Helping a friend who binges

rml_16

So, I have this friend who I've known since we were 12 (let's just say that's a LOT of years!). She was overweight in middle and high school, but as an adult she's really packed on pounds. She's about 5'2" or 5'3" and hovers around 300 pounds.

Her background is that er parents and siblings all have weight problems, but when she was young, her parents would not allow her to eat certain foods and were on her case constantly about what and how much she ate while they and her siblings ate whatever and how much they wanted, so obviously she has food issues. There are other things that went on in that family that I know contribute to a lot of her problem but I won't go into all of it. She is seeing a therapist at the moment, so I'm sure she's dealing with those things.

She posted a blog a while back about having trouble controlling herself with junk food, so I gave her a couple tips that have worked for me (a little dark chocolate and a fruit smoothie for a sweet craving and roasted vegetables for a salty/crunchy craving). Well, she e-mailed back yesterday and said she can't control herself even with just a little and she's having a very, very hard time right now getting any motivation to exercise and eat right.

In the past, she's had streaks where she's done really well and has lost nearly 100 pounds (which she has put back on). Last year for a while she was at the gym every day and successfully following Weight Watchers, but she's in a slump again.

I would go to her house and drag her out for exercise, but I live 1,000 miles away so that isn't an option. Anyone with binge eating disorder have ANY advice that I can pass along to her? I want to help, but I don't know what to say to her. I don't have this particular problem and I'm able to indulge in a healthy, reasonable way or just keep certain foods out of my house. I don't ever have a compulsion to just eat and eat and eat so it's difficult for me to relate to it or help with it.

amyllu

She sounds very like myself in that I just cannot have a wee bit of something! If I buy a bar of cocolate then eating a little piece each day is def not an option...the lot gets eaten in one go!! So far better that she sticks to a good healthy programme for a set amount of time..say 4wks and then has a "treat" day when she can have what she wants for a limited period. That way it's something to look forward and aim for.
As for exercise, at that weight it is better to just aim for an extended walking session such as going the long way round to a shop rather than going in for extreme aerobics or the like.
When the results start to show it will encourage her to do more and she should feel much more able to do more as well.
Hope she gets the help she need soon.

rml_16

Thank you. But my understanding of binge eating is that a binger will binge on anything, not just treats. So, she needs to get the binging under control and I guess I was wondering if anyone has done this successfully and how.

deborahjr

I had a massive binge eating problem. It wasn't about what I ate (although most of the time it was baked goods/choc/crisps etc) it was the urgency of needing to have this hole filled, and even when I felt sick I would keep on eating, to fill the emptiness.
I also had issues as a youngster in a similar vein.
Seeking therapy is a good step. Understanding that food will not fill that hole inside, and will just make it worse, if anything, is the most important.
I have pretty much stopped binging. To the extent that I considered some sushi, a bag of cheetos and a twix a binge the other day. I think you need to break the cycle. Just try to be very controlled for a few weeks, you stop craving junk and your stomach shrinks. It is VERY hard but do this and try to exercise. She will find that eating better makes her feel better inside, endorphins from exercise gives her energy and all this plus positive results will hopefully make her feel better about herself, more confident and give her the desire to push and continue to keep on feeling good. also i found logging food makes you more accountable of what you put in your mouth.
I hope this helped a bit

dms4436

I have had a hard time with binge eating as well, mainly because I restrict and then become too hungry, or I just dont know when to "stop" at the end of the meal, so the meal goes on for the whole day.

My suggestions that have helped me:
1) measure servings and plan meals. "eat one apple now, if youre still hungry thats ok, bc in 2 hours I'll get a bowl of oatmeal" She has to remember she WILL feel hungry for a while, like 2 weeks, all the time, because you are re-training your body that "here this is enough to be full"
2) NO sweets. PERIOD. The sugar highs, lows, etc. lead to the binges. Once you go 3 days without sweets you don't really need them as much.
3) FIBER FIBER FIBER
4) WATER WATER WATER (and i found those crystal lights actually make me crave sugar, so I have started avoiding those too... but she could start with the crystal lights just to get used to drinking water)

and remember its small steps. When I say no sweets, i dont mean no fruit, fruit is natural and good. Its ok if you mess up one day, start again in the morning the next day. LOVE YOURSELF NOT FOOD Everybody is different though, and she needs to find what works for her, thats why the mistakes are ok, figure out what you did (what caused this binge? a fight? a big work out previous day? etc) and try to do something better the next day the therapy ought to help with the loving yourself, i think thats key in weight loss/binge control, because often I think subconsciously I do it as a way to hurt myself.

rml_16

Thank you for the information and suggestions. I think having a better understanding can help me help her. Thankfully, she has a wonderful and very supportive husband, so maybe she can ask him to keep on her a little bit, if it's only just getting her to the gym a few times a week.

letsgetskinny88

I can totally relate. I have that kind of relationship with certain foods. For me the only thing that works is avoiding it completely, not even a bite. And only that works!!!

rml_16

I can totally relate. I have that kind of relationship with certain foods. For me the only thing that works is avoiding it completely, not even a bite. And only that works!!!

The problem is that works for most of us, but people with BID will binge on anything. It's the eating itself that they get an emotional high from. I mean, yeah, I can't have Oreo Fudgees in the house because I love how they taste and will eat half a package in one sitting. But I won't eat a loaf of bread in one sitting (and, yes, true bingers will do that).

wingednotes

Thank you. But my understanding of binge eating is that a binger will binge on anything, not just treats. So, she needs to get the binging under control and I guess I was wondering if anyone has done this successfully and how.

This is it exactly.
When in a binge cycle (mine can last weeks - which is better than months, so I consider myself improving) - food advice does not work. In fact, it can have the opposite effect. I get oppositional to advice or helpful comments. For instance, if I had a binge, admit I had it to someone, but the cycle is not done, and someone says, "Oh its ok, its only one day. you can do better tomorrow." I will agree and then be overcome with the desire to eat MORE.
Bizarre.
Anyway - my advice is to get her involved in something meaningful. Find a purpose for her - something to get her feeling good about her as a person that is totally not food related.
How about an adoptasoldier program or other charity project? You can both do the same project from your opposite parts of the world and make a difference. Or does she have any special interests? Writing, photography, music? Encourage those talents somehow.

maryjanepraiano

Thank you for the advice, I am also a binger. Every day, hour, moment and minute is so hard for me. I know I can do this, I have before. I am finding that you are right on with the sugar thing. I need to find a way to love myself...seem like empty words to me. I mean, I dont think I hate myself, but surely im not my best friend. Today I will committ to just today, and not worry about tomorrow...until tomorrow. I think bingers are perfectionist in the way of...I f I screww up in a moment , ive ruined a day, then a week, month etc. If its not done perfect then I am a failure. I know its not true on one level, but its something that is stuck in this brain of mine. I dont know if I make sense, but......its just the way I feel. Have a great day, it really does help to read everybodies posts..THANKS!

amyllu

Thank you. But my understanding of binge eating is that a binger will binge on anything, not just treats. So, she needs to get the binging under control and I guess I was wondering if anyone has done this successfully and how.

My intentions regarding this subject was not to make her feel denied of the things..anything...that she binges on!
As you mentioned that she is getting help from a therapist which is a good start but getting her OH to keep an eye on what she is eating ..to me that is not a good idea to feel you are being watched all the time would be a def nono for me as that is what my ex used to do to me and it is very soul destroying!
The idea of not having to give up entirely on the most loved thing which gives a lot of comfort is a much more appealing solution in my opinion.