question for people who have been fat all their life

FuneralDiner

I've also been fat my entire life. Not huuuuge, but.. bigger than everyone else.

I just got used to it. I was never really bullied at school for my weight but I've had confidence issues for so long now. I want to be able to wear bikinis and skimpy clothing and leave the house without worrying whether I look fat in this.

milkandtea

I've been overweight my entire life. When I was really young, I didn't even realize that I was fat. Weight and appearance weren't things that I cared about - I was busy having fun and being a kid. And then I entered middle school and suddenly both of those things became a huge deal. I was teased relentlessly and went from loving school to pretending that I was sick, just so I wouldn't have to face the other kids at school. I missed out on a lot as a teenager because I let it get under my skin. I dealt with horrible self-esteem issues that I still struggle with today. Hopefully that changes when I lose the weight.

I weighed myself this morning and had to laugh though. I weigh less now (at 21) than I did in middle school.

jackieatx

I guess I never really coped with it, I always knew I was unhappy, I was depressed there was one yr when I gained about 80 lbs my dr got on my moms case they were very worried but to me its like I didnt care about anything. I was sort of detached. In my family they would kind of make fun of you if you were dieting or exercising because we didnt do that, its like you were meant to be the way you are. I am still struggling in my journey so far I have lost 45 lbs, started at 265 +/- and now at 220 its hard to shake that feeling. But I feel like Im doing better now that almost all of my family knows that Im watching what I eat and started to learn to exercise. I feel very good in my skin now. Its still a work in progress but Im getting there.

Oh wow. Good for you for deviating from what you knew. I hope your family sees the changes you make and decide to follow in your footsteps.

bear_28

I've struggled with being overweight for as long as I could remember. I have huge insecurity issues since aside from my weight, I was also struggling with acne and I have dark skin (in my country, looking Caucasian equates to beauty). I never dated and was always the "funny girl". I think when you don't really like how you look, you do your best to make people laugh and like you in hopes that you will like yourself a bit. It's twisted but I have this mentality that though I may not be the pretty girl, I was funny and smart. And well, I was hung up on the idea that those 2 mattered most. Somebody would eventually see that and see the beautiful person I am on the inside. Sadly, reality is far from that.

I could never relate to married moms who would say, "When I was younger I weighed less than 100 pounds!" or "I used to have a 24-inch waistline" or "I used to always rock a 2-piece bikini!" Then they look at me, and expect me to say something similar. :embarassed:

Anyways, I came across this quote that struck me big time.
"IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO BE WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN" - George Elliot

Suddenly, it hit me. I can gripe and whine all I want and nothing will change. Or I could take charge of my life and be the person I want to become. I know its not rocket science but for me, it wasn't easy. I was caught up in the idea that people shouldn't judge me. But the truth was, I was also judging myself.

I'm now 26. I want to go through the next half of my life being fit, healthy, and pretty. I'm tired of making excuses for myself. I'm starting to love myself and accept myself more. Nobody else has the power over it, except me (of course, aside from God). I still have a long way to go - in terms of nutrition, exercise and motivation. But I'm getting there. I'm being the person I was meant to be. :flowerforyou:

camiah

I've been overweight since I was about seven, so I have no clue what a thin and fit me would look like. Well, I know what a thin five year old me looks like, since I have photos. But otherwise, no clue.

My weight and my reaction to it is hopelessly intertwined with depression. I doubt the weight gain caused the depression, there is a pretty significant family history of depression, but they certainly worked together in a vicious feedback loop that kept me miserable and gaining weight. Coping--I became more aggressive in some ways. I became more willing to get into a fight (I still have a scar on my neck from a childhood fight that I think was caused by someone teasing the fat girl). I also became an underachiever. I wasn't what I wanted to be, there was no point in trying, because I might fail, so better not to really try. That carried over into many other parts of my life, and has been extraordinarily damaging as an adult. I also became more passive, because I didn't want to draw attention to myself that might be negative. I didn't want to be seen. I hid behind humor and snark, and was the funny fat girl if I ever showed up on anyone's radar. I learned not to trust people, since even people who were friends couldn't be counted on not to mock me for my weight occasionally. I never knew where it was going to come from. I avoided guys, convinced I wasn't attractive enough to deserve to date. I skipped prom, high school dances, everything like that.

