Is my mindset wrong? I want my life back.

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RazorTazor
RazorTazor Posts: 32
in Health and Weight Loss
I started off my new healthy lifestyle about 4 months about. I lost roughly 70lbs within those 4 months but completely changing my eating habits and worked out like a beast. I let up on my eating habits a bit and now I am focusing more on gaining muscle. The thing is I seem to be loosing more weight now compared to when I ate less. But that's not my question. My question is this.

I went to an amusement park today and I really took notice at all the muscular guys and I envied them. Not only about how good they looked, but at what they were eating. I saw one guy, who was NO where near fat but very athletic, several times today eating a burger and fries, pizza, and ice cream. Obviously he isn't watching what he was eating, and yet he seems to manage to still look good. Where as I eat the same burger and fries and I automatically feel guilty and I will not eat anything till tomorrow morning so I don't go over my calories. Also throughout high school I noticed all the jocks would go out to McDonalds and enjoy tons of food and yet look athletic. It is driving me crazy. I want to be able to eat like that and look like that. My mindset is out of wack, I lost all this weight and I am terrified of putting it back on. I know it would take a few weeks to even gain back a fraction of what I lost...but my mind is still telling me that I can't eat normal food. I can't even eat with my family anymore because they eat normal food and all my food is diet food (vegan burgers, lite everything) and it is really driving me insane....and on top of that...I think I am bulimic....and for a straight male to have bulimia seems to be very very shameful. Please someone help me out. I want to look good...but be happy. I want to be able to enjoy a slice of cake and ice cream every now and again and not care. I miss out on going to birthday parties just for that reason...I want my life back. Feel free to add me and send me a personal message if you need more info. Thanks guys.
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Replies

  • Ravenesque_
    Ravenesque_ Posts: 257 Member
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    sometimes losing weight/bulking up too fast isnt worth it.

    If you are feeling as unhappy as you sound, You've probably gone to far. Let go of your goals, and live life a little in the mean time. It's not worth being the best looking bodybuilder in the world if it makes you utterly miserable and have no self confidence, right?

    You dont have to be that really good looking guy to enjoy icecream and burgers you know :P Just once in a while or in smaller portions :)

    You've lost all that weight in a very short amount of time. (about 4lbs a week - double the recommended maximum weekly weight loss!! Did you do it healthily? O_o) Take a break to see how far you've come, and enjoy some rewards for all your hard work.

    You control your diet. It does not control you.
  • RazorTazor
    RazorTazor Posts: 32
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    but see others seem to be able to eat it more then once in a while. like once a week....and i can't let go...ive tried...and I feel like dirt. I am addicted to staying skinny...and its tearing me down....and its breaking me away from my family.
  • Ravenesque_
    Ravenesque_ Posts: 257 Member
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    What's more important? 1lb gain on the scales or your family?

    Have you considered getting some professional help getting your priorities in the right order?
  • RazorTazor
    RazorTazor Posts: 32
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    no money. and who says its gonna be 1 pound. Could be 5 or 10. There's no telling.
  • RoomML01
    RoomML01 Posts: 1 Member
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    Hi,

    I'm new here and don't know a whole lot about dieting but it seems you're in a worried place, and I know plenty about that. Firstly, congratulations for losing all the weight you wanted! It's not shameful at all for any male to have bulimia. It's fairly well documented now that due to changing societal pressures, a lot more guys are developing eating disorders. If you're worried about being stigmatised for it, you shouldn't be. It's more common than you think.

    With regards to your diet- not all "diet" food is all that healthy, and as long as you're meeting your macro-nutrient requirements (which myfitnesspal helps with a lot), it doesn't really matter a whole lot where they come from if it's only occasionally. Even pizza has nutritional value, albeit not as much as other foods.

    As for feeling guilty about eating... Has anyone ever asked you to spend a whole minute NOT thinking about a panda? You can't do it, because you're trying hard not to. So when you feel guilty for eating food, you will automatically crave it more, because it will be on your mind more. With something like myfitnesspal, you can put your pizza slice, or ice cream or whatever else it is on your nutrition list and it will "wipe away" those calories if you've done enough exercise to make up for them. So perhaps, that's why all those muscly guys were eating like that? They had done loads of working out, which meant they had to put those calories back into their body.

