I Binge.

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13

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  • Carrie704
    Carrie704 Posts: 176
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    I binge like crazy too! I am currently 132 and worked my way down to 119 before a series of binges. Each "series" is over a week or two of bad eating and a few really really bad ones .. and before I know it, I've gained over 10 pounds!! It's really sad. I dont know why I do it and I havent found anything that helps, no matter what I try.
    What is very strange is that if I'm following a strict plan I have less tendency to binge. I need rigor apparently. It's almost always due to emotions and feeling lonely. Food doesnt keep you company!
    I always thought I was the only one until I joined this site!
  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
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    Not doing so well here and binged on a crapload of chocolate in the early hours, having stupidly bought a stash and thought it would be okay since I managed two days without touching it or even feeling any overwhelming desire for it. And I purged also. It is the latter bit that is my biggest issue as I know it is damaging my body, and often leads me to binge again within 12 hours in response. But I am so terrified to deal with the scale if I binge and do not purge, I cannot describe the fear of gaining a tonne of weight from each binge, and given my binges are often 4-5k, there is no way I could exercise that amount off either, so I would essentially be stuck, sitting there with a rotund and sore belly, feeling utterly fat, and knowing I could do nothing to counterract the weight gain.

    Having said that, maybe if I actually had to deal with the weight gains from the binges, it might make me less likely to binge in the future. It is getting really boring to me now, and wrecking my life, leaving me feeling depressed and hopeless. I can manage a run of good, controlled days, then something triggers this impulse to buy all the foods I like, and keep eating. And each time I tell myself I will give up all refined sugar and wheat from the next day on...and it happens again regardless.

    I don't think even having a free meal, including dessert each week would help, because just having anything bready or sugary, would trigger the desire for more. It is like some sort of domino effect. The last binge did not, admittedly, happen when I was not hungry. I did actually feel hungry, for some reason, and even a large dinner, pear and greek yoghurt had not helped. And all I had done was cycle for 80 minutes and walk for about an hour. I also had an emotional day, as I also suffer from OCD and anxiety, both of which have taken a lot out of me, and are affecting my everyday life.

    It is times like this, after that binge, I truly hated food and felt like simply stopping eating altogether, since I am an all or nothing person.

    Any support from anyone who understands and who might be able to sort of help me 'sit' after a binge or simply offer warmth, would be most welcome.
  • chelsfitnesspal
    chelsfitnesspal Posts: 1
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    Anyone who is suffering from binging should read the book Brain Over Binge, it helped me overcome my disorder!
  • elbiekoh
    elbiekoh Posts: 22
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    I think it's very interesting the similarities we all seem to share, and how there hasn't yet been a male binger to post. I have a question, have you spoken to those people close to you about your problem?

    I've kept mine a secret over the past seven years. I'm scared to talk to my family and friends because I believe that they just wont understand. Also what holds me back, is that bingeing isn't a "glamourous" or "desirable" disorder. when I think of binge eating, I think or obesity, gluttony, lack of self control, I also consider it to be incredibly pathetic. It's hard to say these things, because when I say them, I'm directly expressing how I feel about myself - and most likely offending many of you too.

    I guess my point is, I'm scared to talk about it with people close to me, because I don't want them to see me in that light. I can handle me thinking these thoughts, but I don't know how well I could take sharing these opinions with others.
  • dotti1121
    dotti1121 Posts: 751 Member
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    I think it's very interesting the similarities we all seem to share, and how there hasn't yet been a male binger to post. I have a question, have you spoken to those people close to you about your problem?

    I've kept mine a secret over the past seven years. I'm scared to talk to my family and friends because I believe that they just wont understand. Also what holds me back, is that bingeing isn't a "glamourous" or "desirable" disorder. when I think of binge eating, I think or obesity, gluttony, lack of self control, I also consider it to be incredibly pathetic. It's hard to say these things, because when I say them, I'm directly expressing how I feel about myself - and most likely offending many of you too.

