Fat Friends

MaraDiaz

Think back to when you were overweight... unless you were suffering from some illness etc. (in this case disregard anything I'm about to say) I mean to get to that point you probably weren't substituting the "bar of chocolate for an apple" yourself, Only they can motivate themselves to finally make the change just as you did, and if you feel it's negatively effecting you it may be time to distance yourself or find a group of friends who share your same views. If they really want to lose weight they'll (hopefully) hit their breaking point, whether it be at 100lbs overweight or 20lbs...

This. And lead by example.

BJPCraig

My wife has the same problem with her friends at work, who keep complementing her on her weight loss and telling her, "I wish I could lose weight" as they stuff their daily potato chips and cookies into their mouths. So I'll tell you what I tell her.

Just explain to them, "Look, you know as well as I do that there's one way to lose weight: Eat better and exercise more. If I can do it, you can do it. If you want to do it, I'll be happy to help. If you don't want to do it, please stop complaining, because you obviously aren't as interested in losing weight as you claim, so we should just move on to another topic."

At the very least, you won't have to listen to them whine any more...

sophiathedss

All I can be is a good example I make myself available if they ask questions and offer advice only when asked...keeps everyone happy that way


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RenitaDeShanne

Don't feel guilty about loving yourself and wanting to be healthy. When your friends are delivered the bad news in the doctors office they will do something about it. I know because I was one of those fat chicks that knew I needed to lose weight but I didn't want to let go of the ribeyes, hamburgers and the feeling of fullness yet. Once my doctor told me I was diabetic and to lose the weight or be place on insulin, that same day I jumped on a treadmill. I haven't stopped walking yet. I have many family members who have died of that illness and its not gonna be me.

swthrtsmrf

I have a few people in my life who wanted to lose the weight, have joined MFP and have not logged in almost a month plus. And yet they continue to eat unhealthy and continue on the same path. I have come to the realization that I will support them when they are ready to take charge. You cannot unfortunately force people and it is hard to sit back and watch.

takechances

If they are serious about wanting to lose weight, they will.
Quite frankly, I think that telling someone that they are fat and need to lose weight like you did is doing more harm than good. I didn't decide to seriously lose weight until I was ready. My friend's mom told me about this website and how it helped her. A month later I decided to go for it.
Making someone feel bad about themselves so they'll lose weight creates eating disorders.
If you don't want to be around them, then don't.
Simple.

takechances

Oh! Just thought I would add that I'm not trying to be rude and I understand that you care.

Chantal34

I hear what you're saying. I am asked a lot about how I've lost weight by my overweight friends. But what it comes down to is....they will not do anything about it until they are ready to. They can whine all they want but whining and wishing is not going to get the job done. What I generally say is, "I cannot make anyone lose weight". And nor do I feel guilty about my accomplishment. I went out there and did it for myself because I was ready and not because someone wanted me to.

I love this!

Candi_land

congrats to the individual replying with an 87 pound loss, keep it up!!!!

Thanks hun!! I have a very long road still ahead of me, but I'm in this for the long haul Feel free to add me if you want, maybe we can motivate each other

shamr0ck

Can't help those that won't help themselves. I bought a friend several sessions with my personal trainer, who rocks. She'd go to the sessions, then eat 1200 calories at lunch. Admitted she knew she was blowing away any benefit.

She'll change when she is ready. That time is different for each of us.

sarahrbraun

I think some people just need to have an *ah ha* moment before everything clicks for them.

I told my hubby for 3-4 years that the reason that I could not lose weight was that we did not have a Y or gym membership...that if we DID get the membership, I could totally lose the weight. SO in February, we got a Y membership. I HAD to prove to him that I could do it, so the first 2 weeks I went 5 days a week...then dropped down to 3 days a week...a few months ago I bumped back up to 4 times a week ( most weeks). it took a few months to get the dietary part down, but I lost 7 lbs the fist few months, and 11.4 pounds in the last 6 weeks. By the time our membership is up for renewal, I should be down another 35 pounds (~55 total) and very close to goal.

My friend also has a Y membership. We *used* to be almost exactly the same weight. She is not eating low carb, and she only manages to get to the Y maybe once a week ( she has chronic migraines and 4 kids under age 8). I honestly feel bad when we talk about weight loss 'cause I know she wants it BAD, but she just hasn't had her *ah ha* moment to make her change. I almost hated to tell her last week that I had lost *almost* 18lbs so far ( at that time...) when she asked me.

wookiemouse

Everyone needs to find their own path, in their own time.

