Lightbulb Moment

Ephena

I started my journey to better health and a smaller pants size in March of 2011. I joined MFP in June, one of the best decisions I ever made. When I first started losing weight I had very limited knowledge about how to do so properly. The longer I've been on MFP, the more friends I've made and the more time I've spent in the forums the more I've learned and the better my life has become.

One year after starting my journey I reached my initial goal weight of 135 which meant I'd lost 80lbs. I was so excited! But during my journey I had adjusted my goal weight to 130 and as thrilled as I was to reach 135 I was really struggling with feeling like I needed to see 130 on the scale. I was becoming scale obsessed.

About this time I was dealing with an injury that I will likely face again and again for the rest of my life (I was diagnosed with a sciatic nerve), the medications I had to take caused other health problems for me so in addition to the injury I was now sick with multiple infections. I made the decision to take a step back. I changed my calories to maintenance and slowed down my workout regime. I did this for the months of April and May. At the end of May I took a family trip for nearly two weeks. When I stepped on the scale June 1st, I was surprised to find that while I had gained 2.5 lbs, I wasn't very concerned about it. I knew why I had gained that weight and I knew what to do to lose it. I cleaned up my eating from my vacation indulgences, pushed my water, and continued working out the same as I had been the last couple months. Stepping on the scale the end of last week showed me I had lost the weight I gained while on vacation. I felt so much more success this time about seeing that number it surprised me.

During all this time my personal life changed as dramatically as my body did. But it's really been in the last couple months that my mind, the way I see myself and carry myself started to catch up with the changes my body has gone thru. I've spent so much time "faking it until I make it" that I didn't realize I had started to actually "make it". Around a month ago my best friend told me I was no longer invisible. That stayed with me, I've turned that phrase around in my head ever since. It made me realize she's right but it also scared me, being invisible was safe, and it was what I knew. I had an advantage though, my friends and I go to the same bar when we go out, and have been for over a year now. We're regulars so we know the band, the staff, and the other regulars. This meant even as I had stopped being invisible I still felt safe while out with my friends, this may have played a factor in my not realizing the changes my head space was going thru.

The two months I spent at maintenance gave my body time to recover and it gave my head time to start catching up. The month of June showed me while I'm not all caught up and balanced out I've come farther than I realized. It also made me re-evaluate my desire to lose the last 5lbs. I still want to lose them, but I'm not stressed about it anymore. I've started to actually truly see the new me when I look in the mirror. Everybody has body issues and things they aren't happy with but I'm embracing the body I have worked to hard to achieve and I'm liking it more than I'm hating it.

I know how hard and frustrating but also how exciting and fulfilling this journey can be. I know more about nutrition and fitness than I ever have before, I also know I've barely scratched the surface. This journey has changed me in so many ways and only a fraction of them are related to my weight.

My lightbulb moment yesterday was almost painful it was so bright. But talking it out with my best friend last night helped me work thru it and I finally find myself at peace with the scale and my body. I've got the confidence to look a guy in the eye, the courage to walk up to a complete stranger and say hi or to ask that hot guy who I've always thought was out of my league to dance.

Thanks for reading, please share your lightbulb moments....