    I guess my point is, I'm scared to talk about it with people close to me, because I don't want them to see me in that light. I can handle me thinking these thoughts, but I don't know how well I could take sharing these opinions with others.

    I haven't told anyone about my binges, although most close family obviously knows I overeat...
  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
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    I think it's very interesting the similarities we all seem to share, and how there hasn't yet been a male binger to post. I have a question, have you spoken to those people close to you about your problem?

    I've kept mine a secret over the past seven years. I'm scared to talk to my family and friends because I believe that they just wont understand. Also what holds me back, is that bingeing isn't a "glamourous" or "desirable" disorder. when I think of binge eating, I think or obesity, gluttony, lack of self control, I also consider it to be incredibly pathetic. It's hard to say these things, because when I say them, I'm directly expressing how I feel about myself - and most likely offending many of you too.

    I guess my point is, I'm scared to talk about it with people close to me, because I don't want them to see me in that light. I can handle me thinking these thoughts, but I don't know how well I could take sharing these opinions with others.

    My bf knows I binge, as I have told him, but he doesn't believe in such terms and just sees it all as eating. He sometimes does it, but does not see it as an issue and tends to think that the money system has got people obsessed with all these terms and hung up about eating whereas he has simply always just ate what he felt like eating, sometimes going overboard but never seeing it as a problem because he has not made it a problem or allowed it to become a problem.

    I can relate to the feelings of gluttony and lack of self control. I tend to feel as if I am somehow become a weak willed loser, and tend to become very irritable and angry with anyone I interract with interpersonally after a binge. In fact, I sometimes have even remained out of my home so I wont have to see my bf after I have binged, such are my feelings of resentment at my predicament and the fact he usually asks what I am having for dinner, even when he knows I have binged, lol. He has no concept of those feelings of guilt and shame, only of the physical discomfort.

    My mother knows but I do not see her that often and she has little time for it, not surprisingly given she had years of my ED related issues. Other than those two people, there is no one in my life to tell anyway.
  • jvw317
    jvw317 Posts: 25
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    I've been bingeing and purging since I was 18 (now 21). Before that, I struggled with anorexia for many years. Needless to say, I have a really complicated and screwed up relationship with food. Reading all of these posts makes me realize how far I have come, even though I am not perfect. Some practical things I've learned over the years is:

    1. Never keep it a secret. It only gives more power to the food. You don't have to tell everyone. For the longest time, I only told my mom, but eventually I got everyone on my side and it was easier to ask for help when everyone around me knew what was going on.

    2. Do research. There are amazing books, organizations, and medications devoted to combat binge eating. The best book I have ever read on the subject was "Intuitive Eating". It is a pretty well-known book in its area. Organizations like BEDA or NEDA have tons of insight into the subject. Finally, medications such as Topamax, Prozac, and Zoloft have been known to help with binge eating and other eating disorders. I currently take Topamax and it has dramatically reduced the number of binges I have.

    3. Know your emotions. Check in with your emotions before and after each meal. I learned this in treatment, but it helps to keep you grounded and prevents binges sometimes. There's an amazing app, called Recovery Record, for iPhone (I don't know for what else) that is for binge eating and other eating disorders and it helps you track your emotions around mealtimes. It is a life savior if you aren't good at staying in touch with your feelings at all times.


    Hope some of this helps!!
  • RainbootsToBikinis
    RainbootsToBikinis Posts: 465 Member
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    I had a lot of trouble with EDs as a teenager. At 16 I was 105-115 pounds eating 1 small meal a day, when people started noticing I started eating more and loved food which turned into bulimia. Now I still binge but it's less often and I'm able to except that it happened, know that those are calories I have to make up the rest of the week, and I've almost completely stopped purging.. Emotional eating is really hard to over come, I started talking to a therapist about 2 years ago that helped me a lot. Here are the steps she has me go through.

