Need help to motivate/support others

heatherina1983

My mum (i'm from the UK btw) is a rather large lady and unfortunately this gives her all kind of health problems, especially with her knees. This has become an excuse not to exercise but I know if she wasn't carrying the extra weight then this most likely wouldn't be so much of a problem.

To get to the point....how can I help her to lose the weight? I live 50 miles away now so I can't be her gym buddy or cook for her so I need some remote way of encouragement/motivation for her.

Her partner died of a heart attack at Christmas and now i'm worried that if she doesn't lose weight this may well happen to her.

I'd appreciate any advice.

Moxie42

Unfortunately, you can't force anyone to lose weight- they need to be ready and really want it. However, you can try talking to her and explaining why you're concerned. Mention that you're worried she'll go the same route as her partner. If you have kids, tell her you want them to grow up with a grandmother. My best friend tried for years to get her mom to lose weight. One day she broke down in front of her and told her how worried she was and talked about all the things in her future that she wanted her mom to be there for (her wedding, her kids, her graduation from nursing school, etc.). This really hit home with her mom- seeing exactly how worried and upset my friend was, and why, and she ended up joining Overeaters Anonymous and lost over 100 lbs (and has kept it off for a few years now). It's easy to think, "well, it's my body so it's not hurting anyone else." Sometimes people will be more willing to change if they see how their behavior affects others and not just themselves.

AlmstHvn

Maybe when you talk to her about your concerns about her health, you could suggest she use this website as a baby-step. I'd be happy to befriend her.

I've been in her shoes. There were a lot of reasons why I got to the point I did (5'3" and almost 300 lbs - over 21 stone). I didn't believe I could do any exercise and was too scared to start. I think if she had some friends like on MFP, she'd have some no-pressure people to talk to and get ideas from. We could encourage each other. Then if she is inspired to exercise, or manage her calories, she's in a good place to get started.

Leimaro

My mom used to go with me to the gym all the time until I went out of the country. Now, I can't get her back in the gym or to do anything else. My dad has heart problems and has to lose weight, eat healthy, and exercise per Dr.'s orders. She constantly stays on him, but ignores her own weight and associated problems. I agree with Moxie42 in that you can't force anyone to lose weight. Also, we all have are own "triggers" that tell us now is the time that I need to do something. I suspect that she is still grieving or maybe even depressed about her loss. If that is the case, then it would be very difficult to find motivation right away. I would offer support in a way that she can become active in other ways than exercising at least for now. For example: suggesting community service and activities, social groups or taking up a hobby that involves movement ( like gardening or a dog to walk) for a start. Help her get signed up. It would do physical, mental and emotional good. I'm feeling you because I am going through the same thing with my mom. Intervention like Moxie said may help. It is all up to your mom. I wish you much success!

ShrinkingShawna

When my little sister (28 years old) passed away in 2010, my mom was so devistated. While it did not immediately make me think to lose weight, it clicked with me that I never ever want to be the cause of that kind of pain. I never thought about my weight as a real health issue, I just didn't care about myself. It's the almost 2 years of her grief that kicked me into gear. I don't want to have a heart attack. I don't want to leave my family behind just yet. This is something I have control over, and I'm going to do something about it.

I guess what I'm getting at, is that if you tell her how afraid you are, she's going to listen. She may not react in a positive way verbally, but believe me, the more you express concern the more it runs through her mind. You seem to be sensitive enough to the situation to know you can't make her do it, but just keep countering her "excuses" with things she CAN do. I have bad knees and a bad back. I went through physical therapy for my back so I do a restricted strength training workout (which doesn't hurt), and I swim for my cardio. Swimming is fun, it almost feels like cheating a little because it's fun but it's working my body.

Where there is a will, there is a way.

Best wishes. :flowerforyou: