Could really use some advice

knickels1987
knickels1987 Posts: 212 Member
in Chit-Chat
So, I had been talking to this guy for going on 4 weeks and everything is going fabulous.
The only thing that isn't there yet is that he HAS NOT asked me to be his girlfriend. He tells me he likes me and he knows I like him a lot but he said he is just scared to jump into a relationship (which is what I want).

He tells me that I am incredible, fantastic and amazing. Calls me baby, babydoll all of those sweet things. Says he could tell me things that he has never been comfortable telling anyone else. But is still afraid to be in a relationship, I mean he has even told me that he wants to be in a relationship with me and that he isn't looking anywhere else. But he just doesn't want to make it final yet because we are still "learning" each other.

THE ONLY thing I have my doubts about is that he just recently broke up with his ex a couple months ago and he found out she is pregnant.

I just am so stinkin' CONFUSED!!!

Opinions/ Advice... Greatly appreciated :)

Replies

  • crobl
    crobl Posts: 380
    hey girl -

    So, obviously everyone's situation is different, all I know about you is what you've said, and I'm by no means a relationship expert. But, there are things in what you said, that are reminicient of a past relationship of mine.

    I dated this guy for quite awhile - and it was the same. He said how much he liked me, how attractive I am, how scared he is of getting hurt again, how amazing I am (duh), at on and on.... That part of it was great. BUT, he wouldn't make anything official, avoiding my friends, didn't want me to know his friends (he always said he didn't want to share me with anyone), and whatnot.

    Well, despite how much I liked him - I realized that I didn't want the 'relationship' to be on his terms...and I ended things. I made a decision that if someone didn't want to be with me, and really be with me...then I'd rather be alone than do things half*ssed.

    I don't know if my experience will help you at all - but if you're anything like me, then you too deserve someone who makes you happy and wants to make a real commitment.
  • Lee510
    Lee510 Posts: 46
    /\ /\ Post of the Day! No more calls please. We have a winner!
  • EBFNP
    EBFNP Posts: 529 Member
    You've only known him for 4 weeks though....That isn't enough time, IMO, to commit to a relationship with someone. If you want something concrete now, then you should just move on. This guy doesn't work with your pace at the moment.
  • chasingpavements24
    chasingpavements24 Posts: 107 Member
    I agree with Crobi. I mean, especially this line: "I mean he has even told me that he wants to be in a relationship with me and that he isn't looking anywhere else. But he just doesn't want to make it final yet because we are still "learning" each other." To ME, it just sounds like such a roundabout, contradictory statement. Either you want to be in a relationship or not. You can still learn about each other if you are in a relationship.

    Also, is the baby his? If yes, RUN! There are so many couples that try to get back together and make it work for the baby's sake. You don't want to be caught in the middle of that.
  • karenjoy
    karenjoy Posts: 1,840 Member
    I think its best if you just turn round and walk a long way away from this right about now....
  • sshap21712
    sshap21712 Posts: 139

    THE ONLY thing I have my doubts about is that he just recently broke up with his ex a couple months ago and he found out she is pregnant.
  • sharpeoplepc
    sharpeoplepc Posts: 84 Member
    Starting a relationship shouldn't be this hard. It either happens or it doesn't. This sound like the latter. Also, if his ex is pregnant, run the other way! Even if it does work out, it sounds like there will be a whole lot of drama involved. You deserve better!
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
    I agree with Crobi. I mean, especially this line: "I mean he has even told me that he wants to be in a relationship with me and that he isn't looking anywhere else. But he just doesn't want to make it final yet because we are still "learning" each other." To ME, it just sounds like such a roundabout, contradictory statement. Either you want to be in a relationship or not. You can still learn about each other if you are in a relationship.

    Also, is the baby his? If yes, RUN! There are so many couples that try to get back together and make it work for the baby's sake. You don't want to be caught in the middle of that.

    This. A brand new baby? He needs to work out some life issues before he thinks about working on a new relationship. There are so many ABSOLUTELY SINGLE (you know he still is talking to the ex if they have a baby) men that don't have baby mama drama. Get you a good catch, not one with a hook, line and sinker.

    If you still choose to stay talking to him, just hope the baby mama isn't a crazy B or you'll have some broken windows one day when you leave for work in the morning.
  • Eleanorjanethinner
    Eleanorjanethinner Posts: 563 Member
    "Danger, danger Will Robinson!"

    A pregnant recent ex is going to be a major distraction - his first child? That's a lot of emotion right there... (whether she keeps it or not)

    And he says he doesn't want to commit to a relationship...

    I know it must be intoxicating having him say nice things about you, be so affectionate etc but my advice is back off for at least a few months (if not another year) to let him heal, deal with the baby thing, make sure he's not going back to her etc. Tell him why you're backing off and that you'd be happy to hear from him when he's got his head together...

