Need support from those who struggle with binging..

debomommyforhealth

On a day when I should be relaxed, I am stressed out today about eating. I Really want a sweet. I just can't get a McDonalds McFlurry out of my mind. And, I am meeting my Dad at Bravo's for lunch, and it's my Father In Law's birthday party tonight. You should think I would be relaxed. I have a break from the kids, but I am worrying about overeating too much today! My therapist said I need to stay away from sweets (it will trigger a binge). She told me it's like having an "allergy". I need to stay away! But the book I am reading, "Breaking Free from Emotional Eating" says the opposite,

"When you no longer put foods in a box and call them forbidden, you will no longer feel the urgency to rip the box open and consume what's in it in a frenzied race against the time when you'll slam it shut again. ( Roth, Breaking Free from Emotional Eating, pg. 74)

So, do I let myself have a small sliver of cake tonight at my FIL's birthday? I am leaning towards having a small piece so I don't deprive myself. What would you do? I just want something to take the edge off, but it's so difficult having a food addiction. alcholics and drug addicts don't have to be around their "drug", but we NEED food to live. Anyway...if anyone has any thoughts or suggestions. I am doing so much better with this after getting on Celexa and meeting with a therapist monthly. But, I think it will always be a battle for me. Long for the day when I can keep a box of chocolates in the fridge and forget about them!

secretlobster

I would probably have a small piece, yes... Being able to moderate yourself and prove that you CAN have any food you want (though not all the time) without binging on it is ultimately more helpful than forbidding yourself.

Struggled with bulimia for 3 years, it's still hard, but complete deprivation didn't/wouldn't work for me personally.

billsica

There are worse things in life than cake. Have a piece. track it and make it fit into your calorie goals.

That that box of chocolates and spray them with windex.

debomommyforhealth

Thanks for your feedback, secretlobster. I also struggled with bulimia for years, but stopped after knowing what it does to my body. But, I still have slip ups with the binging. It's a struggle, and you are right. I need to prove to myself I CAN eat a piece a cake in moderation. Gonna enjoy every bite! I guess I needed permission...want to get to the point where I can give myself permission without feeling guilty for enjoying a treat once in a while!

lottycat

Honestly, I would try your absolute best to not think about it until you are at the party. Really force yourself to chill out about the food. Focus on how nice it will be to spend time with your family, catch up on news and relax without the kids.

Then just decide once you're there if you want the sweet food. If you do then have a small bit, then move physically away from it. If you end up eating lots you'll feel horrible guilty and bloated. But it's not the end of the world, just pick yourself up and start fresh and happy again tomorrow.

Good luck x

deb_109

For me I can't have a piece of cake, I know it will trigger a binge and I know it will get out of control.. It's like I cheated might as well feed the beast.. I'm 65 days binge free I'm staying away from sugar .. I'm hoping one day I can have piece and move on ,but I know I'm not strong enough .I'm getting there one day at a time... Have a low sugar fruit like strawberries and whip cream..
You must be concern if your already stressed about it so I say don't do it.... Stay in control unil you know your strong enough

Best of Luck

KristyJoy123

I can see the validity in both. I struggle with Kit Kat bars. I know, it's weird. But when I'm sitting at work, I KNOW I can go get one out of the vending machine. It becomes an obsession, and if I don't restrict it, I'll probably eat two, so know I'm no longer allowed to have Kit Kat bars. End.

I think it depends on how you look at food, really.

♥ChUbByCoyLe♥

I am a ridiculous binge eater. If it was me, i would have a small piece of cake then exercise it off. It's too hard to stick to a healthy eating plan when you deprave yourself of all the things you love.

Good luck on your weight loss journey x

dr_tina

it depends on your personality, for some people they have to steer clear and for others it is bettter to learn to have small amounts. The reason your getting different info is because people are different and you need to find out what works for you. I have handled it by having one spike day (Saturday) and it being off limits besides that day. This works for me, but it is not what is best for everyone

Amryfal

i have trouble with binging too. i can't say not to listen to your therapist. but i have found that when i avoid all the sweets and pastries that i love, my motivation only holds for so long. i manage to *occasionally* get a small package of separately wrapped hundred-calorie-packs of sweets, and then i can control the urge to eat them all. but that was only after many years of trying and failing

what do you honestly think? will the little piece of cake be enough, or will it make you miserable and want more?

Dethea

I would have a piece of cake and try not to stress about it... If you are really worried about it, try eating just the cake and leave most of the frosting on your plate.

From personal experience, the best thing for me was allowing myself to have a little bit once in awhile, and that helps keep me from overindulging. It takes a long time and a lot of work to really break yourself of the habit (I went months without binging, then after a bad week I had a bad binge last Saturday) so just know, if you do have a binge, it's okay. You will be okay. Don't beat yourself up over it. Try to accept what just happened and move on.

Stress is a binge trigger for many people. Work on not stressing over your food, and that will help.

As for your therapist... do you feel like she is really helping? Do you have a connection with her? Is she experienced with eating disorders? Maybe take the book with you to your next session and tell her how you feel about what you read. Your therapist is there to make suggestions, not tell you how to live. You can work on a solution together.

Captain_Tightpants

I think it depends on you. For some people, avoidance works better. There are some convincing studies out there that show the powerful priming effects a small amount of nutrient-light, high sugar, high fat food combination (such as cake) can have on the psyche. For a decent percentage of us, having that one slice just leads to increased craving for more, rather than satiety. For others, trying to avoid it just leads to a buildup of steam and eventual release in a binge. The trick is figuring out which type of person you are.

To complicate matters, I've noticed in my own experience, I can be either one of the two types at different times. Depending on my mood and emotional state, sometimes I need to have a little bit of something to win the psychological battle, and sometimes I need to go to extreme lengths to avoid it altogether.

It comes down to being very honest with yourself. A single slice of cake isn't going to set you back even the tiniest bit on your weight loss journey. At most it will bring your calories up to maintenance for the day. You certainly won't deposit any fat from it. But if you are internally aware that eating the one piece will lead to more, or will lead to a 'throwaway' of the whole day. Then you may be better off avoiding it.

LadyAmy20

I agree with Lollykat - focus on the other things that will be good about the event, and try to make food an afterthought. That way you can have cake but you won't be obsessing over it so it's less likely you'll binge on it.

Easier said than done, I know. I also struggled with bulimia and I've come to the conclusion that if I do have a binge, it's not the end of the world - it's better to accept it and move on and maybe try to be a bit healthier the next day, instead of dealing with it in a more stupid, unhealthy and dangerous way.

I also agree with KristyJoy in that some things set me off and so I have to just never have them. With those things I find it easier once I've decided that I won't be eating them ever, because it takes the decision out of my hands when I'm in a supermarket or whatever. It isn't even an option any more.

But, I think these things work differently for everyone. Find what works best for you and stick with it.

Add me as a friend and I'll try and give support/motivation when it's needed

ishapeme

I struggle tremenously with binge eating, especially when I go to my parents house. However, when I know I'm going out to eat, I check the resturant's menu online and choose what I'm going to eat ahead of time then track it. That way you know exactly the calories intake you'll be having. Also, if you really feel like you can't control your portion. Eat a normal portion then honestly, leave the table for a bit. Pretend you have a phone call or somethinhg. I know this is a little OCD, but if it's a serious problem for you, you have to get yourself in the right mindset. I agree, don't deprive yourself. Good luck!

P.s. Sometimes I call my parents ahead of time and ask what they will be making. That way I can track the calories ahead of time.

krisiepoo

You're trying to make a life change and changing your life should not include cutting out things that you want. If you want the piece of cake but are worried about going over your calories hit the gym and build up some extra calories or just go for a long walk.

