How to deal with criticism

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  • Lady_Bane
    Lady_Bane Posts: 720 Member
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    People who do not have the motivation to do what you work so hard to maintain/lose, tend to want you to join them in their sorrows.
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
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    Your success is a constant reminder of their failure.
    IGNORE THEM!
  • caswell806
    caswell806 Posts: 42 Member
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    I don't know if it would work for your family but I would try to explain that I am not trying to lose weight rather I am trying to firm up certain areas with my workouts and watching what I am eating. Just a thought. Hope it helps. Be well and stay strong.
  • TheChosenOne_
    TheChosenOne_ Posts: 72
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    You don't live with them so what ever.
    Also, if they force you to eat..eat a little bit
  • FlittyGetsFit
    FlittyGetsFit Posts: 94
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    My friend had the same problem with her in-laws. She told them the doctor had told her to keep to a healthy weight so she was in the best health for future babies. They accepted that!
  • flechero
    flechero Posts: 260 Member
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    I would just tell them that you are following your doctor's suggestions.
  • bikinibeliever
    bikinibeliever Posts: 832 Member
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    Funny thing is when I was growing up if you were on the thicker side everyone commented on how healthy you looked. Seriously, I came from a family of 5 kids and can't tell you how often I heard people say, "what a healthy looking family." Well looking back it's no wonder I keep stuffing my face! I think in a lot of older people especially and with different nationalities it is considered healthy.

    Don't let that make you feel bad. Just politely decline food you don't want. When they say you are too skinny say something like the doctor thinks I am almost to where I should be. Smile and continue on.
  • Mandigormas
    Mandigormas Posts: 23
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    My mom did the same thing to me when I was about 10-15 lbs shy of my goal weight. I think part of it is what your husband said- they are just being "italian mothers" and the other part of it is people don't like change. I don't think in reality that they are trying to burst your bubble or upset you, they just see you shrinking before their eyes and they're not used to it. Over time they will get used to seeing the new thin you and it won't be so "shocking" anymore.

    Good job btw!

    I LOVE what this poster said and totally agree. They are not trying to hurt you they just need to get used to you. I think it is great that you lost your weight! Congrats!
  • Chipmaniac
    Chipmaniac Posts: 642 Member
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    I've had people that only knew me when I was fat tell me I look weird thin. When I got laser eye surgery people told me I looked weird without glasses. A person you only see wearing flip-flops and shorts looks weird in a suit.

    Often folks have an internal image of you and when you look different their brain interprets this as "strange". Unfortunately, well-meaning and sometimes not so well-meaning people don't recognize this for what it is and often make inappropriate comments. Welcome to life.
  • darrcn5
    darrcn5 Posts: 495 Member
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    I have to be VERY vocal about it and a bit forceful. Over the weekend, DH's aunt practically tried to pour sweet tea down my throat after I respectfully declined it 3 times. My MIL tries to constantly send platefuls of crap home with me, but she is finally getting the message that I do not want or need a plate full of cheesecake in my house. Don't be afraid to speak up for yourself. They might not be meaning to hurt you or upset you, but they are, and this is not okay.
  • Di3012
    Di3012 Posts: 2,250 Member
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    Thanks for the feedback thus far everyone! I've never really dealt with this before, except maybe in high school a couple of my heavier friends gave me crap about being small. I chalked that up to jealousy.

    I tried to explain that I am healthy and they scoffed at me (and then proceeded to try and feed me). My husband and I actually left early because they were ordering take-out that consisted of pizza and hoagies. I think he could see the fear on my face, LOL!

    His mom actually said to me that I have a "flat *kitten*" because my jeans are loose (haven't gotten around to getting a whole new wardrobe). Apparently when one is not overweight its okay to rip on their body shape/size. I'm not magically self-confident about my body since losing weight, so when I hear things like that it's truly upsetting.

    Hell, all those personal comments they insist on making to you would be enough for me to not want to visit them or for them to visit me!

    They are being unfair, the very fact they were ordering the take-aways, shows this.

    They seem virtually obsessed with your weight, I hope you manage to sort it soon OP.

    WTG on your weightloss, everybody on this thread of yours who is desperately trying to lose weight will appreciate just how well you have done!!
  • mmapags
    mmapags Posts: 8,934 Member
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    Your in laws sound like my family! 2 things. Hold your ground with responses like, "thank you for caring but I am happy with how I look and what I'm eating. Please don't push food on me." Or, "I'm not skinny but thanks for your concern. I'm doing just fine thanks and I'm a big girl and know how to decide how much I want to eat."

    The 2nd thing is that your husband needs to step up and back his family off. I had a couple of similar situations with my parents and I had to set some fairly strong boundaries. I did this without my wife present in order to save my parents embarassment but I did not mince words. I told them straight that if they'd like to continue to see us regularly, they needed to back off and let my wife make her own decisions and respect the decisions she makes without editorial comment. They got the message.
  • DrowningMermaid
    DrowningMermaid Posts: 143
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    I think it's true about the Italian Mothers, really. Your weight loss goals are not unreasonable given your height. I can understand being shocked at how thin you are compared to before (I didn't look at pictures but just assuming) but to nearly break into tears and force-feed you is a bit on the ridiculous side.

