Not cut out for online dating

NamibianRose

Ok...so I know this isn't a dating site, but love visiting the forums and reading all ya'll's post so thought I'd get some input from others out there.

One, I think the fact that I'm overweight completely gives me a handicap in the dating world in general, and online dating in particular. I mean, your photo is the first thing people tend to look at and if you don't catch their attraction in that glance, they'll like skip right over you, whether it's your weight or general looks. Also, I have looked at numerous profiles that list the body type of folks they are looking for and many don't even list "a few extra pounds", about average is as high as they will go. NOW, I'm not saying they are wrong in any way, you are attracted to who you are attracted to, I'm just pointing out that I'm starting at a disadvantage, or say, smaller dating pool already.

Second, and this is absolutely general...I just don't think I'm cut out for it at all. It's just too much pressure, I guess? You meet someone and it's for the expressed purpose of dating. There's no wiggle room. Whereas a lot of times you meet people while you're out and about or through a friend and you get to know each other, and either you never speak to them, you become friends, or maybe you find a spark. There's no pressure of...the only reason I'm talking to you is to see if you're date-worthy to my standards lol. I had a friend go on a date, and because she was fatter than he expected, he just didn't want anything to do with her. Ouch. Just seems like stress and heartache to me!

Also, online dating is can be so flaky. Someone asks for your email or phone number, and then you never hear from them again. Then you're left wondering, wth? And I *hate* feeling that way. I don't want to wonder about someone I previously didn't care two craps about, but now wondering what happened, what I did wrong, or if they just found someone else they liked better. And that's another thing, with online dating, you can be pretty sure the person you're talking to, is talking to others as well, and then they might just *poof*...I mean, I get that the flexibility and the ability to talk to multiple people is part of the appeal, but I hate that feeling where you get to know someone and think you could like them, then you see that they are online and you wonder...or is that just me?

Am I just too sensitive? And what can I do to become less sensitive? Has anyone done the online dating thing and have any tips? How have those of you who have done the online dating thing manage to survive the experience. I feel like it really can be self-esteem crushing lol.

odusgolp

Online dating, is simply put... not for you. Don't do it.

You have to have a backbone of steel to put up with it, IMO. And it just doesn't sound like you're there and able to let rejection or poor commentary roll off.

There is, I believe, a dating site for those that are overweight specifically. That might be something you'd feel more comfortable with at this point if you REALLY want to try the online thing.

But, there's something to be said for the old fashioned route... ya know, running your cart into someone else's at the grocery store ;-)

NamibianRose

Online dating, is simply put... not for you. Don't do it.

You have to have a backbone of steel to put up with it, IMO. And it just doesn't sound like you're there and able to let rejection or poor commentary roll off.

There is, I believe, a dating site for those that are overweight specifically. That might be something you'd feel more comfortable with at this point if you REALLY want to try the online thing.

But, there's something to be said for the old fashioned route... ya know, running your cart into someone else's at the grocery store ;-)

I've heard that online dating "can be brutal", but decided to try it. The thing is, I generally have very thick skin. I just think the online dating scene is odd and feels like a meat market LOL. And I feel ill-equipped to deal with the quirks of it all. I know a girl who has been asked for her number, email, dates etc, and then the guy flaked on them. It was reassuring to hear, that that type of behavior is somewhat 'normal' for this type of thing.

odusgolp

Online dating, is simply put... not for you. Don't do it.

You have to have a backbone of steel to put up with it, IMO. And it just doesn't sound like you're there and able to let rejection or poor commentary roll off.

There is, I believe, a dating site for those that are overweight specifically. That might be something you'd feel more comfortable with at this point if you REALLY want to try the online thing.

But, there's something to be said for the old fashioned route... ya know, running your cart into someone else's at the grocery store ;-)

I've heard that online dating "can be brutal", but decided to try it. The thing is, I generally have very thick skin. I just think the online dating scene is odd and feels like a meat market LOL. And I feel ill-equipped to deal with the quirks of it all. I know a girl who has been asked for her number, email, dates etc, and then the guy flaked on them. It was reassuring to hear, that that type of behavior is somewhat 'normal' for this type of thing.

In real life, I don't look much like this gorgeous puppy. But I am tall, average build and not totally despicable looking. I have met a few great guys online that I remain friends with. However? I have encountered more creepy *kitten* than it's worth. It's time consuming and annoying as sin most days *LOL* I keep hoping to find the right fit, but I can only handle the online scene a couple weeks at a time before I need a break. It's exhausting. Play it by ear and leave when you want! Good luck.

JudyL5305

I tried it and completely didn't like it. I did feel it was like standing in line picking which one you thought wasn't crazy, was your type, was good looking, etc etc. I just really like the old fashioned way of meeting people. i gave up on it, the time I spent online I could have been here or at the gym!

XmanMike

I think dating is tough whether it's online or not. The same crap you deal with meeting someone on the street is the same crap you deal with online dating. Can you believe I was rejected by a "big girl" because I was slim and in good shape? She just had a preference for bigger guys but that's not what she said on her profile. It's a crapshoot either way but I do know that eventually you will get to the man right for you when the time is right.

LunaPhaedra

I've always been curious to try online dating but i feel that, since i've never even been on a date before, it'd be kinda weird to try as a first.

NamibianRose

Online dating, is simply put... not for you. Don't do it.

You have to have a backbone of steel to put up with it, IMO. And it just doesn't sound like you're there and able to let rejection or poor commentary roll off.

There is, I believe, a dating site for those that are overweight specifically. That might be something you'd feel more comfortable with at this point if you REALLY want to try the online thing.

