question for people who have been fat all their life

lizzieollie

I have been overweight all of my life. I was happy for most of my laugh, I was not made fun of in highschool, I was around 200lbs when I graduated. I gained a lot when I moved away and even more when I moved back now I am 337 but I have kept off 24lbs for over a year. I like to exercise it makes me feel good about myself. I wish you luck in your journey to discover what is underneath.

marie_cressman

I've been heavy my entire life topping the scales at 304lbs. I don't know what I weighed in high school, but I know that I wore a size 20/22 and I got up to a size 24/26ish just a few years after. I'm now 185lbs and I feel fantastic most days, but it's taken me a long time to really see myself in the mirror. I often would see 300lbs and be disgusted and hated when people told me I was looking good. It wasn't until this year that I have looked in the mirror and said "wow... i look really good." Yes, I have my flaws. I have loose skin from the weight loss and I have a "sad belly button" (LOL my belly button area droops a little so it looks like a frown), but I've finally started looking in the mirror and saying "there isn't a damn thing wrong with me! I look great!" I regret all the years I hated myself and my body. I should have loved my body all along and it would have made this process much easier on me. I'm still 30lbs overweight and I want to lose only 25 of those pounds. Right now, my goal is 160lbs. I think that would be a great healthy weight for me even if it is 5lbs over. I'm already down to a size 10/12. I'm already pretty thin in my face. You can see my collar bones very well and I can see my ribs really well when i raise my arms into the air. I want to look strong and healthy. I don't want to look sickly and too thin. I will of course decide once I get to 160lbs, but for now that's my goal and I think it's a very healthy goal for me. :happy:

pinkglitz

Started getting chubby by puberty and just kept getting heavier, was totally depressed throughout my teens because of it but met my fiancé by 20. I managed to lose like 50 odd lbs the first 18 months we were together and was SO happy, still had self confidence issues but definately happier with myself and what i saw in the mirror but after I started having babies I gradually put weight on till I realised I was only about 20lbs from my heaviest last yr. figured it was high time to get a grip again.

I NEVER liked myself heavy, I wasn't bullied but I knew I was always bigger than other kids growing up. My family called me strong or big boned but that just meant fat to me. Looking back though I remember thinking I was huge about 11/12 but when I see pics of myself I was totally normal but compared to the body shape of my peers I felt enormous!

I don't think even if I hit my ideal weight I will totally be ok with myself though, it's too ingrained I think.

shar140

I have no idea what this "back to high school weight" thing is, either. I was always big - like, 80lb in kindergarten big (around age 5 - my mom said I started gaining around age 2-3), 140lb in 3rd grade (age 9), 240-250s in high school. I've never known what skinny, or a healthy weight would be (on me). I'm around 180lb now (my highest weight pre-MFP was 260s, so I'm down 80lb), which is the lowest I've ever been in my adult life, yet this is still "obese". I still struggle with being this "small" (I know this is a relative term), as in my mind sometimes I still see myself as the 200lb+ version of me. I had to do an exercise a few weeks ago where I had a partner, and we had to carry each other on our backs a certain distance - in my mind I was like, there's no way this girl can carry me! But she did. And I'm still awed that I can now wear size 12 pants - I'm not even used to not having to shop in the plus sizes anymore.

PS, I'm only 5'3".

marie_cressman

I don't think even if I hit my ideal weight I will totally be ok with myself though, it's too ingrained I think.

for a long time, i felt like this. it honestly wasnt until this year when i was able to see how strong i was getting and how much better i felt in my clothes that i started to love my body and the way i look. it has helped to have a lot of support from family and friends.

finchase

Fat all my life. Suffered some severe teasing in school, too, which perhaps helps explain my at times crippling shyness all these years later. I've never felt comfortable in my skin. As someone else said, I know in my head that I'm not really fat anymore (even though I have haven't reached my ideal weight yet), but I don't feel that way yet. Also, I don't trust it. I've lost weight before (over 170 lbs once), and I gained it all back plus more.

