"Dieting" got you down? Please read!
SuperCork
Posts: 192 Member
Today, I weighed in and am officially 80lbs down from my all-time heaviest, which was almost exactly this day in 2009: I saw a picture of myself, weighed in, and decided enough was enough...of course, life is not so simple.
I won't use this post to get into a lot of details on my fat loss journey (this will explain why I'm not saying "weight loss" : http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/654923-frustrated-w-the-scale-and-or-dieting-read-this), but I will (briefly) get into the importance of your mental and emotional state in this journey...and in life!
About a year ago, I began becoming not only the person I want to be, but the person I have almost always suspected was somewhere in here but unable (unwilling?) to face the world. Why? A host of reasons, but mainly fear (of success and failure, of being "found out", of myself and my emotions, my role in the world, and ultimately that I'm really a piece of sad garbage who is not even brave enough to just...end things, etc., ad nauseum) and lack of self-love (a blanket term I use to include confidence, self-esteeem, forgiveness, and the ability to see the immense good coexisting with all the bad).
About a year ago, a single decision was the catalyst I'd been needing, wanting, and half-heartedly dreaming of: I ended the most unhealthy romantic relationship I'd ever been in, which is really saying something since I've only ever had pathetically unhealthy ones, but I digress...Anyway, after nearly a year of essentially hitting the rockiest bottom of my emotional life something...clicked. In a (rare) span of time to myself, the physical addiction to this person and our sad connection cracked ever so slightly and showed me my future, which if no change was made, consisted of three possibilities: death, jail, or soul death--the most frightening to me of the trio. In a flash of (what I'd convinced myself to believe was) uncharacteristic personal strength, I threw out the boyfriend I'd been supporting financially, emotionally--and I have no doubt, eventually physically--abused by and had abused, cut all ties (and they have remained cut--another new thing for me), and then? Then I got on with the business of being emotionally devastated in a number of ways (including a "breakup" with a best friend shortly thereafter and the realization that neither of my parents is emotionally equipped to support me the way I really needed--shocker right? All is forgiven with them, though: they are victims of victims and gave me the absolute best start in life they were capable of, and I appreciate them for that).
To be effortlessly cliched: it's always darkest before the dawn.
The one thing that got me through those (many) darkest days and nights in the beginning was my absolute and unwavering faith in the fact that, no matter how much the breakup and surrounding fallout hurt us and others (our families have a strong connection that predates our relationship), I HAD MADE THE RIGHT DECISION. Period. Of course, things still didn't change overnight, but they DID begin to change and continue to do so. Why? I'm so glad (I'm pretending) you ask...
Today I happened to stumble across this blog post from the New York Times: http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/07/02/how-to-make-optimism-work-for-you-2/. I strongly suggest you read it. What struck me most about this post was the list of practical things you can do to improve yourself and life at the end: this is what I've been doing, in stages, one day at a time, brick by brick, a little more each time, since last August. Every. Single. One.
And...? It's hard as hell, but it works! Before I started doing these things (some I stumbled upon intuitively, others logically, others were inspired by the teachings/writings/ramblings of the "converted"), I'd always, ALWAYS assumed that any person who claimed to be pretty content with life or "high on life" were straight up liars or idiots who were telling me this in order to convince themselves it's true...Now, I am pleasantly surprised to have discovered how naive I was. Of course, there's probably a strong percentage of people my assumption does apply to (but even so, "fake it till you make it" can be a powerful force, so I salute anyone trying to make positive change, no matter the logistics); however, seeing how unbelievably far I've come and FINALLY being able to truly, clearly envision and believe in the path that I want to keep taking, I know it really is possible to feel this high--and yes, I am completely aware of how what I'm writing may make me sound. And you know what? I don't give a mother****.
Moral of this (probably too-long) story? Change is hard and requires a ****-ton of work and commitment; however, your mental and emotional state, your ability to LOVE and FORGIVE yourself (would you ever say or imply even 10% of what you tell yourself about yourself to your kids, friends, pets, enemies, George W. Bush? Think about that...), and most of all the ability to see all the good all around you while still respecting the bad will make 5000% (I know--shut up, nerd) more difference in your overall satisfaction with yourself and ability to keep slogging through the challenges of fat loss (and life--let's face it, this fat loss business is a total metaphor for big picture stuff) than ANY calorie counting, workout, beating yourself up, or fad diet will EVER make. Period.
Best of luck!
As always, I'm open to new friends ESPECIALLY those who are very funny (snarky is also totally acceptable--okay, encouraged). I am also not opposed to men with shamelessly gratuitous pics of their wonderful bodies...I like to "celebrate" their "success" by ogling said pics.
I won't use this post to get into a lot of details on my fat loss journey (this will explain why I'm not saying "weight loss" : http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/654923-frustrated-w-the-scale-and-or-dieting-read-this), but I will (briefly) get into the importance of your mental and emotional state in this journey...and in life!
About a year ago, I began becoming not only the person I want to be, but the person I have almost always suspected was somewhere in here but unable (unwilling?) to face the world. Why? A host of reasons, but mainly fear (of success and failure, of being "found out", of myself and my emotions, my role in the world, and ultimately that I'm really a piece of sad garbage who is not even brave enough to just...end things, etc., ad nauseum) and lack of self-love (a blanket term I use to include confidence, self-esteeem, forgiveness, and the ability to see the immense good coexisting with all the bad).