Overall the combination of weight and depression have had a tremendously negative impact on my life. I'm dealing with the depression, and trying to develop some of the skills and habits that I would have been well served to learn when I was younger, and now I'm ready to start working on the weight bit.

It is just so depressing, to see it written out like that.

agent99oz

I think the mental is just as hard as the physical - took me 10 years to accept my body after I lost my first round of weight - it's not an easy journey - guess you need to ask yourself how you got to where you are now....

SolarLibra

I made jokes about myself to ease everyone around me, but I never coped with it until last year. I know why I used to eat, and I had to change that. I cut myself twice over some comments, once in 8th grade, and once in 11th. I just figured "What's the point in trying to lose weight?" I know the point now

In 5th grade, I was 114. I know it's not as bad as I've seen in some schools now, but I remember this chick, Arminenda Figueroa, got a hold of some ID for the police if I was kidnapped, and said, "You weigh 114. God, how much do you eat, lard *kitten*?!" And that has always stuck with me. I did have some meat on my bones, but I was also already a C cup and 5'3 (I'm only 5'7.5 now).

In 8th, I was probably 230. In 12th, maybe 250. I hit 275 in after my 4 years in college.

I just kept denying it was that bad, or I'd joke about it even though I was miserable that I let it go as bad as it was. I finally found a support group and a great therapist that helped me last year to work through a lot of that mess.

sammniamii

I have been big my whole life, like even at age 5 in K-grade, I remember I was twice the size of everybody else in class.

And as to dealing, I ingored it for the longest time. The few times I tried to loose weight (doctor ordered) it never helped (but I blame myself & my family - I was 10/11 and the doctors put me on a major crash diet, but my parents only enforced it on me. Not my 2 sisters or themselves, imagine being 10/11 and your dinner is a plate of steamed veggies, no butter or salt, while the rest of the family sits at the same table eating meatloaf, tatoes, drinking soda and cake....)

When I finally left home, in my early 20's I tried to loose weight. Joined a gym, worked 2 FT jobs, got down to 220 then got injured and stopped. Years pasted, I regained my weight (300+) and in 2004/2005 I tried again. Got down to 220 by cutting calories to 1000-1200 or less and 4 hours of exercise a day. Had medical issues and re-injured, stopped again. Regain.

Now, I have finally learned what I was doing wrong, what I need to do over what I was doing, how to properly exercise and NOT hurt myself (although I still hurt alot).... I will do this or else.

WildcatMom82

I honestly was pretty happy with myself, it wasn't until after I lost weight I was unhappy with my body. I was 200 lbs most of high school and gained another 20 or so after starting college. I started working out with a friend junior year and found I really enjoyed it, the food part didn't come later for me. It took 4 years, but I lost 75 lbs and got down to a low of 145 which I never would have thought possible. Now after 2 kids I'm back to almost 200 lbs and it has been slow losing. I'm a lot unhappier with myself now than I was before, I think because now I know what it was like to not be overweight and it was kind of awesome.

pittskaa

For me I was around 170 during high school and I thought it was the fattest thing ever. I constantly was looking around rooms comparing myself to everyone. I was so shy and unconfident. Now I would kill to be back at that weight. But it's strange becasue I have alot more confidence now than I do then!
But being bigger my whole life is going to make it easier for me to lose weight, I'm just so sick of it! Good luck!

lizzieollie

I have been overweight all of my life. I was happy for most of my laugh, I was not made fun of in highschool, I was around 200lbs when I graduated. I gained a lot when I moved away and even more when I moved back now I am 337 but I have kept off 24lbs for over a year. I like to exercise it makes me feel good about myself. I wish you luck in your journey to discover what is underneath.