I agree. Your friends aren't stupid. They know the answers, they just aren't ready to go there yet.

I think a huge percentage of this board is still there too, in some way. Losing weight slowly, regaining now and then because they don't want to give up [insert bad food here]. It's something that they have to come to terms with inside, when they're ready. All you can do is be a good friend and let them know you'll support them when they do make that choice to become healthy.

Techn0mancer

she has chronic migraines and 4 kids under age 8

Isn't that the same thing? I kid! I kid!

JoeyTajzai

What can we do to help our friends that have ZERO motivation to lose the weight that they want? I'm sick of friends whining about "how fat they look" while knocking back a bottle of wine and an entire box of chocolates!! If your weight makes you that unhappy then I don't see why you can't just put the chocolate bar down and just sub it for an apple or something?! I'm always complemented on my weight loss and EVERYONE always asks "how did you do it? I want to look like that!" but nobody ever seems to follow through with their diet plans! I'm almost feeling guilty for being the "skinny one" as I don't want my friends to end up resenting me because I "look good" and they feel worse for being around me, especially now it's bikini season! Please tell me I'm not alone in feeling like this! I just want them to love their bodies!

It's kind of sad saying this but everyone seems to wanna take the easy road now-a-days. They don't wanna diet and eat healthy and workout.. It's strange people have come up to me and asked me "Whats your secret". I sometimes just sit there with a blank expression on my face... I MEAN COME ON? SECRET? I eat healthy and workout.. There's no secret on how to lose weight.. Every time I have a friend come up to me and complain about how they're fat I just tell them "You have no right to complain unless your doing something about it.". That actually starts to get the fire burning.

Dynetha

I agree...when we are at that point before we find that motivation from within we ARE those fat friends....knockin back wine and cheeseburgers lol but I do think that if they can't support you and are negative that you should distant yourself...there's a difference between them not having the motivation and them being disrespectful and negative to your goals...my motto is eliminate all negative energy...it will KILL your efforts...i've been through this...good luck and I hope you come to a conclusion

ThaRealNicki

I want to help one of my friends very badley! So badley because she is deathly over weight and I want to be able to see her next summer (im in az shes in ky i have an annual vacation to her neck of the woods) She wants to lose weight but she has flat out said "if I have to give up my foods then I have no motivation to lose weight" Shes passed morbidly obesed and I fear for her life and so does her partner and shes been starting to have health issues but refuses to see a doctor

I care very deeply about helping my overweight friends (especially her) but just as its been said over and over, people will not work for it until they want it BAD ENOUGH! If you want it bad enough then you will make time for it and make it happen, sacrafices will be made and changes will be adapted to if you want it bad enough. My friends life is hanging by a thread it feels like and if that doesnt motivate her It sucks but theres nothing I can do. It feels horrible to feel like Im just watching her slowly fade but what can I do without her resenting me, ive constantly thumped weight loss and her situaution on her and she doesnt want it bad enough. thats all it boils down too.

Please dont feel guilty for being healthy chika, you look great and your friends are still by your side, in the meantime all you can really do is continuely inspire their considerations in losing weight by being you and doing what youve been doing for yourself.

AllyCatXandi

People will lose weight when they decide they've had enough of being overweight and how it affects their lives.

If they want advice, I give it, but I'm not going to comment if they choose not to take it on board. If they say they need to go to the gym more, I say they're more than welcome to join me. But usually they're 'busy' or 'too tired', so I just go alone as usual. No skin off my back. They don't seem to realize that you have to make time for exercise, not just go for a walk once in a blue moon when there's nothing else to do.

Although what does annoy me is when I get asked "do you eat?". Of course I eat. I eat between 1200-1600 net calories per day. I just choose to have the nice healthy chicken and salad wrap instead of the steak and cheese pie with hot chips and gravy for lunch.

I've worked to get to where I am now, and no one can make me feel bad about it.

bradphil87

I have become a lot closer to my friends who are also into working out and eating right. And at the same time, sadly have grown apart from those who don't care about their eating/exercise habbits. It sucks because I miss them, but everytime I hangout with them their idea of a good time (what mine used to be as well) eating/drinking/sitting around. Is not what I like to do anymore. But, on the bright side, I fit in with my active friends really well we work out/eat together sometimes (healthy things lol as opposed to my other friends) we go for a run, talk about new exercises/routines.....etc. we just seem to have more in commen.

