I just feel so disgusting and ugly right now
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I just wanted to give an update. It took me nearly 24 hours of crying/sleeping/trying to get rid of the awful cry-headache before I finally sat down with Richard and talked with him about how I was feeling. I explained that my ex husband used to make comments like that all the time, meaning well, but in the end, my weight was too much of an issue and we didn't last because of it. I also explained that I felt guilty because my weight is my own doing, and the thought of how much weight I'd have to lose to be healthy is so daunting it sounds impossible, and I knew I wouldn't be able to do it. I explained that I was scared he would wake up one day and resent the heck out of me because he didn't wake up next to a skinny wouman.
Richard, while crying and hugging me, said he never meant it in a bad way, and the whole conversation got started because he wanted to know what I thought he thought about thin women, like one we had seen earlier that night. He told me that he thought I was beautiful and perfect for him, and when I told him I didn't believe that I was good enough for him deep down, he said "You don't have to believe me right now. I'll spend my whole life convincing you it's the truth."
Richard really is a wonderful man, he just happened to hit on my biggest insecurity and a very hard time for me emotionally. After my divorce, I thought I was starting to heal in regards to my weight issues. This whole experience has taught me that there is a lot of work to be done, and most of it mental.
Maybe with Richard's continued love and support, I'll heal enough, and then my body will fall in line.0 -
Good for you for talking it out. Good or bad you have to be honest with each other. He can't read your mind. Just stay strong for yourself. You don't want to pass your insecurities on to your kids. Just realize that at the end of the day, you have to love you. We all struggle with insecurities, but the things that really matter are the only things that should make us feel so sad, not the words someone says to us. I hope you find love for yourself in your journey. STAY STRONG, STAY HONEST & STAY BEAUTIFUL!0
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Really really pleased to hear that!! Well done lovely!!0
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I happen to think your beautiful. Congrats on your baby. You will soon learn the meaning of unconditional love when that baby arrives and then no one else's insensitive comments will matter!0
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I happen to think your beautiful. Congrats on your baby. You will soon learn the meaning of unconditional love when that baby arrives and then no one else's insensitive comments will matter!
I know that was meant to be a really sweet post, but you shouldnt have to rely or put your need for unconditional love and acceptance onto a baby. Thats not fair. You need to make sure you become happy with yourself.0 -
I wonder if baby's father is being set up: Frequently we gals give off the message, "tell me what you really think, tell me what you really think"--then when they do tell us what they really think, we get steamed up. Playing devil's advocate, he didn't tell you anything you didn't know.
Now here's some advice that will knock your socks off--and maybe a bit of weight:
Go to a nutritionist and learn exactly what you need to nourish your baby and what you need to nourish yourself. You'll be surprised at what you learn. Then do exactly what the nutritionist says. Add to that very moderate exercise as approved by your obstetrician--perhaps a half-hour walk each day. Add to that a good 15-minute per day mind-relaxation/refreshing meditation-type plan--perhaps writing in a journal. You'll be shocked by how good you feel, how well your pregnancy progresses, the support you receive from the baby's father, the relative ease of your birthing experience AND the self-pride, which will be well deserved.
As women, we're in control of our own destiny on a personal level. When we wimper around worrying about something someone said, especially when it's true and we need to hear it, we weaken ourselves and do disservice to our gender. Chin up, Woman! Get a grip, Gal! Take the challenge and WIN!
Wishing you the best and challenging you to put the "poor-me's" to bed and wake up the "oh yeah, watch this's"! I've seen women in just your situation, follow the above, and not only grow a healthy, strong baby--but lose weight while doing it!!
You know what else: If that man really loves you, he'll be so impressed and proud that he's selected you. If he doesn't best to know now so you can plan a good future for you and your little one.
In your own best interest!0 -
i think the real question you should be asking yourself is why are you not only attracting to a*holes but also OK with allowing them into your life on a long term basis..
yeah these guys are a*hols, but sorry sis some part of you knew that when you were getting into the relationship, so why are you surprised when they act like a*holes..
like my great granny used to say, you can't polish a turd, so dont even bother taking it out of the toilet bowl
Don't you just love how people on here are so quick to judge0 -
bump0
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Wow, no offense but you seem to be picking guys who are *kitten*.