I'm obviously not perfect otherwise I wouldn't be 50# overweight, but when I REALLY want to binge, i go to the store and buy ONE thing and LOVE it. SAVOR it. If I buy a box, i will eat whatever is in it but I will NOT deprive myself because the rest of my life will not depend on deprivation

smjarmon

it is much better to have a little than to stress out about it all day. I have a huge problem with binging but in the last couple months I haven't binged once. The only thing I changed was the way I approached "dieting". I eat a peice of chocolate if I want one, or cake, I just have less than I would have before. Stress is bad for you and your diet. Drink a big glass of water before you eat your little peice of cake. If they try and hand you a bigger piece then you think fits your goals, thank them but firmly and kindly tell them that you would like a smaller peice. When you eat it, enjoy it. After you're done, don't punish yourself. Then do something afterward that burns calories but doesn't feel like exercise, like going for a walk, or snuggling with your honey, dancing to a music video, whatever the case may be. But if you stress out about it all day eventually that little voice that sabotages you is gonna say, you deserve that cake, you're just being ridiculous, then you'll eat a huge peice after a large dinner, you'll feel gross and you'll be mad at yourself.

SamanthaD23

I think most people here have said "don't stress" in one way or another.

I had a year of therapy and discovered some very deep-set reasons for some of my overeating. I also learned my attitude towards food was described as "petulant" - I CAN have it, so I'm GONNA!

Anyways, I know it's hard but you need to r-e-l-a-x around food and listen to your body. If you ain't hungry, don't eat it. I got a whole lot of stress-vibes coming just from your post and it sounds like you've wound yourself up about food for a lot of years. Work on that.

Oh and try and think differently than "I think it will always be a battle for me" ...

We're either all right there with you mate, or we have been. Good luck.



p.s. "I might have a bit of cake so I'm not deprived" - you need to think about what you're actually depriving yourself of

debomommyforhealth

Thanks everyone. I think I am going to enjoy myself and let myself have that piece of cake and just allocate calories to go towards it. I want to become more balanced, and I want to be kind to myself. Glad to know I am not alone in this though. The one thing that makes me think I can do this is 1) we have no junk in the house I would like to binge on (so when we come home from the party, I won't get in trouble 2) My husband is very understanding and won't bring any extra cake home with us. My entire family knows of my problems with binging and are very supportive. I couldn't ask for a better support system, and I am thankful to have found MFP to help become healthier mentally and physically while losing weight! Thanks!

rlmadrid

My first and foremost tip to you is to not keep the chocolates in the fridge. If you want chocolate, leave the house and go get it. You'll be surprised at just how much binging that will stop.

Second, your therapist makes sense, but not every person is the same. I personally make allowances for cravings as long as they fit into, or don't overly surpass my calorie goal. The way I see it, being OCD about the numbers was driving my anxiety through the roof. I'm healthier this way, and still losing about a pound a week! The secret? Lifestyle change vs diet.

Restricting yourself to no sweets, no junk, no carb-laden delicacies, will just make those untouchable objects all the more appealing. If you want a slice of cake tonight, have one. But compromise, have a salad with fruit and nuts at lunch. Maybe decide to have a mini McFlurry, (half the size of the full ones they are about 500 cals), or simply choose cake or ice cream. Realize that you are not eliminating sweets for the rest of your life, but you are giving them a smaller role in your daily diet.

My last piece of advice was something I read on here (I'd credit but I can't remember where I saw it :blushing: )
"Are you hungry? Do you want some carrot sticks?" If the answer to either question is a no, then you likely don't need to eat. Perhaps between lunch and the party you'll be full enough to not really need a big dinner? You don't have to deprive yourself, just balance your life. Good luck, and have fun tonight!

SoozeE512

I'm glad you've decided to find your balance today to allow for the cake, I would have suggested the same. Don't stress over it, just savor each bite and allow the smile to spread across your face when you do I think you'll find it's much more satisfying that way.

rhymeswithfox

For me I do a couple of things. One I ask myself, what type of person do I want to be today? Everyday is different and new and an opportunity to start fresh with who you want to be. I like sweets and many other unhealthy foods but every time I told myself, "cut it out completely" that same day I would go eat a bunch of it. It's like I was challenging my inner food demons and they always won lol. So now I can eat whatever I want but in moderation and I have to write it down. The best advice for me has honestly been- don't beat yourself up, write everything you eat so you don't cheat, and just take it day and moment at a time. Talk to yourself and ask what you really want, breathe, and work with your demons not against them! So far I've stuck it out for twenty days (longest so far) and have already been seeing exciting results.