I NEED TO VENT!

hothodgie

This is probably going to end up being long as I talk a lot in general, but when I am mad, I talk even more.

So, me, my brother, my sister, my brother's fiance, and my brother's friend are all trying to lose weight at the same time. My brother is getting married in September. We all started at different times during this year, my sister in March, me in May, my brother and his friend last week, and my brother's fiance this week. None of our reasons actually have to do with the wedding. It just sort of coincidently happened this year. My sister is a big and tall girl with a goal of losing around 60 lbs. I am much smaller than her build and height wise with a goal of about 50 lbs, but mainly just looking to get healthy over all in health not really a number. My brother is about 5 ft 8 in. (we are a short family, lol) only looking to lose about 20 and then turn the rest into muscle. His friend is very big, about 6 ft 2 in. and around 300 lbs starting weight looking to get to 200 and also get muscular. The fiance, I have no idea, but she is a very small frame person and short. I don't know what she weighs, but I'd have to say she is probably aiming for about 40 lbs lost. We are all doing different things to help us lose weight.

Now, with all that in mind, we are a very close family and have an incredible support system going on. We check in every week with each other and compare notes. It's fun doing this!! And then some person has to go and tick me off. I am FIERCELY protective of my entire family, lol. My kids, my hubby, my siblings, and parents. I admit I tend to get angry quickly when the least thing is said against any of them. So I know I am being a hot head, but I feel the way I feel. Blame the irish and russian heritage I come from. That's what I do.

On to the reason for this vent. I was talking to my mother in law about how I was making a sugar free cheese cake with almond crust for my brother and his friend, as they are not doing sugar in their diet and we were having an ice cream cake for my daugher's birthday yesterday and no other food being served. Being the supportive sister that I am, I felt this would be fair to them. I am not doing their diet, I am just eating better and I don't need the substitute desert, but it was there as an alternative healthy option.

She starts going off in her typical crazy way about why on earth my brother and I need to think we have to lose weight. "I'd be perfectly happy to be the size of you guys. And your brother is WAY too thin as it is. I can't believe you are all that stupid" I of course said, just because we are smaller doesn't mean we are at our healhiest weights, which is true. Yes, my brother appears to be thin due to his small frame and working out regularly for years. His arms are nicely toned, as well as his shoulders. But he has a good two handfuls of belly that he would like to lose and knows that its not just working out that is going to work for him. He has never in his life been "overweight" for his small frame, but he is young and wants to be ripped at 150 instead of toned at 170. He can't be ripped with his belly fat, lol. As for myself, I am 5"3.5in and wear a size 14. I am obese according to my BMI. I just want to get in the 140s or at least look good in my book.

Now my MIL on the other hand is overweight and has several issues. About 6 or 7 years ago, her daughter had gastric bypass so she decided to as well. I think its great that they wanted to be healthier. My sister in law was a huge success. She lost over a hundred pounds and has kept it all off to this day. She exercises 4 days a week and eats mainly healthy, though occasionally has a treat. My MIL, not so much. She lost 130 lbs and gained about 65 of it back because she refuses to eat what she is supposed to and regularly eats stuff KNOWING it will make her literally vomit. She does it anyway. I don't harp on her. Every person is entitled to their own life and their own choices. She knows what works, she chooses to do otherwise. I have encouraged her and supported her and she nods her head, yeah yeah yeah, but continues what she is doing. I am not condeming her for it, I am just stating facts. I think no less of her. I truly know how hard it is to loose weight.

It irks me to no end when someone who is heavy spouts off about how someone smaller than them is "stupid" for wanting to lose weight and be healthy. Just because someone is smaller than you, doesn't mean that person is healthy or not overweight. It doesn't even mean a skinny person is healthy. There is absolutely no reason to say such negative things to someone just because you aren't where they are. Be nice!! I don't understand why people do this! I know, its the whole, well I feel bad about myself and here you are doing it. I'm jealous. I know people have mental blocks and cannot do what other people can for weight loss. But it still doesn't make it right to harp on others. Granted, what she said was supposed to be taken as a compliment. I fully well know that. But it was in the delivery of the compliment. You don't tell people they are stupid ever! And you don't speak to them with a condescending attitiude about how they should be happy where they are at. Why should I be happy when I know I can be better. In all honesty, I am happy most of the time. I'm not happy about my weight, but I'm not depressed. I have a great family and a lot of good friends, a job I love. I have several things to be thankful for and I am. I think I am an attractive person even at my current weight. I just want to be better and not considered obese.

So the fact that she said this about me really didn't bother me as much as it did about my brother as I stated, I am fiercely protective. She should not look down her nose just because he isn't morbidly obese. I was doing my best to remain calm and explained this to her and her retort was once again, well I think you are all just stupid. I'd give anything to be like you. And I stopped being nice at that point. I told her no, she in fact wouldn't give anything because she was once given that opportunity and completely threw it away because of her lack of motivation and perhaps maybe she was happy being the way she is because she chooses to be that way. It shut her up finally. Yes, I know it hurt her and yes, I will apologize today. But I have to get this off my chest. She doesn't see what she did and I know I can't make her see it. We all need, myself included, to think about what we say to others. Just because they are smaller or a bit healthier than you, but want to be truly healthy doesn't give a person a right to criticize them for it. Thik before you speak.

Sorry about the rant. I am not looking for advice. I just had to get this off my chest before I call and apologize so that I can remain calm. Thanks for reading.

laurenbausch

Congratulations on your weight loss! I admire your family for working together to attain a goal of overall healthiness. That totally rocks in my book. I wish my family were doing the same. I am dedicated to losing weight, and my husband is also trying to do the same, but he isn't following the same eating habits that I am. Let the haters hate, honey! You are doing this for you. Maybe she'll decide to do the same. When you lose weight sometimes other people around you can become insecure. Just focus on all the positive influences around you! Keep up the great work!

1smemae94

I hate it when people look down their noses at others. They don't know whats best for you, only you do. I completely understand why you finally told her off after she kept doing that to you. It is very nice of you to apologize to her though. Best of luck on your weight loss and your families.

basillowe66

I started to read your essay but got lost. If you want to lose weight you have to eat less and be more active. Empty calories are the liller, sugar, white bread, etc. If you are serious about losing, you have to keep track of your calories carefully and count everything. Most desserts are lillers. Frence fries, fast foods etc

mlewon

You and your other family members who are looking to be healthier sound like you're doing great!

I totally understand about the heavier people saying you don't need to lose weight, I've experienced it too. It's definitely a pain.

However, look forward to your success and keep your goals in mind and let those negative comments just fuel you to do better

It might be good to let her know that if she continues to stretch out her stomach and make herself throw up she could literally tear her stomach open and that could cause major problems.

Anyway, good luck in your continued journey and I know you all will look fantastic at the wedding!!

:drinker: :flowerforyou: :happy:

chrissistarr

I know how you feel and while my rant isnt the same I also have struggles with my support group or lack there of.... I want all the support I can get to lose weight , because if more people know then the harder I work to get healthy.... I know its so hard to get the support and help you need to lose weight. Family (who is supposed to be the support base is often the worst!!!) that is why I have MFP.... vent any time I know how important it is to have a great sound board.

hothodgie

Thanks everyone. I really felt better after I got that all out. Sometimes you just need someone else to know how you feel! I don't like hurting anyone because it makes me feel bad later. I just can't always control my tongue when I'm angry and feel attacked. I have apologized and I feel better for it.