do i need divorce to get slim?

rhe280

hi guys posting on here because i dont know what to do. I have been on here for five days now and love how MFP and good friends can make this lifestyle change easy. I am literally in love However, my daily cals say to eat 1600 or so a day (which is lovely) but after i eat lunch and dinner i usually eat about 900. When i try to boost my cals with snacks in between (i dont eat breakfast, just cant eat early) my husband gets unsupportive and makes me feel guilty. The reason he does this is that a few years ago I lost nearlly 56lb in three months on 900 calories and he thinks i should do the same now.

I have tried to explain that it was because of this that i put all the weight back on (plus an extra 42lbs) and that i am not on a diet but a lifestyle change but he doesnt want to listen. He says he his happy with the way i am and its up to me if I want to lose weight but i dont know if he wants a slim wife (quick) or is delibrately trying to sabotage me so i fail.

I have the willpower to stick to 900 cals for so long but eventually i will hit a brick wall.

As of two days ago i had lost 6lb.....when i weighed today i was down a further 5lb which may sound good but i know i can lose weight quickly on 900cals but i know i wont be able to maintain it.

Any advice? or am i just being silly complaining about quick weightloss? at the end of my rope....:explode:

rhe280

cordianet

I apologize, but I had a bit of a hard time following all the points you were making, but if I'm understanding correctly, I'm guessing your husband is just concerned because he sees you eating things that in his mind make it seem like you're eating too much. He may be afraid what you're doing won't work and he's basing this on the fact that you lost a lot of weight before doing the VLCD diet. In addition, he may think that is the ONLY thing that will work so he's skeptical of this new plan. I think over time, as he sees that this WILL work for you, he'll come around. If he really loves you, his goal will be to see you healthy, however you get there.

Twiztedbeing

First, there is another conversation going on about 900 calories, you should check it out

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/658307-900-calories-and-gaining-weight?page=4#posts-9560160

secondly, I hated eating 6 meals a day and am never hungry in the morning when I wake up... never.
But, I force myself to eat, and that is not a bad thing, it will not hurt you to force eat breakfast if you are not full. it will start your metabolism going in the morning and then if you keep up the 5 other small meals a day, in a month you will get like me where I now get hungry every 2 hours like clockwork. I have never thought it would work but it has and I have lost plenty. Health wise, it will be slow, but 1200 is minimum I would say to go.

teagirlmedium

You should loose weight the healthy way. 900 calories will help you loose weight faster, but depending on how tall you are you really should not do that. You already said that you did the 900 calorie way before ans gained what you lost plus some more. Part of the reason you should loose weight slower at a higher amount of calories is because that way you can get used to eating that way and have a better chance of keeping the weight you loose off long term. Your body is the way it is now because of the way you eat most if not all of the time, if you lower your calories to any amount to get slim, and then go back to the eating the way you were before you got slim your body will go back to the way it was before you got slim as well.

Twiztedbeing

You should loose weight the healthy way. 900 calories will help you loose weight faster, but depending on how tall you are you really should not do that. You already said that you did the 900 calorie way before ans gained what you lost plus some more. Part of the reason you should loose weight slower at a higher amount of calories is because that way you can get used to eating that way and have a better chance of keeping the weight you loose off long term. Your body is the way it is now because of the way you eat most if not all of the time, if you lower your calories to any amount to get slim, and then go back to the eating the way you were before you got slim your body will go back to the way it was before you got slim as well.

Agree

shan899

You do what is needed to be healthy. If you feel that eating 1600 calories will help you lose weight and keep it off, than do it! If your husband gives you a hard time, he won't after he sees the results and realizes that they will last!

Forgive me for saying to go against your husband, but 900 cals is not healthy . Get that intake up there! But make sure it is healthy snacks, like fruit, veggies, nuts, ect. It's the best thing you can do

rhe280

thanks guys i know i need to stand up to him on this but it sometimes helps to have people confirm what you are thinking. Wish id had this site before, you cant beat the support and motivation that comes from people in the same boat as yourself. i will do what the site says and hopefully he will come around when he sees it is working for me. Thankyou

mcarter99

Does he understand the math? Can you show him your TDEE and where you're getting that 1600 target from? And that lunch and dinner only get you to 900 so you have 700 to snack on? It would also be easy to show him plenty of resources that recommend not losing more than 2 lbs/week or eating under 1200/day. It sounds like he wants what's best for you but is just confused.

