want to help someone you know???

Xx_mandown_scotty_xX

I know this person, who is overweight, she knows it as-well,but just blames everything on it. Like if she, is eating a meal, and someone says "wow that's a lot of food"...she says" well that's why I'm a ** stone woman." I want her to start losing weight, but i dont want to hurt her feelings, by just saying to her "look your overweight, and i really want you to lose weight and be healthier", because even though i meen well, it might not come across the way i would like it, i dont want to write how i know this girl, so everyone can see, but if you would really like to know, to give me better advice, you can message me and ill tell you, as someone i know and she knows, is on this website too. Please can someone help me

ElizabethRoad

Keep your mouth shut. Do you think she doesn't know she's fat?

rml_16

Keep your mouth shut. Do you think she doesn't know she's fat?

Ditto.

Xx_mandown_scotty_xX

but, she keeps saying she wants to lose weight, but she may just need some help, thats all i was saying!!!

ElizabethRoad

No, you clearly said YOU want her to lose weight.

If she asks you how to do it, tell her about this site. Do not bring it up on your own.

Brittany3914

If she's using MFP regularly, maybe it'd be helpful to check in with her (in person, since I'm assuming you talk to this person over the phone or face-to-face) and ask her how it's going. See if she's tried any new recipes or read anything interesting on a message board. Talk about exercising... a class you took that you really enjoyed, walking around a lake, anything. I've found that the best way to motivate others around you is to talk about your progress and the things you've learned while on the healthy journey. If that doesn't cut it, maybe try exercising together? You don't have to tell someone they're fat in order to get them to start making changes. You don't have to do or say anything passive-aggressive either.

Just my opinion, of course, but maybe it'll help.

Edited: just read your original post. I see you have mutual friends using MFP, but she isn't on the site. Is that correct? I've had friends who are interested in getting healthy, and once I tell them about MFP and how much I've learned, they quickly make an account. I didn't tell them to make one, they just wanted to see it for themselves. Might be another helpful suggestion, if she's ready.

daylily2005

Just bring it up in conversation as something that YOU are using adn think it's awesome. Don't tell her or make any indications that you want her to use it. If she's interested, she'll find it or ask you about it.

SwtMelissa86

Keep your mouth shut. Do you think she doesn't know she's fat?

Ditto.

Double Ditto

Xx_mandown_scotty_xX

No, you clearly said YOU want her to lose weight.

Yes, i know i said that, i did type it!!, i want her to lose weight, because i want her to be happy, and achieve her goals, so she feels better as a person!!

and brittany3914, thank you, thats all i wanted, a way to nudge her in the right direction, but with her making the decisions

DianneOfTheMoon

If she's using MFP regularly, maybe it'd be helpful to check in with her (in person, since I'm assuming you talk to this person over the phone or face-to-face) and ask her how it's going. See if she's tried any new recipes or read anything interesting on a message board. Talk about exercising... a class you took that you really enjoyed, walking around a lake, anything. I've found that the best way to motivate others around you is to talk about your progress and the things you've learned while on the healthy journey. If that doesn't cut it, maybe try exercising together? You don't have to tell someone they're fat in order to get them to start making changes. You don't have to do or say anything passive-aggressive either.

Just my opinion, of course, but maybe it'll help.

Edited: just read your original post. I see you have mutual friends using MFP, but she isn't on the site. Is that correct? I've had friends who are interested in getting healthy, and once I tell them about MFP and how much I've learned, they quickly make an account. I didn't tell them to make one, they just wanted to see it for themselves. Might be another helpful suggestion, if she's ready.

I completely agree here. It's a good thing to WANT to help them, as said prior just be very delicate about how you address it. Giving them information about how you're doing and them seeing how excited and happy you are with yourself may motivate them. Just keep trying new things until something works!

HollyRutledge

A journey every sailor must CHOOSE and BEGIN on their OWN, ma love. You can't help her, until she wants it for herself...:ohwell:

livinginwoods

Keep your mouth shut. Do you think she doesn't know she's fat?

