Does this ever happen to you?

monkeynumber100

I have discovered over the last 20 years of "dieting" that when people comment that I have lost weight, it feels good at first but only to a point. At some point I get really self conscious that another person has noticed my weight. I feel like they are keeping track of my weight or something. When they say things like "Wow...you have lost a lot of weight. You look fantastic." I hear "You are not nearly as fat as you were. You were super fat before." It really bothers me. Not sure why.

Anybody else experience that?

mermx

Now people are saying to me wow here is fat Carol as a joke because I have lost weight...you cannot win!

Take it on the chin hun!

iris8pie

Nope. I cannot not wait till people start noticing!

amersmanders

I feel more self conscious at work because there are a lot of people I work with who are obsessed with their weight/image. If you try to lose weight, they will peddle their MLM of the week (Visalus, body wraps, etc.), if you are losing weight they want to know how you're doing it. If you keep it off, they want to know what you eat for lunch every day. If you gain weight back, they want to know what's going on in your life. A lot of times, it's the backhanded comments, the ones that make me feel like what they're really saying is, "you used to be so fat but now look at you!" rather than "Hey, great job! You're looking great!" I don't want people to lie, but I also don't like feeling like people are being condescending.

AllTehBeers

I really can't relate. I know I'm fat and I know that everyone else sees my fat. It's just a fact. When I hit my goal weight, I wouldn't even blink if someone said to me, "wow! you were a fat fvck but now you look great!" because it's the truth. To me it's black and white and there's no way around it until the fat is gone.

cheerforsteelers

Sometimes it annoys me. I have one coworker in particular who often asks me if I'm losing weight. I usually say no. I think maybe it's the clothing I might be wearing that day because I really haven't put true effort into losing weight until recently. It's nice when people do notice, but I do the same thing as you thought-wise.

monkeynumber100

...To me it's black and white and there's no way around it until the fat is gone.

excellent point!

gailmelanie

Yes, it happens to me, even when I haven't lost weight. And I, like you, hear what isn't being said. I had an aquaintance insist that I must have lost at least 10 lbs when I really had lost only 2 or 3, if that much. I assured him that I hadn't lost that much and that maybe it was because I was wearing black that day. They say it takes 10 lbs. off you. People's perception of your appearance is affected by other things, too, like what they want to see in you, whether you are wearing loose or form-fitting clothing, black or white clothes, your attitude or mood at the time. I have a top-heavy shape and when I wear clothing that fits the top but is loose around the waist and hips, it definitely makes me look bigger. Then when people see me wear something that shows I do have a waist and hips that aren't quite as big as the bust, they think I've lost weight when the truth is they just didn't see my real shape the last time they saw me. And sometimes your body does look different if you have been exercising, even if you haven't lost weight. I know my perception of my reflection in the mirror can be vastly different depending on whether I have just eaten, just exercised, just weighed myself or just had good sex. So whatever folks say to you about your appearance isn't necessarily the whole truth. You can say thanks if what they say makes you feel good or tell them to mind their own business if you don't like it. But trust those people you know wouldn't lie to you and take the compliment.

skittles8810

It doesnt really bother me but I can relate. I knew this girl I used to work with, well she went to work somewhere else and we did not see one another for a while. Mean while I had lost about 30 lbs at that time. I went to walmart and there she was working in the bakery, she looked at me and said, April, OMG, where is the rest of you? LOL, was funny. I responded, I left her at home. Felt good, but was weird at same time, she wasnt skinny by no means, but its like wow, you were fat, now ur skinny. So yea, i can relate lol

kmm7309

I go through this all the time. I wonder, did you ever go through being embarrassed about losing weight? I have. About 30 pounds into my weight loss, I didn't want my husband to even see me naked, even though he had seen my weight so much higher in the past. Kind of like, suddenly I noticed how bad it was. I had a panic attack over it.

manderson27

No I am a complete attention wh*re and I love to hear it. Keeps me motivated. Plus I was fat before for years and years so I will never get tired of the "OMG you have lost loads of weight"

Heather_Rider

I can relate.. but backwards. lol... i was always very thin, then when i became ill 8 years ago, i started gaining. Now, when i see people that i havent seen since then, i can almost feel their thoughts burning into me as i walk away.. "wow, shes gotten HUGE!"

I use that to motivate me. Maybe when someone says to you that you have lost so much, you can use that to motivate you also! If THEY can see a difference, then what you are doing is really working!! Keep at it! Go stronger!

Just know that they meant well, and leave it at the door. ultimately, its how you feel about yourself that matters!!

medicinemantoo

I'm happy to be technically fat and a bit overweight; used to be obese.

My motivator (other than doing everything for myself) is my favorite two words that people (who haven't seen me in a while) that i know say, "Holy Crap"!

Bad language, yes; could be expressed better, or could it? (yeah, and don't end a sentence with a preposition).

Whatever, I really like "Holy Crap" now. Good phrase. Intentions are positive.

musiche

It's funny that I come across your post today, because of something someone said to me today.

This guy at work told me (for the umpteenth time) that I had lost weight. He has to have told me this a dozen or more times in the last year, and initially I did lose 12 pounds (last year). Then gained it back over winter. And I have lost 7 of it in the last couple of months. So yes, I have lost a bit, but when I was gaining weight, he was still telling me the same thing. As were others. How reliable is how I look, compared to how I feel, what the scale says, what my measurements are, my BMI, body fat %, and on and on... All of these statistics and the feedback influence how I feel as they are my guidelines for setting goals, so just 'feeling good' isn't enough sometimes. I want those goals achieved!

Anyway, my reply to him today was "If I lose weight at the rate you tell me I do, I'd be a toothpick by now!" :P

The thing that frustrates me, and it's kinda like you say, until I'm where I want to be, less isn't what I want to hear. When it gets repetitive, it starts to sound the same every time. "Just not there. Not quite there. Keep on going."

Stay positive!

Living4Liz2012

It use to but now I love it because days I feel like man I should of did more or maybe I should of did that or maybe I should of eaten this instead...It is those little comments that not only make me feel proud of how far I have come, but makes me feel so good about not only continuing on my weight loss journey but makes me feel good inside( and I feel sexy)


stay positive and hang in there it will get better

RobynMWilson

The only thing that really bothers me is "I wanna look like you" or "I wanna be you"..noooo...really...you don't. I promise that lol. Then they ask me what I do or what they can do to look like me so I give them the whole breakdown and they look at me like I have 2 heads. Well, ya asked! lol

harleygaljojo

I would love someone to say to me you've lost weight, I've lost almost 34 lbs and no one has noticed. Bummer, I knew I was fat but I didn't think I was so fat no one would notice that much weight lost. Oh well.

Lmfloyd28

I *completely* understand where you are coming from. When I first started on my journey, I couldn't wait for someone, anyone to notice a difference. It took so long (40 lbs) for ANYone to say even one word - then all of a sudden the flood gates opened and they won't stop. It felt great to be recognized for all that hard work, but soon the little voice in the back of my head could only hear "You look fantastic (because you were hideous before)." I think it's just "fat person" esteem issues. I try to take it in stride and accept the compliment without the perceived attached (ie:non-existent) negativity.

SuffolkSally

I wish it did! I've lost weight and inches, but I look pretty much the same to myself and everyone else

findfan4ever

The only thing that really bothers me is "I wanna look like you" or "I wanna be you"..noooo...really...you don't. I promise that lol. Then they ask me what I do or what they can do to look like me so I give them the whole breakdown and they look at me like I have 2 heads. Well, ya asked! lol

What!? You don't have two heads? Damn, my old man eyes are failing me. LOL

Anthonydaman

I feel similar, but it is just our low self esteem showing it's ugly head. most people give compliments to make another feel better...

mdj1501

No I am a complete attention wh*re and I love to hear it. Keeps me motivated. Plus I was fat before for years and years so I will never get tired of the "OMG you have lost loads of weight"

^^^THIS

imkegoal

Someone said that to me today; complimented me on my weight and then said: 'not that you didn't look great before!'.

I feel more conscious that people compliment me on my weight loss, and I don't know what to reply. I just say thanks and then inform them of how much I have lost.

My husband scored Brownie point the other day. I was telling him how glad I was I had lost all that weight (34 pounds since Jan and another 12 in the year before) and he said: "I am very proud of you. You seem so much happier within yourself."
Brilliant answer, as I would have felt insulted if he told me I looked so much beter indeed!

They just can't win, can they.....

gauchogirl

It absolutely does not bother me. I know what you're saying, but those are just the words that are appropriate in our language and there isn't much left to express that sentiment. Unless there is some hidden agenda, they mean well. I feel it's a genuine compliment when someone says "wow, you look terrific!" Yes, in my own sarcastic "in my head voice" I may think, "so you're saying I looked like **** before?" but I know my friends are legitimately and genuinely happy for me. My #1 problem is I can't accept a compliment and just say "thank you." I ALWAYS say "well, I've still got a long ways to go" as if negating what I've done. I know that's just my own thing to work on...

edited to add, I can not believe MFP asterisked out my use of the word "s-h-*- t", above. Really? Are we not all adults here? LOL

bcampbell54

I'm happy when they notice, but perhaps this turns on the pressure to maintain it.
It's different when you feel the scrutiny, I know.
Own it, and own the role model that you have become, and revel in it.

FreedomReigns

I LOVE hearing it!!!!! Really cant get enough of the compliments although most of the time i dont know what to say other than thank you lol

Romans624

I like to hear it, and can feel the rush of accomplishment when I can tell it is sincere. But, its one of those things that can also definitely be a backhanded compliment.

LIke when people(really only women) compliment me on my makeup, rather than me.

sleibo87

Don't get me wrong, I love the compliments, but its also kinda like, wow I was that big before that you are noticing my weight loss. But I figure compliments are way better then someone making a comment about me being over weight! Just don't let it get you down! I am sure when someone tells you how good you are looking, they don't mean oh you were super big before, they just mean, holy crap your looking good! I hate people who say they want to lose weight but don't do anything about it, but then make comments that make you feel ****ty! My mom is so 'proud' of me losing weight and keeps asking for my advice and for me to train her but then eats out daily and sits on her *kitten*. Then we go shopping and she makes comments like "oh I remember when you used to be able to wear something like this." THAT PISSES ME OFF WAY MORE THEN COMPLIMENTS! lol at least I am TRYING, what are you doing for yourself mom! haha Keep up the good work, and remember people are noticing for a good reason!

findfan4ever

I *completely* understand where you are coming from. When I first started on my journey, I couldn't wait for someone, anyone to notice a difference. It took so long (40 lbs) for ANYone to say even one word - then all of a sudden the flood gates opened and they won't stop. It felt great to be recognized for all that hard work, but soon the little voice in the back of my head could only hear "You look fantastic (because you were hideous before)." I think it's just "fat person" esteem issues. I try to take it in stride and accept the compliment without the perceived attached (ie:non-existent) negativity.

I haven't felt this way about compliments to how I am progressing to my weight loss. I take it as it is and I don't read into it. While many individuals out there have body image issues and how they react to a compliment is up to them. They can take it as it is, accept it, and use it as motivation to continue or they can feed an unintended negative emotion and let it tear them down.

My advise, take it as it is. Don't fall prey to additional false messages. It's not fair to you, nor the person who gave you the compliment.

Oh and btw, everyone here is looking gggggggggggggggggggggoooooooooooooooood (my best Peanut impression, LOL)

melann1974

I don't think anyone means "hey, you were really fat and ugly before"... I think they are just noticing that you have put forth an effort and are losing weight. My neighbor has lost a lot of weight and when I see her, I tell her she looks great, not because I thought she was ugly before, but because she has really put forth an effort and I see an amazing transformation. Would you feel better if people didn't notice or comment on your weightloss?

My husband doesn't seem to notice if I gain/lose weight and some times it seems like "why should I bother?". I have worked hard to lose 26lbs and although I feel better about myself, when my husband doesn't notice that I have lost a lot of weight, it seems like it doesn't matter.

For me, I do like when people notice and comment on when I lose weight.

ATOLLIT

I was really proud of myself a few days ago when even my dad said "I can really tell that you've lost weight". He is usually totally oblivious to these kind of things. It doesn't mean they are saying "you used to be so fat", it means they are saying "you are doing so well, keep it up!" I know it can be hard to see it that way when people aren't quite so polite or encouraging in their wording, but I'd like to think that that is what they generally mean.