Is there a way to make your parents love you?

BeautyFromPain

For my whole life, I have been screamed at, called names, and get blamed for practically everything that goes wrong in their lives.
When my younger brother was physically abusive towards me, I would be blamed saying I must have done something to provoke it. They never listen to anything I say.

They treat me so different to my younger brothers, they show them love, buy them anything they want/need but with me it seems like nothing but hatred (they have told me they hate me and was a mistake many times). They buy them clothes, cars, everything whilst I have to buy my own clothes and car.

Is there a way to make them love me?

This seriously hurts so much

oregonzoo

Unless I'm missing something here, you aren't the one who failed here. They are, and big time.

Give it some time. Prove yourself to yourself and hopefully if they are worthy, they will see who you are and that they have erred in the past.


But love shouldn't hurt, ever. And a child should never have to write a post like this.

I'm sorry

ket_the_jet

You can't choose your parents and some people are dealt a **** hand. Emancipate yourself and move on.
-wtk

TheArmadillo

honestly, no. You have to come to terms with it. Once you learn to stop trying to get approval from them it gets easier.

Try reading 'Toxic Parents' - available on amazon.

Sorry if I sound harsh but I wasted too many years trying and it was a waste.

Message me if you want to chat more about it - I don't like putting details on an open forum.

Adureeuh

Sadly, you can't make anyone love you. It's sad when this happens, because family is supposed to love you unconditionally. However, I suggest you do just that. If you love them unconditionally even if they don't deserve it, they may start to open their eyes. Treat them exactly the way you want to be treated. Once you set the standard by the way you treat them, they may start treating you the same.

Just an idea.

k2charmed4u

To be honest chick I know this might sound harsh but do you want to be loved by someone who is so cruel to you?
I've had harsh words from my own grandparents and some family members and although it hurts to hear I ignore them as I know they're not doing it most of the time. But in your case I don't think I could forgive that.
If you want to create a relationship with them I would recommend family councilling. But that doesn't mean they'll go :frown: other than that I wouldn't know what to suggest. Life is too short to be around anyone who acts like that family or otherwise. Only you know what to do now it has to be your decision as no one on here could possibly feel what you do as its your family :frown:

Hope you sort it though xx

ironanimal

Kick their *kitten* to the curb ASAP and prove them all* wrong.


*All of your family.

ninerbuff

I wouldn't want to "make" someone love me. I'd want it to be unconditional.

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

ZugTheMegasaurus

Sorry to say that no, I don't think there is a way to make your parents love you. My boyfriend tried for years to forge a good relationship with his abusive mother (similar to you, she's fine with the other kids -- the ones who don't question her -- but has done serious, even criminal, things to him) before he finally decided it just wasn't worth it. He cut off all contact and says she's dead to anyone who asks, and it was the best thing he's ever done in terms of his own mental health and well-being. He now has great relationships with my family and with friends.

Family should be about mutual love and respect, regardless of shared genetics. There are people out there who will give you that, trust me. You just have to find them.

BeautyFromPain

Thanks for all your responses xx

sktllmdrhmz

You can't choose your parents and some people are dealt a **** hand. Emancipate yourself and move on.
-wtk

I second this motion.

clairyfairy247

I understand your frustration.

No-one wants a bad relationship with their parents.

Shannon2714

I wouldn't want to "make" someone love me. I'd want it to be unconditional.

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Exactly.

It isn't your fault that they act this way or treat you poorly. Move on. It will hurt for a time, but their treatment will hurt much longer. Cut all ties and it will be their loss and your gain. Good luck!

korsicash

You did not choose to be here, your parents made a willful choice to have a raise a child. With this said some parents just suck and have no right to be counted on by their children as you are programmed to love them and want their approval. Here is where it gets harsh. FLY LITTLE BIRD! Open your wings, count on yourself, you can not make them love you. You are not the cause of their issues, someday they will see the error of their ways but by that time I hope you are strong enough to stand on your two feet fly with your dreams and forgive them for the hurt they caused but not forget. Move on. Get a good counselor, talk out your issues and learn your own self worth. Learn how to love the right way and not by the poor example you have been shown in life. If you are under 18 emancipate, and find help to get you through school and out into the world. You can do it!