This. Trust me. Women KNOW when they are over weight. Confronting a fat girl will just bring hurt and pain to her. She will do this when she is ready to do this FOR HERSELF.

Xx_mandown_scotty_xX

thank you to the people, who actually want to help, i know i shouldnt call people fat, and im not going to...after all i am in the exact same situation

hosegirl

She has to be ready to do lose the weight and join MFP. Overweigh people are embarrassed about their weight and feel people are judgmental. Believe it or not some people do not even know why they eat as much as they do until they find the triggers. What were your triggers? I started using the Eat This Not That book. It was an eye opener. Got it as a gift. Hint ! Hint!

Xx_mandown_scotty_xX

haha, my triggers, were some of my school photos at school, and keep going clothes shopping, and having to buy bigger clothes everytime haha

d0gma

Next time she has a huge plate of food, you smack it out her hands. Look her in the eye and say "No...no."
That should go over well.

Or you can let her decide for herself that she needs to change and help her at that point.

MorganLeighRN

The thing is that SHE has to want to loose the weight. She isn't going to do so unless it is her decision.

ElizabethRoad

No, you clearly said YOU want her to lose weight.

Yes, i know i said that, i did type it!!, i want her to lose weight, because i want her to be happy, and achieve her goals, so she feels better as a person!!

It is not your decision. Leave her alone.

wild_wild_life

Just bring it up in conversation as something that YOU are using adn think it's awesome. Don't tell her or make any indications that you want her to use it. If she's interested, she'll find it or ask you about it.

I concur. Pushing too hard may backfire but she may just not have the tools or knowledge to help herself. I have done this with a few friends because i have found this site so empowering that i tend to talk about it a lot. Let her make the decision where to go from there.

76wendyful

She will do something about it when she is ready. I know I wouldn't have taken it too nicely if someone besides my doctor told me that I needed to lose weight.

misticache

thank you to the people, who actually want to help, i know i shouldnt call people fat, and im not going to...after all i am in the exact same situation

She is a friend and you should want to help her. I would try and nudge her along without saying hey you need to lose weight. I on the other hand have said those exact words to some of my friends because we have a very honest/brash relationship and they know I want to see them succeed. However, you probably shouldn't just tell her that.

So this is my suggestion. Invite her to dinner at your house and make a healthy meal so she can see first hand how delicious it is. Also, invite her to go on hikes, or walks. Tell her you could use some more support and see if maybe she would like to join MFP to cheer you on and she will maybe decide it's time. Until she decides though you can't really help her but you can and should keep encouraging her. Share recipes with her too. The next time she says I need to lose weight that is your opening to say " I will help you and I'm here for you. It won't be easy and you've seen me go through it first hand but I'm always looking for a diet buddy."

Good luck! .

Alysgrma

I know what you mean...I too have a friend that keeps getting larger and larger and blames it on everything and everyone....BUT..it is up to her.
I will say that the only thing you can do and I am doing it myself is lead by example. If she sees you dropping the weight then maybe she will start asking questions. Or ask her to be your partner on a walk ( say at night) you are going to do since it is best to walk with someone? Make it as she would be helping you....not you helping or trying to help her.
Good Luck, sometimes they don't want help.....and until she does there is nothing really you can do to help her.

Mary

jennyb612

I think that YOUR success will motivate her in the right direction when she's ready. A close co-worker and I were talking about this site more than a year ago. (I was a member but not really using it). He was losing weight and getting healthy and talking about the benefits of tracking all of his food. While I agreed with him, I didn't take any action and actually gained. At the end of his more than 50 pound weight loss, he mentioned that he would still use the site to maintain, and talked about his fitness goals (running a marathon - improving his times etc.) Suddenly something clicked for me and I began in earnest. 45 pounds later, I can promise you that this person was a huge motivator for me (and continues to be) but I wasn't ready right away.

Support her when she starts, and in the meantime just keep being her friend, getting healthy and leading by your own action!