    1. The desire to binge starts
    2. set a timer, and empty your mind for 2 minutes, don't think of anything just let your mind go blank, this can take some practice.
    3. Is the desire to binge still there? Go through your day reflect on what emotions are causing you to want to binge, what happened to bring those up. Finding what is causing the binge and acknowledging it can be a huge help.
    4. Find something else that makes you happy, watch a funny video or movie, listen to song you enjoy.
    5 List down 3 positive things about yourself

    Usually by the time I get to step 5 I don't feel like binging any more. If I skip the steps and just jump into my binge it can be pretty bad.
  • chubby_checkers
    chubby_checkers Posts: 2,354 Member
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    I'm a binger as well. I do it when I'm bored, lonly, sad, mad, etc. I know it started in highschool and I've done it off and on for years. Yesterday, I ate 4200 calories when my goal is 1800. It seems like my brain shuts off when I do it. I'm aware of what I'm doing and I'll say "You don't need to do this" to myself but it's like my self-control has been overridden.

    My fiance is aware that I do it but I only do it when he's not home. I don't really think he's aware of the extent of it. I've never been able to purge. I physically cannot throw up unless I'm really, really sick or really, really drunk. Even then, it's a struggle.

    When I take a day off from the gym (like yesterday), I'm more likely too binge.

    It's helpful to know that there are others out there. It's an embarrassing thing to talk about with others because I always feel like they're judging for my lack of self-control.
  • Carrie704
    Carrie704 Posts: 176
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    I'm very curious as to why guys dont do this as well!
    I do tell people about it but they dont believe me. I'm 130 pounds so they think I'm just being a girl and overreacting. You dont have to be obese to binge. I sometimes binge an extra 2000-5000 calories in a day. In the past 12 months I got to 120 pounds THREE times and got back to 135-140 and worked my way down again. I feel so helpless :(
    I'll be 30 in less than 6 months so I really want to get back to my old weight!

    I do know that the second I put one sweet in my mouth it sets off a trigger and I binge. I have no issues when I eat clean. I have candida which feeds off of sweets so I wonder if its related. All of your posts make me feel not alone, thanks for sharing!
  • elbiekoh
    elbiekoh Posts: 22
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    managed 3 days, small binge on the fourth but managed to stay under 2500 calories for the day, without exercise. Starting again today and will try for 4.

    Although this morning I had my weekly weigh in and I've gained a kg. Not sure how that's possible considering I only had two bad days. It could be water retention or I need to exercise more. If only it didn't rain EVERY day! so, back to square 1. Here's hoping for 4+

    How's everyone else doing?
  • elbiekoh
    elbiekoh Posts: 22
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    Binge day.

    4 Sainsbury Chewy Granola slices
    32gm Walkers Cheese and Onion crisps
    32gm Walkers Salted crisps
    2 cups Sainsburys Berry and Cherry Smoothie Juice

    Not one of my bad binges, but not great either. Those Granola slices taste amazing but are bulk calories! I think sugar spikes my insulin levels and makes me crave food more? Aside from the mental aspects - I think maybe it's best I cut back on refined sugars and stick to fruits for a while. I'm just not at a point where I can have those kind of foods in the house and not constantly think about them/ trust myself not to overdo it.
  • dillonfc123
    dillonfc123 Posts: 29 Member
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    Hi there,
    I can't tell you what a relief it is to find this thread. I'm a very bad binge eater, I'm recovering now but I relapse more than I would like. I always do it in secret and like the original poster I freak out about what shop assistants will think and end up buying stuff like eggs and milk to make it look 'normal.' My last bad binge (and this is really gross) was half a box of Betty Crocker Cake Mix sitting on the floor of the bathroom so that I knew no one would see me. I felt horrible and sub-human during it, and even worse after, but I couldn't and can't stop myself. I also find it very difficult to just take one biscuit, but if I don't take one I'll feel deprived and binge later... it's such a miserable viscious cycle. Today was fine, but it was very hard -the reason I'm on MPF at the moment is to distract myself. Does anyone have tips for that? And to the original poster; don't worry about today. It wasn't good but you're getting better. Don't worry about the excess weight; focus on getting the eating under control, it's probably just water weight and you'll get it down eventually. Hope everyone has good days :)
  • elbiekoh
    elbiekoh Posts: 22
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    Haven't binged since thursday. Tomorrow and Monday will be a huge test of strength for me, I usually have a three day hurdle. Here's hoping!
  • peachyxoxoxo
    peachyxoxoxo Posts: 1,178 Member
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    Haven't binged since thursday. Tomorrow and Monday will be a huge test of strength for me, I usually have a three day hurdle. Here's hoping!

