Unsupportive family

taylersmiles

I am a senior in High School living with my mom and brother (Mom is divorced) and its really tough.
My brother is always working, so I barely see him, and when my mom's home all she does is buy junk food like hot pockets and pizza rolls, etc. Stuff I can't eat. But she won't buy healthier food no matter how much I tell her to. The most she'll buy is salad (occasionally), and fruit. Also, when she is home, I can't exercise. I went for a walk this morning at 7 and she yelled at the window at me asking what I was doing, I said going for a walk. I went for my walk and looked behind me and my mom is in the trees peeking at me. She's paranoid as hell. Since we moved, my tv is in the living room because our other 2 got ruined when the basement flooded, so I can't do any exercise video's either because she will just sit there and watch me and that will make me uncomfortable because she is a very judgemental person sometimes. It also really bothers me because she lost like 40lbs and now that I want to loose weight she just discourages it when I really o need to loose it, I'm a heavier girl. Advice on what I could do?

hazelovesfood

Omg ive had this kind of situation with my mother too, but it came after my dad died and she moved in with us, we couldnt move becasue of her, she wanted to know where i was going, when i would be back, etc etc its was bad, very bad and i became a little ill coz of all the stress she put on me, so in the end I had to say it was time to go. Im not suggesting you do this, but try and make her understand this is what you want to do, can you go to a gym maybe then at least she wont be there or do some work outs at college where she cant see you, she is so a control freak like my mother and it hurts you and I know how you feel, the only thing i can say is try and stand up for what you want and maybe take lunch money out with you and eat more healthy that way.

Blinx99

u need to be focused and i know it sounds that things around you are very difficult at present, but be positive and things will pick up soon

start with plenty of walks to clear ur head and try to drink more water
eat small portions of healthy foods often and dont be tempted to snack on junk foods

all the best x

robin52077

Sit her down when it's just the 2 of you and you're both in a good mood. Have a conversation about your long term health and goals. Reassure her it's not about "skinny" or poor body image, and you aren't going to starve yourself. Show her pictures of fit, strong women as your goal. She may be afraid you are falling into the "anorexia/starvation" trap that teens fall into sometimes. Convince her to buy healthy food, not "diet" or "low fat" food...but REAL whole foods...
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If she is still not on board with you then, give her a donkey punch and tell her to stop being such a b!tch.

FiercelyBeautiful

That is a tough situation to be in, especially since you depend on her to provide you with food and a roof over your head. My mother (a single mom as well) has always been a bit competative with me. She resents my life and it has created some issues between us. In fact we are not on speaking terms right now because she has been extremely negative and judgmental especially with respect to my losing weight, in plain english she is envious. I know she loves me and I am sure your mom does too but they are human and if your mom is insecure it may be adding to the problem. If you have not tried to talk to her about your feelings and need for support that would be my suggestion. My second suggestion would be to try and find a supportive friend who would be willing to do workout vieos with you at their house. I hope you will stick with it even if it means being creative to make it happen, I waited way to many years to change my life, I pray you will not do the same. Best of luch to you hun, and I we at MFP are your cheerleaders!

xoxo Mom on A Mission

franzy

what ever you do DON"T give up. it is hard when you don't have the support from family but here on MFP you'll have it for sure. Good luck and keep your head up

Lynn_SD

When I was in somewhat similar situation in High School regarding healthy food availability, I used to buy my own groceries and label them with my name so my six other family members wouldn't eat them. I worked part-time so I had a little of my own money.

jenbusick

Can you get any support at school? Maybe talk to a coach or trainer about help with developing a workout plan that you could come early or stay late to do at school, where your mom can't be looking over your shoulder? Do you have any money of your own that you could put toward healthy food? And if not, could you get a part-time job -- it would get you out from under your mom's eye and earn money you could use to buy your own food.

Best wishes! If all else fails, you're a high school senior; if you're not 18 already you soon will be, and when you move out on your own you can buy your own food (and everything else, but def. your own food...) and exercise without having to justify it to anyone else.

richx83

confront her in that situation walk straight up to her and say if you are going to follow me you may as well walk with me and spend the time talking to her about the who what why and where of what you want to be doing.

She may be scared of you "moving on" so if you make the effort to involve her it might make her feel better about what you are doing. If she lost weight tell her how inspiring her actions were and ask her for her help

deniseg31

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this specially at HOME! Reading this frustrates me. Is there a way that you can perhaps find a workout buddy (like from school) and go out and workout/walk with them? Or what about a Recreation Center? I know some Rec centers have memberships to their gyms for very very little. The rec center by my house charges like $25/year to use their gym.

I certainly hope things get better at home. Your mom should understand that you are doing this for your own health...don't let her behaviour deter you from reaching your goal. Try talking to your mom and see if you can find out what the deal is.

YOU CAN DO THIS! It has been proven here on MFP time and again that people CAN and DO reach their goal even after going through tough hurdles.

Good luck girlie...

MileyClimb

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. you have a right to take walks and work out. the right to want your body healthy. I was very strongwilled so whenever my dad barked at me for doing that I just told him to shut up and did it anyway. of course I do have a grandma who is in starvation mode and barks at me eating my right calories I say who is the one losing weight me or you? she siad you. I said well there you go I am losing your not so is the barking really necessary. you worry about your eating, I worry about mine.

ninerbuff

I am a senior in High School living with my mom and brother (Mom is divorced) and its really tough.
My brother is always working, so I barely see him, and when my mom's home all she does is buy junk food like hot pockets and pizza rolls, etc. Stuff I can't eat. But she won't buy healthier food no matter how much I tell her to. The most she'll buy is salad (occasionally), and fruit. Also, when she is home, I can't exercise. I went for a walk this morning at 7 and she yelled at the window at me asking what I was doing, I said going for a walk. I went for my walk and looked behind me and my mom is in the trees peeking at me. She's paranoid as hell. Since we moved, my tv is in the living room because our other 2 got ruined when the basement flooded, so I can't do any exercise video's either because she will just sit there and watch me and that will make me uncomfortable because she is a very judgemental person sometimes. It also really bothers me because she lost like 40lbs and now that I want to loose weight she just discourages it when I really o need to loose it, I'm a heavier girl. Advice on what I could do?

