Out of control

maddiezoellner

Okay here I go! I am so sick of myself. Everyday I wake up with the desire to eat healthy, exercise and most of all CONTROL myself. They fact of the matter is....I AM OUT OF CONTROL!!!! I can't stop eating. I am constantly eating, thinking about eating, preparing the food I'm about it eat, or buying the food I will eat later. It is truly an addiction. I have a history of addiction and will celebrate one year of sobriety next month. However, I've tried countless time to abstain from compulsively overeating and have never lasted longer than about a three days. In the past I've been teetered the eating disorder line. Binging uncontrollably and then forcing myself to vomit. I need help!!

Obesity is in my genes, but I know it is not the entire problem. It plays a major role and I've seen where it takes the ones I love. My mother was almost 400lbs when she finally underwent a gastric bypass to lose the weight. Her grandparents died of obesity related illnesses. I am headed in that same direction. I am 25 years old, 5'5 and 200lbs. I'm scared and ashamed. I don't know what it will take for me to make these important changes. Any and all comments are greatly appreciated.

Maddie

lenz3gsds

You're not alone. I'm the only one in my immediate family that is overweight, extremely overweight.

I'm new to the site also and hope to find some people that we can make this journey a success together.

dorite7

As I was reading your post, I felt like you took my thoughts from me and used them for yourself!! I battle it everyday too and nobody around me understands. I have a very addictive personality also.....I used to be addicted to instant lottery ($30-35 a day habit) and I was a smoker for 25 years (quit over 3 years ago). I actually started smoking AND overeating when I was 13 (came to the realization a couple of years ago that that's how I chose to deal with my dad's unexpected death from a car accident).

So, growing up, I smoked and ate.....if I wasn't doing one, I was doing the other. Never really realized that I had a problem with overeating....I just knew I LOVED FOOD.....until I quit smoking......now I was, for the first time, living my adult life WITHOUT smoking and all I had was FOOD.......

Now food consumes me......I go to sleep thinking about what I'm eating the next day......I'll be doing something and food will pop in my head out of the blue......I won't hesitate to 'mix something up' in the kitchen (I'm surrounded by hundreds of cookbooks!)...On my days off, I wonder what I will eat.......

And, trust me, I have had the temptation many, MANY times to purge after my binges.......but I can't get myself to do it.......and u shouldn't do it either.....it scares me!!

There is nothing magical that I can say to help you but maybe, knowing that someone else is out there, fighting on the same battleground......maybe that can calm your anxieties a bit. It actually makes me feel not so alone and isolated knowing that you are here!

prairiewalker

Maddie,

Yes, I feel your pain and shame but baby steps and consistency...you know what to do..I know what to do..so why aren't we doing it? It doesn't really matter..what matters is that we start again and this time stick with it!!!

You're not alone.

Today is day one for me... let today be your day to stick through it all day..My biggest problem is the evening time after dinner..I will need to get online here or walk the dog or clean house or something!!!! to avoid mindless snacking....

Hang in there and love that beautiful baby!!!!!

Prairiewalker

princessquitealot

If you understand addiction then you KNOW one day at a time! That's how the battle is won. One day, hour minute at a time. You understand that your first action is a non action....sit on your hands and do nothing. The hard part about food is none of us can just quit...like we can with cocaine, alcohol, on and on....Do it! Start now!

loufranks

You know, I could have written that very post. I appreciate how you feel that food controls your every thought and I want you to know that you can turn your life around. It's a matter of baby steps and taking it hour by hour and learning to recognise even the tiniest change and positive step. This has been a real motivator for me and the new outlook is making me happier than I've been in a long time. Keep at it, you can do it!

hayleeannie

Hi Maddie!

I also understand your pain. Group support can be helpful. An ED is really just another escape route for underlying problems. Since you have had addiction issues in the past and have over come them, think about what led to your previous success and apply that to your food issues. I find that trying to be mindful about everything I eat before I eat it is helpful. Trying to meditate on the true reasons why I have the urge to binge (usually not food related) can help me move past the binge.

The great thing abut MPF is that you are surrounded by people who get you. Don't give up!

iWaffle

Okay here I go! I am so sick of myself. Everyday I wake up with the desire to eat healthy, exercise and most of all CONTROL myself. They fact of the matter is....I AM OUT OF CONTROL!!!! I can't stop eating. I am constantly eating, thinking about eating, preparing the food I'm about it eat, or buying the food I will eat later. It is truly an addiction. I have a history of addiction and will celebrate one year of sobriety next month.

Replace your addiction with a healthy one. Find some photos of what you want to look like and put them up everywhere as inspiration. On the fridge, in the pantry, on the mirror in your bathroom. Get it in your head what you want your goal to be. You have to think before you can act so make that your focus. Spend the extra time doing research on healthy meals or a good exercise routine. Once you find yourself at the grocery store you'll search out the things you've been dwelling on. For me it's looking for a new seasoning recipe for grilled chicken, or what's a good and new interesting thing to have with Greek yogurt. Perhaps I'm looking for a new way to work on my shoulders.

