A new way of thinking

Carfoodel

Twice now I have managed to lose a sizeable chunk of weight - but both times I have got to around about the 17 stone mark and it creeps back on. I think it must be a size on me that makes me and others notice the difference. I know the last two times I got complacent, realised a bit of something nice wasn't going to do much harm - but didn't stop there. call it success going to my head, complacency, smugness - shrug - whatever it is its around about now that it starts to creep back on. The difference is that this time, I am not resting on my laurels, I am not taking a breather and I am trying not to fixate on one magical number that is going to somehow make me happy.

The scales are up and down like a yoyo at the moment and I did take two months out to maintain whilst a perfect storm of demands took over my life. The thing is that 2 months isn't turning to 3 - and even if the scales aren't co-operating I know I am getting fitter and eating healthier (for the most part lol).

When I was out shopping for the dreaded dress for my graduation celebration I had braced myself for it being a traumatic experience - no kidding I have had a dodgy stomach for the last fortnight with the anxiey I was putting myself through. I tried to explain to my mum that when I go clothes shopping I feel like I should be walking along pealing a large bell shouting "fatty coming through" as the shop assistants dive onto the racks to protect the normal size clothes from me attempting to pour myself into them to the mental equivalent of the seams ripping hulk style.

What was weird was that instead of going from one shop to the next in a great show and exercise in futility was that (on my sisters insistence) I tried on a uk20 - me with the intention of showing her that I was worried about fitting into 22's and it would like I was the hulk in disguise. - anyhoo the 20's fitted! - still bemused by this.

I spent the rest of the day wandering through the shops and actually looking at the clothes rack - it was like a whole new experience - but it has had a knock on effect and my self esteem has had a bit of a boost and for the first time in a long time I don't feel like I should slink into a room or mentally apologise by justifying as if I get validation by talking about "yeah I am this size but I have lost X amount of weight"- I actually feel "normal" I know that this feeling was only in my head and noone is really thinking "bloody hell wonder if she has to watch out for harpoons if she goes on the beach?" or "if she falls down the stairs will she rock her self to sleep trying to get back up?" - but I don't think that of myself any more. That's why I know this time it is going to stay off -besides I have now officially thrown out all my larger sizes and have my "next size down item of clothing" waiting for me.

fitnessyeoja

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU, MY FRIEND!!! Keep pressing on and enjoying your successes along the way! :flowerforyou:

Trazzy15

Yeah I have days like that shopping for clothes too, thought it was only me that got myself into ruts! lol

You are doing so well and looking so good!! We'll have those slinky dresses by Christmas!! keep up the good work Carol and you should be so proud of yourself! xx

Carfoodel

Thank you both xx, it's weird I just feel like I have turned a corner and not looking back