Bad moments to Good moments

DaveJ_43

Hello, Fitness Pals.

I havent been around much over the last couple weeks, and I miss you. I miss spending more time each day taking better care of myself - I miss daily exercise and good eating. I know I'll get back into a good groove at some point. Until then, I will struggle to have runs along the river, time on the yoga mat, and visits to the gym, and I'll struggle to maintain a proper diet. But its okay - to struggle - if we struggle, we are still fighting.

Right now my life is really a big fat mess. My teen has run away because I placed him in a drug rehabilitation program yesterday. Its so painful to witness the choices he makes when he has the talent and ability to be whatever he wants to be in his life. But it is his life, and while I will do everything I can for him, including giving him plenty of tough love, he unfortunately doesn't come with a remote control. My divorce proceedings, over two years running now, are about to go ballistic, and there is a good chance that the attorneys will walk away with most, if not all, of the family assets after trial expenses. It could potentially put us into bankruptcy.

... breathe, Dave, breathe ...

I have recently come to realize its very likely that my life will simply continue to be much harder than it has been in the past - for a long time, probably a very, very long time. I'll keep fighting, but there will likely be many more battles.

But I know I will survive, I will do everything I can for my kids, and they will be okay. My relationships with my loved ones, those who are truly my loved ones, will endure, and we will all adjust to the profound changes that we are going through.

I think the key will be to stay close to the moment. Not get held back by, or cling to, the past. Not get sucked into worrying about the future. From hour to hour of every day there are new ups, and new lows, that come and go. All of these things will pass, and life goes on. Fully experiencing the good things in any given moment - its going to be necessary as I move forward. Also, it will be necessary to experience the bad moments, to pay attention to them, and to my needs at these times. Showing myself kindness.

I really don't know why I am posting this here. This started out as a brief post to my friends list to explain why I haven't been around, but then it grew too big, and it kept coming out, through my finger tips, into the keyboard, and into this space. Maybe I am venting.

Maybe I am looking for potential gems of wisdom from this wonderful community of people on MFP - some things that might help me through the bad moments.

And maybe I am hoping that something in this post might help someone out there who is going through similar difficulties. Divorce is hard. Raising troubled teens is hard. But people do it every day, and it's okay.

Anyway, if you read this, thank you. I hope you have a wonderful weekend, and much happiness. Now, please pass the scotch. :drinker:

Cheers.

theoneandonlybrookie

I'm so, so sorry you're going through this. It sounds like you have the right attitude, though. You CAN do this. You WILL be ok on the other end.

jerzypeach

Dave....my heart is just breaking for you right now.....but you don't need that. I can't say I sympathize or understand, because I have no idea exactly what you are feeling and going through. I can only hear the pain and worry in your post...and I feel sad that you are going through that.

I also hear the determination and drive in your post. You will get through this. You are strong and you love your kids.

Just know....we are all here for you. Vent away....rage....spill your guts. Speaking for myself, I don't know anything about you other that what you share on MFP. Know that you are being heard and you have an unconditional support group here. :flowerforyou:

sehrler

Dave,
My heart goes out to you...I know where you are coming from. I went through a divorce several years back and it was brutal and he fought me the whole way even though he was abusive for 20+ years. He was stalking me (and later on, when I was in a healthy relationship with my now fiance) threatening to kill us. I got through it, it was hard and sucked big time but just hang on.

As for your son, I am so sorry. I just went through a nightmare that started (discovered) on Halloween last year. My son was addicted to pills and in very deep, we found out he had stolen thousands of dollars in cash and equipment from us and who knows who else, pawned everything not bolted down...I got him into rehab and it didn't work at first. He went in and out, Christmas was a nightmare...through it I did my best to find the good parts of life and hold it together.

Being strong when he was manipulating me was devastating. I have always been there and overcompensated for his father in the love/indulgence dept. and did him no favors. Extracting myself from enabling him was so hard.

I bought some books, I'm not huge into self-help, but I took some good things out of them. One is called, "Don't Let Your Kids Kill You". I got it off of Amazon, it helped me.

I am hoping my son is on the mend but I got my hopes up so many times that I always know there's a chance for relapse. He moved out of state (had a bumpy transition there at first, definitely tried to guilt me for "getting rid of him" until he realized I wasn't having it) but now has a stable place to live, a support system and a full time job 6 days a week/12 hrs a day to keep him out of trouble due to too much free time.

The whole thing was horrible--I'm not going to lie. He went from being a star football player heavily recruited by Division 1a, II and III schools (finally settling on a DII private university) to dropping out and spiraling down fast. He is 22 almost 23 now. Signs were there in HS (I found out when he was in rehab that it started in HS as "recreational") but I was too naive...typical story. It is good that you are helping your son and caught it early. Best of luck to you.

ifyoulookstars

Dave,

wish I could help you, but just the time can mitigate the pain you are feeling.

Give time to time, everything will adjust and you will be better than before.

You are a really nice person and you deserve better!

Hugs