Discouraged
NurseSexy
Posts: 4 Member
I have been trying to lose weight for a while but I dont have an support system. Since Oct 2011 I lost 41lbs total. I workout and eat healthy but its not consistent. I told my hubby I want to lose another 20 and he flat out told me to give it up because I have been trying for so long to drop the lbs. This really hurt and when I went to the gym I couldnt even do 10 min on the elliptical. He brings in all the unhealthy foods that I love and eats it right in my face. This is why I only lost so little weight. I was 235 and now I am 194. Is there anybody else who goes through this?:sad:
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Replies
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Yep, but without the hubby, thank goodness. I've lost similar weight in a similar time period with lots of starts and stalls and stops. I'm not getting there as fast as I want to, but I'm getting there. And you will, too.
Why would he tell you to give up when you've already lost a good amount of weight? I suppose you can't tell him to take himself and his junk food on out the door, so I don't know what possible advice I can give.0 -
Your husband sounds like not a very nice bloke.
keep going. nothing should get through your determination. do it for yourself, cause no one else will.0 -
Hi,
I dont have someone else telling me to give up ...just me...I am 5'3 and weight 159 and have been trying to lose 20lbs for the last 2year...up down...been so frustrated.. so i feel your pain...from one frusted to another .. lets not give up we will eventually reach our goal..that is what i have starte to tell myself... i know it's not easy..I am 47 and sure as hell I want to be healthy at 50 so let's continue on this journey and grap all the support and motivation from our friends on this website...take care.0 -
I can really relate to you about the no support system. My husband doesn't have a weight issue and doesn't understand the problem at all. He can eat anything and does right in front of me. I have type 2 diabetes and he says, "well then just don't eat it". I want to slap him!!! I am 62 yrs old and it is very hard to break old habits, but I am going to try my best.0
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Don't be discouraged! Use those negative words and let it be your motivation! Show him! You have lost more than 40 pounds, that's AMAZING in itself! You CAN do it, keep on going! I fall off the wagon, often, but I get back up and keep going! You won't fail until you stop trying!
Is it possible that he is feeling insecure because you are losing weight, and bettering yourself, so he is trying to sabotage?0 -
Never give up. My husband eats nothing but crap...He will not even eat fruit, veggies, or even pasta...WEIRD...
This journey has been all about me and continues too be....For me, this journey isn't about loosing weight, anymore. I want to be strong and athletic, also. You should be proud of what you have accomplished, thus far. :flowerforyou:0 -
I'm upset that your hubby would tell you to just give up, however in that case I would try my hardest to prove him wrong. Also it is unfair to make your hubby stop eating the things he loves just because you want to loose weight. You are doing this not him. I have seen some really bad Advise given on here so becareful about the advise you are given. My suggestion is ignore him and prove home wrong. My hubby also brings junk food in and eats it in front of me but I don't hold it against him because hes not on a diet, I am. I have to empower myself to overcome the temptation of eating that stuff and 44 lbs later I'm doing a pretty good job of it. Just stand fast and ignore him if he is eating something in front of you and Tell yourself that you will look good for you and you only. That would be my thought on it. Yes hubby's are supposed to be supportive but you can not expect him to give up the food he loves just because you decided to loose weight. I didn't expect it of my hubby and we are doing great and he's starting to get in the healthy mode to. Just be a good example!0
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We can't expect the whole world to flip just because we change. Your husband is not at fault one bit. He's just being who he is.
And here is the scary part.:noway:
You may grow apart, and at some point, you may re-evaluate the whole relationship.
Decide now if that's a possibility, and govern yourself accordingly.
Keep striving toward your goals.
There may come a time when your husband is totally supportive.
Your NEXT husband - :smokin:0 -
My only support system for losing weight are the people here on MFP. My friends and family will eat horrible food around me, even when I'm on any program and it has been a struggle for me.
This is just for you, you need to find a way a way to pull through this. You need to channel the positives of what this will change for you, and guess what amazing things will happen. I wish I had support away from MFP, but it's just not happening and I just have to take every day at a challenge and keep trying.
What AmyW4225 said, about your husband feeling insecure about you losing weight, I think there could be some truth in that.0 -
change up your exercise routine0
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I relate to the hubby problem. I can only tell you my experience and I hope it will help you. :flowerforyou:
I have resolved this by doing the following;
I don't share with him my weight or fitness goals (too many opportunities for negative comments)
I stick to my eatting plan and don't discuss it with him or force him to accommodate me
I make him and the kids their meals and always fix mine separately
I work out on my own. I only tell him where I'll be if My route running Is not the neighborhood trail.