Umeboshi

Leave them alone and let them be fat in peace? Jeez..

lee3978

I barely have the energy to take care of me!!! If they want to lose the weight they have to show they are dedicated over time. I won't help if they don't ask but I can't invest much help if they don't invest it first in themselves.

ESVABelle

I'm the fat friend. But I work-out more than my skinny friends. I eat better than my skinny friends. Then I listen to them complain about how fat they are when, in reality, they are approximately the size of my leg.

Anayalata

I barely have the energy to take care of me!!! If they want to lose the weight they have to show they are dedicated over time. I won't help if they don't ask but I can't invest much help if they don't invest it first in themselves.

Excellent. I'll dish out the advice when asked but if they don't want to hear what I have to say then why say it?

The people who lack motivation first have to find it before they can be "helped."

mi_lady

As the fat friend/family member, I think the best thing to do is to offer your love and support, and let them know that you are there for them when they're ready to get healthy. My sister did this for years, but it wasn't until I was ready that I have started taking this seriously.

unsuspectingfish

I'm the fat friend. But I work-out more than my skinny friends. I eat better than my skinny friends. Then I listen to them complain about how fat they are when, in reality, they are approximately the size of my leg.

THIS.

mikeyrp

I think that people have to motivate themselves - there is nothing you can do for them unless they directly ask you for something (Like "what was the name of the web site you used for calorie tracking" or "What was the name of that program you used to get running" or "Can I tag along with you to your training session" )

Its frustrating I know, but people who are complaining about being fat don't want your advice - people who are talking about how they are going to get thin/fit do.

TheArmadillo

I have the opposite problem - getting lectured on what I should be doing and what current fad they are following and how whatever I am eating is all wrong.

Sometimes I get patronised and overpraised like a small child when I eat stuff like fruit.

They are still the same weight and I have lost 42 pounds. They have not noticed my weightloss. We started at similar weights.

Mostly I do what I do when they talk to me about other stuff which is just to go mmm and go to my happy place :laugh:

They are chasing the quick and easy route to weightloss - I am doing the boring and long winded way of healthy eating and exercise/lifestyle changes for life.

grrrlface

You can't help if they don't want it. My mum and my friend wanted to lose weight so I told them both about MFP, they both did so well for a couple of weeks then they stopped logging in because their lives are 'too busy' or they could never be bothered to exercise... (I was walking about 2 hours a day at least at his point, they were more than welcome to join me!)

It's been almost a year since we all joined and I've lost 33lbs and on my last 12lbs, they are back to where they were before and all jealous of me for carrying on losing weight like it's my fault they're overweight! No one to blame but themselves!

Keep doing what you're doing and let them do what they want. It'll only drive you mad if you don't! :-)

Impy84

I don't tell adults what to do unless im being paid. It's not my job. When they are ready to change they will change. Until then work on you and be a SILENT motivation.

stelsher

Ive got a friend who really irks me with this - I keep my mouth shut because it's not my place but it's kind of hard to when all she does is talk about her weight and try to make it an issue all the time.

Late last year she lost about 14 pounds in a few weeks on an eating plan, combined with sensible exercise and appeared to be doing really well. I think deep down she didn't like the stigma attached with being on a 'diet' even though she was badly overweight. Since the new year she's all but given up on the eating, so now she flogs herself over-exercising just to maintain her awful eating habits (she shows all the hallmarks of having serious eating issues which she needs help).

What is annoying is that in the past she's made quite personal comments about my GF who keeps herself in great shape (she's by no means waif-like, about 5 '7, 138lbs athletic) like 'oh I can see your shoudler bones' and 'oh don't lose anymore weight for god's sake...' Her friends are too scared to tell her the bleeding obvious which only excacerbates the situation.

I just wish I could give her shake although I'm not sure she'll ever be ready to commit to changing her ways with her current attitude.

sarahrbraun

she has chronic migraines and 4 kids under age 8

Isn't that the same thing? I kid! I kid!

I know, right?! But seriously, she has migraines that will last like 4 days--the last thing you wanna do during one of those is go into a brightly lit gym and run for 30 minutes.