    I think at the moment that guy and that situation is a guaranteed receipe for heartbreak, but up to you!
  • onedayillbeamilf
    onedayillbeamilf Posts: 966 Member
    hey girl -

    So, obviously everyone's situation is different, all I know about you is what you've said, and I'm by no means a relationship expert. But, there are things in what you said, that are reminicient of a past relationship of mine.

    I dated this guy for quite awhile - and it was the same. He said how much he liked me, how attractive I am, how scared he is of getting hurt again, how amazing I am (duh), at on and on.... That part of it was great. BUT, he wouldn't make anything official, avoiding my friends, didn't want me to know his friends (he always said he didn't want to share me with anyone), and whatnot.

    Well, despite how much I liked him - I realized that I didn't want the 'relationship' to be on his terms...and I ended things. I made a decision that if someone didn't want to be with me, and really be with me...then I'd rather be alone than do things half*ssed.

    I don't know if my experience will help you at all - but if you're anything like me, then you too deserve someone who makes you happy and wants to make a real commitment.

    This x 1,0000000
  • george29223
    george29223 Posts: 556 Member
    charlie browns ma ma said it best ........ wa waa wamp wa wamp waa waa
  • terri0527
    terri0527 Posts: 678 Member
    This should have a big red blinking light saying "RUN AWAY NOW, FAST AS YOU CAN!"
  • Melanie_RS
    Melanie_RS Posts: 417 Member
    This should have a big red blinking light saying "RUN AWAY NOW, FAST AS YOU CAN!"

    AGREED!!! new relationship will have to be shared (interrupted) by new baby daddy responsibilities. if he's responsible, he'll have to pay $, spend time, and it's a lot of talking to the ex.....girl, run, run run and log those calories too! ;)
  • Karrix
    Karrix Posts: 288
    His ex being pregnant is a reason to rethink the situation. He will be having a child, she will be in the picture throughout the entire relationship. Things will be very complicated.
  • DesignGuy
    DesignGuy Posts: 457 Member
    Walk away. He's knocked up a chick and is now running away and off to you. This is a boy, not a man. And in the end, you'll be no different than his last fling.

    Also, judge a man by his actions not his words.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    THE ONLY thing I have my doubts about is that he just recently broke up with his ex a couple months ago and he found out she is pregnant.

    I would try and get out of this right now - let him deal with the girl for a while - and then reevaluate and see what is going to happen.

    But a little something - if he says he wants a relationship but doesn't make a move, it probably means he doesn't want a relationship with you. My advice would be to move on and find someone better.
  • daaamon
    daaamon Posts: 25
    He seems like a great guy, give him a shot
  • foxyforce
    foxyforce Posts: 3,078 Member
    i always think people are lying when they say they don't want to jump into a relationship.
  • MashaSK
    MashaSK Posts: 142 Member
    Be patient. All men are different. It's good if he does nto rush in relationships. You shall worry if in half a year he won't introduce you to his parents, not before
  • geral64
    geral64 Posts: 9 Member
    Wow. Way to bury the lead.

    Given the new baby, I would suggest you run, don't walk, to the nearest exit.

    Run.

    You deserve so much better than a half-hearted relationship with someone who wants to "learn" you while remaining uncommitted. While his ex is bearing his child.

    He isn't where you wish he was in terms of your relationship. Enter the new baby and the hormonal baby mama.

    Drama.

    We all make choices that wind up hurting us, sometimes even when we see the train heading toward us. I hope you don't choose to be hurt! :)

    Good luck.
  • AZDizzy
    AZDizzy Posts: 434 Member
    I tend to take men at their word, so if one tells me they don't want to be in a relationship, I believe him and act accordingly. Adding in the large life-changes that come with the ex being pregnant, I'd be pushing the "next" button. Your mileage may vary.
  • brett1117
    brett1117 Posts: 208
    SLOOOOOOOW DOWN!! it's only 4 weeks!!
  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
    As soon as thr baby comes he is gone
  • ComicBookGeekGirl
    ComicBookGeekGirl Posts: 202
    Walk away. He's knocked up a chick and is now running away and off to you. This is a boy, not a man. And in the end, you'll be no different than his last fling.

    Also, judge a man by his actions not his words.
    Yes! This!!
  • BVannillie
    BVannillie Posts: 140
    I agree with getting the hell out. I know you like him so it's going to be tough, but really he doesn't seem to know what he's doing or what he wants. He'll probably just play you along and never commit and you'll be left heart-broken. Personally I would never date anyone who's just broken up with someone else, as it never ends well. Even if he was really into you and wanted a relationship his ex would probably ruin it. I say there are plenty of good men out there who know what they want and don't have emotional baggage that they plan on dumping on you.

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