Most of all I don't look to him for positive affirmations. It's just the way he is and was when I married him. It is how his family is too, so it's how he was brought up.
I'm doing it for me and me alone. I am no longer doing it to please him because it will never be enough. I love him for his strengths but know what he is capable of and not capable of. I can't change him but I will accept him and love him.
In a nutshell, after my ramble, just do it for yourself and screw everyone else.0 -
Yeah, Im not trying to force my diet on my husband. I am in this for me. I cook his dinner and my dinner separate. Its just that he is so not supportive. He tries his best to make me miss my zumba classes or go to the gym period. I do any and everything he ask but I just ask let me have an hour a day for me. Is that too much to ask?0
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We can't expect the whole world to flip just because we change. Your husband is not at fault one bit. He's just being who he is.
And here is the scary part.:noway:
You may grow apart, and at some point, you may re-evaluate the whole relationship.
Decide now if that's a possibility, and govern yourself accordingly.
Keep striving toward your goals.
There may come a time when your husband is totally supportive.
Your NEXT husband - :smokin:
The thing is, I havent asked or changed his eating habits. I have 3 kids and I cook my family dinner separate from mine. I dont ask him to do anything that has to do with weight loss because we been done that road before and it wasnt pretty. I buy my own food and pay my own gym membership. We go out to dinner and I order from the healthy menu. Sooooo, how is this expecting him to flip? I just want support. I dont even want to think about us growing apart.0 -
Too much to ask? Definitely not. We all deserve support. Hard to get to? Sometimes.
Sorry you are so discouraged but the weight loss you've done already is pretty wonderful.
What did you do it get that far?
Also . . . is your husband insecure that if you become slimmer you will become more attractive to other men and leave him? Is he jealous? Either jealous of your progress or worried about you growing away from him? In the short term, you might try being as reassuring and loving as possible because sometimes nasty, unsupportive behavior stems from insecurity. Although I always hesitate to recommend family counseling, it's something you might consider. Through a minister if you aren't comfortable with or can't afford a family therapist.
Finally, would it be easier for you, less divisive for your family, and healthier for everyone long term if you made one family meal that included both things you could eat and also things they want and you don't want to eat? Put out your food with theirs, eat what you usually do, and see if anyone else wants to try it. Maybe even grab small portions of food you normally shun but cook for them. I've learned a lot about healthy eating from my kids - and kids only learn to eat healthy through exposure.0 -
do not give up! this is about you, i constantly yo you, but we can do this! sometimes we have to just say no to all the crap in the house! its hard but you are so worth it! you can do this! show him!0
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Now this is just me, and I've been married to the same overgrown teenager for 39 years. He tells me last year when his doctor told him change his ways or die that the reason he always sabatoged my weight loss was to keep me, he was pretty insecure I guess. But then he followed that with help me fix me and you just go ahead and fix you too, lol. So, it may take a lot of patience if you want to keep your overgrown teenager but you should make this about you becoming the smart, fit, sexy you that you want. Then let nature take it's course.0
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Keep up the great work. 40 plus pounds is nothing to sneeze at. Don't let anybody or anything stand in your way. If people around you self indulge in food which is bad that is their choice you don't have to make it yours. If you would like you can add me as a friend and I will try to encourage and motivate you not try to sabotage your weight loss journey. Keep you head high you are doing great and should receive praise.0
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I have been trying to lose weight for a while but I dont have an support system. Since Oct 2011 I lost 41lbs total. I workout and eat healthy but its not consistent.I told my hubby I want to lose another 20 and he flat out told me to give it up because I have been trying for so long to drop the lbs.
This really hurt and when I went to the gym I couldnt even do 10 min on the elliptical.
I have been told that number of times too, but that doesn't mean I quit trying, now does that? My favorite quote nowadays is "Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time."
Also, it's not just about losing weight but having a healthy lifestyle. When you eat right, you feel right....you have immunity to fight diseases and live longer. Excess fat, clog arteries...now that's enough reason to eat healthy, right? Cardio makes the heart stronger....it can take more of stress. Exercise releases endorphins, which makes one feel happier....oh I know chocolate can do the same trick :-) But you know what I mean, right?
About the elliptical....you know what my status message was 3 weeks ago ? I think it would be self explanatory.
"There was a time when I used to feel I would have a semi-heart attack on the elliptical in just about 7 minutes and now I get on the elliptical and start exercising and reduce the strides only because of the fear of getting an actual heart attack since I see my heart rate becoming 180+. 30 minutes passes by quite easily now!! "
Take baby steps, one step at a time and it will build up.