You're pregnant, so you're going to gain weight. Yes there are workouts you can do, but if you push yourself more than you're used to it could hurt the baby...
I think it would be best if you worked on your confidence first and worried about what the guy thinks second.0 -
What he said! Now thats a real man!I am so sorry these people have hurt you like this. You deserve better than that. Right now, your primary concern has to be to do the things that will provide your unborn child the healthiest prenatal environment; after that, you can work on YOU... But do it for YOUR sake, not for theirs. Both of these men have been insensitive to you and while your current BF recognizes your intelligence and is attracted to that, he was most insensitive to tell a 24 week pregnant woman something like that. Dieting cannot be your concern at the moment. Afterward, you need to do it for your health's sake... but he either loves you for YOU... or he does not love you at all... May seem harsh but he really needs a reality check on this. Please realize, YOU are NOT the problem here.. They are the ones that need the reality check. Best wishes on your pregnancy and your future fitness goals...0 -
oh you poor girl, what an a** your bf is! you are pregnant, you have a wonderful creation growing inside you that is all that matters here and now. When you have your baby then you can start to work on getting in shape. You have the most beautiful face and I'm really sorry that the people that should have been encouraging and loving have you let you down, its them that have the problem and I'm so sorry that you are feeling so low right now. I want you to try and forget what your bf has said, perhaps he was in a mood and took that out on you - he probably wishes he could take his remarks back!
Try and be positive, when it comes time for you to try and lose weight you'll do it again just like you did before, just do it for yourself because its what you want
I replied not having saw your latest posting! glad you are your man are sorting things out and he knows how upset you were after his comments, he will hopefully remember to be more sensitive in future0 -
Sometimes, we all feel down and out, which is sad but true. What is key to your success is believing in yourself and knowing that you are not alone in your quest. I know it's easier said than done but you are not alone. This website is here to help you and make you feel better about yourself regardless of your goals or pitfalls. Feel free to friend me for some support. Good luck.0
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oh you poor girl, what an a** your bf is! you are pregnant, you have a wonderful creation growing inside you that is all that matters here and now. When you have your baby then you can start to work on getting in shape. You have the most beautiful face and I'm really sorry that the people that should have been encouraging and loving have you let you down, its them that have the problem and I'm so sorry that you are feeling so low right now. I want you to try and forget what your bf has said, perhaps he was in a mood and took that out on you - he probably wishes he could take his remarks back!
Try and be positive, when it comes time for you to try and lose weight you'll do it again just like you did before, just do it for yourself because its what you want
I replied not having saw your latest posting! glad you are your man are sorting things out and he knows how upset you were after his comments, he will hopefully remember to be more sensitive in future
But you were quite happy to judge him on what little you knew of him?0 -
I have a question.
If a man and a woman are together.
And one of them gains a significant amount of weight (not pregnancy related)
But say one person were to gain 100lbs from "letting themselves go"
What would be the proper way for the other person to tell them they are no longer physically attracted to them?
It doesn't mean they still dont love them, but if they no longer resemble the person they were initally attracted to, what exactly is a person to do? This goes both ways mind you, I see women try asking on forums how to get their overweight husbands to lose weight as well. This seems like an issue that has, and may come up for many people who are trying to lose weight with unsupportive partners, which i also see quite a bit on the forums...........0 -
Hey, at least he's honest with you! I'm sure he tried to be as gentle about it as he could. It's a great thing that you could trust him to be truthful with his feelings.
The great thing is that you're here, and you will gain a huge network of support and you will learn so much about eating right for you AND baby right now, and you will over time see everything in your life transform.
You are a beautiful girl. Your pictures don't lie. So think of how good you'll feel a year from now if you commit to this?0 -
Hi Kittlecakes, Being pregnate, you have to ask your doctor what you can do or not do. You can start now however in not eating chips, french fries or other empty calories that just add to your weight. A walking routine is also good if te doctor allows it. The man thing is to start feeling good about yourself. You DO have to realize that the bigger you get the less appealing you COULD become. Start by doing something positive and that is to restrict your eating.. Not dieting unless your doctor advises it. He probably can give you a healthy diet.
Keep in touch!!
