want to help someone you know???

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Xx_mandown_scotty_xX
Xx_mandown_scotty_xX Posts: 121
in Health and Weight Loss
I know this person, who is overweight, she knows it as-well,but just blames everything on it. Like if she, is eating a meal, and someone says "wow that's a lot of food"...she says" well that's why I'm a ** stone woman." I want her to start losing weight, but i dont want to hurt her feelings, by just saying to her "look your overweight, and i really want you to lose weight and be healthier", because even though i meen well, it might not come across the way i would like it, i dont want to write how i know this girl, so everyone can see, but if you would really like to know, to give me better advice, you can message me and ill tell you, as someone i know and she knows, is on this website too. Please can someone help me :)
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Replies

  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    Keep your mouth shut. Do you think she doesn't know she's fat?
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Keep your mouth shut. Do you think she doesn't know she's fat?

    Ditto.
  • Xx_mandown_scotty_xX
    Xx_mandown_scotty_xX Posts: 121
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    but, she keeps saying she wants to lose weight, but she may just need some help, thats all i was saying!!!
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    No, you clearly said YOU want her to lose weight.

    If she asks you how to do it, tell her about this site. Do not bring it up on your own.
  • Brittany3914
    Brittany3914 Posts: 258 Member
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    If she's using MFP regularly, maybe it'd be helpful to check in with her (in person, since I'm assuming you talk to this person over the phone or face-to-face) and ask her how it's going. See if she's tried any new recipes or read anything interesting on a message board. Talk about exercising... a class you took that you really enjoyed, walking around a lake, anything. I've found that the best way to motivate others around you is to talk about your progress and the things you've learned while on the healthy journey. If that doesn't cut it, maybe try exercising together? You don't have to tell someone they're fat in order to get them to start making changes. You don't have to do or say anything passive-aggressive either.

    Just my opinion, of course, but maybe it'll help.

    Edited: just read your original post. I see you have mutual friends using MFP, but she isn't on the site. Is that correct? I've had friends who are interested in getting healthy, and once I tell them about MFP and how much I've learned, they quickly make an account. I didn't tell them to make one, they just wanted to see it for themselves. Might be another helpful suggestion, if she's ready.
  • daylily2005
    daylily2005 Posts: 203 Member
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    Just bring it up in conversation as something that YOU are using adn think it's awesome. Don't tell her or make any indications that you want her to use it. If she's interested, she'll find it or ask you about it.
  • SwtMelissa86
    SwtMelissa86 Posts: 165
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    Keep your mouth shut. Do you think she doesn't know she's fat?

    Ditto.

    Double Ditto
  • Xx_mandown_scotty_xX
    Xx_mandown_scotty_xX Posts: 121
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    No, you clearly said YOU want her to lose weight.

    Yes, i know i said that, i did type it!!, i want her to lose weight, because i want her to be happy, and achieve her goals, so she feels better as a person!!

    and brittany3914, thank you, thats all i wanted, a way to nudge her in the right direction, but with her making the decisions :)
  • DianneOfTheMoon
    DianneOfTheMoon Posts: 209 Member
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    If she's using MFP regularly, maybe it'd be helpful to check in with her (in person, since I'm assuming you talk to this person over the phone or face-to-face) and ask her how it's going. See if she's tried any new recipes or read anything interesting on a message board. Talk about exercising... a class you took that you really enjoyed, walking around a lake, anything. I've found that the best way to motivate others around you is to talk about your progress and the things you've learned while on the healthy journey. If that doesn't cut it, maybe try exercising together? You don't have to tell someone they're fat in order to get them to start making changes. You don't have to do or say anything passive-aggressive either.

    Just my opinion, of course, but maybe it'll help.

    Edited: just read your original post. I see you have mutual friends using MFP, but she isn't on the site. Is that correct? I've had friends who are interested in getting healthy, and once I tell them about MFP and how much I've learned, they quickly make an account. I didn't tell them to make one, they just wanted to see it for themselves. Might be another helpful suggestion, if she's ready.

