My name is Lola and I am trying to get better.

lolamwest

This is my first post on this site, and I will start by saying that posting about having bulimia on a public forum is like giving a speech in front of a large crowd while wearing nothing but a bright pink feather boa. My insecurities are not a new sensation though, and I have become so used to feeling displaced that I suppose it is time to step up and talk about it.

I am a 24 year old female who has suffered from bulimia since I was 14 years old. Looking at me though, you would never know it. I am a curvaceous woman who struggles internally and externally with my weight, body issues, and insecurities. Sometimes I feel like I am in control of my disease ( I call it a disease because it plagues me night and day, and for me at least, it is not a switch or feeling i can turn on/off). When I am in control, I can go weeks without purging, and at those times, I feel like Rose standing with her arms outstretched on the bow of the Titanic. Other times, my disease takes me on a wild and crazy ride, and before you know it, I have vomited six times and I going down with sinking ship.

I am not bold enough to speak for all people who suffer from an eating disorder, so I will only speak from my own personal experiences. I am at war with myself every day and would love nothing more than to throw up the white flag and surrender. My name is Lola, and I am trying to get better. I have spoken up about my problem and It is no longer a secret hiding within me, waiting to escape and embarrass me in the crowd. I want to live a long happy life, and be strong enough to enjoy it. So staring today, I AM MAKING THE CHANGE.

I look at all the happy smiling faces on people who have used this website to change their lives, and I am hoping that in the months to come I am wearing a happy smiling face too, not because i am thin and sexy (though that would be nice too), but because i am content enough with myself to say, I am better now.

Thank you MFP.

Flab2fitfi

Welcome to MFP and thank you for your honest post.

Hope you find the support you need on here - we are mostly a friendly bunch.

Good luck!!

CleanandLean33

Hey
Check out the eat more to weigh less group on mfp.... It's a great place to start. It advocates eating a healthy amount of food which allows weigh loss but also for your body to get the fuel it needs. I have read several posts on the groups forum about other women with similar historys who have found this a healthy sustainable method rather than setting kcal goal very low which can lead to binges. Just a though..
Best wishes

MileyClimb

welcome lola you are welcome to friend me:) yes I am 1 month in eat more to weigh less it is helping me a lot. I went from 209 pounds to my current weight of 186 pounds.

lolamwest

Hey
Check out the eat more to weigh less group on mfp.... It's a great place to start. It advocates eating a healthy amount of food which allows weigh loss but also for your body to get the fuel it needs. I have read several posts on the groups forum about other women with similar historys who have found this a healthy sustainable method rather than setting kcal goal very low which can lead to binges. Just a though..
Best wishes

Thank you Very Much. I will look into it right away. What a novel concept though... who knew you could really eat more to weigh less?

CleanandLean33

Check out the notes on the forum and maybe even repost your message above. They are a really lovely supportive lot so you are likely to get a lot of support n suggestions from everyone about how to make it work for you. Also the successes they are getting with weight and health gains are fantastic... Again check out the posts of successes. I had bulimia too in my 20's and i so wishsomwone had explained the em2wl idea to me then. I kept trying to break the purge binge habit with different very low kcal (<1200) regime which really was just like trying to sustain a purge.... That as always would snap at some point and then I spiral down again. the em2wl is less harsh on your body, more sustainable and more likely to help you recover and learn what nutritionyour body really needs. Sorry for typos I'm typing on my phone.

kelseyhere

HI Lola. Thank you for having the courage to share your story. I'm sure there are many others on this site struggling with the same issues but are too afraid to say anything. By you saying something, you help those other people realize they are not alone. I love to see a woman who wants to take charge! You deserve to be happy and starting with yourself is perfect.

Since joining MFP I have learned so much about health, fitness, and myself. I used to just want to be thin so badly and I too thought the only way to get there was to stave myself. Through the support on this site, and lots of reading about nutrition I've learned that I can eat delicious meals and still be thin. It's all about balance. I'm working on building a strong body with lean muscles and giving myself the proper nutrition. Now that these things are in place, I'm losing weight naturally. It took me many failed diets and nights going to bed hungry to realize that there is a better way. I am still a work in progress as I always will be. The difference now is that I'm educated.

But enough about me, you're starting to see that there is a better way too and you've taken the first step by admitting that. Now keep this promise to yourself and keep working at it!

lolamwest

HI Lola. Thank you for having the courage to share your story. I'm sure there are many others on this site struggling with the same issues but are too afraid to say anything. By you saying something, you help those other people realize they are not alone. I love to see a woman who wants to take charge! You deserve to be happy and starting with yourself is perfect.

Since joining MFP I have learned so much about health, fitness, and myself. I used to just want to be thin so badly and I too thought the only way to get there was to stave myself. Through the support on this site, and lots of reading about nutrition I've learned that I can eat delicious meals and still be thin. It's all about balance. I'm working on building a strong body with lean muscles and giving myself the proper nutrition. Now that these things are in place, I'm losing weight naturally. It took me many failed diets and nights going to bed hungry to realize that there is a better way. I am still a work in progress as I always will be. The difference now is that I'm educated.

But enough about me, you're starting to see that there is a better way too and you've taken the first step by admitting that. Now keep this promise to yourself and keep working at it!

What a lovely response! Thank you for your recognition, and congrats on all of your achievements thus far. I hope that i can learn from those who have made changes and find out ways to be more comfortable with who i am.