dealing with lack of support where i want it most...

Options
marie_cressman
marie_cressman Posts: 980 Member
in Motivation and Support
It has come to my attention that my dear, sweet, loving husband doesn't care. He just doesn't. How do I know this? Because he told me so. LOL He doesn't care what I look like, what I weigh, or what I eat. He rolls his eyes when he asks what I'm doing and I say anything related to my workouts or my diet. I get TONS of support from friends and family. My "cup" is overflowing with support and love from them and it's wonderful, but I kind of want it from HIM. Now, some will ask "have you told him?" Yes. Has it changed? Nope. I then asked if he preferred me heavier. Not that I would go BACK to being heavier, but maybe he just likes bigger women! LOL I was 270lbs when he married me 4 years ago and a size 22/24 and I am now 185lbs and a size 10/12. So yes it did cross my mind that since he was attracted to me at 270lbs maybe he was no longer attracted to me! That isn't the case though because he reassured me that while he WAS attracted to me at 270lbs he is MORE attracted to me now and apparently he thinks i'm "smokin' hot". SO... why the lack of support? I will never understand men I suppose. LOL Is anyone else dealing with this problem at home? I just feel like getting fit and being healthy is something I love, and I love my husband. Is it crazy to want to share and talk about what I love with someone I love? I mean, I'm a stay at home mom of 2 children and a puppy who eats random objects. The most exciting thing that happens to me is picking up dog poop in the yard and spotting something strange like a piece of a lego or something. LOL Maybe I should get out more... haha!

Replies

  • sgoldman328
    sgoldman328 Posts: 379 Member
    Options
    Could it be that :

    1) He's worried you'll go to dangerous extremes if he encourages you too much?
    2) Is beginning to worry that by becoming critical of your own weight, you're also beginning to take notice of his? Does he feel subconsciously judged?
    3) Perhaps he thinks that you're doing this for his approval, and his indifference is his way of showing you that he doesn't hold your weight as something that makes or breaks you in his mind?

    Have you spoken to him about it?



    http://collegecookingandironchefamerica.blogspot.com
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
    Options
    Perhaps he thinks that by encouraging it might suggest that he wants you to change when in actual fact he likes you for you, not how you look.

    Women do (I'm sorry, but it's true) have a tendency to take whatever is said and find the negative in it, so you can understand why guys are sometimes a little careful of what we say.

    Plus, if eating and exercise aren't things he is interested in then he might find it hard to get excited about it. Imagine if he came home from fishing to tell you about how he used this lure and that hook and almost got this fish blah blah - you might well be rolling your eyes too.
  • george29223
    george29223 Posts: 556 Member
    Options
    well dern a perfect post theres nothing to add,he is 100% right
    Perhaps he thinks that by encouraging it might suggest that he wants you to change when in actual fact he likes you for you, not how you look.

    Women do (I'm sorry, but it's true) have a tendency to take whatever is said and find the negative in it, so you can understand why guys are sometimes a little careful of what we say.

    Plus, if eating and exercise aren't things he is interested in then he might find it hard to get excited about it. Imagine if he came home from fishing to tell you about how he used this lure and that hook and almost got this fish blah blah - you might well be rolling your eyes too.
  • Railr0aderTony
    Railr0aderTony Posts: 6,804 Member
    Options
    Perhaps he thinks that by encouraging it might suggest that he wants you to change when in actual fact he likes you for you, not how you look.

    Women do (I'm sorry, but it's true) have a tendency to take whatever is said and find the negative in it, so you can understand why guys are sometimes a little careful of what we say.

    Plus, if eating and exercise aren't things he is interested in then he might find it hard to get excited about it. Imagine if he came home from fishing to tell you about how he used this lure and that hook and almost got this fish blah blah - you might well be rolling your eyes too.

    could not agree more.
  • marie_cressman
    marie_cressman Posts: 980 Member
    Options
    Could it be that :

    1) He's worried you'll go to dangerous extremes if he encourages you too much?
    2) Is beginning to worry that by becoming critical of your own weight, you're also beginning to take notice of his? Does he feel subconsciously judged?
    3) Perhaps he thinks that you're doing this for his approval, and his indifference is his way of showing you that he doesn't hold your weight as something that makes or breaks you in his mind?