If he doesn't get it, you might have to tell him that your eating isn't his business and he needs to butt out and let you do this your way. Some things are personal and a spouse shouldn't be involved in our bodily decisions.

Good luck!

suemorgan1969

Hi
Are you doing this for YOU or HIM? I hope its for you. You do it the way you know is right. Tell him to do one!!! LOL Good luck xx

cmeade20

A. You eat what/how much/when you want. Tell him to MYOB
B. I used to get naseous if I ate breakfast. I've found that if I drink a pint of water before breakfast Im hungry and able to eat.

Sidesteal

If eating breakfast makes it easier for you to hit your calorie and macronutrient targets, then eat breakfast.
If not eating breakfast makes it easier for you to hit your calorie and macronutrient targets, then don't eat breakfast.

It doesn't start your metabolism and I would let personal preference and dietary adherence rule whether or not you eat at 9am or 1pm or whenever the case may be.


On to the more important issue, it sounds to me like he is telling you one thing and doing another. If he says to you that it's your choice whether or not you diet and lose weight, but then he tells you exactly how to do things, that just seems.... sort of douchey, no offense to your husband.

Additionally, he is wrong.

odusgolp

Divorce. Yes.



OK, not really, I don't know the dude. But he sounds a bit douchey.

mslack01

If eating breakfast makes it easier for you to hit your calorie and macronutrient targets, then eat breakfast.
If not eating breakfast makes it easier for you to hit your calorie and macronutrient targets, then don't eat breakfast.

It doesn't start your metabolism and I would let personal preference and dietary adherence rule whether or not you eat at 9am or 1pm or whenever the case may be.


On to the more important issue, it sounds to me like he is telling you one thing and doing another. If he says to you that it's your choice whether or not you diet and lose weight, but then he tells you exactly how to do things, that just seems.... sort of douchey, no offense to your husband.

Additionally, he is wrong.

I agree with this.

But as a sidenote, I did lose a whole lot of weight when I went through my divorce and a lot of my friends did also. But I don't recommend it.

verptwerp

My two cents ....... "quick" weight loss, lovely as it may be, is unsustainable ....... choose healthy foods at each meal, in reasonable portions, and move more :drinker:

Best of luck to you !

mwhiteside3

No but you do need to get in control of your feelings... no one can make you feel any way without your consent. Do not give him permission to make you feel guilty. If you can't help him understand, maybe go for a walk when he starts talking the guilty talk and get him out of your healthy head!! Or when he starts, just repeat in your head to yourself, your positive inner voice that you are doing it the healthy way that can be sustained for a lifetime!

AlsDonkBoxSquat

Basically you hit the nail on the head. You're looking for a sustainable lifestyle, not a quick temporary fix. I can not sustain 900 calories per day for a lifetime. Sometimes it's good to be the turtle and sometimes it's good to be the hair . . . with weght loss I'd rather be the turtle. In the fable, while the hair would be ahead some times it is ultimate the turtle who ends up as the winner. Discuss with him the root of his concern, is it that you're eating or what you are eating? Is it that you lose weight or that you are healthy? If his concerns are that you lose wieght without health concern and that you are eating instead of the quality of your food than he is a douche and possibly a bit of a control freak. If his concer is that you are healthy and being thoughtful with your food, than talk to him about your plan and the sustainability of your lifestyle so that he can get on board with you.

Prilla04

I can relate to what you are saying to a great degree. I would tell Sweetie that you appreciate his support but this is not a journey he gets to have an opinion on. This is your journey and yours alone. You know what is best for you so do it. Tell hubby as politely as possible to educate himself before he decides to have another conversation with you about this matter.

babesintow

Sorry to hear your husband is not showing you the support you need.

I hate the idea of eating 5 "meals" a day. Everyone tends to get overwhelmed. Breakfast has always been difficult former as well as well as for my children. We started having Ensures for breakfast so at least they had something and it is better than some of the other choices that are available. Once I started watching my calories I went to protein shakes because the 30 grams of protein help keep my cravings in check.

Skipping breakfast is missing an opportunity to give your body nutrients it needs to be healthy which is why we are all here.