Basil0 -
I dont know how tall you are but I really dont see a difference between 233 and 242. I'm surprised that he said that and completely understand why you feel the way you do. People are just jerks.0
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1st hubby was an *kitten* that didnt deserve to lick **** of your shoes!!!!
Its not about what any1 else thinks its about what you think of yourself.
Your new fella was trying to be nice but men are thick lol and you know that he loves you for you which is great !
If you want to loose weight for yourself and make a healthy start after baba then go for it but if you are happy with how you look then I say dont bother 0 -
So sorry to hear that honey. Don't you worry about a thing right now, however. You take care of you, you take care of the baby, the rest will follow. You do what you gotta do for YOU, NO ONE ELSE. The rest will either come or go. If they don't love you for who you are, don't change for them to be something you're not, life is too short to waste it trying to please dumb boys! You are a beautiful woman, and if they can't see that, that's their loss!0
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I have a question.
If a man and a woman are together.
And one of them gains a significant amount of weight (not pregnancy related)
But say one person were to gain 100lbs from "letting themselves go"
What would be the proper way for the other person to tell them they are no longer physically attracted to them?
It doesn't mean they still dont love them, but if they no longer resemble the person they were initally attracted to, what exactly is a person to do? This goes both ways mind you, I see women try asking on forums how to get their overweight husbands to lose weight as well. This seems like an issue that has, and may come up for many people who are trying to lose weight with unsupportive partners, which i also see quite a bit on the forums...........
I think if you love someone the worst thing you can do is tell them you are no longer attracted to them. Choose different words, always, always be mindful of your partners feelings. When I was married, my husband and I both gained about 50lbs. I, however, got into fitness and body building and lost it all. He never did but I can tell you there wasnt one instance where I wasnt attracted to him physically (that wasnt the reason we divorced). I once went out on 4 very long dates with a guy who told me on the 4th that he just wasnt attracted to me, totally unnecessary and baffling especially since I looked like Cindy Crawford next to him. Just my two cents, but if you lose attraction for someone you love, maybe there is something going on with you.0 -
When I first started dating my husband I was 35 pounds heavier I looked AWFUL. He told me that I was beautiful and that I made him happy. He told me I was gorgeous all the time. And I knew he wasn't lying because if you looked him in the eyes you could tell he honestly meant it. He still loved me then and will always love me for who I am not matter what weight I am because that's what marriage and relationships are about. Right now your pregnant with this BOYS child. He's acting like a child. If either of these men ever really cared they would love you start to finish and you would still be married to that other man if he was decent. It sounds like you have picked some bad apples and that you deserve so much better. So don't put this on your weight or appearance, put it on them being stupid and immature and self center jerks. I really hope that it'll work out for you two because you have a baby. But right now honestly getting crazy about this isn't going to help your pregnancy. I know that there is a group on here for pregnant women who are trying to eat as healthy as they can while being pregnant. I would talk to your doctor about your eating habits while being pregnant so maybe in the end you wouldn't gain as much. Focus on you and your baby because that's the most important thing.0
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I can relate to what you are saying...
Remember this---ugly comes from inside not outside. You are a beautiful young woman going through the ups and downs of a pregnancy. Just for a mental check (this is what I do when I start feeling that way) try this:
Was I mean to people today?
Did I make others feel bad with the things that I said?
Was I encouraging or did I belittle people?
If you answer yes to those questions, tell yourself that you were having a bad day, and make up for it tomorrow. You are human, and not ugly.
By what you posted though, I think you are delightful, intelligent and caring. Think of your greatest accomplishment, something that you did that you were most proud of. And remember how hard it was to get to that accomplishment. Tell yourself that if you can do that, you can do anything.
Here's mine--The first time I went to college, I took a gymnastics class. I had already gained the freshman 15 and was working to 25 (that happens). For our final exam, we had to do four routines--one on balance beam, one on uneven parallel bars, one for vault and one for the mat. Three of those were easy for me. But the balance beam had one hurdle--a forward roll on a 2" piece of wood over four feet from the floor. Let me tell you this--4 months and I just couldn't get it. On final exam day, everything clicked and I managed to do the routine without a spotter. It's 30 years later--If I can do that, I can do anything...
