Tell me what you think.
Neecy_Pooh
Posts: 122
First off...I would like to let you know that this is very hard and out of character for me to do but I just feel that I truly need opinions to make me feel better I guess. Honestly, I am too scared to tell my mother how I truly feel about a lot of things and just want SOMEONE to listen because truthfully, I know if I said any of this to my mother, she would find some way to minimize the way I feel or tell me I am just using it as a cop out. We are estranged, and have been for months. (should have been years) You decide.
I am adopted - along with my twin brother to the same set of parents. We were both born with physical, physiological and neurological problems because we were born to a drug taking and beer drinking woman. So I was born with hydorcehpalus and very premature and Dennis (my twin) was born half blind and obviously premature like me. They didn't know I had the disease right away so I cried all the time until they realized it and performed brain surgery at the age of two and a half. Which by the way, I didn't walk until then either. I was almost three when I began walking. The doctor said that I was always going to have the mentality of an 8 year old and walk with braces on my legs. They wanted me to take the "short bus" to the "special" school but my mother refused. (super surprised about that one) You'll understand why I say this. Well needless to say, I went to regular school and excelled to the point of the school wanting me to skip grades but my mother refused because she didn't want Dennis "to feel left out". (just the beginning of my mother dragging me down)
Anyway, when I was twelve my adopted father decided to come into my bedroom one night when my mother was at her friend's house consoling her because her son had just died in a car accident. Well, he did stuff for almost two years before I told my mother. She kicked him out but then a month later she took him back. Kind of like a a huge kick in the teeth for me. I never really knew that she should not have done that though and now I do know which makes me hate myself for allowing that to happen.
So I grew up and had a lot of trouble with men, BAD sometimes VERY BAD relationships. I've been physically abused so many times I can't even count. Regardless of this, my mother always blamed me for being with the wrong guys. She blamed me for being permiscuous and being careless. I hated myself. She told me one time that I cried so much when I was a baby that she wanted to "give me back". She used to abuse me, smacking me over and over in the head, and grab my hair and yank my head back and forth. I was molested by an older boy when I was 8 or 9 and they used to laugh about it like it was my own fault. She did not care enough to even call the police or the parents of the boy. She has told me that if wasn't her daughter, she would not even like me. She called me stupid, fat and I was never pretty.
So, years later, here I am, a full-time student (3.7GPA) I am a Phi Theta Kappa member, a mother, I workout everyday and I am a runner. Through the years I have forced myself to coninue the relationship with my mother - yes she is still with him. I have tried, believe me but still, years later she can not be proud of me nor can she say that she is. After my 3rd 5k (I placed 3rd in my division) she could only say this, "I just can't get over how you are able to run races now when the doctor said so long ago that you would never be able to walk on your own." No, so proud of you or anything. On the other hand, my brother who has never been anywhere, done anything, in major debt, can't pay his bills - has always been her favorite.
After having my daughter I started having nightmares about my father...my anxiety was going through the roof and I was on edge and crying and sad all the time. I did what I thought was best and stopped talking to my mother. I cannot continue after feeling like she did me wrong in so many ways and I am forever damaged emotionally and psychologically because of her and her choice and "him". Mind you, I feel that I am strong because of my accomplishments since then. I just can't have her completely in my life. I have a daughter to protect and I want to live my life without the pain of those years always being in my vision.
I am adopted - along with my twin brother to the same set of parents. We were both born with physical, physiological and neurological problems because we were born to a drug taking and beer drinking woman. So I was born with hydorcehpalus and very premature and Dennis (my twin) was born half blind and obviously premature like me. They didn't know I had the disease right away so I cried all the time until they realized it and performed brain surgery at the age of two and a half. Which by the way, I didn't walk until then either. I was almost three when I began walking. The doctor said that I was always going to have the mentality of an 8 year old and walk with braces on my legs. They wanted me to take the "short bus" to the "special" school but my mother refused. (super surprised about that one) You'll understand why I say this. Well needless to say, I went to regular school and excelled to the point of the school wanting me to skip grades but my mother refused because she didn't want Dennis "to feel left out". (just the beginning of my mother dragging me down)
Anyway, when I was twelve my adopted father decided to come into my bedroom one night when my mother was at her friend's house consoling her because her son had just died in a car accident. Well, he did stuff for almost two years before I told my mother. She kicked him out but then a month later she took him back. Kind of like a a huge kick in the teeth for me. I never really knew that she should not have done that though and now I do know which makes me hate myself for allowing that to happen.
So I grew up and had a lot of trouble with men, BAD sometimes VERY BAD relationships. I've been physically abused so many times I can't even count. Regardless of this, my mother always blamed me for being with the wrong guys. She blamed me for being permiscuous and being careless. I hated myself. She told me one time that I cried so much when I was a baby that she wanted to "give me back". She used to abuse me, smacking me over and over in the head, and grab my hair and yank my head back and forth. I was molested by an older boy when I was 8 or 9 and they used to laugh about it like it was my own fault. She did not care enough to even call the police or the parents of the boy. She has told me that if wasn't her daughter, she would not even like me. She called me stupid, fat and I was never pretty.