But, there's something to be said for the old fashioned route... ya know, running your cart into someone else's at the grocery store ;-)

I've heard that online dating "can be brutal", but decided to try it. The thing is, I generally have very thick skin. I just think the online dating scene is odd and feels like a meat market LOL. And I feel ill-equipped to deal with the quirks of it all. I know a girl who has been asked for her number, email, dates etc, and then the guy flaked on them. It was reassuring to hear, that that type of behavior is somewhat 'normal' for this type of thing.

In real life, I don't look much like this gorgeous puppy. But I am tall, average build and not totally despicable looking. I have met a few great guys online that I remain friends with. However? I have encountered more creepy *kitten* than it's worth. It's time consuming and annoying as sin most days *LOL* I keep hoping to find the right fit, but I can only handle the online scene a couple weeks at a time before I need a break. It's exhausting. Play it by ear and leave when you want! Good luck.

Amen to the creep *kitten* comment. There are some really strange, strange folks tromping around online LOL. And I guess that's the other thing I forgot, take out all the creeps and weirdos, and yes I am purely making this judgement from their profiles (or weird freaky pics), but exclude those, and then the guys who only want "the athletic, tone, slender" guys, and there aren't many left. BUT, another thing to add is the general dating market in my town is slim to begin with. I guess I need to give it a little longer before completely deciding to trash the whole idea.

Thanks for replying odusgolp!

Tropical_Turtle

If you want to feel more comfortable with still feeling like a big girl - there is a BBW site where guys prefer larger women. But I am unsure if you are able and ready for that since you have rejection issues. Online dating is not easy, and one needs thick skin to put up with it.

SPBROOKS68

I tried it and completely didn't like it. I did feel it was like standing in line picking which one you thought wasn't crazy, was your type, was good looking, etc etc. I just really like the old fashioned way of meeting people. i gave up on it, the time I spent online I could have been here or at the gym!

This was me and most the guys on there were creepy.

s_wilson84

I met the love of my life on POF.com. It was definitely a new experience for me but it was worth it.

StarkLark

One, I think the fact that I'm overweight completely gives me a handicap in the dating world in general, and online dating in particular.

Well, there are niche dating sites that cater to larger people... so you can find guys that like big girls - as long as you don't mind dating a bigger guy.

MustBeTheRows

Online dating blows.


Ironically I met my SO on MFP.

MtnKat

I met my husband playing online games. We talked a year before we met face to face.

We've been together now for 16 years. We met the first day and haven't been apart since....so I guess it could work.

It's like anything else....it works for some and not so much for others. My hubby and I started out as friends...in truth I had no intentions of being in a relationship with him until we met.

Either way you should be cautious - there are a lot of creepy people out there.

farmers_daughter

Online dating = Window shopping for guys (or girls)

You look at the picture "aka the merchandise" and then you look at the price tag "aka profile"

Make decision from there....end of story,

Sure some people try to haggle on the price but in the end that's what the hokey pokey is all about.

Simply put, Eharmony is a crock of *kitten* and all the other ones are too. :noway: Can't you tell I'm a little bitter about it? :grumble: LOL
My experience is I was on there way too long. I met a handfull of of those sites, some were ok, others make good horror stories.
I hope to never have to go back to it. My bf now, I met by pure accident and I love the story. I was very lucky.

Some people aren't made to find someone online, but I say try it if you never have, you'll at least get a good laugh.

aimelee

i did the online dating thing several years ago. one of the guys i met picked me up in a jeep that had giant tusks affixed to the front, and then after our date sent flowers and a teddy bear to my work with a note that said "CONGRATS ON THE NEW BABY!"

um. what?


fast forward a year or two later after giving up online dating/dating in general, and i met my husband. on myspace. yep. married 5 years with a 2.5 year old son and one on the way!

chellie47

I met my hubby online in an IRC chat room. He needed help opening a file ( he was new to computers) ....and we celebrated our 12 anniversary in June. I think no matter how you meet someone...when your ready you will know.

StarkLark

Online dating = Window shopping for guys (or girls)

You look at the picture "aka the merchandise" and then you look at the price tag "aka profile"

Make decision from there....end of story,

Yeah, that really DOES about sum it up :laugh:

Well said.

jamiem1102

Hmm... what's that cheesy line? Uh... you've gotta dig through a lot of shiz to find a diamond? Anyways, you get what I'm trying to say.

I did a lot of online dating, because 1) I work really long hours, so I don't go out very much if ever, and 2) When I did manage to go out in public, the only guys that hit on me were really weird, homeless, and/or *kitten*... so..... yeah. Online worked best for me. I also made a lot of friends that way too. Okcupid.com has always been my favorite site, because they have fun quizzes, the guys who created the site are incredibly smart, the people there are pretty decent, and best of all, it's free!

Online dating is just like regular dating - you need a lot of patience... but at least you can be patient at home and do the monotonous "meet and greet - interview questions" in the comfort of your pajamas.

In my opinion, it takes the pressure off a bit, because by the time you actually meet the guy, you kind of already know him. Just my thoughts. Good luck!

suavequeen

I'm using 2 at the moment... one has more decent guys than the other... and I do feel having tough skin is a must.. I've had my share of rejection within the last month and it has me weak.. I had one guy take me out about a yr ago and when he saw my profile again recently was turned off by my current photo.. He said he liked me when I was chunky and that I'm too addicted to the gym.. For others I'm not athletic enough.. So no matter if your skinny, athletic, average or curvy, you will find rejection on there.

Its not for everyone and for the time being I'm just out to find friends who i can hang with... Take is slow and go from there..

odusgolp

i did the online dating thing several years ago. one of the guys i met picked me up in a jeep that had giant tusks affixed to the front, and then after our date sent flowers and a teddy bear to my work with a note that said "CONGRATS ON THE NEW BABY!"

um. what?

WHAT. THE....

For the love of Gravy, no wonder he's single! *lol*