So what is your greatest accomplishment? Hold onto that. You are going to be a great mom!0 -
I have a question.
If a man and a woman are together.
And one of them gains a significant amount of weight (not pregnancy related)
But say one person were to gain 100lbs from "letting themselves go"
What would be the proper way for the other person to tell them they are no longer physically attracted to them?
I've been thinking of the same question a lot ever since my weight became a real issue for me. My ex gained quite a bit of weight when I was pregnant (don't know why this happens to men sometimes) but I can't say that I wasn't attracted to him anymore, it must be that the beauty is in one's eyes. What I did instead of hurting him with words was changing the food we ate and encouraging him to do more sports - when the baby was born we were super lucky to have my mum there babysitting until we were roller-skating or doing anything else active.
For me it would be really nasty if my partner would tell me that he is not attracted to me anymore because I've gained weight. Like I didn't know
I would prefer the same approach I came up for my ex really, find it so much more supportive and both would only gain from eating healthy and being active! And nice bonding too! But this comes from a woman who really loves every kind of active stuff 0 -
Honey, you're carrying a baby! Weight gain is expected. Continue to eat healthy and exercise to keep you and baby as happy and healthy as possible. That should be you main concern right now. Tell you boyfriend that considering the fact that not only are you carrying around and nurturing another human being right now, but also may be a tad hormonal. You need his love and support, and if he can't give you that tell him to kick rocks.
^^ This..
In addition, a true loving guy will see you beyond the physical appearance. If those guys only attracted to your outward appearance then that's not love & you better off without them. I know how you feel, I've had similar experiences from my ex-bfs before who keep on telling me to lose weight. Sometimes I see being overweight as a blessing in disguise, because that is where we can easily distinguish someone who is just after our physical features & someone who truly loves us no matter our size.0 -
You need to tell HIM this. Go to him right now and tell him what you've written. He needs to know what his words have done to you. He needs to feel like the *kitten* that he is.
Do not worry about your weight right now. Worry about feeding your body healthy, nutritious foods that nurture you and your baby. Be as healthy as you can.
I agree!!! you are beautiful no matter what, and even more so for carrying a little person in you who you need to keep safe by keeping your body as healthy as possible.
Trust me when I say this, when your baby is born you will ,and I promise you, feel like the most loved and needed person in the world that whatever people say wont be important anymore!
If you still feel like this once the baby is born then you can come back and we can all help you lose the weight you want, get fit and most importantly help YOU feel happy about yourself to KICK *kitten*! e-hugs! 0 -
I have a question.
If a man and a woman are together.
And one of them gains a significant amount of weight (not pregnancy related)
But say one person were to gain 100lbs from "letting themselves go"
What would be the proper way for the other person to tell them they are no longer physically attracted to them?
It doesn't mean they still dont love them, but if they no longer resemble the person they were initally attracted to, what exactly is a person to do? This goes both ways mind you, I see women try asking on forums how to get their overweight husbands to lose weight as well. This seems like an issue that has, and may come up for many people who are trying to lose weight with unsupportive partners, which i also see quite a bit on the forums...........
Good question
My wife's weight has ranged from 145 lbs at highest to 125 lbs at the lowest. I have been completely attracted to her at every weight. However when 'pushed' for a preference I said I prefer her a bit more curvy than she was at 125. I guess at around 132 ish
She has just gone from 143 to 132 and looks great, but she always struggles to stop when in the zone and watching what she eats and working out an awful lot. We usually end up in a bit of a row because I'm no longer supporting her when she goes below 130 - I struggle to continue to say "Yay, well done for losing another 2lbs" when in all honestly I no longer mean it like I did when she was a higher weight0 -
I understand that we all want to look good and be appreciated by our partners,
but when it stops being about what WE want and it starts to be all about what we are expected to look like, that's when
the problem begins and life stops,
ladies and guys, do it for yourselves, and if you are not being supported, the hell with them, really...0 -
I understand that we all want to look good and be appreciated by our partners,
but when it stops being about what WE want and it starts to be all about what we are expected to look like, that's when
the problem begins and life stops,
ladies and guys, do it for yourselves, and if you are not being supported, the hell with them, really...
So you think you should support your partner regardless of their goals?0
This discussion has been closed.
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