    Maybe they worry you're starving yourself, but if they truly see you "stuffing your face" (consider it a cheat day) every once in a while, they'll let up.
  • nfgchick79
    nfgchick79 Posts: 89 Member
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    I grew up in a house where we had generally healthy food. My mom was a SAHM so she cooked dinner every night. I'm not used to having someone try to shove unhealthy crap at me all of the time, nor was being plumper sought after. My weight gain was from basically getting older and working a desk job since college (being lazy etc). I think the advice I am getting as far as sticking up for myself is good. My husband hasn't said anything yet because they have said it to me as soon as he leaves the room or isn't there. He doesn't put up with b.s. so I can assume that if they make a comment in front of him he'd speak up. As an aside he doesn't have a decent relationship with his mom but is very close with grandma. I doubt we'll be at his mom's a lot but she shows up a lot at grandma's so the chancing of seeing both of them are high.

    I should also mention I've had my co-workers make comments too, that they think I'm nuts for the amount of exercise I do (I sometimes leave in my gym clothes for a class) and that I am SO skinny and I should make sure to not lose anymore. I get real hell when I turn down birthday cake or free bagels or whatever horrible treat is for the office. So anyway I think it might be a typical kind of thing surrounding weight loss like the other posters are saying. I've never experienced this large of a weight loss before so I guess I've never experienced something like this before (to this degree).

    Thanks for all of the very nice compliments too everyone! <3
  • quill16
    quill16 Posts: 373 Member
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    I would check with my doctor and get their opinion. My doctor thinks I need to be at the highest end of the healthy BMI scale because of my curvy figure and excess skin due to weight loss.If your doctor agrees that you are at a good weight then you can simply say" My doctor wants me at this healthy weight". I went thru comments of being too skinny when I was 5'3" and weighed 160.I now weigh 140-145 and I can imagine their comments now. Relatives were just not used to seeing me at a healthy weight and they were so overweight themselves that my weight loss actually bothered them .
  • missikay1970
    missikay1970 Posts: 588 Member
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    Your in laws sound like my family! 2 things. Hold your ground with responses like, "thank you for caring but I am happy with how I look and what I'm eating. Please don't push food on me." Or, "I'm not skinny but thanks for your concern. I'm doing just fine thanks and I'm a big girl and know how to decide how much I want to eat."

    The 2nd thing is that your husband needs to step up and back his family off. I had a couple of similar situations with my parents and I had to set some fairly strong boundaries. I did this without my wife present in order to save my parents embarassment but I did not mince words. I told them straight that if they'd like to continue to see us regularly, they needed to back off and let my wife make her own decisions and respect the decisions she makes without editorial comment. They got the message.

    wow that is awesome - what a great supportive husband! well said :smile:
  • bikinibeliever
    bikinibeliever Posts: 832 Member
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    I've had people that only knew me when I was fat tell me I look weird thin. When I got laser eye surgery people told me I looked weird without glasses. A person you only see wearing flip-flops and shorts looks weird in a suit.

    Often folks have an internal image of you and when you look different their brain interprets this as "strange". Unfortunately, well-meaning and sometimes not so well-meaning people don't recognize this for what it is and often make inappropriate comments. Welcome to life.


    Well said! I can't believe people say you look weird. I think you look handsome as can be! Hot hitting on you, married here, just saying. :smile:

    EDIT: Where I said "Hot hitting on you" meant to say NOT hitting on you....:laugh: ....but for schits n giggles I'm leaving it there!
  • lyttlewon
    lyttlewon Posts: 1,118 Member
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    Can your husband talk to them since it is his family? I would have him ask them to be respectful of what you are trying to do.
  • Di3012
    Di3012 Posts: 2,250 Member
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    I grew up in a house where we had generally healthy food. My mom was a SAHM so she cooked dinner every night. I'm not used to having someone try to shove unhealthy crap at me all of the time, nor was being plumper sought after. My weight gain was from basically getting older and working a desk job since college (being lazy etc). I think the advice I am getting as far as sticking up for myself is good. My husband hasn't said anything yet because they have said it to me as soon as he leaves the room or isn't there. He doesn't put up with b.s. so I can assume that if they make a comment in front of him he'd speak up. As an aside he doesn't have a decent relationship with his mom but is very close with grandma. I doubt we'll be at his mom's a lot but she shows up a lot at grandma's so the chancing of seeing both of them are high.

    I should also mention I've had my co-workers make comments too, that they think I'm nuts for the amount of exercise I do (I sometimes leave in my gym clothes for a class) and that I am SO skinny and I should make sure to not lose anymore. I get real hell when I turn down birthday cake or free bagels or whatever horrible treat is for the office. So anyway I think it might be a typical kind of thing surrounding weight loss like the other posters are saying. I've never experienced this large of a weight loss before so I guess I've never experienced something like this before (to this degree).

    Thanks for all of the very nice compliments too everyone! <3

    OP, the bolded bit above is what I am about to refer to.

    I am amazed, always have been and always will be when stuff like that quoted in the bolded bit in your posting above happens.

    When people criticize another person for working out (lest they lose any more weight etc), it makes me a tad mad. Next time they say as such to you, tell them that you are NOT working out to lose weight (even if you were, don't let them know that, you will NEVER get any peace for the rest of the time you work there) - but tell them you are working out because you are training and when a person is serious in their training they are not a fairweather "workouter", but they workout come hell or high water.

    Seriously, I cannot get over the ideas some people (those those never workout by the looks of it) think that a person only works out whilst losing weight, thereafter they should go back to being a couch slouch!

    Continue with your workouts and if they continue saying the same thing everytime you have your workout gear on and skip off to your workout venue, just keep saying the same thing in answer. In the end they SHOULD get the message. :flowerforyou:

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