BeautyFromPain

You did not choose to be here, your parents made a willful choice to have a raise a child. With this said some parents just suck and have no right to be counted on by their children as you are programmed to love them and want their approval. Here is where it gets harsh. FLY LITTLE BIRD! Open your wings, count on yourself, you can not make them love you. You are not the cause of their issues, someday they will see the error of their ways but by that time I hope you are strong enough to stand on your two feet fly with your dreams and forgive them for the hurt they caused but not forget. Move on. Get a good counselor, talk out your issues and learn your own self worth. Learn how to love the right way and not by the poor example you have been shown in life. If you are under 18 emancipate, and find help to get you through school and out into the world. You can do it!

I LOOOOVE THIS! Thankyou

k8blujay2

To be honest, you shouldn't have to make family love you... they should be able to do it automatically... From the sound of your OP, I would say it's not you, it's them... genuinely... And I agree with the others, that it may be time to cut them out and find people that do genuinely love you....

emnk5308

You can add/ message me anytime!! I met my Dad when I was 12 years old, and he wants NOTHING to do with me. He didn't even come to my graduation because he was 'tired'. I know all I can do is accept it and move on. I'm fighting right now to find a lost sister. So I know the feeling. =(

snoopytwins

As a parent, this breaks my heart for you! You cannot make someone love you. I can't imagine the hurt of wanting that love so badly and not getting it...from your parents. Just know that they are ones missing out.

BeautyFromPain

thanks for everyones replies xx

ShareeMorty

You just have to accept that they are the way they are and either tolerate them of cut them out of your life.

My mother makes it blatantly obvious that she doesn't love me, I almost had a breakdown 7 years ago because of the way she treats me. I had to do what is best for me and limit my contact with her, she is a toxic person and just because she gave birth to me doesn't make her a good mother. She continues to blame me for any issues between us, she is the one missing out by her attitude to me. I have recently cut all contact with her after the way she reacted to my marriage break up. Life is too short to put up with people that treat you badly - surround yourself with the people that do love you and make your own family.

karylee44

you can not change your parents.. you can only change YOU.

sometimes you have to let go and move on.. no matter how much it hurts.

you are fabulous..

WickedGarden

the book 'Toxic Parents' was mostly about approaching your parents and telling them that the way they treated toy hurt you very much, and how to get thru that tough 'revelation'. A very small portion touches on 'some parents cannot understand the hurt they caused'. No, it's called narcissism.

My parent didn't want me, hated me, treated me with resentment and beat the s#it out of me pretty much every single day of my life.

Suck it up and cut them out of your life. I did that and my parent still can't figure out why I'm 'unhappy'.

Some people are that dense.

dayone987

You deserve to be loved and I'm so sorry that your family doesn't give you that. I think that this will always cause you some pain but you have a choice in how it will affect the rest of your life. Surround yourself with good people of all ages, develop relationships and create the family you truly deserve.

Altarian

For my whole life, I have been screamed at, called names, and get blamed for practically everything that goes wrong in their lives.
When my younger brother was physically abusive towards me, I would be blamed saying I must have done something to provoke it. They never listen to anything I say.

They treat me so different to my younger brothers, they show them love, buy them anything they want/need but with me it seems like nothing but hatred (they have told me they hate me and was a mistake many times). They buy them clothes, cars, everything whilst I have to buy my own clothes and car.

Is there a way to make them love me?

This seriously hurts so much

I grew up in a similar family life. and from personal experience there is nothing you can do to change them. If they want to be part of your life, when you finally get tired and the final straw is broke, they will find a way. What i mean by when is if you do eventually get to the point of moving on and trying to be yourself and stop trying to please them. By no means am i telling you what to do because what worked for me may not work for you. I wish you the best though and no one's opinion but your own on yourself really matters in the big picture. They are not you and you are not them.