Guys - Any of you having trouble letting go of being "big"?

BigWin20

So I've spent my adult life being big in one form or another. I graduated high school at 6' tall and 220 lean muscular pounds, my last year of college I was up to 252 very lean pounds. I even bodybuilded for a couple of years after that never over 15% bodyfat. Then life happened, injuries occurred, years passed, and my body transitioned to 251 pounds at over 20%bf. I then lost down to 195 pounds in 8 weeks. I felt healthier, could move better, and clothes fit me better, but I lost HUGE chunks of muscle mas in the process. My whole life I had self-identified with being "big", hell look at my screen name here (college nickname). I struggled with being "skinny". I felt so weak and felt like I couldn't identify with this "new me". Anyway, injuries and life happened again, and I gained back all the weight and then some.....up to 280 lbs at prob 30% bf. Now I've lost down to 235, and have put back on some of the muscle mass I lost. I need to lose like 30-40 more pounds, just to be healthy and active again, but sometimes I fear that feeling I had before when I was smaller. Weird huh? It's like I hate the way I look/feel now, but my mind/psyche/ego doesn't want to let go of the attention I got as the "big guy". Am I alone with this sensation? I wish like hell I could just let it go........

DebbieMc3

Thank you for sharing this. I think a lot of people go through this but don't know how to communicate it.
I "think" what you're feeling is very normal. It's like part of us dies and we need to mourne the loss but move on.
it's a strange analagy but it's sort of like someone with long hair, cutting it off.
I think you will find yourself before you know it. Don't look back!
Debbie

BigWin20

Good example. I knew a girl once that had ridiculously long hair - down to her butt or longer. She finally decided she had to cut it, and was completely broken up about it. It didn't matter that it wasn't healthy, didn't look good, and was just a pain in the butt to wash/maintain, and just generally in the way. She just said to me when I asked her why she was so upset about it that it took her so long to grow it like that, and she used to being known for it and admitted she liked the attention she got from people. So I guess that would be a good analogy. Thanks Debbie!

ilovemybuggy

I've always held on to my 'fat clothes' through the years because in some sort of sick way they have been COMFORT to me. I actually recently just started taking all the clothes i've become too small for to the Goodwill, it's hard to let go...but it also helps you to focus on NEVER getting back to that!!