As far as your husband, you did not mention what type of snacks your eating...does he comment because your eating 700 calories of ice cream, cookies and cake or is he complaining about healthy snacks? A man may have actually lost weight on a "Twinkies Diet" but he certainly was not healthier for it. If you are in fact eating healthy snacks then maybe you should simply no longer share your weight loss plan with him. He certainly can not complain about something he knows nothing about. Once you have it all figured out ,and it will take a while if you want it to stick, he will be on board or not. He also might have issues of his own, watching you lose weight may cause him to fear you leaving him. He could also be concerned about your emotional well being, how have you handled putting the weight back on? You gave just enough information to make him sound like a bad guy and he very well could be, but there is also a chance he isn't and you are just upset in the moment.

As long as he isn't abusive I say stay put. It is more important that you put your health first. Changing your way of life is hard enough add divorce on top of it is not going to help you tackle your weight issues. Most of us, our emotions and food go hand in hand.

Good luck finding your way.

mcarter99

I don't think there's anything magical about breakfast, and I don't think personal anecdotes generally mean anything, but I'm going to share this anyway. If you tend to eat more late at night, forcing yourself to get used to a small, late breakfast might help. If I don't make myself do it, I'll wait til noon to eat and then I get feeling like I'm playing catch-up with my appetite all day. I eat like a tiny dish of oatmeal and some fruit in mid-morning and it seems to keep the appetite in check all day and curb the night munchies.

JesterMFP

First, there is another conversation going on about 900 calories, you should check it out

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/658307-900-calories-and-gaining-weight?page=4#posts-9560160

secondly, I hated eating 6 meals a day and am never hungry in the morning when I wake up... never.
But, I force myself to eat, and that is not a bad thing, it will not hurt you to force eat breakfast if you are not full. it will start your metabolism going in the morning and then if you keep up the 5 other small meals a day, in a month you will get like me where I now get hungry every 2 hours like clockwork. I have never thought it would work but it has and I have lost plenty. Health wise, it will be slow, but 1200 is minimum I would say to go.

There's no need to eat breakfast if you don't want to. It doesn't "start" your metabolism - your metabolism is working all the time. It doesn't need revving up in the morning. Some people feel better having a big breakfast, some feel better not eating until later in the day. It's down to personal preference. Likewise, there's no need to have 6 small meals a day, unless that suits your lifestyle. It makes no difference to weight loss. If it works for you, that's great, but it's really not necessary. I know I wouldn't like being hungry every two hours.

OP - I'm sorry you're not getting the support from your husband. It sounds like you've figured out that eating 900 calories a day isn't the answer long-term. You can lose weight quickly, but you've done that before - and put it back on. Why not take this opportunity to make a permanent lifestyle change - lose the weight and maintain the loss for good. I don't know what to suggest other than just to keep explaining to him your reasons. Perhaps he thinks he is helping by making you feel guilty. If he's used to you being on a very low calorie diet, he might think that's the only way to do it. Just keep trying to explain what you're doing - that you want to get enough calories each day. By snacking, you're not "cheating", you're just making sure that you are fuelling your body with adequate nutrients. If you read around these message boards, you'll find lots of success stories of people who have lost weight on a higher level of calories. Hopefully, he will come around in time, especially when he sees the results!

If you're struggling to get to your target with just two meals, try to get more calorie-dense foods like nuts, nut butters, cheese, avocados, eggs, olive oil etc. If you normally eat "low fat" or "diet" products, switch to the full-fat versions (milk, cheese, mayo, butter etc). You can also drink your calories - milk, almond milk, smoothies.

emily2tx

My husband used to say stuff to me too. Eventually he stopped saying anything about what I eat because I lost the weight and he is still struggling. I did it for me and that is what you need to do too!

ddky

I have been married 36 years, but I would not and do not let him dictate what I do or do not eat. Your husband is your partner in life, not your boss. Make it very clear to him what your goals and intentions are and what help (if any) you want from him. If he steps over the line, then back him up. Good luck on your journey. And P.S. 900 cal is not the way to go.

MeMyCatsandI

secondly, I hated eating 6 meals a day and am never hungry in the morning when I wake up... never.
But, I force myself to eat, and that is not a bad thing, it will not hurt you to force eat breakfast if you are not full. it will start your metabolism going in the morning and then if you keep up the 5 other small meals a day, in a month you will get like me where I now get hungry every 2 hours like clockwork.

You should NOT force yourself to eat if you're not hungry! I eat 2 meals a day (with Intermittent Fasting) and as you can see by my ticker, I lose weight just fine!
And BTW, who the eff wants to be hungry every 2 hours? Sounds like death warmed over to me!