What is wrong with me?!?

aridge08
aridge08 Posts: 16
in Chit-Chat
Ok, I just have to kind of vent and need a little advice, I have really slimmed down and my boyfriend acts like he cant stand it! It is almost like he wants me to be a big lardo. He use to be all over me and now i do good to get him to hug me. WTH? I don't feel like im gross, I am actually starting to like myself finally and I just don't get what he is going through.... has anyone went through this before or have any advice for me, should i just kick his *kitten* to the curb or what? Thanks!
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Replies

  • sktllmdrhmz
    sktllmdrhmz Posts: 1,799 Member
    What does he have to say about it?
  • Emzii_Wilko
    Emzii_Wilko Posts: 16 Member
    Does he struggle with his weight to? He may just be envious of the fact you've managed to lose what you want and he hasn't? x
  • stevepierson
    stevepierson Posts: 119
    Has your attitude changed toward him, since you've slimmed down?
  • myers0machine
    myers0machine Posts: 685
    maybe you have changed go give him a cuddle
  • AwesomelyAmber
    AwesomelyAmber Posts: 1,617 Member
    Ask him... he is the only one who has this answer. If he doesn't have the answer you are looking for, well then you got 'your answer' didn't you? Hope it all works out! :flowerforyou:
  • CountryBoy65
    CountryBoy65 Posts: 908 Member
    Is he overweight?
  • Tlopez428
    Tlopez428 Posts: 115
    To be completely honest a lot of guys like big woman. You might think that being fat is unattractive but there are some guys that LOVE big thick girls. Some men don't admit that because most people love sexy slim woman, but maybe he was attracted to your curves and meat you had on before. You should ask him to be honest with you.
  • aridge08
    aridge08 Posts: 16
    I dont feel like I have changed, he doesn't care about weight or anything, he gets mad if I even try to talk to him about working out or anythin that has anything to do with diet and exercise. Anytime I try and talk to him about it or ask him why he has been acting so strange he sayd "im tired" or "its hot" so I dont know what else to do, anytime someone comments on how well I look he says oh god dont get her ego up, its almost like hes mad because I am getting positive attention. But shouldn't he be happy for me and proud?? I would if the tables were turned. I dont know maybe I am just being a baby.
  • clydethecat
    clydethecat Posts: 1,087 Member
    my husband has a small part of him that doesnt want me to lose weight. hes happy i'm happy, and he supports what i'm doing, but he fell in love with me at this size, he married me at this size and i think its a slap in the face to a degree that i'm wanting to change.

    some of that is if i get slimmed down that i might not love him any more, so i make sure to give lots of kisses, sex and cuddles to let him know hes my man, and i'm here for the long haul. hes come to grips with it, but there will always be that small part that wishes i was still big.

    i say go to your guy, tell him you're here for the long haul and you love him very much. that is if you actually feel that way.
  • stevepierson
    stevepierson Posts: 119
    I dont feel like I have changed, he doesn't care about weight or anything, he gets mad if I even try to talk to him about working out or anythin that has anything to do with diet and exercise. Anytime I try and talk to him about it or ask him why he has been acting so strange he sayd "im tired" or "its hot" so I dont know what else to do, anytime someone comments on how well I look he says oh god dont get her ego up, its almost like hes mad because I am getting positive attention. But shouldn't he be happy for me and proud?? I would if the tables were turned. I dont know maybe I am just being a baby.

    No, in my opinion, if what you say is true, he has an issue. He should be excited for you and your progress. As long as your attitude toward him hasn't changed, he should find you more desirable... just my opinion.
  • ImKindOfABigDeal40
    ImKindOfABigDeal40 Posts: 807 Member
    I dont feel like I have changed, he doesn't care about weight or anything, he gets mad if I even try to talk to him about working out or anythin that has anything to do with diet and exercise. Anytime I try and talk to him about it or ask him why he has been acting so strange he sayd "im tired" or "its hot" so I dont know what else to do, anytime someone comments on how well I look he says oh god dont get her ego up, its almost like hes mad because I am getting positive attention. But shouldn't he be happy for me and proud?? I would if the tables were turned. I dont know maybe I am just being a baby.

    Is it possible that he feel threatened that you will get fit and leave him for someone else? Just a thought
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
    I dont feel like I have changed, he doesn't care about weight or anything, he gets mad if I even try to talk to him about working out or anythin that has anything to do with diet and exercise. Anytime I try and talk to him about it or ask him why he has been acting so strange he sayd "im tired" or "its hot" so I dont know what else to do, anytime someone comments on how well I look he says oh god dont get her ego up, its almost like hes mad because I am getting positive attention. But shouldn't he be happy for me and proud?? I would if the tables were turned. I dont know maybe I am just being a baby.

    Is it possible that he feel threatened that you will get fit and leave him for someone else? Just a thought

    This.
  • SelkieDiver
    SelkieDiver Posts: 260 Member
    he could be feeling insecure, in that as you become fitter, thinner & more attractive to other men he could lose you. Hard to sit down and have a conversation with someone who is shutting down like that but just keep trying.
  • aridge08
    aridge08 Posts: 16
    I have tried everything, it almost seems like he just doesn't find me attractive at all anymore, maybe he does like big girls which is fine by me but thats not who i am anymore nor do I want to be, but the thing is anytime i try to talk to him he either tells me im retarded or to hush because he swears he isnt acting any different. He is the type of guy who does not dot he whole lets talk about how we feel thing.
  • shoobz
    shoobz Posts: 119
    I dont feel like I have changed, he doesn't care about weight or anything, he gets mad if I even try to talk to him about working out or anythin that has anything to do with diet and exercise. Anytime I try and talk to him about it or ask him why he has been acting so strange he sayd "im tired" or "its hot" so I dont know what else to do, anytime someone comments on how well I look he says oh god dont get her ego up, its almost like hes mad because I am getting positive attention. But shouldn't he be happy for me and proud?? I would if the tables were turned. I dont know maybe I am just being a baby.