Good luck - it sounds to me like you really care about your friend.

pinksmurf1

can i just say, its because people were saying 'ooh are u pregnant again' and 'you have put on weight recently' and the point blank 'chroist ur fat!' thats what made me want to lose weight. Im not saying AT ALL that you should say these things to her - but like other people have said, suggest to her about this site. Bring up in conversation that u really think u can start to notioce that you have lost weight, then say that u r glad u r tracking it on this site so that u can physically see the weight drop..... u know things like this, subtle but planting the seed that will make her think that she might wanna give it a go. You say she is not happy with herself but keeps eating alot and not doing any excersice etc? maybe she is eating so much cos she thinks 'whats the point, im big anyway so i might as well carry on eating like this' the whole comfort thing.... I dont know ur situation with her but it sounds like u both eat together quite a lot, maybe if u make an effort not to order too much food or to only eat half a plate ONLY when u r both together, it has a phsycological impact on the people eating around u and makes them suddenly aware of what they are eating too. I had to do this with a friend of mine, it took 3 months but she lost quite a bit of weight through it! (and i did it cos tbh i was fed up with her constantly *****ing and moaning at me that she was 'fat' but not doing anything about it, then bringing me down with her cos she would be in the most horrible moods - it was either this way or we would lose our friendship)
I hope some of what i have said helps, or gives u some ideas of how to approach things. at the end of the day u will be doing her health and heart a favour in the long run good luck x

lmbw126

I think that is great that you want to help someone in this journey. Sometimes people need that extra push or they need someone to say to them what they already know gently and help motivate them. So I don't think you are wrong for wanting to help your friend, I actually think that it is commendable. Honestly, if someone would have gave me a reality check I may not be struggling trying to lose over 100lbs. It's not what you say but it's HOW you say it. Lead by example and if she begins to ask you questions than offer your knowledge/suggestions. Like we all know, she has to WANT/DESIRE this for herself. But IMO your a great friend to even care enough to ask this question! good luck to your and your friend.

chrishgt4

I think if she actually is a friend then you should be able to have that chat with her. It might not be easy but as long as you aren't a **** about it then she should hopefully see you are trying to help.

However - if she is happy as she is and doesn't express in interest already in losing fat, then why bother to mention it?

Xx_mandown_scotty_xX

again thank you to all the people, that gave me their opinions, and i will take them all on board...but i think im going to let her make the first move, which is the most popular answer, however i just wanted to ask anyway, as i feel, if someone had said to me, i needed to lose a little weight, then i wouldn't have had so much to lose, that's all

jlboyla

Keep your mouth shut. Do you think she doesn't know she's fat?

Ditto.

Both of you-
You dont need to be rude. He is obviously a caring friend that is worth having around. If you were overweight which you probably are if your're here, (dont take offense-you are here, its not a jab) then would you want to be around the type of people that would sit back and watch as you shove years of your life down your throat, or someone who woyuld pull you beside yourself and point out there is another type of healthier lifestyle. ManDown- Tell her emphathetic, dont come out and directly say she is overweight. Just volunteer for her to come excercise with you, or walk with you -whatever it si that she may be comfortable doing. Then tell her you care and you want her to be even healthier. Tell her about portion sizes and when how often to eat. In the end though, you can not make her lose weight. It is just like anythihng else in my opinion, a person must be ready to overcome obstacles like smoking, weight loss, etc in order to really succeed.

placebomonkey

Keep your mouth shut. Do you think she doesn't know she's fat?

Ditto.

Both of you-
You dont need to be rude. He is obviously a caring friend that is worth having around. If you were overweight which you probably are if your're here, (dont take offense-you are here, its not a jab) then would you want to be around the type of people that would sit back and watch as you shove years of your life down your throat, or someone who woyuld pull you beside yourself and point out there is another type of healthier lifestyle. ManDown- Tell her emphathetic, dont come out and directly say she is overweight. Just volunteer for her to come excercise with you, or walk with you -whatever it si that she may be comfortable doing. Then tell her you care and you want her to be even healthier. Tell her about portion sizes and when how often to eat. In the end though, you can not make her lose weight. It is just like anythihng else in my opinion, a person must be ready to overcome obstacles like smoking, weight loss, etc in order to really succeed.

Well said