About a year ago, a single decision was the catalyst I'd been needing, wanting, and half-heartedly dreaming of: I ended the most unhealthy romantic relationship I'd ever been in, which is really saying something since I've only ever had pathetically unhealthy ones, but I digress...Anyway, after nearly a year of essentially hitting the rockiest bottom of my emotional life something...clicked. In a (rare) span of time to myself, the physical addiction to this person and our sad connection cracked ever so slightly and showed me my future, which if no change was made, consisted of three possibilities: death, jail, or soul death--the most frightening to me of the trio. In a flash of (what I'd convinced myself to believe was) uncharacteristic personal strength, I threw out the boyfriend I'd been supporting financially, emotionally--and I have no doubt, eventually physically--abused by and had abused, cut all ties (and they have remained cut--another new thing for me), and then? Then I got on with the business of being emotionally devastated in a number of ways (including a "breakup" with a best friend shortly thereafter and the realization that neither of my parents is emotionally equipped to support me the way I really needed--shocker right? All is forgiven with them, though: they are victims of victims and gave me the absolute best start in life they were capable of, and I appreciate them for that).
To be effortlessly cliched: it's always darkest before the dawn.
The one thing that got me through those (many) darkest days and nights in the beginning was my absolute and unwavering faith in the fact that, no matter how much the breakup and surrounding fallout hurt us and others (our families have a strong connection that predates our relationship), I HAD MADE THE RIGHT DECISION. Period. Of course, things still didn't change overnight, but they DID begin to change and continue to do so. Why? I'm so glad (I'm pretending) you ask...
Today I happened to stumble across this blog post from the New York Times: http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/07/02/how-to-make-optimism-work-for-you-2/. I strongly suggest you read it. What struck me most about this post was the list of practical things you can do to improve yourself and life at the end: this is what I've been doing, in stages, one day at a time, brick by brick, a little more each time, since last August. Every. Single. One.
And...? It's hard as hell, but it works! Before I started doing these things (some I stumbled upon intuitively, others logically, others were inspired by the teachings/writings/ramblings of the "converted"), I'd always, ALWAYS assumed that any person who claimed to be pretty content with life or "high on life" were straight up liars or idiots who were telling me this in order to convince themselves it's true...Now, I am pleasantly surprised to have discovered how naive I was. Of course, there's probably a strong percentage of people my assumption does apply to (but even so, "fake it till you make it" can be a powerful force, so I salute anyone trying to make positive change, no matter the logistics); however, seeing how unbelievably far I've come and FINALLY being able to truly, clearly envision and believe in the path that I want to keep taking, I know it really is possible to feel this high--and yes, I am completely aware of how what I'm writing may make me sound. And you know what? I don't give a mother****.
Moral of this (probably too-long) story? Change is hard and requires a ****-ton of work and commitment; however, your mental and emotional state, your ability to LOVE and FORGIVE yourself (would you ever say or imply even 10% of what you tell yourself about yourself to your kids, friends, pets, enemies, George W. Bush? Think about that...), and most of all the ability to see all the good all around you while still respecting the bad will make 5000% (I know--shut up, nerd) more difference in your overall satisfaction with yourself and ability to keep slogging through the challenges of fat loss (and life--let's face it, this fat loss business is a total metaphor for big picture stuff) than ANY calorie counting, workout, beating yourself up, or fad diet will EVER make. Period.
Best of luck!
As always, I'm open to new friends ESPECIALLY those who are very funny (snarky is also totally acceptable--okay, encouraged). I am also not opposed to men with shamelessly gratuitous pics of their wonderful bodies...I like to "celebrate" their "success" by ogling said pics.
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Replies
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As Arj Barker once said, "DUDE! I already DO that!"
I see a similarity in our mindsets that must mean something good! I've been trying to keep my idealism and optimism up lately (yes, I know there's a difference between the two), and I think it's my belief that "all things are possible" (including WONDERFUL things) that helps me keep moving forward. Well... Helps keep me sane, is probably a better phrase. Sometimes I take steps in the direction of progress, sometimes I falter. But I press onward, and I'm hoping and expecting more and better things--I anticipate good results from this, but I know it's going to take action as well as positive thinking!
But I commend you in your journey and I think this post has something that more than a few men and women in the world need to hear right now!0 -
As Arj Barker once said, "DUDE! I already DO that!"
I see a similarity in our mindsets that must mean something good!
I know this isn't what you meant, but I find that bit rather amusing as well...0 -
ahhh the whole "negative voice in our head" demon biaaatch needs to shut her mouth!
It truly is a battle to block those negative thoughts and make the switch to thinking more positively. I had a situation occur last year that forced me to really dig a little deeper into why I was feeling the way I was and it flipped that switch for me.
Great Post!0 -
Im new here just starting today. Have dieted alot in the past and always got really frustrated and just let it all go. I want this time to be different and ill really have to think about what you wrote. Wow.0
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hmmm, I would tell George Bush, ''you talk funny''... Crap, I tell myself that all the time! and a host of other aweful things that I shouldn't! Thanks this was a SUPER AWESOME (jerk myself back into reality and love myself and praise myself for my accomplishments ) post!!!!
<<<happy tears 0 -
You made some REALLY AMAZING POINTS IN THIS! THank you so much!!!!!!!!!!!!0
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Thanks for the post. It's very well written and hits home more than you know! 0
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Wonderful post! The end of toxic relationships (in my case, with several members of my family) were the starting point of my journey to a better, fitter version of myself.
Thanks for sharing!I am also not opposed to men with shamelessly gratuitous pics of their wonderful bodies...I like to "celebrate" their "success" by ogling said pics.
This is the best idea EVER.
Dear men of MFP, I hereby formally offer to celebrate your successes by objectifying and shamelessly ogling you.0 -
Amzing post! I wish you wrote this sooner!0
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i love this, the power of positivity is so amazing and has helped me come out of my shell so much more and improved my art and now my health. love thiiis.
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Thanks for so much good will everyone.
Also--Myfitnessval: love it!0
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