    Wow, that sounds completely out of order. If my BF said something like that about me, that would absolutely be the end of him. You want someone who loves and respects you no matter what you look like.
  • Pollywog39
    Pollywog39 Posts: 1,730 Member
    Sounds like jealousy's rearing its ugly head.................he doesn't want you to change, to be more attractive to other men, to not be his little pudgy-wudgy. My 'x' did lots of undermining of any weight-loss efforts I tried.....he'd bring home pizzas and icecream and treats all the time, because he wanted me to be HIS and under his thumb.

    But it appears more that your guy is DIS-interested in you.........and maybe he's just trying to tell you he wants to move on!

    TALK to the man.......and get it figured out. If there's nothing worth keeping this relationship going, then get out of it.
  • apedeb09
    apedeb09 Posts: 805 Member
    Well when my husband realized that I was really serious about losing weight, he said "You're not trying to lose weight so that you can leave me for another guy are you?"...... LOL. so, maybe your boyfriend is thinking like that?You never know . I do think you should talk to him about it though!
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    How old are you?

    How old is he?


    He sounds like he has the maturity of my 3rd old son.
  • shrinkingirl
    shrinkingirl Posts: 7
    Sometimes, when one person in a relationship loses weight, the other one starts feeling insecure. They wonder if you think they're less attractive because they haven't done what you've done. They're scared of the extra attention you're going to be getting and if anyone "better" will come along.
    Try to imagine if the shoe were on the other foot and it was him who had either lost weight, gotten really into fitness, or if he started going to the gym and got an incredibly hot bod.... you'd likely wonder if he still found you as attractive as he used to. You'd worry that you'd have to change to keep him.

    Try giving him a little bit extra in terms of saying how much you appreciate him, love him, find him sexy, etc.
  • beckylawrence70
    beckylawrence70 Posts: 752 Member
    Probably jealousy and insecurity now........
  • mbcan316
    mbcan316 Posts: 41 Member
    Maybe he's worried you will find someone new once since you are becoming a "new you"??? You need to ask him directly & let him know that not answering your question is only going to hurt the relationship.
  • pupcamper
    pupcamper Posts: 410 Member
    Hopefully you both just need a little bit of time to adjust! This journey is as much emotional as it is physical and the emotional part seems to take a little longer to deal with! Good luck.:drinker:
  • iLoveMyPitbull1225
    iLoveMyPitbull1225 Posts: 1,690 Member
    Honey, he is a meanie. He tells you you are retarded? Dont get her ego up? I would smack my boyfriend right in his mouth if he talked to me that way.

    You deserve better! you are gorgeous and you should be proud of yourself, and more important to the thread your boyfriend should be proud of you too. Its hard for any of us to know whats going on because we dont know you two, but I suspect more is going on here then it seems. like other people said, he may be insecure. Like the ego comment though, it sounds like he wants you to feel badly about yourself, and thats pure BS.
  • RamTX22
    RamTX22 Posts: 165 Member
    Maybe he is insecure because he fears the change in you is gonna get you noticed more by other men ???
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,078 Member
    I don't agree he should be 'excited' for you exactly, but he's being very negative towards you. You say you've asked him and all he replies with is "I'm tired/it's hot" to me this means "I can't say because you'll think I'm a prize prick".

    Sorry you're going through this, he's being very unfair.
  • Dreamerryu27
    Dreamerryu27 Posts: 281 Member
    He definatley sounds insecure. I don't think you should break up but I would back off and do my own thing for a bit. Continue to be positive and make positive changes in your life. He has to love you for you on the inside, the outside is just a bonus no matter what size you are!
  • petecat_1999
    petecat_1999 Posts: 24
    I dont feel like I have changed, he doesn't care about weight or anything, he gets mad if I even try to talk to him about working out or anythin that has anything to do with diet and exercise. Anytime I try and talk to him about it or ask him why he has been acting so strange he sayd "im tired" or "its hot" so I dont know what else to do, anytime someone comments on how well I look he says oh god dont get her ego up, its almost like hes mad because I am getting positive attention. But shouldn't he be happy for me and proud?? I would if the tables were turned. I dont know maybe I am just being a baby.

    Is it possible that he feel threatened that you will get fit and leave him for someone else? Just a thought
    My thoughts exactly, I have a few friends that were in ur exact situation and it all boiled down to..getting outside attention, and thoughts of "well maybe your doing this cause your in the market to go elsewhere!" You two need to get on the same page with whats going on in both ur heads, and if he doesn't want to talk then try and just let it go..maybe if you don't react he'll finally get up the gut to tell u what he's really thinking. You have accomplished something..there should be happiness behind that!
  • mgeaux
    mgeaux Posts: 41 Member
    Probably insecure. I bet he feels like if you get skinny you will look even hotter and a new guy will come and sweep you off your feet.
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
    Why are you questioning your SELF image? Stop beating yourself down. Every man is different and likes different aspects of women. RISE up in confidence of who you are, your achievements for being healthier. If his insecurities are too much, then that his issue, not yours.
  • lisastrom
    lisastrom Posts: 108 Member
    I'm going to play Dear Abby here and say that it sounds to me like he has issues w/insecurity. I have known plenty of people like this in my life and it can be impossible to deal with.You need to take an honest look at your relationship and determine whether there might be other situations where he has acted this same way. If so, it's a pattern that probably will not change unless he decides to change it. If with conversation and some effort on your part, if his behaviors do not change, it's my guess that he will never be happy for you and you need to decide if you can accept his behaviors.

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