    Hope you feel better about your mindset soon!
  • jsam163
    jsam163 Posts: 9
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    Focus on being healthy instead of being attractive. It will put you in a better mindset, and your body will thank you for it. You dont want to eat macdonalds! Young guys who eat macdonals and still look great are in for a world of trouble in 5-10 years. It's not worth it. Focus on health and happiness, and your body will follow suit. And you'll be able to eat with your family again.. just skip certain parts of the meal and fill up on others. There is a perfect balance, but you're right, it starts with your mind.
  • Celliott411
    Celliott411 Posts: 49 Member
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    Hi there! Just wanted to let you know, you CAN eat normal food! Just don't eat tons of it and all the time! Eat cake and icecream, and have a burger every now and then. In a perfect world, we'd be able to withstand eating solely healthy foods, but it's not meant for all of us all of the time. You'll see over and over again where people tell you to take a day out of your week as a "cheat day." Yeah, maybe going to McDonald's and getting a Big Mac, isn't the best idea, but grill up a lean burger at home and maybe use some whole grain breads and low fat cheeses. It'll still be damn tasty! It doesn't seem fair that some people seem to be able to eat whatever they want and not gain any weight, but it can't happen that way for all of us. These bulky guys eating loads of fried and processes foods may seem healthy on the outside, but eating foods like that can only do harm. No matter how much you work out, you can't beat your diet. It just doesn't work that way. Stick with what you've been doing, but allow yourself to indulge every now and then. There are a lot of great sites that teach you how to get your sweet/salt fix without going overboard.

    And as for the bulimia, please please seek help! The fact that you can admit it here means that you acknowledge that there is a problem and I would strongly advise that you see someone about it. I hope this helps, and good luck!
  • Ravenesque_
    Ravenesque_ Posts: 257 Member
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    Get help. Seriously.

    http://www.mengetedstoo.co.uk/
  • MalissaDC
    MalissaDC Posts: 123
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    1. It seems they eat whatever they want and get away with it but very few people are able to do that. You are probably seeing them when they give themselves permission to have a treat and it seems like it's all the time in your mind. It's truly probably not very often.

    2. Even IF it really really is ALL the time--you are more important than that. Filling your body with junk food, empty calories, and food with chemicals and devoid of nutrients shouldn't be your goal! Health is your goal.

    3. Hang in there and keep working on being healthy and don't worry about everyone else.
  • Nikiki
    Nikiki Posts: 993
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    You are on a slippery slope my friend!! You may want to seek help from a professional who is experienced with treating eating disorders to help you manage your body image and long term goals.

    But I can tell you this: the guys you saw at the amusement park (with the exception of the rare genetically gifted one) all probably eat clean and work out most days. It's ok to have an occasional "day off" from eating right. Many people shoot for a 75/25 ratio of "good" vs "bad" foods. If it helps you to manage it (this is something that helps me stay on track) view your calorie intake by the full week rather than each individual day. For example yesterday I went to a birthday party where I had sangria, chips and queso, Mac&cheese, cake & icecream, I was over my goal by about 350 calories but I have been under several days this week which more than made up for yesterday's overage. I need to be able to enjoy dinners out and parties or I won't be able to stick with my healthy lifestyle. You need to as well!!

    You've done a tremendous job dropping a lot of weight. If your next goal is to increase strength and build muscle you have to feed your body right and bulimia robs you of vital nutrients, not to mention damaging your esophogous, stomach & teeth. You'll see yellowing skin, rotting teeth & hair loss if you let it go on too long! please get healthy for yourself and for your family who I'm sure misses the relaxed casual you that they loved before you let dieting take unhealthy control of your life. You CAN maintain a healthy physique while enjoying good food and drinks (and cake!)
  • RazorTazor
    RazorTazor Posts: 32
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    " Focus on health and happiness, and your body will follow suit. And you'll be able to eat with your family again.. just skip certain parts of the meal and fill up on others. There is a perfect balance, but you're right, it starts with your mind"

    Im not happy about my healthy life. Im miserable. I have to evaluate every little thing that I put into my stomach. It drives me insane...and I just can't stop. I have moments where I am like "Maybe I should experiment to see if I eat what I want to see if I gain" but then I keep thinking "YOU'RE GONNA GET FAT YOU'RE GONNA GET FAT YOU'RE GONNA GET FAT!!!!"
  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
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    There is only one person who can change this situation, and that is you. Mind over matter, seriously. I am battling similar issues - bulimia, a terror of gaining weight, wish to be skinny etc etc, and the only way you can get past this is to sit down and decide if you want to look in the mirror one day, and realise you have your skinny body, but everything else in life has passed you by. I now allow myself a little of what I want most days, and try to eat healthy for 80% of the time. As long as you are active, there is no reason to not allow yourself some pizza or ice cream a few times a week, if you enjoy those things and can learn to not feel guilty about eating them.

    I overate by 3000+ calories twice recently, and I gained less than a pound, which I know will come off in time. If you are basing your feelings on your day to day weight, and not thinking longterm, and giving yourself some leeway, you will make yourself utterly miserable. You know there is an issue, so now you just need to analyse it further, and decide how many years you wish to spend focussed on your weight and on obsessing about what you cannot eat.
  • Ravenesque_
    Ravenesque_ Posts: 257 Member
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    Get help. Seriously. Before it takes you over completely.You're scaring me :(
  • RazorTazor
    RazorTazor Posts: 32
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    "You know there is an issue, so now you just need to analyse it further, and decide how many years you wish to spend focussed on your weight and on obsessing about what you cannot eat."

    That's what I am worried about. I am not sure how much longer I can last doing this. I can't even sleep at night because I keep thinking about what I ate during the day.....or should have ate or what I will weigh in the morning...it makes me sick....and I don't have money or insurance to pay for help. This is why I came to these message boards. I know you guys aren't professionals...but its all I have...
  • kimandsami
    kimandsami Posts: 2
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    I did basically the same thing as you. I dropped my calories to a really low level, I worked out a ton, and I dropped 60 pounds pretty quickly. Then I got married and my husband was horrified by how little I actually ate. I didn't have any healthy reference point to look back to, I either ate way to much and all the wrong foods, or I ate way to little and still not the right foods. I have gained back every single pound and am starting over again. This time I am determined to do it in a way that I can continue to do for the rest of my life. I refuse to live a life that doesn't allow me to be a part of food based social gatherings. I need the social interaction as much as I need a healthy lifestyle. My plan at this point is to know my limits and not be afraid to let others know what I need. If my dad invites us for dinner, I will ask what he is having. Instead of just saying no to spaghetti, I will ask him to set aside a bowl of just meat and sauce for me. Even though I know the sauce isn't how I would make it and the meat isn't the very lean meat I would make, I can make it work.

    My advice to you is to involve your family if at all possible and talk to your doctor about your concerns about an eating disorder.
  • kimandsami
    kimandsami Posts: 2
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    If you don't have insurance at all, you might contact your local health department to see if there is help available there.
  • Vercell
    Vercell Posts: 437 Member
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    You can have them things in moderration, you see people eating that way,they are not eating that way everyday or all day in most cases. I eat 6 days a week healthy and I give myself 1 cheat day of anything I want and I make sure I workout extra hard on that day. You have to live and give yourself breaks and learn it takes 3,500 calories to gain a pound. if you no you want cake and ice cream have a light day so you can add your cake without going over your calories, that way you can have your cake and eat it to. I hope this helps you are on the right track allow yourself to be happy.
  • RazorTazor
    RazorTazor Posts: 32
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    There isn't any free help or anything they could offer for free. Welcome to the world..where Doctors only concern is money and not helping those who are in need :( I just want my life back. I want to keep looking like I do now, and not have to worry every second of every day....its wearing me out..
  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
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    "You know there is an issue, so now you just need to analyse it further, and decide how many years you wish to spend focussed on your weight and on obsessing about what you cannot eat."

    That's what I am worried about. I am not sure how much longer I can last doing this. I can't even sleep at night because I keep thinking about what I ate during the day.....or should have ate or what I will weigh in the morning...it makes me sick....and I don't have money or insurance to pay for help. This is why I came to these message boards. I know you guys aren't professionals...but its all I have...

    You don't need to last doing this, you need to find a lifestyle that you can comfortably sustain and that does not leave you feeling deprived of the foods you enjoy. The bulimic tendencies have probably come about because you lost weight too quickly, and you deprived yourself too much. It is often what happens to those who were once anorexic, that they end up bulimic at some point from the deprivation they put their bodies through. I speak from experience, having once been anorexic. I find that if I get too rigid on things, it is a slippery slope down into unhealthy obsession. I think some of us are just made that way, so to speak, and are prone to go to extremes. Try and find another outlet for the obsession, try and turn it towards finding a balance that allows you to maintain your weight without missing out on family gatherings and the like.

    Heck, I go to stay with my mother for a few days sometimes, involving meals out, desserts and all kinds of stuff I do not eat at home. I come back 3 Ibs heavier, get back on track, and within a week it is gone. A week. It didn't kill me to be 3 Ibs heavier for a week, and in truth, no one but myself would even notice or care. Seriously, if you cannot resolve this yourself, find a support site for males with eating disorders or see if there is any way to get to a therapist for low or no cost.
  • jess1992uga
    jess1992uga Posts: 603 Member
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    I have battled anorexia and am now edging my way back to recovery so I totally understand and empathize with your fears and frustrations. A lot of my friends have found scholarships to residential treatment centers by calling and explaining their situation. It's hard but if you are sick and tired of the way you are living, it's worth a shot :)

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