Start having healthier snacks at home...like string cheese, yogurt....eat small meals and in between have your healthier snacks.0 -
Don't be discouraged. Many of us struggle with similar situations. Imagine your spouse getting angry because instead of eating what they cooked, you opted for something healthier and within the limits you have set for yourself. Don't misunderstand me, I appreciate all of the effort that goes into shopping and preparing a meal. However, I cannot allow someone else to dictate my health simply because of their feelings or lack of motivation. Feel free to add me if you would like and good luck.0
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You can do whatever you set your mind to. You are a strong, brave, and capable person and you are moving toward your goals in every moment. What people say should always take a backseat to how you feel. How do you feel when you exercise and eat healthy? You feel good, right? So forget the numbers, ignore the "you can't do it"s and focus on doing what it takes to feel good. You can feel good today. You can feel good tomorrow. You can feel good for the rest of your life, and the weight will come off naturally as you take good care of yourself.
I have a lot of trouble exercising too - asthma runs in my family and I have anxiety problems. I often get panic attacks when my heart rate goes up and it is very difficult to continue exercising. I can't even swim 20 laps yet, LOL. I would suggest taking baby steps - set a longterm goal, for example, 30 minutes on the elliptical, and work toward it in 30-second intervals (this workout you spend ten minutes, next time 10:30, the next workout 11:00, etc.) It's a good way to slowly build up to your goals without pushing yourself so hard that you're sore for a week. I tack 2 laps on to every swimming trip on my way to 100.
Baby steps!
Your husband's behavior really strikes me as alarming, though. Is he overweight himself and insecure that he might lose you if you get too "out of his league" physically? Is he annoyed by the fact that you won't eat certain foods with him because certain foods or restaurants are part of your family tradition (pizza night or date night for example)? Is he controlling or abusive in any other aspect of the relationship? I would suggest having a serious open conversation with him explaining how you feel and trying to get some insight on why he feels how he feels.
I really believe that your significant other should not be attempting to stand in the way of things you consider important, and that he wouldn't be if he knew how important it was to you and got a chance to air out what was really bothering him about your choice.0 -
Sounds like my world. I just decided to say screw it. I am tired of hating my body and I am going to take control and do what I am going to do. So far, I have lost 60#, put 10 back on recently but am starting up again. Just hang in there. My plan is have one cheat meal on Saturday so I do not feel so left ou.0
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Yeah, Im not trying to force my diet on my husband. I am in this for me. I cook his dinner and my dinner separate. Its just that he is so not supportive. He tries his best to make me miss my zumba classes or go to the gym period. I do any and everything he ask but I just ask let me have an hour a day for me. Is that too much to ask?
Get up before he wakes up, even if you really don't want to. Its easier for me to go when no one is around to stop me. I always feel so much better about it.0 -
Keep going dont stop!! Baby steps will get you there 0
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Don't be discourage....losing weight is super hard and you're doing an amazing job! I bet deep down your hubby is absolutely proud of you and what you've accomplished thus far! I think he doesn't want to support you because he's scared of change. Your relationship will change, he's thinking you're going to get all skinny and have even more men hit on you and make you imagine other possibilites without him or make you realize that you made a mistake marrying him (not that it's a mistake,,,,,that just seems to be how some mens brains work lol) bottom line.....change is scary especially when it's your wife that is changing and not him! Talk to him and try to sort through the man/ego/scared crap. But don't give up!!!!0
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You lost 41lbs!!! what part of that is give it up ? you have done somthing to lose41lbs so keep going. The weight may not be falling off as fast as you think it should but hard work will pay off. I think you may need to talk to your hubby about his support. Last fall I lost 20lbs an was doing great then life happend that caused a lot of stress and I was not able to focus on weightloss in general but I was able to maintain what I had lost for about 5 months.Im a stresss eater and I hate it. I have decided it was time to start and get out of my funk and I now have lost 30lbs and there is no way thats nothing I look different and I feel different. I want this more then I want the junk food my family brings in.0
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Husbands do this! As soon as I say the word "diet" he brings home Boston creme donuts ( notice the plural on that). Men are secure in the way things are, and are afraid of change. They think if you make yourself better- they may have to do something to make themselves better. I think my husband is is jealous of my will power and tries to break it down.
Anyways He does seam to like it because I tend to get savvy in the kitchen trying new recipes/ spices and things. So I am always trying to think up things that he might like also and he has been very receptive- I hope to bring over from the dark side for his health ( but he is is own person so I do not force it). Ultimately he is a pizza/ burger man though. I try to make his favorites, for him weekly also, I just do not partake.
Ultimately the spoil the diet thing has to do with his insecurity so I just try to stoke his ego a little more.0
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