"You are what you eat" is really just half the truth. The whole truth is that you are what you think. The battle is all in your mind. You body will do what ever the hell you ask it to. Listen to your body's input on how it feels but have the knowledge in your head to know when it's lying to you or just is unsure. Any time I feel hungry my first reaction is to drink about 16 oz. of water and see if it was really asking for hydration. Those signals are actually fairly similar. When you're really honestly hungry there's no mistaking the feeling but just slightly hungry is often just boredom or thirst talking.


As always, here's my weekly video on dedication. It's always the same video and always the same question. How bad do you want it? Watch this every week. I do.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsSC2vx7zFQ

I even have a shirt with this now. On the front is says "Take no days off" and the back says "How bad do you want it?"

wxgurl

I completely understand...but a lot of people on here are right, one day at a time...you know addictions, and we all have our own. I know that food is a source of comfort for me, and with my mom passing away, I really turned to the food. My current hope is that my infant son will be a good motivation for me to stay on track. And if i mess up, I pick myself up, admit what I did, and move forward. You can do this! Feel free to add me as a firend if you want!

tanyahall1022

I assure you, you are absolutely not alone - I, too, try everyday but then a couple of cheats ends up in a terrible binge. This site has really kept me accountable and it seems to be working. Although I have only lost a couple of pounds, due to going up and down on the scale, the true difference is how I FEEL and the difference in how my clothes fit. You will be successful in this journey, you only need to take it one day at a time and knowing each day is a new start is very motivating Good luck, dear!

stemab3

one day at a time and support from those in the same boat hopefuly will help. I also feel like there is always some type of food going into my mouth, hungry or not. There has to bee some way of stoping that cycle.

Hopefully we can help each other. Feel free to add me!

jackieatx

If you are familiar with the program then you have all the steps you need to succeed at this. I too replaced drugs and alcohol with food when I got clean. It's just another battle to be won. You can do it. It helped me to go pescatarian, that makes it easier to be healthy and make better choices.

tzeoli86

If it helps there is a quote I saw on another post that I thought was pretty cool...

"Food is not your enemy, it is your best friend. You are just spending too much time together."

I realize this is a simple answer to a not so simple problem, but maybe it would help if you start to view food this way. Its good to enjoy food, just in smaller portions and less frequently. Hope this helps.

tinacrane

I think maybe you could use the support of an in person support group like OEA (Over Eaters Anonymous). Having people hold you accountable and listening to the stories of others can be very life- changing. The first step is recognizing the problem and you have done that. Now take the next step and reach out to a support group of like minded individuals like yourself!!

We overeat for many reasons: for emotional reasons, stress or during situations that are beyond our control. I find that in an out of control world, with so many things I cannot change or control- I have learned to enjoy the control that MFP brings me. Controlling what goes into my mouth is the one thing I can learn to do. When you reach that moment- it is a wonderful feeling...One step at a time- one meal at a time- never give up!

cliffhouse49

Today I am not out of control...but if I spend too much time in the house: there is the fridge, staring me down. I like this site, though and seeing what I am eating and when really hits home. I am taking it one day at a time.

tmos512

I'm no expert on psychological disorders, but this is just a thought. What if you channeled your thoughts? You know you are already going to obsess over what you are going to eat and the various steps that make it happen. What if you made this productive? Instead of trying to make the thoughts go away, buy a healthy cook book, control your shopping list by obsessing over the right things to buy. Buy a day planner or something and plan your meals out with the various ingredients, etc. I know everything is good in moderation, so obsessing too much about it wouldn't be good. But maybe this will help?

galecolleen

Feel free to add me...It is frustrating when you feel like food is such a huge part of your life that it truly does feel like an addiction. I feel the same way. But, by logging your food here, you are holding yourself accountable. YOu can start to see the foods you typically eat and where you can make small changes. You can do it!

palmerig88

It will take some real willpower and desire. I too have an addictive personality. I think about food a LOT still it has gotten better. I was able to break my fast food habit of 5 visits per week + fairly early on. I was able to knock off the coffee creamer and soda. I had to go to bed hungry for a week or two until I learned how to eat better. I had to get past hunger pangs at or before lunch frequently in the beginning. It gets easier. I started Jan 29th and have felt amazing for a couple months now. But yes at first it is very hard.

stayfocus202

Have you tried having a workout and healthy eating "buddy". I'm only months out of the same life style but me and a good friend of mines decided to be each others support. We sat down and came up with all the ways to become healthier and took it one day at a time. We signed up for the gym together, we go grocery shopping together. We join this site togther. All those crazy workout tapes we try them togther and push each other a long the way.

I tried slacking off after we started in March and she saw it and she called, texted and FB me until I started to snap back.
( don't recommend a group more than 3) it can become taxing with so many people down your back or keeping up with everyone)

The bigest thing I learned is it's not all about food its about eating right and working out they go hand and hand.
It might help to read up on eating health, you might learn more than what the t.v is telling you, The Library is a great place to try out some books.