New to forum, not to weight loss

bucs75

This is a long read and I apologize for it but felt if anybody was to offer support, they'd need the background. On the opposite side of the spectrum, I'm hoping that showing my background may encourage others in a similar plight. I also believe by being so open, people may trust me to help them if they need it.

My story: I played football in high school and took it very seriously, as a result, I weighed in at a very solid 220lbs or so my senior year. Despite offers from a few schools to play, I decided I would honor my grandfather, who had passed, by following his army lineage. In the army, I lost most of my bulk and became a pole. I weighed about 180- 190lbs. After my first year of service, I reconnected with an acquaintance from high school and we began dating. This is where my weight problems began.

We had a very happy relationship. In fact I asked her to marry me before my first tour in Iraq. During my time in Iraq, things changed. She went out more and made herself the center of attention during our conversations, rarely showing true support to me. When I returned home, she was moody and distant. At this point, I had made the decision to hold off the marriage until things cooled over.

About 4 years down the road, I was about to head out on my second tour. I was medically discharged early in the tour and came home without warning. Was hoping to give her a happy surprise. The problem was, she seemed more worried and distraught that I was home then anything else. Shortly after, we broke it off because she "could not handle me anymore." What she was referring to was my PTSD. Mind you, I was not violent or abusive, just very dependent on her company. I was a loner at heart but always had a small group of close friends. Because of the life changing affect of war, I no longer felt connected to my friends and consequently had her as my only friend. I was afraid of being in public without her for some unknown reason.

Anyways, I still visited her in our old apartment, which she gave me a key to so I could take care of our dogs if she wasn't able to. One day, my rottie had knocked over the garbage and I found a condom wrapper while picking up the mess. It was none of my business to know but curiosity got the best of me as we had been talking about possibly working out our relationship, so I called her to ask about it. At this point, she told me she was sleeping with an ex-coworker and admitted cheating on me while I was training for my second deployment. She said she was in love with the man and was basically having a relationship with both of us for about 2 years.

At this point, I was completely lost and after years of denying my PTSD, I sought out help. Frustrated with the lack of initial progress and the pain of being betrayed, I fell into a depression and ballooned up to nearly 300lbs.

After a year or so of counseling, I was able to rejoin society as a functioning civilian without dependence on others. I moved to another city and found a new job. I lost about 50lbs and became social again. Sadly, however, I became disillusioned with the new found friends. I found their lack of respect and caring for others repulsive and became a loner again (though I have some thoughts that I may be judging "friends" too harshly as a defense mechanism). This time I resolved to carry on by myself, and I lost another 25lbs.

So here I am. Slightly lonely but extremely determined. I want to rejoin the ranks of the military as an officer and use that as fuel to my weight loss engine.