    I completely agree here. It's a good thing to WANT to help them, as said prior just be very delicate about how you address it. Giving them information about how you're doing and them seeing how excited and happy you are with yourself may motivate them. Just keep trying new things until something works!
  • HollyRutledge
    HollyRutledge Posts: 250 Member
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    A journey every sailor must CHOOSE and BEGIN on their OWN, ma love. You can't help her, until she wants it for herself...:ohwell:
  • livinginwoods
    livinginwoods Posts: 562 Member
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    Keep your mouth shut. Do you think she doesn't know she's fat?

    This. Trust me. Women KNOW when they are over weight. Confronting a fat girl will just bring hurt and pain to her. She will do this when she is ready to do this FOR HERSELF.
  • Xx_mandown_scotty_xX
    Xx_mandown_scotty_xX Posts: 121
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    thank you to the people, who actually want to help, i know i shouldnt call people fat, and im not going to...after all i am in the exact same situation :)
  • hosegirl
    hosegirl Posts: 157
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    She has to be ready to do lose the weight and join MFP. Overweigh people are embarrassed about their weight and feel people are judgmental. Believe it or not some people do not even know why they eat as much as they do until they find the triggers. What were your triggers? I started using the Eat This Not That book. It was an eye opener. Got it as a gift. Hint ! Hint!
  • Xx_mandown_scotty_xX
    Xx_mandown_scotty_xX Posts: 121
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    haha, my triggers, were some of my school photos at school, and keep going clothes shopping, and having to buy bigger clothes everytime haha :)
  • d0gma
    d0gma Posts: 3,966 Member
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    Next time she has a huge plate of food, you smack it out her hands. Look her in the eye and say "No...no."
    That should go over well.

    Or you can let her decide for herself that she needs to change and help her at that point.
  • MorganLeighRN
    MorganLeighRN Posts: 411 Member
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    The thing is that SHE has to want to loose the weight. She isn't going to do so unless it is her decision.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    No, you clearly said YOU want her to lose weight.
    Yes, i know i said that, i did type it!!, i want her to lose weight, because i want her to be happy, and achieve her goals, so she feels better as a person!!
    It is not your decision. Leave her alone.
  • wild_wild_life
    wild_wild_life Posts: 1,334 Member
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    Just bring it up in conversation as something that YOU are using adn think it's awesome. Don't tell her or make any indications that you want her to use it. If she's interested, she'll find it or ask you about it.

    I concur. Pushing too hard may backfire but she may just not have the tools or knowledge to help herself. I have done this with a few friends because i have found this site so empowering that i tend to talk about it a lot. Let her make the decision where to go from there.
  • 76wendyful
    76wendyful Posts: 202
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    She will do something about it when she is ready. I know I wouldn't have taken it too nicely if someone besides my doctor told me that I needed to lose weight.
  • misticache
    misticache Posts: 364 Member
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    thank you to the people, who actually want to help, i know i shouldnt call people fat, and im not going to...after all i am in the exact same situation :)

    She is a friend and you should want to help her. I would try and nudge her along without saying hey you need to lose weight. I on the other hand have said those exact words to some of my friends because we have a very honest/brash relationship and they know I want to see them succeed. However, you probably shouldn't just tell her that.

    So this is my suggestion. Invite her to dinner at your house and make a healthy meal so she can see first hand how delicious it is. Also, invite her to go on hikes, or walks. Tell her you could use some more support and see if maybe she would like to join MFP to cheer you on and she will maybe decide it's time. Until she decides though you can't really help her but you can and should keep encouraging her. Share recipes with her too. The next time she says I need to lose weight that is your opening to say " I will help you and I'm here for you. It won't be easy and you've seen me go through it first hand but I'm always looking for a diet buddy."

    Good luck! .

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