Tips on living with a spouse or SO who isn't on board
Loulady
Posts: 511 Member
with your diet or new healthy lifestyle.
I've seen this topic come up several times here and I just read this blog post on the subject, thought it was good, and wanted to share. Yes, it's focused on eating paleo, but I think it's applicable no matter what diet or plan you are following - just make your brain read "diet" or "healthy" every time you see the word if paleo isn't your thing. :flowerforyou:
From Alison Golden on http://paleononpaleo.com/ :
27 Ways To Live With Your Non-Paleo Spouse
1. Control what you can and accept the rest.
Your spouse is an adult (I hope!) Ultimately we cannot control the mind and thoughts of others. You can only control yourself. No exceptions. Focus on yourself, your eating, your health. It’s time to put your oxygen mask on.
2. Demand respect.
You have a right to believe what you believe, to be confident, to eat the way you want. Respect underpins everything, including a marriage and despite whatever differences there are in the way you eat.
3. Respect the transition.
Transitions are a vastly undervalued/disregarded in our society. We are rush, rush, rush, switching from this thing to that thing at a moment’s notice. We get crazed and ultimately crash.
We have to afford our spouse the time to change too. They may not be disillusioned with how they eat. Or disillusioned enough. Mentally they are not ready to make a change and any efforts we make to persuade them are doomed to failure and will likely make the tensions worse.
4. Be patient.
A spouse will not embrace a new way until they are ready and that will take time. The trigger might be seeing the example you are providing, or it might be a doctor giving them some bad news. However it happens, we can’t be disillusioned for them. It’s tempting but back to #1, we don’t control other people. We have to wait.
5. Accept it may never happen.
Acceptance is a tough call. It implies loss and sadness and giving up and we hate it and avoid it. When that acceptance involves someone we love, it is very difficult. But sometimes we have no choice. When people are adults we have to accept their right to do things their way. We might not like it but we have to respect that.
6. Hope for change but don’t plan on it.
It is never too late to turn things around. Keep on keepin’ on. It took my husband 15 months of me eating paleo before he bought into it. And I certainly never expected it. Then, whoosh, he 100% jumped in. “Softly, softly, catchee monkey.” I can’t guarantee your spouse will do this, but it is possible. Keep hoping. Keep focusing on yourself. Keep being an example.
7. Be assertive.
Ask for what you need. If your wife is bringing home coffee room leftovers, ask her not to. It may never have occurred to her (you’d be surprised how often this apparently obvious no-no behavior is unconscious.) Ask for a united stand in front of the children. Negotiate what you can both accept – maybe it’s sandwiches for lunch or dessert twice a week. I had to stop my husband taking our kids for Sunday morning doughnuts. Until I asked him, it had never crossed his mind not to. All he thought about was how that was a fun thing to do in his family growing up and he wanted to re-experience those emotions as an adult with his own kids. Take a non-judgmental stance and probe a bit. Find out what emotions are driving those behaviors.
8. Keep calm and carry on.
As parents we think children will stay as they are right now and that every stage is critical. Speaking as a parent of former preemies, both of whom nearly died from illness as preschoolers and whose little bodies were saved but also destroyed by drugs, please know that they can heal. And they can do that at any time. We forget (or don’t have the perspective until we’ve been through it) that children grow, evolve, survive and thrive. What is happening right now, is not the be all and end all. Relax. They have a long life to live. If they can’t eat healthy now, put the building blocks in place for when they can make their own choices.
9. Work on yourself first
‘The key to life is healthy boundaries.’ I love this quote by Linda at talktherapybiz. Unless we recognize where we stop and other people start, life gets messy and uses up a lot of wasted energy. Make sure you know where your paleo eating boundaries are. Are you 80% or a 100%? Do you take days off for holidays or just your birthday? Do you eat absolutely no grains or will you eat white rice? Can you look at a cookie and have it stay silent or does it call your name? Are you committed to paleo or are you waffling. Focus on you, your choices, your health.
10. Avoid enabling.
Sounds obvious but doing research for this post, I went to Gam-Anon, the support organization for families of addicted gamblers and I came across this point. Don’t buy non-paleo foods or bring them into the house. Don’t encourage non-paleo eating. It’s one thing to have a rule that they can eat anything they buy or outside the home, it’s another to buy it for them or make a dessert. If you’re going to eat off-paleo, discuss it beforehand – what you’re going to do and why. And make it a rare occasion.