So, years later, here I am, a full-time student (3.7GPA) I am a Phi Theta Kappa member, a mother, I workout everyday and I am a runner. Through the years I have forced myself to coninue the relationship with my mother - yes she is still with him. I have tried, believe me but still, years later she can not be proud of me nor can she say that she is. After my 3rd 5k (I placed 3rd in my division) she could only say this, "I just can't get over how you are able to run races now when the doctor said so long ago that you would never be able to walk on your own." No, so proud of you or anything. On the other hand, my brother who has never been anywhere, done anything, in major debt, can't pay his bills - has always been her favorite.
After having my daughter I started having nightmares about my father...my anxiety was going through the roof and I was on edge and crying and sad all the time. I did what I thought was best and stopped talking to my mother. I cannot continue after feeling like she did me wrong in so many ways and I am forever damaged emotionally and psychologically because of her and her choice and "him". Mind you, I feel that I am strong because of my accomplishments since then. I just can't have her completely in my life. I have a daughter to protect and I want to live my life without the pain of those years always being in my vision.
0
Replies
-
Have you sought counseling? I'm not talking about marriage counseling, but for the sexual assaults and what-not?
Check your inbox later, please.0 -
Honey, all I can say is "BRAVO"!!! You are an amazing woman, strong, confident, and very beautiful!! You're a survivor, I'm proud to have you as a friend. (I will continue this in a pm, later)♥0
-
I agree that if you haven't already had some counseling, you should find some. It sucks that all that stuff happened to you, but I'm sure you're already doing what you can to protect your daughter, and you're still having nightmares from it.
I don't blame you for not talking to your mother. I don't really talk to mine either, and the stuff I've been through doesn't seem so bad compared to what you've been through.
Do what you need to do to take care of yourself and your kid, and don't worry about whatever else is going on. Whatever drama happened in the past will stop at your generation, because you don't need to continue it on for the next generation.0 -
Wow what a survivor! You're doing great, a great Mom to know to keep them away from your child.
I fear your brother is the favorite because he didn't make waves.
I also support getting counseling, I'd also look into reporting the abuse by both of them.
You don't want someone else falling victim to them.
I wish you the best to come.0 -
I think you made the right decision. Protecting your own daughter is what matters most and she does not need someone like your mother in her life. That type of behaviour is unacceptable and I applaud you for being able to come out of that situation strong. It must be terrible having the ones that are supposed to protect you in life treat you so horribly. You should be very proud of yourself for putting your daughter and yourself first!0
-
wow!! thats a lot for one person let alone a child to handle. you have to know that first off, you have done nothing wrong. we are unfortunatly given the hand we are dealt. what we do with it from there is our own perogitive. you have done so well for yourself. you are a strong nurturing mom an athlete and you sound like a wonderful person from what i have read. you have hit a royal flush!! you have everything that matters. we dont get to choose our relitives. if we did, i would not have chosen what i have either, we just have to learn to deal with them. if you ever need to talk just to vent, p m me.i will always listen, and i will never judge!!:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:0
-
Ditto what everyone else said. Holla if you need to talk.0
-
Wow what a survivor! You're doing great, a great Mom to know to keep them away from your child.
I fear your brother is the favorite because he didn't make waves.
I also support getting counseling, I'd also look into reporting the abuse by both of them.
You don't want someone else falling victim to them.
I wish you the best to come.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes. All of this. Good for you for breaking the ties with such awful people.0 -
Holy Crap,neecy... you have the courage and the heart of a lioness.0
-
Wow, well I'm proud of you and I don't even know you. Just for getting through all you've been through. I would end the relationship with her and not feel bad about it. No one should be treated like that, ever. Especially since she is still with that man, and you have a daugher, keep those people far away.0
-
I just want to say thank you all for your replies. Each time I read a new one as well as when I was telling that story, that lump appears in my throat and I get teary-eyed. I miss having a mother, even though she was never a good one to me but I know I am better off without her than with her and be tormented by everything about the past and her words and her lack of approval.
Thank you all! I love you. xoxo0 -
Very proud of you pooh. I was molested by my step dad. Live with it everyday. Now that I have 2 beautiful boys it's 10 times worse. My mom means the world to me but she knows the fine line her and my step dad walk. I let her know if I even thought anything like what happened to me was happening to my boys she would lose a son and a husband. Because I would be in jail and my step dad would be DEAD. What I'm getting at is your not alone. Thousands of people have went through this. And please don't ever think it was your fault. If you ever need anything PM. Like I said on your profile, I GOT YOUR BACK.. Xoxoxo0
-
Wow..what you went through is absolutely horrible. I would not be able to speak to her either. There are lots of people that would take you in as a foster daughter...meaning they could be a motherlike figure for you. You need someone that can love you the way you are. It's obvious to me that she blames you for enticing your father....and that my dear, is pure BULL****! It was not your fault at all.
You really need to seek counseling if you have not done so. I'm praying for you hon.0 -
Go to Amazon and do an author search on Sarah Burleton. She wrote two books. One chronicling the abuse she went through and the other she chronicles her journey to over come her childhood demons. They may be of help to you.0
-
My heart goes out to you. You are so amazing and strong. Protect your baby.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.2K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 427 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.7K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions