HOW MANY wedding gifts is normal to give??

lauradian
lauradian Posts: 32
in Chit-Chat
My sister and I are having a little debate. She's getting married in October & she's having a bachelorette party, a bridal shower, and of course, the wedding. So our question/topic of debate is should she expect a gift from each person per each party they are invited to AND cash on the wedding day?
What is the "norm"? Were relatively new to this, so does one expect a gift plus cash?? (she wants me to reiterate that its not about the gifts, were just curious...)

Replies

  • cobracars
    cobracars Posts: 949 Member
    She should expect you to be happy for her and thankful you are sharing the celebration of her wedding vows. Any gifts you decide to bring would be a bonus.
  • lauradian
    lauradian Posts: 32
    Man this thread got pushed down fast- anyone else?
    & @Cobra, thanks for your reply :)
  • Mina133842
    Mina133842 Posts: 1,573 Member
    I usually limit to a wedding gift, and then a bridal shower gift (if invited). I don't typically do bachelorette party gifts, unless there wasn't a bridal shower.

    I did have someone invite me to 3 different events before her wedding- she had a Pampered Chef bridal shower party, a regular bridal shower, and a bachelorette party, and then of course the wedding. In these cases, I usually only attend one event prior to the wedding, unless of course you're in the wedding party. I just told her I could attend (insert whichever event) but had plans on the other occasions. Otherwise, enough is enough.
  • Bucky83
    Bucky83 Posts: 1,194 Member
    Traditionally, the only gift that should be received is for the wedding ceremony/reception. Typically, you shouldn't have to give a gift for a bachelorette party, and if there is a bridal shower (again, not a traditional event, but one that is happening more and more) then a small gift is ok to bring, but someone should never EXPECT a gift. Someone's presence should be gift enough.

    I have a real problem with the whole 'gimme gimme gimme' with some brides. Hell, I avoided a baby shower because the mother-to-be was ASKING for cash. To me, it felt like the only reason she was inviting me to come was that she wanted money.
  • caraiselite
    caraiselite Posts: 2,631 Member
    i would bring a gag gift to the shower (nothing too pricey) and money to the wedding.. bc money is all newlyweds want anyway.
  • Sapporo
    Sapporo Posts: 693 Member
    Who gives bachelorette party gifts? Never even heard of that one. Buy the girl some drinks.
    I do 1 gift for the shower and 1 for the wedding but it will be the same amount total for a wedding where I don't attend the shower.
  • michellematteson
    michellematteson Posts: 134
    From what I understand, it's a gift on the wedding day (something for both groom and bride), maybe a small gift with the bridal party, and no gifts with the bachelorette party. HOWEVER, the bride is not expected to give any money for the bachelorette party. That cost is to be shared with the Maid of Honor and brides maids.

    I have always heard that it is tacky to ask for cash as a gift, but a lot of couples are going that route nowadays. Personally, I think that if I get to have a wedding, I'm going to ask for cash for the honeymoon, or use one of those website that people can send money to help towards the honeymoon. Just makes more sense to me than everyone getting toasters.
  • saraann4
    saraann4 Posts: 1,296 Member
    cash for the wedding, penis lollipop or a buy her a shot for the batchelorette party, get a small gift for bridal shower
  • purplegoboom
    purplegoboom Posts: 400 Member
    My sister and I are having a little debate. She's getting married in October & she's having a bachelorette party, a bridal shower, and of course, the wedding. So our question/topic of debate is should she expect a gift from each person per each party they are invited to AND cash on the wedding day?
    What is the "norm"? Were relatively new to this, so does one expect a gift plus cash?? (she wants me to reiterate that its not about the gifts, were just curious...)

    You do not "expect" gifts. If she does, she will probably be dissapointed. No one is entitled to a gift even on their wedding day.

    You can expect loved ones to show up and to have a wonderful time.

    www.etiquettehell.com
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,219 Member
    I do a bridal shower gift (naughty clothing), a drink or two at the bachelorette party (no one ever gives gifts) and gift at the wedding (a household item usually). As far as what the bride should ask for she should only do a wedding registry. The bachelorette party shouldn't cost her because her friends throw that and the bridal shower should be thrown by the mothers or close friends.
  • Tonnina
    Tonnina Posts: 979 Member
    I expected either money OR a gift, in some cases we got both. Our wedding was interesting because my family is very blue collar and poor while his family is very high class and well off. I love and use all my wedding gifts all the time. Most people who couldn't give money were able to afford at least one or two gifts of my registry. It's important to include various priced things for those of the guests on a budget.

    I got no gifts from my bridal party except for really good food and a fun time with my friends and family. I was only 18 so not bachelorette party for me, not a big deal to me.

    The most important gift for the new couple is the wish for life long happiness together. Everyone attending the wedding should offer at least that much!!
  • Newf77
    Newf77 Posts: 802 Member
    I am a guy so take this with a grain of salt; if you are going to bring a gift it is to the wedding/reception. The Bachelorette/Bachelor party is usually a gag {lingerie; whip; lap dance} the type of gifts that you would not want you 90 year old Catholic School teacher to see.
    You should not "expect" anyone to bring you physical gifts, for some people it is a fiscal burden to attend the ceremony {take off work; travel; clothing}.
  • Perfectdiamonds1
    Perfectdiamonds1 Posts: 347 Member
    If you are hosting the Bridal Shower, then no, no give is required. Bachelorette Party no gift is required. I thought that the Bachelorette Party is a time to have fun with your close friends. If you are giving a gift at the Bridal Shower the price of the gift is sometimes determined by the theme of that party ie: lingerie, alphabet (where each guest brings something that starts with a letter in the brides name), stock the pantry party or wine tasting.
  • Le_Joy
    Le_Joy Posts: 549 Member
    Bachelorette parties don't usually have gifts when there is also a bridal shower. And I only do 1 "real" wedding gift from the registry. If I do a bridal shower & wedding gift the bridal shower one is more "personal" or fun, like lingerie and less expensive than a wedding gift normally is...
  • sullykat
    sullykat Posts: 461 Member
    I do a bridal shower gift (naughty clothing), a drink or two at the bachelorette party (no one ever gives gifts) and gift at the wedding (a household item usually). As far as what the bride should ask for she should only do a wedding registry. The bachelorette party shouldn't cost her because her friends throw that and the bridal shower should be thrown by the mothers or close friends.

    I agree with you for most of this, except the shower. It should NOT be thrown by the mother(s), that is like asking people to bring your child gifts - that is considered tacky (well… according to Emily Post). Friend or Aunt is considered more appropriate.

    Also, for the registry, don't put the registry cards in the invitations to the wedding, that is also like asking for gifts.

    But hey, this was just my approach to my wedding, different strokes for different folks!
  • nwhitley
    nwhitley Posts: 619
    I buy a gift (off the registry) for the wedding and bridal shower. I've never heard of giving a gift for a bachelorette party b/c typically that's a night out so not sure where gifts would come in. Like someone else stated, some brides are having several parties, like kitchen and bath, stock the bar parties, etc. I give 1-2 gifts. I think that's enough. Expecting anymore than that, especially if you aren't close family is begging and going overboard. Because soon after the invitations start pouring in for the 1st anniversary party, baby shower, baby's 1st birthday, 2nd and 3rd babies, graduations, etc. It can get out of hand. It starts to feel like some people/friends are on my payroll. And, I don't give cash b/c I think that's tacky.
  • AprilBurns86
    AprilBurns86 Posts: 60
    I would get a small gag gift for the bachelorette (like, under $20), if you are hosting the bridal shower, don't buy her anything, if not, I'd offer to make a dish or two if applicable for the shower or I'd buy a housewarming-style gift (I'd limit it to $40) if bringing a dish or bottle of wine doesn't fit the setting. Of course, for the big day, I'd buy a registry gift at whatever price I could afford.
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
    It's my understanding that you do it all.
    Back in the day each event was centered around different types of gifts appropriate for a couple just starting out.
    No so much these days.
    Just roll with it, and have fun.
  • chi18
    chi18 Posts: 95 Member
    First of all, your sister doesn't sound like a bridezilla. Yes, technically she should not expect anything but realistically she's going to get gifts when she has a wedding, it's just the way it works in Western society so trying to shame her for wondering how much stuff she will receive (and need space for) in a conversation with her sister is ridiculous. I've seen a couple returning tons of gifts at a nearby store and when asked the reason for their return they said, "We live in an apartment and just don't have the space for all of these gifts."

    I typically do a gift for the shower, if invited, and a gift or money sent to their home before the wedding. Technically you're not supposed to bring a gift to the actual wedding, but send it ahead of or after the day. That way there's no chance of gifts or cash going missing the day of and the couple doesn't have to figure out how to get everything home after a very long day. This is also nice for guests who have to travel to get to the wedding. Another rule is that anyone invited to the shower should be invited to the wedding. There are exceptions, for example if her office throws her a little surprise work shower.

    While you're not supposed to ask for cash, many couples who would prefer it simply don't register. That way it's implied. It tends to be regional and cultural, who gives cash for the wedding gift and who gives a registry gift. She should probably be prepared for a mixture of both. Sometimes people bring naughty or gag gifts to the bachelorette party, such as lingerie or bedroom toys, but most guests just buy the bride drinks. Again, everyone is going out so it's not very practical to bring a bunch of gifts and then make the bride keep track of them all night.
  • cbaac03
    cbaac03 Posts: 152
    Usually for the bachelorette party everyone buys the bride-to-be's drinks and such (and/or dinner depending on the type of party). Once I went to a suprise bachelorette party for a bride that didn't have a bridal shower and we got her gifts (a few went in together to make her a huge tote for her honeymoon filled with travel essentials and personalized towels, two other girls and I got her a basket and filled it with wine and different liquor). In my experience everyone brings a gift typically from the bridal registry to the shower. And the wedding gift is usually money and/or personalized or sentimental gifts. It differs slightly depending on the couple and want they would want and if they have a registry/what kind (some people request you make a donation to a charity of their choice instead, some register for their honeymoons...etc). And of course you'll have an occasional off the wall gift, but thats ok because you were happy to just have them celebrate with you and get a good laugh out of it.
  • Tropical_Turtle
    Tropical_Turtle Posts: 2,236 Member
    My sister and I are having a little debate. She's getting married in October & she's having a bachelorette party, a bridal shower, and of course, the wedding. So our question/topic of debate is should she expect a gift from each person per each party they are invited to AND cash on the wedding day?
    What is the "norm"? Were relatively new to this, so does one expect a gift plus cash?? (she wants me to reiterate that its not about the gifts, were just curious...)

    You do not "expect" gifts. If she does, she will probably be dissapointed. No one is entitled to a gift even on their wedding day.

    You can expect loved ones to show up and to have a wonderful time.

    www.etiquettehell.com

    Expecting anything from anyone is not ok. She should be happy that she has the ones she loves there to celebrate their day.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    Cash for a wedding? Weird.

    I might give a bridal shower gift. For a bachelorette party, I think your presence is enough. And definitely not cash for a wedding - I would give a real gift.

    ETA - reading other responses and I do agree it's proper to buy the bachelorette her meal and drinks. But it's not a gift per se.
  • xxcatyxx555
    xxcatyxx555 Posts: 184
    For my cousins wedding shower the bridal party made a poem with brand names of household cleaners (brawny, comet, etc) and asked each person to bring one thing (which is only 2-4 dollars) I think this is cute and appropriate
  • Chubbyhulagirl
    Chubbyhulagirl Posts: 374 Member
    I think a bridal shower gift is enough and a card or some spoken words for the wedding is sufficient.
    Im getting married in August and my bridesmaids are planning a bachelorette dinner/cocktails for the younger female guest and my mother is throwing a shower for all my older female relatives and boyfriends female relatives. I dont expect gifts from anyone and my family/his family know we arent like that. It doesnt matter to us. We just want everyone to come and celebrate with us that we are finally getting hitched after 10 years/3 kids. Lol.
  • bathsheba_c
    bathsheba_c Posts: 1,873 Member
    There is absolutely positively NO OBLIGATION on the part of ANY guest to bring ANY gifts. That said, one present for the whole shebang should suffice. It is better to bring the gift to the shower than to the wedding, as bringing gifts to a wedding is a recipe for them to get lost.
  • Di3012
    Di3012 Posts: 2,247 Member
    My sister and I are having a little debate. She's getting married in October & she's having a bachelorette party, a bridal shower, and of course, the wedding. So our question/topic of debate is should she expect a gift from each person per each party they are invited to AND cash on the wedding day?
    What is the "norm"? Were relatively new to this, so does one expect a gift plus cash?? (she wants me to reiterate that its not about the gifts, were just curious...)

    I have no idea about Bachelorette parties or gifts being given at bridal showers. In the UK, it is just a gift or cash as the actual wedding present. Gets damned expensive for everybody otherwise, some people cannot afford three separate gifts.

    Never heard of gifts for each party before I have to admit.
  • carrotstick2012
    carrotstick2012 Posts: 161
    I wouldn't expect gifts but people normally like to bring them so you can assume you will get them. For me, I would expect normal expectations would be a gift for the bridal shower (small) and wedding. No gift for the bachelorette party. Cash - never an expectation and certainly not with a gift as well.

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