How do you feel about this article?

ShilohMaier

I read an article the other day, and am surprised I haven't seen anything on the boards here about it. To summarize the article, it stated that they did a study that showed a woman who was once obese and is now thin is considered less attractive than a woman who has always been thin. That the stigma of obesity still exists even if you are no longer obese.

Has anyone else dealt with that issue? I have. Prior to meeting my husband, I noticed almost instant changes in guys I would date when they learned I used to be obese. They would start watching me eat, when they never had before. We would stop having dessert when we went out. And the relationships all fizzled within weeks of my previous weight struggle being revealed- when no other problem existed prior to it. My husband's family even told him not to marry me because I used to be fat, and that I would probably get fat again, and have fat children. At least they didn't try to hide it I guess- but my MIL has often said she would rather die early of cancer from smoking cigarettes and be thin, than live longer and be fat from quitting. She said this with a tracheotomy in her throat from the throat cancer she now has. She still smokes with the trach.

Anyhow, if you haven't read it, the article link is below:

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2012/05/study-were-biased-against-obese-people-even-if-they-get-thin/257898/

ramgi

WTH! I haven't read the article but people's attitudes about obese people make me sick. So you were big so what? Does being big make someone a bad person? I don't think so. Can I slap your mother-in-law for you?

farmers_daughter

I second the slapping. :explode:

Il_DaniD_lI

It's kinda like, you've been to prison but have since straightened your life up, you've still been to prison.

sarahharmintx

Your MIL is a real piece of work. Hope she pre-planned her funeral.

Anywho, I skimmed something about that on one of the boards a while back but since I didnt really read through it, Im afraid I wont be of much help.

Oh and your exs are a$$hats. Hope you have since found better.

ETA: After I hit post, I realize that by saying MIL, you are in a relationship and in fact married. LOL. Oops. I think I need a nap or something to clear the fog.

julslea

I didn't read the article but what your MIL said makes me very angry. I agree with the slapping!

AprilRenewed

Wow. I feel sorry for people like your MIL. Sorry for them and disgusted by them.

HIITMe

Ive seen guys shy away from girls they considered pretty & sexy once they found out she was once obese.... it seems like its worse for the girls who lost the weight on their own vs weight loss surgery... as if they fear she will lose the pretty-sexy and morph back into obesity....
Ive also heard my brother in his younger days mention he wouldnt date a chick with an obese mother because he knows the daughter would eventually turn into her fat mother....

karensoxfan

...my MIL has often said she would rather die early of cancer from smoking cigarettes and be thin, than live longer and be fat from quitting. She said this with a tracheotomy in her throat from the throat cancer she now has. She still smokes with the trach.

I hope your MIL has lots of life insurance to leave you a big FAT inheritance.

jessrect

I lost about 70 pounds and people who find out are surprised and amazed, but in a good way. I've never gotten any negative feedback. I've even said something along the lines like "I'm sad to admit this because I had gotten so out of control..." and people reply with "Don't! feel bad!" "You look awesome" "That's amazing that you were able to lose it." Everyone is different I guess. Also I'm so petite a lot of people don't believe that I ever used to be fat so maybe that has something to do with it.

Casey45

The cancer has probably already slapped your MIL, but she's in denial. As long as she's there, she should go see the pyramids before she dies, if she hasn't seen them already (I have - a definite bucket list moment). It's gotta be challenging for you and your husband. Best.

ArtemisMoon

I saw that article a while back. It is frustrating that you know even when you make your goals, you will still be stigmatized for it. But not everyone will do that, and those are the people that are worth dating and being friends with! Can't do much about the in-laws though...bleh...

JediMaster_intraining

Wow. Society sucks. And so does your MIL for saying that! I applaud people who take charge of their life and deal with what obstacles come their way. Those who don't know what it's like to be overweight/obese probably don't understand how we got to be that way but does it matter if we are healthy now? Geez.

I hope my future kid won't turn out obese or overweight because I don't want them to have to deal with the judgement for their whole life. I worry about this in the future because my family is generally overweight. :frown:

mostein

I don't understand what is wrong with people! That is horrible that your MIL would say that! I work with a man that is disgusted by obese and overweight people and I find it so ironic because he is part of a minority group and has suffered harsh predjudice himself. I have never been obese or overweight myself but nearly everyone on my maternal side is either overweight or obese and they are hard enough on themselves without being belittled by others because of their size. I know I should be living in lalaland but I just wish people would stop hating everyone for our differances and just embrace them or maybe even lend a hand in helping others, what a novel concept!

poshcouture

Sooooo, are people now supposed to lie about their past weight issues? Ridiculousness! That's just like saying that someone that is a reformed drug addict or alcoholic is unattractive. We ALL have some kind of issue: surface or deep seeded. Overcoming them shows your strength and resilience! THAT in itself should be attractive!

jcstanton

It's kinda like, you've been to prison but have since straightened your life up, you've still been to prison.

You mean that's the way people treat you, right (like you're an ex-con)? You're not really suggesting that being a former fatty is actually comparible to being a convicted criminial, are you?

jcstanton

Sooooo, are people now supposed to lie about their past weight issues? Ridiculousness! That's just like saying that someone that is a reformed drug addict or alcoholic is unattractive. We ALL have some kind of issue: surface or deep seeded. Overcoming them shows your strength and resilience! THAT in itself should be attractive!