marie_cressman

I've been heavy my entire life topping the scales at 304lbs. I don't know what I weighed in high school, but I know that I wore a size 20/22 and I got up to a size 24/26ish just a few years after. I'm now 185lbs and I feel fantastic most days, but it's taken me a long time to really see myself in the mirror. I often would see 300lbs and be disgusted and hated when people told me I was looking good. It wasn't until this year that I have looked in the mirror and said "wow... i look really good." Yes, I have my flaws. I have loose skin from the weight loss and I have a "sad belly button" (LOL my belly button area droops a little so it looks like a frown), but I've finally started looking in the mirror and saying "there isn't a damn thing wrong with me! I look great!" I regret all the years I hated myself and my body. I should have loved my body all along and it would have made this process much easier on me. I'm still 30lbs overweight and I want to lose only 25 of those pounds. Right now, my goal is 160lbs. I think that would be a great healthy weight for me even if it is 5lbs over. I'm already down to a size 10/12. I'm already pretty thin in my face. You can see my collar bones very well and I can see my ribs really well when i raise my arms into the air. I want to look strong and healthy. I don't want to look sickly and too thin. I will of course decide once I get to 160lbs, but for now that's my goal and I think it's a very healthy goal for me. :happy:

pinkglitz

Started getting chubby by puberty and just kept getting heavier, was totally depressed throughout my teens because of it but met my fiancé by 20. I managed to lose like 50 odd lbs the first 18 months we were together and was SO happy, still had self confidence issues but definately happier with myself and what i saw in the mirror but after I started having babies I gradually put weight on till I realised I was only about 20lbs from my heaviest last yr. figured it was high time to get a grip again.

I NEVER liked myself heavy, I wasn't bullied but I knew I was always bigger than other kids growing up. My family called me strong or big boned but that just meant fat to me. Looking back though I remember thinking I was huge about 11/12 but when I see pics of myself I was totally normal but compared to the body shape of my peers I felt enormous!

I don't think even if I hit my ideal weight I will totally be ok with myself though, it's too ingrained I think.

shar140

I have no idea what this "back to high school weight" thing is, either. I was always big - like, 80lb in kindergarten big (around age 5 - my mom said I started gaining around age 2-3), 140lb in 3rd grade (age 9), 240-250s in high school. I've never known what skinny, or a healthy weight would be (on me). I'm around 180lb now (my highest weight pre-MFP was 260s, so I'm down 80lb), which is the lowest I've ever been in my adult life, yet this is still "obese". I still struggle with being this "small" (I know this is a relative term), as in my mind sometimes I still see myself as the 200lb+ version of me. I had to do an exercise a few weeks ago where I had a partner, and we had to carry each other on our backs a certain distance - in my mind I was like, there's no way this girl can carry me! But she did. And I'm still awed that I can now wear size 12 pants - I'm not even used to not having to shop in the plus sizes anymore.

PS, I'm only 5'3".

marie_cressman

I don't think even if I hit my ideal weight I will totally be ok with myself though, it's too ingrained I think.

for a long time, i felt like this. it honestly wasnt until this year when i was able to see how strong i was getting and how much better i felt in my clothes that i started to love my body and the way i look. it has helped to have a lot of support from family and friends.

finchase

Fat all my life. Suffered some severe teasing in school, too, which perhaps helps explain my at times crippling shyness all these years later. I've never felt comfortable in my skin. As someone else said, I know in my head that I'm not really fat anymore (even though I have haven't reached my ideal weight yet), but I don't feel that way yet. Also, I don't trust it. I've lost weight before (over 170 lbs once), and I gained it all back plus more.