    You CAN do it! :) congrats on three days! That's awesome.
  • wendyapple
    wendyapple Posts: 323 Member
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    i binge. i try not to, but i do. it's usually on days i've eaten far fewer than my allotted cals and the possibilities about what to do with the remaining ones become endless. once i've passed the point of feeling full even if i have remaining cals, i *have* to eat the rest because going to bed without finishing them seems unreasonable to me. and by then i'm over so i just keep going. the other places i binge are on the drive home from the supermarket and at gatherings where i don't know anyone. only my girlfriend knows, but she doesn't know the extent.

    the things that have helped me get a bit more control are macro planning and avoiding any and all trigger foods, which for me are basically anything with chocolate in it. trail mix, baked goods, cookies are the worst. i've gone to events and put away multiple dozens of sweets in multiple dozens of trips to the dessert table. it's like if i don't know these people, i don't care if they see me stuffing my face. i've put away pounds of trail mix in one fell swoop. i'd estimate these bad binges to be >6000cals. i avoid the bulk bins and the cookie aisles at the grocery and make it a point to eat only healthy nutritious foods, and allow myself a healthy treat every day. sometimes the healthy treat is a peanutbutter cup, sometimes a vegan cookie, sometimes a piece of dark chocolate. but i fall off the wagon usually monthly, and i overexercise the next day to make up for it, which can cycle into a hunger loop lasting a week at a time.

    and i never log them.

    i'd love friends who understand and am extremely grateful for this thread.
  • dotti1121
    dotti1121 Posts: 751 Member
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    bump
  • LaLouve_RK
    LaLouve_RK Posts: 899 Member
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    Always nice to see we are not alone.... I sometimes binge, on food I just cant get enough such pasta. Food is like a drug they say... Hard to cut off!
  • avt85
    avt85 Posts: 64
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    Always nice to see we are not alone.... I sometimes binge, on food I just cant get enough such pasta. Food is like a drug they say... Hard to cut off!
    totally agree!
    carbs (specially bread) and chocolates are my main weakness, once I go over my calorie intake for the day even by a few digits...I just go on an eating frenzy of these stuff until I hit 3,000-5,000 intake (til I get sick really, lol).
  • elbiekoh
    elbiekoh Posts: 22
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    Yesterday my new clothes arrived and nothing fitted/ everything looked terrible. I was so upset with myself, I've gone up 3 dress sizes in the space of a year! I ate a avocado and salmon multigrain bagel [that I didn't need] then sulked and went to bed. I'd cancelled movie plans with the boyfriend so I was going to just mope all night and feel sorry for myself - probably binge. BUT he ignored me and came over anyway and made me go out. He also thought I was being really immature and petty - which, sometimes I need to hear. So I ended up having a nice night, and then today I haven't binged. In normal circumstances I would have. Progress? Possibly.

    I did spend the majority of the day in bed, a bad habit I've developed due to London weather, lack of funds/friends & a part-time job. My work is such a source of unhappiness for me, but I can only apply for things and hope for the best - no pointing beating yourself up over a potential job if the employer doesn't think your suitable! I've also decided to cut back on fruit & carbs as they're making up the majority of my diet.

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