People who have never been overweight--and I mean really overweight, not the people who want to lose 10-15 lbs--have no idea how biased the world is against obese people. Apparently, it is quite acceptable to make fun of fat people on TV--Andy Rooney once commented on "60 Minutes" that the only two groups that it was politically correct to hate now are fat people and insurance companies. Try watching "Bones" for awhile and see how fat people are regarded on that show. If there's a fat person on the show, I know that person is going to end up being the killer.

mscrumbyy

I've always been big and to be honest it never really bothered me until I piled on weight during my last relationship (and so did he, we were awful), I didn't realise how much I'd changed until I was single again. My main reason for wanting to get in shape now is purely because I'd love to wear what I like, and do whatever I like without being restricted by the fact that I'm so unfit. I sort of always figured there was more to life.

kristyso

I don't remember ever being a thin girl, I was always the big girl that kept up with the boys and kicked their butts. I remembering being in elementary school eating my daily salad, that I brought from home. Yep, that young and being put on a diet is not fun. Nobody ever really messed with me throughout school, I was funny, I was likeable, but as far as boyfriends go, didn't have one of those till senior year. I think the most crap I got actually came from family, "Oh, you should loose that weight your such a pretty girl" that's my favorite. Eventually you get out of school and people become people not the "clique" they use to hangout in. I pretty much convinced myself that I'm big and always will be, I accepted it, in fact I became somewhat proud of myself for finally being comfortable with my body. Enter kids, and my weight ballooning to 325 lbs with my second child, it's weird how these little boogers can make you wanna be the best you possible. I finally realized that all the rationalizing I had done to make me at one with myself was complete bullcrap, I was morbidly obese ( I really hate that term ), I was UNHEALTHY, and I was not being fair to my kids by denying them the best mom possible, so here I am 50 lbs down, 40 or so to go!

pinkglitz

I don't remember ever being a thin girl, I was always the big girl that kept up with the boys and kicked their butts. I remembering being in elementary school eating my daily salad, that I brought from home. Yep, that young and being put on a diet is not fun. Nobody ever really messed with me throughout school, I was funny, I was likeable, but as far as boyfriends go, didn't have one of those till senior year. I think the most crap I got actually came from family, "Oh, you should loose that weight your such a pretty girl" that's my favorite. Eventually you get out of school and people become people not the "clique" they use to hangout in. I pretty much convinced myself that I'm big and always will be, I accepted it, in fact I became somewhat proud of myself for finally being comfortable with my body. Enter kids, and my weight ballooning to 325 lbs with my second child, it's weird how these little boogers can make you wanna be the best you possible. I finally realized that all the rationalizing I had done to make me at one with myself was complete bullcrap, I was morbidly obese ( I really hate that term ), I was UNHEALTHY, and I was not being fair to my kids by denying them the best mom possible, so here I am 50 lbs down, 40 or so to go!

I can totally relate to the pretty thing. I got the 'you have such a pretty face' all the time, translation 'you would be so much better if you weren't such a tubby b**ch! To me it's the worst thing you can say to a fat chick.

nsblue

Been always overweight... well once was super morbidly obese in fact. Was born 11 pounds 5 1/2 ounces... was plump all through childhood and 200 by 13 years old and kept growing. After my children I'd have to say the weight went on more. always dieted...had lost a bit a few times but my eating continued as norm after dieting and the weight went back on and then some. Was gestational diabetic when carrying my children n was warned if i didnt lose weight it more than likely would return... well it did.... at my highest weight i was on 170 units of insulin a day. I stayed away from docs as much as I could... n i guess at one point resigned the fact i would always be big.. i was born big..its in my genes...i am big boned..im meant to be big n told myself yo yo dieting wasnt good... best to stay at one weight right? yeah... the lies one tells themselves. It took my huband getting sick to waken me from how bad in health i really was.... n that i needed to change my lifestyle bigtime.
It's a hard journey... especially being an emotional eater and the bad habits and issues to go along with them. but being healthy feels so good and worth every pound and sweat that it took getting off. I learned alot about myself... and still am learning. it is a constant struggle but i know i can do it this time and not go backwards.
I may never get to a "normal" weight according to the BMI n the excess skin i carry but being in the overweight category n knowing where i was feels so much better.

All the best in your journey... keep at it...it is worth it

Chubbud1

I have always been fat. My "friends" would put me on a "diet".....they were 8 years old. I remember being on a liquid diet by the time I was in 2nd grade. I was always always ALWAYS picked on. High school, my sophomore year, I weighed 220lbs. Senior year, i made it down to 175. It wasn't until I went through chemo that I lost weight. I was excited to see 130lbs! Granted, I had no hair and was pale. But...that number was what stood out the most.

In my mind...at 158lbs now, I am still that 220lb girl. I am still that "fat girl" no one likes. My minds image is so distorted. I almost wanted to go through chemo again to just obtain that number. I dont know why Im so obsessed with it. Its scary. Sad really.

lakota1307

me too I'll let you know when i get there, but to be honest I'm scared in a a way and don't know why, I was 224 at graduation and 200 in 8th grade haven't been that low yet i am currently at 269 started at 317 don't know why I would be scared to be thin...

butterflylady86

I have been fat my whole life. I remember my Mom coming home. From Parent Teachers conferences and telling my teachers said How pretty I was. If she just lose weight. That statement really destroyed me. When you a fat kid plus have learning problems double whammy. I let go of it but it hurt for a long time. My highs weight was 305 in 1997. I have never got near that weight again. Losing this weight will change my life for the better. The idea of being smaller makes me SMILE. Plus my daughter is getting married next year. I haven't seen some family since 2000. So it will feel extra special to be small by then. Peace to you

jellybeanhed313

I know just the feeling. I started getting fat in about 3rd grade and have been 200+ pounds since high school and 250+ since my early 20's. I am almost 30 now and the lightest I've been since high school. 226 as of today. That IS my "high school skinny." I feel amazing and weird when I look in the mirror. I have never really seen this body before. Sometimes I can't even see my weight loss tho until I look at a picture and think, omg that's me?? I actually want to have my picture taken now because I don't feel like I look like a giant fat mess. It is taking some time, but I am getting used to the idea of being "skinny." My goal is around 180-190 so I am not to far away. I'm 5'7" with a fairly large build so I think I'd be happy there. For the first time in my life I actually like my legs and wearing short skirts! And my waist is smaller than my hips...not by much, but some to give me shape.

ItsCasey

I was not actually FAT my whole life, but I was always at least a little overweight. I was called "chubby" my whole life. My dad would frequently sit me down to talk to me about how being overweight would affect me when I became an adult. But I had a healthy self-esteem back then, so even though I knew I wanted to be thinner, it didn't really affect my life that much.

Then I got fat during college and stayed that way for the next 5 years. That affected me a lot. I would only hang out with people who I knew were not bothered by my weight. I stayed in a long-distance relationship that wasn't working solely because I didn't want to be confronted with the reality of being fat AND single. I hated pretty much everything about my life for most of that time. One day, the desire to finally lose the weight and be healthy came over me. I lost 100 lbs in a year and a half, and I'm a completely different person now. I don't make excuses for myself anymore, I don't hide anymore, I'm not afraid of being who I am anymore. But it took a long time for my mind to catch up with my body. It took losing about 80 lbs before I finally started to feel like I wasn't still a fat girl. But I did get there.

None of it has been easy, and staying at a healthy weight requires constant attention and focus and dedication. I used to wonder what it would feel like to finally be "done," but I learned quickly that I will never be done. It will be a lifelong struggle for me, but what I know now is that it's worth it.

jkleon86

I was alway concideres fat at school by a few people, enough to give me a complex about it but when I was at home we ate what mom fixes no menue like kids today think has got to be posted in the kitchen somewhere LOL
I found before a diet pics once after high school . I tried many diets and looking back at the pics I know now all I really needed was to tone up but I do think all the diets messed with my metabolisam because it was gain from then on. I remember being proud of myself once for only eating 70 calories one day but as the saying goes "I wish I had known then what I know now"
And I would give anything to be starting where I was in those pics today LOL .
And NO NO NO I still can't get use to this FAT. Once I admited that "I have a weight problem" there is no going back It is always nagging at me in the back of my mind if I am trying at the moment or making any head way or not it is always there.

butterflylover527

I've also been heavy my whole life. I had a friend when I was younger who was also heavy and I remember the 2 of us going to odd extremes to lose weight.....in the 4th grade. We'd do every Richard Simmons DVD we could get our hands on, drink water, and only eat 1 ice cream cone a day. Obviously that only lasted about 5 hours but it's still sad.

I've never been skinny so I'm excited to see myself skinny for once!!

Sharyn913

I was normal through out high school, college and after college. It wasn't until I got a job working at a 5 star golf result with award winning chefs and eating there food, followed by having a baby that I put on weight. I was used to 120-140lbs, and by the time I was nine months pregnant, I was 196lbs. I felt fat, but my husband constantly reassured me that I just had his baby and it didn't matter what I looked like, he would love me if I was 10lbs or 500lbs and because of this mentality, I didn't feel much pressure to take the weight off. My guess is after having my son, I was down to 175ish, and after three years, I was back up to 196 again. I felt disgusting and nothing fit. Now I'm back to 175 and it's a struggle!!

lq022

I wasn't overweight as a really small child, but around age 8-9 I started to gain ... VERY quickly. I was about 200 pounds entering highschool, and graduated at about 230. My all-time heaviest weight was 245 and i'm only 5'4. I've never coped with it ... I've shut myself out of important milestones because I feared what others thought of me .. and what I thought of myself. I've always had alot of friends, mainly because I had to have an awesome personality to make up for the fact that I'm fat. But thats all I've ever been ... I've been on MFP for awhile now, but until recently never really USED the site for its full advantage (forums, actually tracking the food, finding support in others etc). I'm still not dealing with the REAL reasons WHY I continue to eat .. I've been to nutritionists, weight watchers, personal trainers etc... I can tell you anything you want to know diet wise .... but its those habits!!!!!!!!!! The horrible habits I've made over the years. I have good habits too though ... I do exercise alot .. I go to the gym about 4-5 days a week .. but I eat MOUNDS of food . Like, ridiculous amounts . Its not that I eat a ton at one sitting, because I dont .. I'll eat a regular dish of food .. leave the table ... and then come back 20 minutes later .... then another 40 minutes come back and grab whatever. Then do it again . Then its the next meal . And then the cycle repeats . I'm just constantly eating. Its a habit . Its an addiction thats a b!tch to break . Once I get a handle on 1) the reasons, 2) replacing those horrible habits with good ones .. THATS when the weight will come off.

I think personal reflection is the place to start ... you need to figure out WHAT exaclty is your trigger .. is it certain foods? is it habits? is it your family? is it your lack of movement? You know the answers. You have lived this life for long enough to know. The scary part is being honest with yourself. You may have such a desire to be thin and hate your body, but until you realize these truths that only YOU can know.. you wont lose a pound.

Sorry I kinda went off on a tangent lol .. hope this helps in some way!

DMarieLVT

I've been overweight pretty much my entire life. I was average as a toddler/preschooler and then gained from there. The only other time in my life I considered myself 'skinny' was after a spinal surgery at 13 years of age with a month of bed rest and feeling too ill to eat. I was still 145 lbs then and was far from 'healthy' but I did love wearing a bathing suit that summer

I don't think I ever 'coped'. I always felt down about myself at one time or another and wanted to change...I just never had enough will power to do so. I believe that not being able to cope is both a problem and a blessing. It was hard on me not being able to cope with being overweight when I was younger. I felt out of place and judged a lot more than I should've as a young girl. But in the end, I'm glad that I wasn't able to come to terms with it because now I am able to change myself. You hear so many people giving up because it's just easier to stay overweight. THAT'S the problem of coping with it. If that makes any sense :P

I honestly cannot wait to feel better about myself. One of my DREAMS is to be able to shop off the rack at a normal department store! I think things will really change for me when I finally hit that milestone

RobynMWilson

I was obese as a kid myself...high weight 192 in 8th grade. I've been thin for more of my life than the 10yrs I was obese but I'm always that obese girl in my head...sometimes I don't recognize me in pictures. I am who I am and I'm nothing like what I look like if that makes any sense lol

lmr9

bump to read later

kerr2010

I honestly don't know if I was fat all my life. Maybe just a bit overweight. I do know that I have been self conscious about my appearance for as long as I remember. I have never felt confident. Even in grade 12 when I lost 25 pounds and weight 121 I thought I was fat. Now that weight is my goal. I think it is one of the reasons I have never reached my goal as an adult. I am afraid that even after all of the hard work is done that I just won't be satisfied.

stephross88

I have been overweight ALL my life, I remember in the second or third grade I was at least the second heaviest in my class. I think it came from growing up poor and not eating the way I should have. I don't think I ever really coped with it, so now I am DOING something about it!.

jkleon86

I weighed myself this morning and had to laugh though. I weigh less now (at 21) than I did in middle school.
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That is sooooo cooooooool ! I can't wait till I can say that :ohwell:

suzieqcookie

the first time i lost all the weight (127lbs) it was such an overwhelming change that there is no doubt in my mind that THAT is the biggest reason why i gained it all back, but this is what i went through the most:

*feeling small and vulnerable, especially behind the wheel of a car.
*dealing with asshats who would say things like "you look great now! i would have never dated you when you were a fat cow, but now you're "do-able"
*coping with EVERYBODY telling you how much better you look (i constantly felt like they might as well be saying "you used to look like ****")
*finding out that being thin solves nothing. the same issues i had fat, i had thin, and then some....
*coming "this close" to declaring bankruptcy... it's not just the new wardrobe (and bras, shoes and panties) at the end, it's the clothes you have to buy inbetween!
*and back to the attention... it overwhelmed me. period. I was no longer the "fat chick", i was boobs, legs, *kitten*, face, hips and abs. Fat chick was easier than being body parts.

thank GOD i'm older and wiser and really don't give a crap what people think anymore and i am in this for me.

I wish us the best of luck, and hope that i helped because i wish i had known these things before i lost weight.. not being prepared threw me for such a loop!

shar140

Try watching "Bones" for awhile and see how fat people are regarded on that show. If there's a fat person on the show, I know that person is going to end up being the killer.

Now I'm gonna have to watch it and pay more attention!!

crimsoncat

I was never grossly obese, but I was officially overweight from about 7th grade to first year of college. I was called fat from pre-school on up.

I always laugh at those "highschool skinny" things too because I was 25 pounds heavier back then with limited muscle. My Senior prom dress FALLS off me now.

I also was a chubby cheeked Italian girl in a area full of skinny, pale blonds (we have a lot of trophy wives for moms here). Even when I was not overweight I still took tons of crap about being fat. Looking back on it, I think the bullying became a self-full-filling prophecy that encouraged to me being overweight in highschool. Why bother to care about yourself if you're always going to be fat, right?

I got out of highschool, the bullying stopped, I started dating my now fiance and suddenly I was like "dude, I could be pretty now!" Started working out and never looked back. Knowing my finace liked me even when I was overweight really helps because I never feel pressured to be skinny. As a person that shuts down whenever my weight or food intake is mentioned, that is really important to keeping me on my healthy track.

Even though I was only overweight and never obese, I still look at other girls and judge myself against them very harshly. I still think I look 25 pounds heavier. My fiance has pointed out girls who are my size now and I think "wow.. that's too skinny to be me." I can't even imagine the body image problems I would have if I was heavier.

ahigg396

bump!

swisspea

I've always been the tallest girl in my class, and almost always the heaviest. I've always been painfully aware of my size, and grew in a very self-conscious child. I just bought my first pair of size 12 SHORTS after being a size 14 since I was 12. I weigh 6 pounds less now than I did when I was 16, after going to weight watchers with my mom for a few months.

I went through phases of how I dealt with it. I was incredibly sensitive and insecure as a child. I was bullied quite often and was quite a victim in elementary school to grade 8. Once then, I decided that the bullies were the wrong ones, and I came out of my shell a bit, started making lots of friends and being outgoing. In high school I continued to develop into a pretty well-adjusted girl. I wasn't the most popular girl, but I was well-liked and had a lot of friends. Once I left my suburb and went to University, I no longer felt like my personality could get me by. That, coupled with the sudden freedom of not having to wear an unflattering school uniform everyday, I began to rely on unhealthy attention from men to prove to myself that I could be attractive at a size 14/5 foot 9/ 215+ pounds. I thought I was happy with one-night stands, meeting guys at bars, and flirting shamelessly. This period lasted for 2 years- at the time, I felt liberated, but looking back, I was fooling myself. I think that period made me an even stronger person though. Now, I have an amazing husband that thinks I am gorgeous as I am (he met me at 215 pounds, and I got as high as 225, now I'm 195, and he's very proud of me).

Another way that I dealt with it throughout this time, is that I never really had close girlfriends. My best friends have mostly been guys- the lines between friendship and "something more" was only blurred with one of these friends- and we no longer speak. My room-mate in university was a guy, and I aways thought girls were fake. This stemms from bullying when I was growing up (guys never bullied me, only girls did). Now I have a few good girlfriends, and they are so important to me!