People who have never been overweight--and I mean really overweight, not the people who want to lose 10-15 lbs--have no idea how biased the world is against obese people. Apparently, it is quite acceptable to make fun of fat people on TV--Andy Rooney once commented on "60 Minutes" that the only two groups that it was politically correct to hate now are fat people and insurance companies. Try watching "Bones" for awhile and see how fat people are regarded on that show. If there's a fat person on the show, I know that person is going to end up being the killer.

mscrumbyy

I've always been big and to be honest it never really bothered me until I piled on weight during my last relationship (and so did he, we were awful), I didn't realise how much I'd changed until I was single again. My main reason for wanting to get in shape now is purely because I'd love to wear what I like, and do whatever I like without being restricted by the fact that I'm so unfit. I sort of always figured there was more to life.

kristyso

I don't remember ever being a thin girl, I was always the big girl that kept up with the boys and kicked their butts. I remembering being in elementary school eating my daily salad, that I brought from home. Yep, that young and being put on a diet is not fun. Nobody ever really messed with me throughout school, I was funny, I was likeable, but as far as boyfriends go, didn't have one of those till senior year. I think the most crap I got actually came from family, "Oh, you should loose that weight your such a pretty girl" that's my favorite. Eventually you get out of school and people become people not the "clique" they use to hangout in. I pretty much convinced myself that I'm big and always will be, I accepted it, in fact I became somewhat proud of myself for finally being comfortable with my body. Enter kids, and my weight ballooning to 325 lbs with my second child, it's weird how these little boogers can make you wanna be the best you possible. I finally realized that all the rationalizing I had done to make me at one with myself was complete bullcrap, I was morbidly obese ( I really hate that term ), I was UNHEALTHY, and I was not being fair to my kids by denying them the best mom possible, so here I am 50 lbs down, 40 or so to go!

pinkglitz

I don't remember ever being a thin girl, I was always the big girl that kept up with the boys and kicked their butts. I remembering being in elementary school eating my daily salad, that I brought from home. Yep, that young and being put on a diet is not fun. Nobody ever really messed with me throughout school, I was funny, I was likeable, but as far as boyfriends go, didn't have one of those till senior year. I think the most crap I got actually came from family, "Oh, you should loose that weight your such a pretty girl" that's my favorite. Eventually you get out of school and people become people not the "clique" they use to hangout in. I pretty much convinced myself that I'm big and always will be, I accepted it, in fact I became somewhat proud of myself for finally being comfortable with my body. Enter kids, and my weight ballooning to 325 lbs with my second child, it's weird how these little boogers can make you wanna be the best you possible. I finally realized that all the rationalizing I had done to make me at one with myself was complete bullcrap, I was morbidly obese ( I really hate that term ), I was UNHEALTHY, and I was not being fair to my kids by denying them the best mom possible, so here I am 50 lbs down, 40 or so to go!

I can totally relate to the pretty thing. I got the 'you have such a pretty face' all the time, translation 'you would be so much better if you weren't such a tubby b**ch! To me it's the worst thing you can say to a fat chick.

nsblue

Been always overweight... well once was super morbidly obese in fact. Was born 11 pounds 5 1/2 ounces... was plump all through childhood and 200 by 13 years old and kept growing. After my children I'd have to say the weight went on more. always dieted...had lost a bit a few times but my eating continued as norm after dieting and the weight went back on and then some. Was gestational diabetic when carrying my children n was warned if i didnt lose weight it more than likely would return... well it did.... at my highest weight i was on 170 units of insulin a day. I stayed away from docs as much as I could... n i guess at one point resigned the fact i would always be big.. i was born big..its in my genes...i am big boned..im meant to be big n told myself yo yo dieting wasnt good... best to stay at one weight right? yeah... the lies one tells themselves. It took my huband getting sick to waken me from how bad in health i really was.... n that i needed to change my lifestyle bigtime.
It's a hard journey... especially being an emotional eater and the bad habits and issues to go along with them. but being healthy feels so good and worth every pound and sweat that it took getting off. I learned alot about myself... and still am learning. it is a constant struggle but i know i can do it this time and not go backwards.
I may never get to a "normal" weight according to the BMI n the excess skin i carry but being in the overweight category n knowing where i was feels so much better.

All the best in your journey... keep at it...it is worth it