Self hating remarks...
Replies
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I live by the belief (on forums), 'If you wouldn't say it in person, don't type it while hiding behind a computer screen.'
When a morbidly obese person comments on your fantastic weight loss and asks how you feel now; would you stand there in the parking lot and say, "I feel so much better now that I'm not the disgusting fat pos drain on society that I used to be!"?
No. I daresay you wouldn't. Because irl, that person would tell you off, start to cry, or at very least never speak to you again after that.
Nobody looks at the b!tchy person bragging about how they used to be disgusting but now are athletic and incredible and feels inspired. They look at someone like me, who tells them they are great for trying. That they are wonderful just as they are, but that wouldn't it be better to let your body work as it was designed to. Someone who is positive and loving, because even though I'm not fat anymore, I'm still on this journey.
I'm not bragging, I'm being honest. Try it sometime. Honesty is VERY different from having no filter.
YES! Well said. Hear, Hear!0 -
People need to buck up and not be so thin skinned.
I see great value in those who are just honest, and sometimes objective reality is not all unicorns, rainbows and butterflies.
That's why they have an "Ignore User" function for every member of MFP
If somebody is not politically correct to your standard, ignore them and enjoy life in the echo chamber of unworthy affirmation.0 -
It's a defense mechanism. Say it first before someone says it to you. Not healthy.0
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I live by the belief (on forums), 'If you wouldn't say it in person, don't type it while hiding behind a computer screen.'
When a morbidly obese person comments on your fantastic weight loss and asks how you feel now; would you stand there in the parking lot and say, "I feel so much better now that I'm not the disgusting fat pos drain on society that I used to be!"?
No. I daresay you wouldn't. Because irl, that person would tell you off, start to cry, or at very least never speak to you again after that.
Nobody looks at the b!tchy person bragging about how they used to be disgusting but now are athletic and incredible and feels inspired. They look at someone like me, who tells them they are great for trying. That they are wonderful just as they are, but that wouldn't it be better to let your body work as it was designed to. Someone who is positive and loving, because even though I'm not fat anymore, I'm still on this journey.
I'm not bragging, I'm being honest. Try it sometime. Honesty is VERY different from having no filter.
Word. To alllllll of that.0 -
For those who say they can and will describe themselves however they like, is it really too much to ask for the addition of a couple of words?
It's one thing to say 'I was a disgusting blob of fat' and quite another to say 'I felt as if I were a disgusting blob of fat'.
Personally, I'm thick enough skinned that I only think in passing 'sheesh, if that's what they thought about themselves at that weight, what the heck would they think about me at this weight'? And then go read something else. But there are enough people on here with esteem issues who could be sent into a downward spiral by those casually spoken words.
Sure, there is freedom of speech and all that but it's an over used excused for people to just be rude to one another and themselves.
Completely agree.0 -
:flowerforyou:0
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I live by the belief (on forums), 'If you wouldn't say it in person, don't type it while hiding behind a computer screen.'
When a morbidly obese person comments on your fantastic weight loss and asks how you feel now; would you stand there in the parking lot and say, "I feel so much better now that I'm not the disgusting fat pos drain on society that I used to be!"?
No. I daresay you wouldn't. Because irl, that person would tell you off, start to cry, or at very least never speak to you again after that.
Nobody looks at the b!tchy person bragging about how they used to be disgusting but now are athletic and incredible and feels inspired. They look at someone like me, who tells them they are great for trying. That they are wonderful just as they are, but that wouldn't it be better to let your body work as it was designed to. Someone who is positive and loving, because even though I'm not fat anymore, I'm still on this journey.
I'm not bragging, I'm being honest. Try it sometime. Honesty is VERY different from having no filter.
Erm. :noway: I do refer to myself in person as a [former] fat slob. I also recognize that I have a LONG way to go. I'm still not a healthy weight. I'm still fat. Not as fat, and I'm no longer obese, but I'm still fat. I have people say, "you weren't THAT big." Wrong. I was a fat, lazy slob. I didn't do anything to take care of myself. I ate crap all.the.time. And LOTS of it. MORE THAN HALF OF MY BODY WAS FAT!!!! That's not "not that bad." That's fat. Period.0 -
I get what you're saying and have felt similarly, but it's important to remember that most people are much more critical of themselves than they are of others. I don't just see rolls of fat on legs when I look at overweight women, but sometimes that's how I view myself. Others just look like... people. Beautiful people even. My mom, for instance, is very overweight... and has sparkling green eyes and curly blond hair and I think she's just -gorgeous-.0
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I'm sorry, but I have to agree with Obeserat. It's not appropriate to tell other people how to feel about themselves or how to talk about themselves. While I appreciate your positivity, you need to remember that some people handle their emotions differently and that negativity actually propels some people forward and they need to remind themselves that they were/are fat/ugly/disgusting. It's nature that some people were raised to think positively to move forward and some people were raised to think negatively.
Notice rjmwx81 says exactly this. He needs to say that to himself to keep motivated.
For those individuals who take it personally when someone else calls themselves fat, that's a personal issue that they need to deal with. If I want to call myself fat and disgusting at my weight, then I will. I'm not going to put on a happy face so everyone else on the forum can feel good about themselves.
If people say that everyone who weighs a certain weight is a big fat cow, then by all means, criticize away.
But if they're talking about themselves, just exit the forum. They reserve the right to feel fat and ugly. You reserve the right not to read their post. But don't judge people just because they don't think like you do.0 -
They reserve the right to feel fat and ugly. You reserve the right not to read their post. But don't judge people just because they don't think like you do.
^so true
To the OP, I do agree with you that you should watch how your words affect others, it is very circumstantial. When people read that, I think most will understand that the person thought of themselves as a "fat, lazy, slob" or saw something they didn't like and that they didn't mean harm to others. Although, I can see how someone could find it offensive. It could go either way quite easily.0 -
While I understand what most of the people on this thread are trying to convey and can even see their point - I think the basic issue is the posts are about the person posting them not you or anyone else. I feel that I am a fat disgusting cow. That does not mean I think someone else of equal weight and height is - but that is what runs through my head. There is no other way for me to say it - no I don't think I resemble a whale - I am a whale. I can't put it into a nice neat package for anyone else on this forum when I can't put it into a nice neat package for myself. If I ever get to the point where I can post before and after pictures - I can't put a nice neat spin on it because there isn't one from my point of view. And that is just what it is my point of view, my post, etc. If you dislike my wording then please feel free to not look but don't take offense - it is MY post, MY life, MY thoughts, MY feelings.0
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I'm sorry, but I have to agree with Obeserat. It's not appropriate to tell other people how to feel about themselves or how to talk about themselves. While I appreciate your positivity, you need to remember that some people handle their emotions differently and that negativity actually propels some people forward and they need to remind themselves that they were/are fat/ugly/disgusting. It's nature that some people were raised to think positively to move forward and some people were raised to think negatively.
Notice rjmwx81 says exactly this. He needs to say that to himself to keep motivated.
For those individuals who take it personally when someone else calls themselves fat, that's a personal issue that they need to deal with. If I want to call myself fat and disgusting at my weight, then I will. I'm not going to put on a happy face so everyone else on the forum can feel good about themselves.
If people say that everyone who weighs a certain weight is a big fat cow, then by all means, criticize away.
But if they're talking about themselves, just exit the forum. They reserve the right to feel fat and ugly. You reserve the right not to read their post. But don't judge people just because they don't think like you do.
Amy, you're absolutely right. It is completely within their rights. I cannot help feel sorry for these people. With so much self loathing, weight loss is not the only solution they need to seek.0 -
I live by the belief (on forums), 'If you wouldn't say it in person, don't type it while hiding behind a computer screen.'
When a morbidly obese person comments on your fantastic weight loss and asks how you feel now; would you stand there in the parking lot and say, "I feel so much better now that I'm not the disgusting fat pos drain on society that I used to be!"?
No. I daresay you wouldn't. Because irl, that person would tell you off, start to cry, or at very least never speak to you again after that.
Nobody looks at the b!tchy person bragging about how they used to be disgusting but now are athletic and incredible and feels inspired. They look at someone like me, who tells them they are great for trying. That they are wonderful just as they are, but that wouldn't it be better to let your body work as it was designed to. Someone who is positive and loving, because even though I'm not fat anymore, I'm still on this journey.
I'm not bragging, I'm being honest. Try it sometime. Honesty is VERY different from having no filter.
YES! Well said. Hear, Hear!
Actually, some of us probably WOULD say precisely that.
And while you're right that there's a time for filtering and a time to not filter, why should I have to filter the way I see MYSELF for the sake of another person???
If I was telling YOU what I thought of YOU I would filter. Because that is appropriate. But when it comes to me and myself, I don't have to have a filter.
And btw...if you asked me how I feel now that I'm not obese, I would say, "I'm really glad that I'm not obese anymore. I was disgusted with myself, who I was and how I looked. Now I'm not as disgusting anymore. I'm still fat. But at least I don't see a cow that I'd like to slaughter for a steak dinner in the mirror every time I look anymore."
Would that make you cry? If it would, that is YOUR issue. Because if it makes you upset then it's because YOU THINK THAT ABOUT YOU. Not because of anything I did or said or felt.
So just keep that in mind. YOUR JOB is to take care of yourself emotionally. I am happy to provide you with support. But I shouldn't have to change the way I talk about myself, my life or my job just because it makes you sad.0 -
I live by the belief (on forums), 'If you wouldn't say it in person, don't type it while hiding behind a computer screen.'
When a morbidly obese person comments on your fantastic weight loss and asks how you feel now; would you stand there in the parking lot and say, "I feel so much better now that I'm not the disgusting fat pos drain on society that I used to be!"?
No. I daresay you wouldn't.
I daresay you don't know me very well. lol. I might say *exactly* that. But then again anyone who knows me well enough to be talking to me about weight loss in person would know that that's just my personality.0 -
The first step in successful weight loss for me was finally admitting that I was a gross, fat, disgusting, unhealthy, lazy blob.
Take the first step.0 -
The most awkward is when someone insults him/herself in order to compliment you.
Yeah that's tough to take.0 -
I agree, we don't need hate talk, even if it's self-hate. I'm fat, but I'm not disgusting, lazy, or unhealthy. That's the stereotype of fat people, and I reject it. I'm trying to lose weight to be healthier, and I'm a wonderful, beautiful, hard-working person even if I am fat.
And for people who say don't be thin skinned and just get over it, don't you think people would if they could? It's like telling a depressed person to just be happy. You can't turn emotions on and off. Words can hurt, and just pretending they don't doesn't make the pain go away. You're invalidating a person's emotions, and that's not right.0 -
I agree, we don't need hate talk, even if it's self-hate. I'm fat, but I'm not disgusting, lazy, or unhealthy. That's the stereotype of fat people, and I reject it. I'm trying to lose weight to be healthier, and I'm a wonderful, beautiful, hard-working person even if I am fat.
And for people who say don't be thin skinned and just get over it, don't you think people would if they could? It's like telling a depressed person to just be happy. You can't turn emotions on and off. Words can hurt, and just pretending they don't doesn't make the pain go away. You're invalidating a person's emotions, and that's not right.
Why should my words about ME hurt someone else's emotions so much?
rofl. This is seriously hilarious. I have a horrible complexion too. Who's going to cry over that?0 -
The first step in successful weight loss for me was finally admitting that I was a gross, fat, disgusting, unhealthy, lazy blob.
Take the first step.
Thanks, I've taken many steps. I'm all set with insulting myself. I'm pretty awesome actually which is why I just want to get more awesome.
I don't expect everyone to agree with me and I appreciate those posters who have a different view and have explained and discussed why they think otherwise. Helps me to understand why someone makes remarks like that a bit more. I guess I choose to project positive images because I find that much more inspirational.0 -
When I hear those sorts of hateful remarks that people make about themselves, regardless of their current external condition, I just feel so sorry for them.
The saying is true- hatred hurts the hater- not the hated.
Don't confuse compassion with weakness or denial. To all the haters out there- feel free to keep on hating, but that's not how I see you, regardless of your physical condition. I love you despite the load of fat, illness, disease you are carrying- and the heaviest load of all that is the ugliest and greatest risk to health and life: hate.
Hating is easy- it's like eating at McDonalds or Dunkin Donuts
Loving is harder, requires more courage, strength, endurance, patience.
It is a force that gets me through the last few reps- teeth gritting, cussing, burning, sweating.
I'm not a pu$$y, so I choose love.
Peace~
:smokin:
:smokin: 0 -
Seriously Lkoblara? That was pretty uncalled for. You just said earlier that you respect other people's opinions and want to be positive and uplifting and inspirational.
Guess that only applies when you're trying to make people feel bad about who they are by saying they're not positive enough.
Perhaps YOU should filter yourself and tone it down a little bit.0 -
Seriously Lkoblara? That was pretty uncalled for. You just said earlier that you respect other people's opinions and want to be positive and uplifting and inspirational.
Guess that only applies when you're trying to make people feel bad about who they are by saying they're not positive enough.
Perhaps YOU should filter yourself and tone it down a little bit.
LOL it was a joke. Telling someone to "suck it up" isn't helpful. I get that some people think that what they say about themselves doesn't effect anyone else. Fine. So if I want to be positive I can't have a sense of humor? And clearly I am not trying to make anyone "feel bad" for not being positive. Just wanted to bring a different point of view to those who might not realize and would want to be more mindful.
Sorry if the joke offended... I've seen MANY a sarcastic response on MFP. I don't think being positive, uplifting and inspirational is exclusive from having a sense of humor.0 -
Rule #1, Don't compare yourself to others.
Rule #2, Compare yourself to YOU and what body composition is considered healthy.
I don't see anything wrong with a person saying what they think about how they used to look, or even how they look now. How is it self-hate? I don't hate myself because I think I looked like a big fat cow. Its my thought, its my belief, its my self-image. It sounds harsh, but that's what it is, and in my opinion it should be harsh.
And when I complain about where I'm at and other people are mad because they wish they were where I'm at or that I'm at their goal weight and complaining about being a big fat cow, then yes. suck it up buttercup. I'm different. My body is unque and I SHOULD have a different goal.
I get mad at people who belittle my goals just because they wish they were where I'm at now. Its irritating that other people use "words hurt" as an excuse to tell others what they can and can't say. My words are specifically directed at me, why do they hurt you? I'm not calling someone else at my weight a big fat cow. Saying it about myself is not saying it to you.
And yes I say that stuff about myself in-person with my friends. They understand my goals, and support me.0 -
Seriously Lkoblara? That was pretty uncalled for. You just said earlier that you respect other people's opinions and want to be positive and uplifting and inspirational.
Guess that only applies when you're trying to make people feel bad about who they are by saying they're not positive enough.
Perhaps YOU should filter yourself and tone it down a little bit.
LOL it was a joke. Telling someone to "suck it up" isn't helpful. I get that some people think that what they say about themselves doesn't effect anyone else. Fine. So if I want to be positive I can't have a sense of humor? And clearly I am not trying to make anyone "feel bad" for not being positive. Just wanted to bring a different point of view to those who might not realize and would want to be more mindful.
Sorry if the joke offended... I've seen MANY a sarcastic response on MFP. I don't think being positive, uplifting and inspirational is exclusive from having a sense of humor.
Its sure didn't sound like a joke.
Someone who thinks they are a big fat cow is probably disgusted and inspired by the thought. It's partially positive. Its positive if it gets the person on MFP, eating better, and moving around more. It inspires them to be a healthier person.0 -
People who self hate can also pass it down to their children and can cause issues with EDs and more. I see it all the time.0
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People who self hate can also pass it down to their children and can cause issues with EDs and more. I see it all the time.
Who said anything about self hate ? I started this journey as an unhealthy 327lb blob of fat , the first step for me was to admit to myself that I looked disgusting that I was really unhealthy and that I needed to do something about it. I have lost 37lb I'm still a fatty but I'm doing something about it. I feel healthier am able to ride 10 miles per day on my bike. I wouldn't have been able to do this if I hadn't stopped to criticise myself and admit to myself that I was unattractive , smelly and not the person my wife married. I feel no pity, self hatred etc I was just honest with myself . If you want to get anywhere be honest with yourself. Sometimes that involves telling other people how you feel too.0 -
People who self hate can also pass it down to their children and can cause issues with EDs and more. I see it all the time.
Who said anything about self hate ? I started this journey as an unhealthy 327lb blob of fat , the first step for me was to admit to myself that I looked disgusting that I was really unhealthy and that I needed to do something about it. I have lost 37lb I'm still a fatty but I'm doing something about it. I feel healthier am able to ride 10 miles per day on my bike. I wouldn't have been able to do this if I hadn't stopped to criticise myself and admit to myself that I was unattractive , smelly and not the person my wife married. I feel no pity, self hatred etc I was just honest with myself . If you want to get anywhere be honest with yourself. Sometimes that involves telling other people how you feel too.
Um...it's the name of the topic you are commenting on. :huh:0 -
Absolutely, totally agree!0
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I was just telling my sister the exact same thing about those comments! It's so frustrating to see a picture of someone who looks "bone thin" but they sit there saying things like that!0
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PS. Great job on the 10 mile bike ride!!!!!0
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