Teetotal... Why the stigma?

johnsd8

Hey all!

This year after spending my 20's binge drinking I decided to give my Liver and Kidney's a break and am now teetotal, not only has this had excellent health benefits it has also made my weekends feel longer as a) I now remember the whole thing and b) I don't spend hours feeling hung-over and hideous

So why do other people have such a hang up with it? I understand why alcohol is so socially acceptable but why is it so socially unacceptable to abstain?

So far I have had comments like "She's still being boring" or "I can't believe you're still not drinking", people roll their eyes at me when I refuse wine and ask for a soft drink or coffee instead and it's really starting to put me off going out. I am always really chatty and feel perfectly at ease with people on a night out so I am quite baffled by people's obsession with my being teetotal, I could understand if I stood in the corner on a soap box and judged everyone's drinking habits but I don't.

Any thoughts? Are of you guys in a similar situation? Is it the same in other countries or is it just a UK obsession?

Debs x

katejenkins1

I think it's the same thing as people who give you dirty looks or make nasty comments because your losing weight and eating better.
They don't want to do it and they don't want to admit what your doing is better and healthier.

Good luck with your journey! You're on the right path.

Moretakitty

Maybe it's time to find new friends? If that portion of your life is over, and they are still doing it, perhaps find someone with more common interests.
It almost sounds like high school peer pressure to me.

I don't drink at all. It's not that I'm against it, I just care to. My friends don't try to goad me into having a drink just so I am not "boring" or roll roll their eyes at me.

Good luck!

gemiwing

In the US teetotal means that you're against other folks drinking as well as yourself. If you just don't drink then it's different.

There are always groups of people who hate those who don't do what they do. Sometimes folks get nervous around me because they think that since I don't drink- I think no one else should either. Once they find out that I'm all for other people drinking if they want just not ME drinking- they settle down.

That said- some people are just twitchy and are best avoided.

sun33082

Definitely time for new friends. My friends and I go out a lot, some drink, some don't. Some never drink, some drink some of the time, some drink every time. It's not a big deal and no one makes any rude comments like that. So I think it's the people you are surrounding yourself with. Granted you are from another country than I am, but are the cultures really that different that someone who doesn't drink is labeled as boring?

tnrown87

Yes, I am in the middle of quitting for 30 days, and I always hear that I'm "being lame" or on a "high horse" yeah I really don't care, because I'm doing this for me. At the end of the day, those who say those things to me are still uncomfortable in their own bodies. I'm good!

thistimeismytime

Yep, the problem is not you--it's your friends. I do not drink at all, never have--even in college. My friends don't make me feel bad about it. And I would never judge anyone or make anyone feel bad about drinking. If your friends think anyone who doesn't drink is "boring," they have no imagination, cuz I am the polar opposite of boring, baby! :drinker: <<

---

that emoticon is chugging water, btw. :laugh:

Diary_Queen

There is a total stigma on teetotalers. I work with a guy who has never had a drink of alcohol in his life (highly related to his religious preferences/beliefs) and finally have someone to sit on the sidelines with.

My co-workers pick on me for not drinking, but that's their business. If they wanna go out and blow $85 at the bar on Friday night and then try to find a ride home or try to find their clothes on the hotel room floor the next morning, that's their mess to be in -- no longer my life.

My hardest thing is dating. It is very very rare that I meet a man who does not drink. On every singles profile, on every blind date, on every 'hey my friend said we should hang out' message, all the men I see are drinkers. Some claim to be social drinkers and are... some claim to be social drinkers and don't understand the definition of social drinking -- if you have to have a beer with breakfast and every other meal and one on the way home from work WHILE DRIVING... you are not a social drinker in my opinion and the opinion of many medical professionals. I digress. Anyway, I have yet to meet/date a man who doesn't drink or smoke. I don't drink or smoke or use drugs because I'm an addict. I've been in recovery for over 8 years and though I don't go around telling just any old soul about it, I'm proud of my sobriety. It's just hard to meet guys that I can see a future with because of the drinking.

**shrug**

kitinboots

My friend just did 40 days without drinking, and it was shocking to see how much pressure he was under from everyone wanting him to fail. He succeeded and is now enjoying a half pint here and there, but his experience has really put me off attempting something similar myself.

rachey_v

I don't drink at all and my friends will be the first people to say to others "really...she's not drunk, she doesn't need to drink, she's just crazy",

A lot of people drink because it helps them feel more confident, they probably just find it bizarre that you don't need a bit of dutch courage to have a good time... Keep on as you are, sod them all !

futuresize8

I commend you for not drinking. And I'm a drinker. If I have friends who have stopped for any reason - health, alcoholism, personal choice - I applaud them, support them and have even offered to abstain with them if it will help them.

