Cheating (on your spouse, not with food)

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13

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  • LivingtheLeanDream
    LivingtheLeanDream Posts: 13,342 Member
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    first of all..well done on the weight loss - fantastic!
    ok I hear you, and can relate...please please please don't act on any temptations, not when you love your husband. You have to think of the bigger picture - would you want to lose him?
    believe me if you act on an impulse he will at some point find out - You might think you'll get lucky and he will never know, but SOMETHING always happens, a text not deleted, a number appearing too many times on a phone bill...you will get found out and then you COULD lose him. No fling is worth the pain that cheating brings to both of you. Yes, BOTH of you! what you think is fun is NOT real fun, I could write a book about this! If you feel there is something missing from your relationship talk to your man, tell him what you need, what you long for, be honest and open and think about all the reasons you are with him.
  • jasonr1442
    jasonr1442 Posts: 67 Member
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    www.howtomakegoodsammiches.com

    People are looking at me at work wondering why I'm laughing out loud!! Deeeep breath..
  • Ali_TSO
    Ali_TSO Posts: 1,172 Member
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    Girl BYE! U cheat cause u want to...LOL! he cud be a billionaire & give u the world, its just the way u are wired...u bn doing it since u were 10 LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway.....carry on! R U A Pisces? LOL!

    I'm sorry....hang on while I get my 14 yr old niece to decipher your text talk... :laugh:
  • Ali_TSO
    Ali_TSO Posts: 1,172 Member
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    I think you need help...not just for the issue you raised, but for even giving your 1st world problems airtime.

    Pretty sure its called "chit-chat" forum for this reason. To talk about whatever we want?

    People judge way to much here. If you don't want to read it click the back button.

    ^this. Thanks
  • samra2012
    samra2012 Posts: 715
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    www.howtomakegoodsammiches.com

    People are looking at me at work wondering why I'm laughing out loud!! Deeeep breath..
    breathhhhhhhhhh 1... 2... 3...
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • Tanyawhite30
    Tanyawhite30 Posts: 473
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    www.howtomakegoodsammiches.com


    :drinker:
  • Ali_TSO
    Ali_TSO Posts: 1,172 Member
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    first of all..well done on the weight loss - fantastic!
    ok I hear you, and can relate...please please please don't act on any temptations, not when you love your husband. You have to think of the bigger picture - would you want to lose him?
    believe me if you act on an impulse he will at some point find out - You might think you'll get lucky and he will never know, but SOMETHING always happens, a text not deleted, a number appearing too many times on a phone bill...you will get found out and then you COULD lose him. No fling is worth the pain that cheating brings to both of you. Yes, BOTH of you! what you think is fun is NOT real fun, I could write a book about this! If you feel there is something missing from your relationship talk to your man, tell him what you need, what you long for, be honest and open and think about all the reasons you are with him.

    I do NOT want to lose him, and I'm not going to cheat. Period. But we ARE going to talk. He's amazing...
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,104 Member
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    Sounds like the last two relationships have been important enough to you to control your impulses. Sounds like you've matured. Everyone is attracted to lots of people. I think you'll be fine.

    Don't drink a lot or do drugs, and stay out of compromising situations - like being alone with someone you're attracted to.
  • jazzedorange
    jazzedorange Posts: 184 Member
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    I have to agree with most people. All these ages you posted, you were a kid and nothing should be taken seriously. It seems that you are in a very happy marriage and you are willing to do what it takes to make things work if a rocky road arrises. If you are having second thoughts of any kind, talking to someone wouldn't be a bad idea. It may clear some things up for you. But the first thing I would do is make sure you are not putting yourself into any situations with other people that you would regret. :brokenheart: Good luck with everything and try not to stress over things.:happy:
  • deadstarsunburn
    deadstarsunburn Posts: 1,337 Member
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    Well, none of them were the typical cheating like sleeping around while dating someone. So that's a positive to give yourself credit for!

    If you feel like you're mind is starting to wonder have you considered counselling? Either for just you to address it or a couples counselor to work through some things with you and your spouse?

    I know a lot of people take offense to a suggestion like that (no idea why to be honest), but I plan on having pre marital counseling and even a few counseling sessions during the first year of being married.

    Having someone with no bias, a fresh, mind and lots of educated suggestions is SO MUCH more helpful than people realize lol.
  • QuestForFitness
    QuestForFitness Posts: 74
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    Let me preface this by saying, I'm not a fan of this thread. You're right, you cheating does not make you a bad person, and it isn't you that I dislike! But the topic of cheating is such a touchy one for most people.

    Since you asked, here are my thoughts.

    1. Age is a factor, regardless of how much you feel like you may have loved someone. It is damn near impossible to have a mature relationship at the ages you stated. No excuse to cheat, but it makes sense. I wouldn't call it boredom, but I would say that you found a sense of security in those relationships and routines that made you feel comfortable. So even when you no longer wanted to be in said relationship, you stayed because it was like being with your best friend. But you weren't passionately attracted to them anymore so instead of breaking up and dealing with being alone, you strayed and got a fix.

    2. Marriage is not dating. So if you have those thoughts, you need to address them not push them down. Pushing them away will lead to exactly what you want to avoid: cheating. You need to ask yourself why you're having these thoughts. Are you still attracted to him? Were you in similar places in life when you dated and married? Do you want the same things now?
    You've got to remember that 24 is still in crucial developmental stage and you will continue to grow year after year. The question is, are you going to grow on your own or with him?

