint are all mind over matter - it's not about what the actual physical apperance is (or even what other people see), it's about what is in our own heads. Put on a pair of rose tinted glasses for a bit and enjoy - you deserve it!

Yeah, I hear you and like I said, it wasn't really about what he said either. It's about how I felt afterwards. Even if he DID mean to insult me, it shouldn't have mattered. I just want to get to a place where I'm not so self concious.

I'm on my way, and I find that the thing that's changing most rapidly through my lifestyle change is the way I think not my actual body. I still have ways to go, apparently haha.

nightsrainfall

It's not really about what he said so much as how I automatically felt under attack and wretched about my physical appearance. I'm open to the possibility that he was actually complimenting me, but what worries me is how I automatically assumed it was an insult and how much that assumption hurt me. So I suppose what I should really ask is: does anybody else experience this problem. If so, how do you deal with it?

I'm fairly sure that he didn't intend to offend me, that's why I was just as pleasant and friendly to him for the rest of the night, however, that crippling, self-concious feeling was still there.

I feel pretty silly.

I do feel insulted or insecure over any comment to my body or weight. Actually my coworkers will talk about someone or celebrities and then after be like 'You're pretty too' or 'Your beautiful' or 'You're a good girl', etc. (they are all older guys). I always feel like that's a pity statement because who they were talking about and how I look do not match even in the slightest! However, I just ignore my own feelings smile and say thanks. For other self-conscious creating comments, I also ignore them and switch topics after saying thanks if it was intended to be positive or just brushing it off if it was another. If I think about it, I'd feel bad about myself but if I move on then while it still affects me it won' effect the situation as a whole.

Not saying this is the best way to go - just saying it's what I do.

Molly182

Complimenting your personality is a huge compliment! Personality it more important than how you look. It doesn't matter what other people think. You just have to care about yourself. Be comfortable in your own skin. I have low self confidence. I can find beauty in so many people in all shapes and sizes, but can't find it in myself. This world makes it very difficult to have confidence. Any person that is confident (not cocky) is a winner in my book.