I think it's lame to try to peer pressure another adult into drinking. Definitely time to find additional friends to socialize with who have respect for your decisions! You can keep the old friends, but maybe add a few non-drinkers in there for like-mindedness.

Good luck and congrats on a healthy you!

hiker282

Never even heard the term until just now. Grew up not drinking and in the few drinking circles I've mingled in, it's never been an issue. They just know I don't drink and that's that. I think it's the people you're with being jerks and you might look into finding new friends.

DrMAvDPhD

Get different friends? I personally still indulge (and overindulge at times) but would never make fun of someone who didn't. I have many friends who don't drink for religious and health reasons. You don't need to get drunk to have a good time, and if you do, you are the boring person.

ahamm002

Most bars serve non-alcoholic beers. So just have some and then nobody knows that you're abstaining.

That said, alcohol is one of those rare nice things that's both fun and also associated with health benefits (obviously in moderation), so don't feel like you have to avoid it to be healthy.

LisaBeateith2012

Bump! This is me also!

GaryRussell123456

Good for you. I wish I had the willpower. Don't understand people who have a problem with teetotallers, maybe it's the same as ordering a salad when out with friends and they say "go on have a burger" because they feel guilty about their choices.

bazfitness

I gave up drink for 18 months a while back so I can relate. My wife also gave up and tbh she got a much harder time from people over it than I did. Think people realised she could be got at more. We didn't get invited to some parties that we would have been beforehand. We were accused of being anti-social, although we still turned up for parties, chatted and had a laugh as normal. i'll admit I did feel a bit left out by not drinking and missed it when on holidays so eventually I went back on it. But I'd commend anybody who gives it up for whatever reason. If someone has an issue with it, they are really the one(s) with the problem even if they don't realise it!

It's just like katejenkins1 said I think you are doing something healthy and people see it as an affront to their way of doing things, even when it's nothing to do with that. People can be stupid and selfish sometimes!

Also now that you've stopped you'll probably really notice how much drinking is so prevalent in western society, there are ads for it everywhere.

It's a pity - but giving up drinking is defo frowned upon at least here in western Europe by many people, that was my experience with it, completely different from the attitude when I packed in cigarettes, vast majority are supportive and view it as a good thing - just like ti should be with alcohol really

L00py_T0ucan

I don't think there's a stigma unless you are telling everyone else not to drink. I have alcoholic/addict friends so: no, I would never pressure someone to drink.

GuruOnAMountain

I've never been a drinker and most of my friends are totally fine with it and it is never an issue. I'm happy to sit in a pub while they get sloshed and I just stick to soft drinks.

I do find it is a problem with other people, though. I've had strangers and acquaintances try to force me to drink, I've had them buy me a "soft drink" that actually was mixed with alcohol (and they are daft enough to think that I won't taste the alcohol in it...sheesh!) and I've had people say that I must be a reformed alcoholic or someone in my family must be an alcoholic for me to be a non drinker, neither of which are true. I'm in the UK, too, and I think it is a pretty sad reflection on society that being teetotal is such a shock that people can't seem to accept it easily.

As it is, I just don't drink because I don't like the taste of it! Plus, I'm far too stingy to waste money on something that I'm only going to pee out when I don't enjoy it that much to begin with.

Kenhabes

If those "friends" HAVE to have alcohol in order to have fun, that is pretty lame if you ask me. I wish I could have a social drink here and there but can't; my body won't process alcohol and I get very sick. Don't worry about it and come over for a cup o' tea!

LuckyLeprechaun

It does make some people nervous when you're in a social setting where drinking alcohol is the focus/main activity and someone isn't drinking.

I'm not sure why, as long as you aren't trying to convince them either with your words or with your facial expressions/body language that you think you're superior for being sober. If, however, each new drink order brings a sigh or a comment or an arched eyebrow from the non-drinker, that is very tedious.

ceannesjourney

I had to change my friends when I stopped drinking. Btw, I always thought the term was "tea-totaller" as a person who drinks tea. I guess i just live my tea. lol!

alexandria412

I don't really drink anymore. I order a seltzer or sprite *in a rocks glass* with a wedge of lime. Looks like a gin and tonic. No one has to know. Ditto for a coke. Just make sure it's in a rocks glass.