Move in with your dad. Maybe what you need is a change.

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Th3Machine

Could you ask your brother for help to sit down with you and your mom and just explain to her what it is you are trying to accomplish?

susieq101178

I understand where you're coming from on the "being watched". I don't like it either. Maybe you could get her to join you in exercising? Under the circumstances, it may be really good for her. It's possible she's feeling lonely and depressed. I know since my dad passed away my mother stopped cooking. It's all microwave foods and take out. And she rarely leaves the house anymore. If she and I lived closer my husband and I would have her over for dinner and I would take her to the gym with me as much as possible. You could also offer to help with the grocery shopping and cooking on occasion too. That gives you more control, and helps out mom.

Jaw_g

I am a senior in High School living with my mom and brother (Mom is divorced) and its really tough.
My brother is always working, so I barely see him, and when my mom's home all she does is buy junk food like hot pockets and pizza rolls, etc. Stuff I can't eat. But she won't buy healthier food no matter how much I tell her to. The most she'll buy is salad (occasionally), and fruit. Also, when she is home, I can't exercise. I went for a walk this morning at 7 and she yelled at the window at me asking what I was doing, I said going for a walk. I went for my walk and looked behind me and my mom is in the trees peeking at me. She's paranoid as hell. Since we moved, my tv is in the living room because our other 2 got ruined when the basement flooded, so I can't do any exercise video's either because she will just sit there and watch me and that will make me uncomfortable because she is a very judgemental person sometimes. It also really bothers me because she lost like 40lbs and now that I want to loose weight she just discourages it when I really o need to loose it, I'm a heavier girl. Advice on what I could do?

I used to get some rather mixed messages from my family when I was trying to lose weight especially with bringing home food that was far from what I should be eating.
Do you have any money to buy a few essentials that could bring into the house (showing your mum the types of things that you want her to buy) as sometimes showing/doing can get the message across better than just telling/asking her what you want from the supermarket.
Do you have your own computer/laptop in your room?

Maybe you can find a 'new family' that will support you, have you joined any local groups on here that are close to where you live? You may be able to meet up with others who are in need of support too

btw, LOL at her peering from behind trees, that's just ridiculous! Go for a swim at your local pool and do some lengths or jogging in the water... I'd love to see her watch you do that from behind some trees! ;p

freeli

Sorry to hear you're unhappy.

Maybe your mum just can't be bothered cooking? So you could try to suggest taking over cooking dinners two or three times a week and that way cook something nice and healthier?

noneya2010

what ever you do DON"T give up. it is hard when you don't have the support from family but here on MFP you'll have it for sure. Good luck and keep your head up

I agree! It makes it harder but you can do it! I grew up in a family like this. My mother was an alcoholic and very critical and mean about my weight. Although she would call me names (thunder thighs, etc.), looking back, she never did anything to help me and we were MADE to eat all the dinner on our plates. I'm married and my husband can eat and drink whatever he wants and always stays the same size. I've gained about 50 lbs since being married and over the last 8 years and although I fall off the wagon, it's a battle I never give up on. He tells me he loves me just the way I am and just eat and be happy.

Finally, one day, I was talking to him during one of his unsupportive times of just eat and be happy -- and I told him I am NOT happy at this weight and I never will be and I need to do this for ME - to feel good and be happy. Ever since then he got sooooo much better and much more supportive.

Sit down with your mom and tell her straight up what you think and feel and ask her to buy some things (make your own list!). If not, do you work or earn any money? If so, go buy your own things! Eating healthy and buying healthy foods does cost a little bit more, but with planning out your meals, and grocery list, it's not too much more.

Sometimes when people in your life are content, unhappy, or whatever, they try to put us in the same boat by criticizing our efforts. And when you start eating healthy, maybe it will rub off on your family and they too will begin to make the smallest of changes as you will become their roll model!

taylersmiles

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this specially at HOME! Reading this frustrates me. Is there a way that you can perhaps find a workout buddy (like from school) and go out and workout/walk with them? Or what about a Recreation Center? I know some Rec centers have memberships to their gyms for very very little. The rec center by my house charges like $25/year to use their gym.

I certainly hope things get better at home. Your mom should understand that you are doing this for your own health...don't let her behaviour deter you from reaching your goal. Try talking to your mom and see if you can find out what the deal is.

YOU CAN DO THIS! It has been proven here on MFP time and again that people CAN and DO reach their goal even after going through tough hurdles.

Good luck girlie...

Thanks a lot for the advice and I tried having a workout buddy, my best friend from school, but she has a lot of family things going on and since my family has moved she's pretty far away and with her dad passing, she's not as in to fitness as she used to be.

taylersmiles

I appreciate everyone's advice, I read through all of them haha I'm going to try a bit of everything you guys advised and see what happens!

SoDamnHungry

Could you try inviting your mom on walks with you? Maybe she'd back off if she was a part of it.

wooze63

Keep going on the wals, she will get use to it. I feel sorry for you having to deal with it, but she will get better.