    Have you spoken to him about it?



    http://collegecookingandironchefamerica.blogspot.com

    I don't think he's worried I'll go to extreme levels. He knows I have a healthy appetite and workout routine. He isn't overweight at all and is pretty physically fit. He just has no interest in EATING healthy. He actually mocked me once by downloading the myfitnesspal app to is phone so he could log how many calories he eats in a day and still maintain 165-170lbs. We talked about it. He SAYS he supports me, but his actions (like the mocking and teasing) imply that he doesn't. I've resorted to not talking about it at all unless he asks which is I guess why I don't get the eye rolling. If you'd rather not know, don't ask me. Simple concept, right? I love him. I do. And I know that he loves me for exactly who I am and he always has. He's just frustrating at times and I'm sure he says the same about me. LOL
  • beachlover317
    beachlover317 Posts: 2,848 Member
    Options
    Perhaps he thinks that by encouraging it might suggest that he wants you to change when in actual fact he likes you for you, not how you look.

    Women do (I'm sorry, but it's true) have a tendency to take whatever is said and find the negative in it, so you can understand why guys are sometimes a little careful of what we say.

    Plus, if eating and exercise aren't things he is interested in then he might find it hard to get excited about it. Imagine if he came home from fishing to tell you about how he used this lure and that hook and almost got this fish blah blah - you might well be rolling your eyes too.

    Absolutely this. And I'm a woman.
  • DeeDee2211
    DeeDee2211 Posts: 1,133 Member
    Options
    Talk to him about things he likes. It probably won`t take long before he starts asking about you. Maybe he feels you`re only talking about weight loss, fitness, etc. etc., and since he`s not into this it just bores him. Come here to get your motivation and support. I would bet once you stop talking about it so much, he`ll be a bit more interested. Good luck. And great job on the weight loss!!!!!
  • marie_cressman
    marie_cressman Posts: 980 Member
    Options
    Perhaps he thinks that by encouraging it might suggest that he wants you to change when in actual fact he likes you for you, not how you look.

    Women do (I'm sorry, but it's true) have a tendency to take whatever is said and find the negative in it, so you can understand why guys are sometimes a little careful of what we say.

    Plus, if eating and exercise aren't things he is interested in then he might find it hard to get excited about it. Imagine if he came home from fishing to tell you about how he used this lure and that hook and almost got this fish blah blah - you might well be rolling your eyes too.

    You know, we went to a marriage retreat about a week or so ago. They talked about the difference between how men think and how women thing. You hit the nail right on the head (I think... lol). I DO, however, try hard not to take what he says in a negative way. Like his comment the other night that implied that I eat anything/everything COULD have (and in the past would have) been a shot at my weight/size, but he just meant that my taste buds are different than his and he is FAR more picky than I am. And the final point you make about his interests... he DOES come home talking about things I am less interested in (like guns, motorcycles, cars, going to ranger school, etc...), but I try to give my full attention when he's talking because I know those things "excite" him. Especially his motorcycle and ranger school. Those are 2 things he always talks about and I appreciate the fact that he's excited about something that will further his military career. Yes, it bores me to death and I could care less what he does for a living. Don't get me wrong, I fully support my husband and I am proud of him. I'm his biggest fan! But I would still be his biggest fan if he worked at Walmart. haha He says he's interested in diet and health. I'm currently doing p90x. We originally bought it for him (I was doing Insanity when we bought p90x). He did it for 3 weeks and stopped. Since I completed Insanity and wanted something else to do, I started p90x. He said "when you start, i want to do it with you." and told me since I do all the cooking and shopping to plan out our meals and such and he wanted my help keeping track of the nutrition plan for him. Something came up at work and he didn't start so I went ahead and started. He seemed ok with it, but the more I think of it the more I'm wondering if that's what's bothering him. Eh, who knows. I have recently stopped talking about diet and exercise with him period. When he's home, we talk about what he wants to talk about, his day, my day, the kids, the dog, etc. Yesterday was the first time in a couple of weeks we talked about diet, but that was because I had an appointment with a nutritionist. It's probably just me being overly sensitive. ;) I can see that as a very likely possibility. LOL

Categories