Or, tell them you're on some sort of medication that doesn't mix with alcohol. Like for migraines or back pain, whatever.

Also, I wouldn't say that you have to abandon your friends completely. Just be aware and understanding that you probably make them uncomfortable by making better decisions.

_Thanatos_

I don't care what people think. I steer clear of the stuff. I just don't see what's so fun about getting so messed up that you're no longer in control over your own actions.

MassiveDelta

Hey all!

This year after spending my 20's binge drinking I decided to give my Liver and Kidney's a break and am now teetotal, not only has this had excellent health benefits it has also made my weekends feel longer as a) I now remember the whole thing and b) I don't spend hours feeling hung-over and hideous

So why do other people have such a hang up with it? I understand why alcohol is so socially acceptable but why is it so socially unacceptable to abstain?

So far I have had comments like "She's still being boring" or "I can't believe you're still not drinking", people roll their eyes at me when I refuse wine and ask for a soft drink or coffee instead and it's really starting to put me off going out. I am always really chatty and feel perfectly at ease with people on a night out so I am quite baffled by people's obsession with my being teetotal, I could understand if I stood in the corner on a soap box and judged everyone's drinking habits but I don't.

Any thoughts? Are of you guys in a similar situation? Is it the same in other countries or is it just a UK obsession?

Debs x

Because people feel like you are trying to be better than them. It makes them uncomfortable. Its because they are mentally weak. Dont let them make you feel bad. I would however suggest that maybe they aren't real friends and you should start spending time with some others that you find more enjoyable

rumpusparable

I'm with those that suggest getting new friends. I've always drank very rarely and barely ever have I gotten drunk. I've never had friends pressure me or talk bad to me about it. If your friends think and speak badly about you for just not drinking and are pressuring you then they aren't actually friends. Friends don't try to make you feel bad on purpose. Get some new ones.

sun33082

Non alcoholic beer? Sprite in a rocks glass with lime to look like a gin and tonic? Why should anyone need to or feel like they need to fake drinking? Just drink what you enjoy and let others deal with their own issue of you not drinking alcohol.

I've never been one who feels the need to "fit in". Maybe that's because I've always been over weight and never have. *shrug*

Ke22yB

I stopped drinking over 4 years ago and on those occasions that there is any comments I just laugh and say when I hit 370 pounds and my drink meter rolled over 100000 gallons it was time to stop. This usually confuses them somewhat and by the time they figure out I am kidding about having consumed 100000 gallons the conversation has moved on

drezha

Having given after up after a stupid night out, I know what you mean though my friends here are happy with it and have gotten used to it and don't pressure me.

However I'm starting a new job and that will prove to be difficult to get across I think. I get more stick as well because I don't drink regular coke when going out but diet (yes, I am aware of the potential health risks of diet soda over regular soda but that's my choice to make, as is not drinking!)

However, best decision I ever made was give up drink (well either that or to buy a new bike when I was at my heaviest ). I'm better off (financially and health wise) and I get all weekend to do what I want rather than nurse hangovers. Best feeling ever was New Years Day when I was out for a run before 8 and saw people wandering home rather worse for wear!

moepwr

I go back and forth but as I am breast feeding I only have maybe a glass of wine very occasionally. Most of our friends are in the same boat so no one cares. I do go to a lot of events with my work. It is amazing how you can fake drink! I have made a glass of wine last 4 hours! Or order a fancy non alcoholic drink that looks like a cocktail. Or apple juice in a wine glass. There are all kinds of tricks but if your not drinking then your friends should respect that.

deaddawn

Because you have changed. You are no longer like them. Deep down they know they are about to get silly and make fools of themselves and a sober person will be there to remember how stupid they regularly get.

I am certainly NOT calling you an addict. Some struggles addicts face do apply here though. One of the biggest reasons people go to meetings like AA, is to gain the support and social interaction with people who aren't going to insist that they have a drink. You have will power so you are not going to give in, but the annoyance is still there.

You may want to find a few new friends and activities. You have more money now that you are drinking less, right? Why not learn something fun to show off what a person can do when they aren't binge drinking. Rock climbing, sailing, hiking, diving, or some sort of volunteer work. Pick something YOU have always wanted to do that involves a sober mind and body.