Need some emotional support

dogwdots

I am feeling incredibly down. My family is sabotaging my diet attempts. I have been very unhappy in my job. I decided to think about a new career (in clinical hypnotherapy to help patients with pain management & anxiety) and my husband rolled his eyes when I told him about it. He thinks I should keep doing what I am doing because the pay is pretty good and I work close to home. The thing is this - it would only cost about $3500 for me to get trainin & certification and I could attend classes on 2 weekends a month and be certified in about 3-4 months.

I have a children's book that I am getting ready to semi self-publish and he thinks doesn't think I will be able to sell it to anyone except a few friends. ( I showed it to a couple of people and they thought it was good - he said they were only saying that because they didn't want to hurt my feelings.)

Isn't your family supposed to support you? Mine just seems to really be kicking me down. I don't understand why they don't want me to pursue my dreams or why they can't support me in them.

I am just so sad and discouraged today. I haven't been able to stop cryin (and I am the kind of person that hardly ever cries). It is sad that I have to reach out to people I don't even know to try to find some words of encouragement. I fell like no one believes in me right now. I don't know - maybe I shouldn't even bother trying anymore.

:brokenheart:

dogwdots

I am feeling incredibly down. My family is sabotaging my diet attempts. I have been very unhappy in my job. I decided to think about a new career (in clinical hypnotherapy to help patients with pain management & anxiety) and my husband rolled his eyes when I told him about it. He thinks I should keep doing what I am doing because the pay is pretty good and I work close to home. The thing is this - it would only cost about $3500 for me to get trainin & certification and I could attend classes on 2 weekends a month and be certified in about 3-4 months.

I have a children's book that I am getting ready to semi self-publish and he thinks doesn't think I will be able to sell it to anyone except a few friends. ( I showed it to a couple of people and they thought it was good - he said they were only saying that because they didn't want to hurt my feelings.)

Isn't your family supposed to support you? Mine just seems to really be kicking me down. I don't understand why they don't want me to pursue my dreams or why they can't support me in them.

I am just so sad and discouraged today. I haven't been able to stop cryin (and I am the kind of person that hardly ever cries). It is sad that I have to reach out to people I don't even know to try to find some words of encouragement. I fell like no one believes in me right now. I don't know - maybe I shouldn't even bother trying anymore.

:brokenheart:

wackadoodle

Hi there, I am so sorry to hear that you family, mainly your husband isnt supporting you in your efforts to improve youself and be happier. That is a shame ON HIM situation BUT here is what I had to do in my last marriage.

TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR OWN HAPPINESS. Consider the feelings of other that you care about but DO NOT LET THEM HAVE CONTROL over what you feel you CAN and CAN NOT do. When you stop and think about it no one can really hurt you emotionally unless you allow it. TURN HIM OFF in your mind as far as his negative comments. You have to be strong willed in order to do it but it does work. I am not saying that your marriage is in trouble or anything like that BUT I am saying that I feel that it is important that your husband learn to respect and support you when making big decisions in your life. If not there will be more problems down the road either for you as a person dealing with the rejection and lack of support there or for your marriage because you are going to decide you just cant take the negativity and do what you want anyway.

Just my take on the subjects beings that I have been there before in your shoes and I got a divorce. Try sitting them your family down with a list of things and be prepared for the talk and then try to talk it out communication is PRIME material for sucess. I dont know what 'faith' you are but I spend a lot of my time talking to God about things now and I have a very supportive new husband who has stood by me through FAT and Skinny, Sick and healthy, Good and Bad times. Im a lucky woman but then again he is a lucky man and we deserve each other.

Best of luck to you and prayers will be sent from me for you!
Peggy

SoupNazi

Sometimes a good cry helps, huh? I know sometimes it's bad enough when it seems as if the world is against you. But your own family? That is tough. Have you had a heart to heart with your husband and explained to him how this is making you feel? Maybe he doesn't even realize. Maybe he needs to be reminded that spouses are supposed to support each other, not tear them down. I think you need to believe more in yourself, even though, sadly, it seems no one else does. What good is it to have dreams, if you can never chase them? Just my thoughts.....I hope you will keep on doing what you know in your heart is best. Good luck.:flowerforyou:

skinnydreams

Never give up on your dreams! Life is a journey and your happiness is a huge part in measuring the success of your journey! I'm sorry you are not finding the strength and encouragement from your family right now, that must be very difficult.....have you let them know how you feel? I hope you can find the strength in yourself to pursue your dreams and reach your goals, I'm sure your family and friends will come around and stand by your side! Best of luck to you!

wkoon76

Just hang in there and keep your head up. I say follow your dreams, because if you don't have any what's the point in trying. You have to live your life to it's fullest. Just be strong and I wish you the best of luck.

abrandenberger

For you and your husband...I suggest you both read " Five love languages" by Gary Chapman...I think it will help...BELIEVE me!!! I think that maybe your husband just doesn't know how to express himself so instead of encouraging you he tears you down. You family sabatoging you...just don't let it...have stronger will power...and you will prevail...JUST STAY POSITIVE!!! I know...easier said than done!

happygrumpalump

I am so sorry. These are YOUR dreams and goals. No one has the right to take those away from you. Every day that you wake up and arn't working towards your goals is another day that you are going to build resentment towards him. If you are unhappy in your job, and you are feeling depressed, it's not a healthy way to live.