11. Move slowly and often.
Where you have a mixed household situation, take the transition to cleaner and cleaner paleo slowly. Going cold turkey is fine, even desirable if you are both/all in agreement, but a little subtlety is required if you’re not. Start with one meal and paleo-ize it. I dropped the carbs with dinner. Get your first step down and move onto something else. You can still eat 100% clean yourself if you choose, just don’t expect the family to follow suit. Take them slow.
12. Thank the cook.
If you are the one putting in the time to cook the meals, you deserve the respect of everyone who benefits from that. No matter what you put in front of them. No complaints, no arguing. You deserve a thank you for producing the meal they get to put in their bellies. If you don’t have that, this should be the place you start. Explain how important it is to perform this basic courtesy. And let them know how to do it.
If you are a couple with kids make sure you model respect for the cook’s effort in front of your kids. There should be lots of praise for the chef no matter who or what is cooking. Even if it’s food you don’t approve of. First things first.
13. You want it, you buy it, you prepare it, you eat it.
Hold the expectation that whoever shops and cooks controls the menu. In our house, I do the shopping and the cooking so I get to determine the menu. If anyone wants non-paleo food, they have to take responsibility for providing it and that includes the kids. If they want buns with their burgers, they go buy them, toast them, put the burger in the bun, etc. They are responsible for their choices and I make sure I don’t enable. Things get very clear, very quickly this way.
14. Negotiate the menu.
You can ask your family what they would like to eat (although you don’t have to see #13 above.) Give them choices within a spectrum. For example, give them a choice between three paleo meals and let them choose one. Rotate who gets to choose. Decide if you’re willing to go off-paleo, set a limit and make choices within that framework. Do this for as long as it takes to transition.
15. Eat paleo in, free choice out.
Maintain a strict paleo household but let family members eat what they want when they’re out. You’ve pretty much lost control when you’re out and about anyway. There are too any temptations and social pressures. That includes Dad at the office, kids at their friend’s houses, etc. When we’re out, I will allow my kids to eat burgers with a bun and French fries. It pains me but I have explained what and why and they are old enough to make their own choices.
16. Gather a support network.
During the time I was the only paleo-eater in the house, I read books, blogs, commented, tried new recipes. I surrounded myself with all things paleo. This is essential. If you don’t have a support group at home, or in real life, create one online.
17. Choose your resources wisely.
Try not to influence others directly but if you do, choose a medium that works for your spouse’s or kids personalities. My family love reality shows where 21st century people recreate life in a period in history (1900 House, 1940s House.) So when I saw I-Caveman was coming up, I got them to watch it. They loved it, it spawned some great discussion and my husband particularly got a bit warmer to this whole ‘weird’ paleo thing. Perhaps your spouse will read a book – the 21 Day Transformation by Mark Sisson is good for a beginner. Or a success story which is shorter and results oriented. To my delight, there are kids books coming out shortly. And if anyone is interested in developing a board game, or even a computer game, let me know!
18. Be prepared.
If a spark of interest in the paleo way of eating does ignite, be ready. Answer the questions, have the resources available. Do not carry an attitude. Don’t nag. Be delighted, be 100% supportive, take it as far as s/he will go at that moment. That might not be as far as adopting paleo, it might fall far short, but water the seed a little. Then wait for the next spark.
19. Don’t be rigid.
Accept and plan for imperfection. We all slip up. You and me and us and them. Work on yourself, identify your triggers, accept them and move on. And accept your wife sitting next to you eating dessert. It is her life, her body. The consequences of her actions may ultimately affect you in some way but you need to let that go. You don’t know what will happen. Things change. She may change. Let it go. Be prepared. Hope. Work on yourself.
20. Allocate house space to your food and non-paleo food.
I have special places in the house for non-paleo food. It is either: difficult to get to – the freezer in the garage or a high shelf; tucked behind my own food where I can’t see it; or on a shelf that I have trained myself to overlook every time. Those cookies that were brought home as a nice surprise -they go on a high shelf for example. An added bonus is that eventually the family forgets about them too, and I can quietly throw them away. Sometimes I freeze them and wait for a time when cookies are planned.