    If you think seeing a therapist will help, go for it. But I would say you can't keep these fears to yourself for too long because its not fair for you to deal with day in and day out, and it isn't fair for your spouse to not get your best.

    Make sense?

    Disclaimer: I'm a mental health professional, but not a therapist! I'm finishing my master's in counseling, but that doesn't mean my advice is sound haha
  • Renae_Nae
    Renae_Nae Posts: 935 Member
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    I haven't read through all the posts but set boundries and then run as far as you can in the opposite direction! For you that may mean NO male relationships or being with them alone. You may also want to see a therapist regularly to make sure you are getting everything you need (validation, romance, etc) from your relationship. Think about where you work, where you workout, hang out, etc. A simple place like the gym (if your by yourself) could mean sparking up a conversation with a guy who shows you attention..you might make the rule I won't talk to any guys or I must go with a partner (either another girl or your husband).

    Remember, a wild fire starts with just one spark...just take every effort to make sure there is nothing to catch fire.
  • Jbarbo01
    Jbarbo01 Posts: 240 Member
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    This isn't really fun OR games, but we'll have to settle for chit-chat. :) This is a long story, but if you want to, please read on.

    This is the biggest confession I've ever made in a public setting.... but I'm gonna fess up: I'm a chronic cheater. :ohwell:

    This doesn't make me a bad person, it's just a flaw I have. I haven't done it in YEARS, but still...it's there. To break it down a little:

    ~Was "bf/gf" with a guy when I was 10-14 and then we broke up bc I kissed someone else (I know we were young, but that's a LONG time in kid years)

    ~Went out with a guy when I was 15-17 and somehow I fell into an actual "relationship" (not just kissing) with his cousin, ugh

    ~Went out with a guy when I was 18-21 and I kissed his best friend when we were 20, we didn't break up though, got through it (& then broke up when he slept with someone else)

    ~Went out with a fantastic guy when I was 21-23, didn't cheat on him, but we broke up for other reasons

    ~Moved to FL, met my husband when I was 24, married when I was 25, and been together ever since (I'm turning 30 next month).

    Now, I know it's hard to believe, but I LOVED all these guys, and I'm not REAL sure why I strayed... Thinking maybe it was boredom? :huh:

    I'm just asking for opinions, bc I want to keep my marriage strong. This is not a troll thread. He's the best man I've ever known and I want to make him happy bc he makes ME happy. But there's always that thought in my head of something better... and I want it to go away. Maybe we should spice things up? Maybe I should talk to a therapist?

    Talk to a therapist, most chronic cheats have a fear of intimacy. Its not about "spicing things up", if you find the right person its just not that hard to be happy. This is probably an unhappiness with yourself and unconscious needs your avoiding.
  • mamamudbug
    mamamudbug Posts: 572 Member
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    Thanks to everyone for helping me work it out.

    I'm NOT a chronic cheater, was just stupid stuff I did when I was younger. I love my husband more than anything, & I WANT to make it work, will let him know I need a little more spice, and see what he needs from me too. :flowerforyou:

    Good deal. Don't do anything to him you wouldn't want done to you (cheating, not the spice ;)) Cheating and loyalty are both choices and those choices define your character. So, who do you want to be? Just remember, if the grass looks greener on the other side, it's probably because it's better fertilized.
  • TubbsMcGee
    TubbsMcGee Posts: 1,058 Member
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    Once a cheater, always a cheater.

    If you're bored enough to stray from the person you're "committed to," do the right thing and break up with them first before you break their heart even more.

    If it's not worth breaking up with them, it's not worth ruining your relationship for a few minutes of fun time with someone else.
  • CarrieO22
    CarrieO22 Posts: 1
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    Oh Ali! I love you and wish you didn't live so far away bc we are so much alike it's not even funny! Amen to everything you've posted! Is it cheating if your seperated?? Not only have I done the cheating thing but I have found that I always eventually loose interest... I don't know what to do with myself! I thought Ronald had broken that spell but alas 7 yrs later...Not so sure anymore... I've been blaming mine on "daddy" issues. I've blamed not having my dad around a lot or not having the typical daddy's girl relationship with him as a kid is my problem. Yes my parents we're and still are married and all but I can't remember them ever being "loving" to each other. Ever. I too feel as though there is always something better out there.... :(
  • LivingtheLeanDream
    LivingtheLeanDream Posts: 13,342 Member
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    if you think your man is amazing and you are crazy about him you'll do the right thing :)
    sometime we just need to count our blessings and realise also that the grass is not greener on the other side.

    All the best for your tete a tete with your good man
  • nataliemra
    nataliemra Posts: 29
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    It doesn't really sound like your a chronic cheater. It pretty much boils down to you needing attention from more than one man because YOU are not satisfied with YOU. Therapist might help, but you need to want to change or accept yourself.
  • ravenchick
    ravenchick Posts: 345 Member
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    It sounds to me like you've never been in love because if you have, you wouldn't think about something better out there. You would be totally sure that what you have is satisfying for you. It's easy to think you're in love but when you find "real love" it will make you realize that all of those other relationships were just lust.
  • Fannyannefeisty
    Fannyannefeisty Posts: 53
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    Just a different perspective for you... maybe monogamy isn't really your natural state. Maybe you are able to love different people at the same time. Or maybe you don't need to love others at the same time, but you are attracted to different people at the same time. Monogamy is a man-made construct laced in religious stuff and that's fine if you want that.

    Just don't beat yourself if that isn't what you want or what you naturally lean towards. It doesn't make you a bad person, we are all different.

    xx

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