I have to cook seperate meals for myself and my family. My kids like healthy foods, my husband likes healthy food, but let's face it, they want to eat ground beef in their spaghetti and they love "kid friendly" foods. I ate what they were eatting and that's where I got to where I am now. You can't control what your family chooses to eat, but you can control what you eat. Focus on what you need to do to be healthy and whole, and research into your dream job. Ask a lot of questions to people in that profession, find out everything you can about the course, and then present it to your husband in a confident manner and if he still says no, find out exactly why he doesn't want you to do it. Money isn't everything and this is the only life you get.

its time for change

dogwdots ((((((((((((I am sending you cyber hugs))))))))). First of all, I could be wrong but it sounds like you are being manipulated. Trust me, I know manipulation we I see it. I allowed every decision in my life to be made by my husband until about 6 months ago. I started reevaluating and changing my mindset , then in Jan, I just changed everything I did. I no longer seek his opinion or approval on what I want to do or am considering doing. I actually started doing things by myself with no kids!! I have not been without my kids since I started having them 9 years ago. I never went out because if I did my husband would make me feel bad, or if I asked him to watch the kids, he would not answer me or if I had a brilliant idea and I approached him with it, he did not support it. So you know what??? I've been doing what I want to do for a month and my hubby actually treats me more respectfully and more like an equal!! We actually have conversations that are not about our kids now.

Your family may try to sabotage your diet, but you are the one who puts the food into your mouth. You are not being force fed. If they don't want to eat the same food as you, make 2 meals. I have been doing this for years since my kids eat differently. Over time, they will see your example and they may decide to follow it.

As far as school, I think that you should go if that's what you want to do. Just go sign up. If you don't, you never will. You can't wait for someone to high five you and push you out the door. Sometimes you just have to show that you really plan on doing something and then do it!!


Is publishing this children's book going to cost you money? I have always heard that it should not cost you money, so if it doesn't, what is the sense in not trying to publish it? What is your book about? If you'd like to share, I am very intereseted and maybe you can get some feedback here and whether or not people would be interested in that kind of book.

Your family is supposed to support you. But they learn by example. If you do not support yourself, they are not going to support you. One of the final straws to me STOPPING the manipulation is when I first tried to go out with just myself and my two year old, my little boy called my "scared" and upset. He said that his dad left him home alone because he could not fit both kids in the truck. Well, when I got home, my husband was here, my son had lied, (he just wanted me to be home under his thumb) my daughter chimed in on the lies. I told my son that he could not do that to people and that when he grows up if he does it to his wife she was going to divorce him. He told me that she would not because I have not divorced his daddy. I have gone out all by myself several times more than I normally would have since that incident. I am going to teach my family, one way or another, that I am not alive to please them. I have an independent mind and voice. I will use them .From now on, I am going to do what I want to do, not because anyone else supports me but because I support myself.

Okay, sorry I got very long winded. I hope that this helped you some. Do this for you!!

catlover

I agree with the comments of others about being responsible for your own happiness. I went back to college, full time, at the age of 47, while working full time, and I had a lot of other things going on at home. My family didn't really care for it, but I wasn't doing it for them. I graduated with honors in record time. Trust me when I say, they could care less about that. Don't look to your husband for something he is not able to give you. Lean on those of us who have gone before you to accomplish great and wonderful things and we'll be your support system.

Catherinex

Sounds like fear of the unknown is impacting your husband, and he poses a significant hurdle to your career. He may be worried and see your new carreer/life change as something that could take you away from him and the family. He may be bothered by the "odd" hours, because they interfere with time he is expecting to have you at home.

You could prehaps make a schedule and show your husband exactly when you will be available to him and the kids and when you will be working on your career.

The more your husband is encouraged to share his concerns and is brought into the process and asked for input and guidance, the quicker his fears will dissipate and be replaced with support and encouragement.

There are no guarantees, but I think you are very courages and seem to know what you want to do, so I wish you all the best and hope things will turn out great for you.

Cath

MontanaGirl

I am so sorry!! :flowerforyou: I do know that sometimes hubbys are threatened when their wife starts to make positive changes because it encroaches on their sense of normal. Some guys don't like change - heck women don't generally like it too much either but we adjust a little better! So without really realizing it - or sometimes intentionally but I'll give the benefit of the doubt here - they sabatoge and undermine their wives mainly because they feel threatened. I have to remind myself regularly when loved ones get snarky like that, that is really more about them than me. In otherwords he's being an a**hole because of his own stuff, not because of you.

All that being said - you go girl!!! You publish your children's book - I'm betting it will be a hit. Keep on your journey - you're doing awesome. And if you want to change your career I think you should hold your ground, talk to him, reason and try to get him to see your point of view. And when you need a good cry - do it and we'll be here for you. I had to finally tell my dh when our business wasn't going so well that I was going to get a job and I didn't care if he liked it or not. We had a rough few months because he didn't like it - but he also liked eating :laugh: Change is difficult, but generally worth the effort!! Hugs - Kim

dogwdots

Thank you everyone. I know I need to do this for myself. It is just so hard when the one person you support doesn't seem to be willing to give it back. I don't know if he does feel threatened or not. If I try to talk to him about it - he just gives me attitude and says - fine, I won't give you my opinions. I won't say anything then. And of course - that just makes me feel bad and I end up apologizing.

I am reading some articles about motivation, dreams and goals. I got excited about them - It is just amazing how easily someone you truly love can cause so much hurt and self doubt. I will really work on getting over it because as you say - life is too short.

(P.S. - it isn't costing me anything to get the book published - just a few dollars to get a proof and of course my time. )