21. Buy a thermos, teach menu scanning.
Pack him/her paleo leftovers for lunch in a thermos instead of sandwiches. Brainstorm paleo options (soups, salads, even half a sandwich and soup is better than a whole sandwich.) Teach substitutions and menu scanning in restaurants. Many spouses are completely dumbfounded on how to do this. But if they show a crack of interest, help them.
22. Slowly remove the tension food.
Take your time. Just as you transition healthy food slowly in, transition trash foods slowly out. This may occur naturally as you get more aware as a couple or family or you may need to ask for it not to be purchased. Politely. And then you might have to offer up reminders until the unconscious behaviors are removed as a habit. Just go slowly and keep in mind the bigger picture. Keep asking yourself – are you a healthier household than 6 months ago? If yes, you’re doing great. Baby steps, aim for progress not perfection.
23. Commit to paleo eating.
Commit yourself to paleo. Don’t waffle. Set your boundaries. Educate yourself. Believe in it. Stand for it. Don’t complain. Don’t explain. Be sure in your actions. Your spouse will see that you’re not for turning.
24. Manage your frustration with non-paleo eating.
Don’t take it out on your spouse. I once got some great advice. When you are frustrated with someone else, work on yourself. Improve your life in some way, develop an interest, or do something to offset whatever is frustrating you that you have control over – improve your own commitment to paleo, for example. Find someway to feel better about yourself. That way, the focus is taken off your partner and her actions. It’s amazing how this works. It is what it is, now what can you do about it? For you.
25. State the obvious.
When my kids were babies, I’d load them in the jogger every day for a walk. My husband’s job was to get the drinks while I did this. Every day he’d ask me what I wanted, Coke or water. Every day, I said the same thing, ‘Water.’ One day, I told him. ‘I want water. Every time. Water. Please don’t ask me each time. Every day. Water.’ He never asked me again. Sometimes, just stating the obvious is enough. ‘I don’t eat pizza. Ever.’ Don’t underestimate what appears to you to be the obvious.
26. Keep it simple.
When asked, I say I eat meat and veg. I don’t go into no grains, limited dairy, evolution or any of that. Most people can grasp meat and veg. I don’t even say ‘vegetables.’ I want to get the thought into their brain as quickly and effectively as possible. I also keep it positive so that I’m saying what I can eat, not what I can’t. If you’re having trouble with a spouse keeping up, keep your explanations and your words simple. Then employ short syllable words. ‘No,’ ‘Yes,’ and ‘Thank you,’ are very effective. I’m not kidding, either.
27. Remind yourself you’re ahead of your time.
You are probably experienced with passive aggressive and not-so passive aggressive behaviors if you’re reading this. I’ve lost count of the number of people who joke about my way of eating. Or get concerned for me. It can get exhausting! In twenty years, I tell myself, paleo will be considered the normal, healthy way of eating and people will be saying, ‘Alison was right.’ (They probably won’t think that but it’s what I repeat to myself as a kind of mantra.) We are simply early adopters and like the missionaries we have to deal with prejudice and obstacles. Our ability to deal with this in order to achieve a goal is awesome and worthy. And something to be proud of. Be proud. And stand firm in the face of naysayers. Even if one of them is your spouse.
I think like any change, it’s a delicate dance this paleo/non-paleo marriage thing.
It’s frightening sometimes to get on a different wagon, while our partner remains in place. The temptation is to fall off the one we’ve just got on and climb back on the old one alongside our partner. If we carry on on our separate wagon, though, our fear is that the two wagons will go in completely different directions. Plus it’s plain frustrating. The neutral, in-between zone, is always uncomfortable.
Stay on your wagon, go slowly, see the bigger picture and control what you can and leave the rest. It is an exercise in forbearance, patience and self-control. In other words, it is about building skills greater than eating paleo. Find a way you can live with a non-paleo spouse, for life if necessary. It is a discipline, a daily practice but you will be a better person, and parent, for it.
Children, marriage, they’re not static entities. They change, evolve, just like everything. What is happening today may be different tomorrow or next week, next year. You don’t know.
Once the transition has been integrated and you’ve both found a way to live with each other, things will level out. During the storming, adjusting phase, things are tricky. Keep at it, break it down, deal with obstacles one by one. Even if your spouse never gets on board, make sure you do the best by yourself.