^^^Exactly! Couldn't have said it better myself. Not only that, but instead of saying, "Oh, I don't want to date you because you used to be fat and you might slip and get fat again." These guys could take the opportunity to be a positive influence in someone else's life and help keep them motivated to keep the weight off. I know I'd be alot more active than I am now if I had someone I could go do fun stuff with in the evenings and on weekends.

2012asv

I read that when it came out... You can't really help what you feel inside- if someone is turned off by your past weight- they don't realize that you are so much stronger having overcome your ultimate weaknesses. Truly their loss.

What I took away from it was that I wouldn't want to be with a man like that anyway- so better that he filtered out when he did.

People are so quick to judge "fat" people... I'm sure they are so perfect, right? I'd take an external flaw that I can fix over an internal one like being a mega jerk any day.

ShilohMaier

Yeah, my MIL is a real piece of poo. We don't see her anymore- among other reasons, she tried to steal my daughter twice. She's a psycho. I just can't seem to work up much sympathy for her and her cancer.

Anyhow, I think the thing that suprised me the most is that you would think that people would be impressed by the dedication and hardwork involved in being able to lose the weight, and see it as a strength of character. It's really sad and sucky that they are more or less just repulsed by the person you were, that they've never even seen.

fraser112

WTH! I haven't read the article but people's attitudes about obese people make me sick. So you were big so what? Does being big make someone a bad person? I don't think so. Can I slap your mother-in-law for you?

I like how everyone says the smoker is bad even though she is doing what every obese person is doing :laugh:

Its pretty normal to worry i mean if you wana be in a relationship for the long haul and you have no atraction to obese woman,
You would naturally worry.

Just think if you had a deep hate for smokers, you would be on edge if your new lover had been a heavy smoker for years, they could slip back at any second

Bobby_Clerici

It's 100% true.
It's the never ending fear that she'll pork up once the wedding vows are complete.

faefaith

Sounds like 'opp' to me.
And by that I meant Other People's Problems. The judgement is about their own fear. It has nothing to do with you. You are beautiful and brave and an inspiration. Something I do when someone behaves out of line or makes a comment that gets under my skin... I say to myself..."That has nothing to do with me. That is about them and their issues." And I find that it helps me to disconnect from any negativity and go about my day. Good Luck!

becoming_a_new_me

I haven't really had this problem...when men hear how much I have lost, they realize how much work it takes. I often will recommend something fitness related for dates...I'd rather go dancing than a movie, I order healthy options at dinner and am not shy about it, I'd rather go hiking or a walk in the park than meet for coffee. Anyway, the fact that I am in much better shape now, most of the time they find it a turn-on.

sofitheteacup

It's kinda like, you've been to prison but have since straightened your life up, you've still been to prison.

You mean that's the way people treat you, right (like you're an ex-con)? You're not really suggesting that being a former fatty is actually comparible to being a convicted criminial, are you?

Pretty sure she meant the former not the latter.

SarahSwimmer

I dated a guy who thought it was hot that I lost weight when he noticed I had to safety pin all my skirts. He was a basketball player and never had to worry about not looking good, so I think he just liked the idea that someone could control their own outcome with conscious thought.

StarkLark

WTH! I haven't read the article but people's attitudes about obese people make me sick. So you were big so what? Does being big make someone a bad person? I don't think so. Can I slap your mother-in-law for you?

Devil's advocate time!

No it doesn't make them a bad person, but it DOES put them in a category of people who most likely have poor impulse control and or possible addiction issues. Those are serious things to consider when choosing a life partner.

therealangd

I've had a different experience.

I found a picture of myself from a couple of years ago, and people don't actually remember me being that fat. They only know the new and improved me. Short attention span, I guess.

StarkLark

I haven't really had this problem...when men hear how much I have lost, they realize how much work it takes. I often will recommend something fitness related for dates...I'd rather go dancing than a movie, I order healthy options at dinner and am not shy about it, I'd rather go hiking or a walk in the park than meet for coffee. Anyway, the fact that I am in much better shape now, most of the time they find it a turn-on.

Good point, this is also true... the time and work it takes to change your life and lose a significant amount of weight can show that a person can accomplish goals that are impossible for the majority of people. That is certainly be a positive attribute when choosing a partner.

becoming_a_new_me

I haven't really had this problem...when men hear how much I have lost, they realize how much work it takes. I often will recommend something fitness related for dates...I'd rather go dancing than a movie, I order healthy options at dinner and am not shy about it, I'd rather go hiking or a walk in the park than meet for coffee. Anyway, the fact that I am in much better shape now, most of the time they find it a turn-on.

Good point, this is also true... the time and work it takes to change your life and lose a significant amount of weight can show that a person can accomplish goals that are impossible for the majority of people. That is certainly be a positive attribute when choosing a partner.

That and confidence is completely sexy...those who have lost weight sometimes still have "fat mind" as I call it. Where you look in the mirror and still see the fat girl and doesn't feel completley confident about herself. That is more a turn-off than being formerly obese.

gingerveg

Wow that is weird and disturbing!

jackie2866

I second the slapping. :explode:

Yeah she sounds like a real gem. Can I get in line for the slapping?