I've seen this topic come up several times here and I just read this blog post on the subject, thought it was good, and wanted to share. Yes, it's focused on eating paleo, but I think it's applicable no matter what diet or plan you are following - just make your brain read "diet" or "healthy" every time you see the word if paleo isn't your thing. :flowerforyou:
From Alison Golden on http://paleononpaleo.com/ :
27 Ways To Live With Your Non-Paleo Spouse
1. Control what you can and accept the rest.
Your spouse is an adult (I hope!) Ultimately we cannot control the mind and thoughts of others. You can only control yourself. No exceptions. Focus on yourself, your eating, your health. It’s time to put your oxygen mask on.
2. Demand respect.
You have a right to believe what you believe, to be confident, to eat the way you want. Respect underpins everything, including a marriage and despite whatever differences there are in the way you eat.
3. Respect the transition.
Transitions are a vastly undervalued/disregarded in our society. We are rush, rush, rush, switching from this thing to that thing at a moment’s notice. We get crazed and ultimately crash.
We have to afford our spouse the time to change too. They may not be disillusioned with how they eat. Or disillusioned enough. Mentally they are not ready to make a change and any efforts we make to persuade them are doomed to failure and will likely make the tensions worse.
4. Be patient.
A spouse will not embrace a new way until they are ready and that will take time. The trigger might be seeing the example you are providing, or it might be a doctor giving them some bad news. However it happens, we can’t be disillusioned for them. It’s tempting but back to #1, we don’t control other people. We have to wait.
5. Accept it may never happen.
Acceptance is a tough call. It implies loss and sadness and giving up and we hate it and avoid it. When that acceptance involves someone we love, it is very difficult. But sometimes we have no choice. When people are adults we have to accept their right to do things their way. We might not like it but we have to respect that.
6. Hope for change but don’t plan on it.
It is never too late to turn things around. Keep on keepin’ on. It took my husband 15 months of me eating paleo before he bought into it. And I certainly never expected it. Then, whoosh, he 100% jumped in. “Softly, softly, catchee monkey.” I can’t guarantee your spouse will do this, but it is possible. Keep hoping. Keep focusing on yourself. Keep being an example.
7. Be assertive.
Ask for what you need. If your wife is bringing home coffee room leftovers, ask her not to. It may never have occurred to her (you’d be surprised how often this apparently obvious no-no behavior is unconscious.) Ask for a united stand in front of the children. Negotiate what you can both accept – maybe it’s sandwiches for lunch or dessert twice a week. I had to stop my husband taking our kids for Sunday morning doughnuts. Until I asked him, it had never crossed his mind not to. All he thought about was how that was a fun thing to do in his family growing up and he wanted to re-experience those emotions as an adult with his own kids. Take a non-judgmental stance and probe a bit. Find out what emotions are driving those behaviors.
8. Keep calm and carry on.
As parents we think children will stay as they are right now and that every stage is critical. Speaking as a parent of former preemies, both of whom nearly died from illness as preschoolers and whose little bodies were saved but also destroyed by drugs, please know that they can heal. And they can do that at any time. We forget (or don’t have the perspective until we’ve been through it) that children grow, evolve, survive and thrive. What is happening right now, is not the be all and end all. Relax. They have a long life to live. If they can’t eat healthy now, put the building blocks in place for when they can make their own choices.
9. Work on yourself first
‘The key to life is healthy boundaries.’ I love this quote by Linda at talktherapybiz. Unless we recognize where we stop and other people start, life gets messy and uses up a lot of wasted energy. Make sure you know where your paleo eating boundaries are. Are you 80% or a 100%? Do you take days off for holidays or just your birthday? Do you eat absolutely no grains or will you eat white rice? Can you look at a cookie and have it stay silent or does it call your name? Are you committed to paleo or are you waffling. Focus on you, your choices, your health.
10. Avoid enabling.
Sounds obvious but doing research for this post, I went to Gam-Anon, the support organization for families of addicted gamblers and I came across this point. Don’t buy non-paleo foods or bring them into the house. Don’t encourage non-paleo eating. It’s one thing to have a rule that they can eat anything they buy or outside the home, it’s another to buy it for them or make a dessert. If you’re going to eat off-paleo, discuss it beforehand – what you’re going to do and why. And make it a rare occasion.
11. Move slowly and often.
Where you have a mixed household situation, take the transition to cleaner and cleaner paleo slowly. Going cold turkey is fine, even desirable if you are both/all in agreement, but a little subtlety is required if you’re not. Start with one meal and paleo-ize it. I dropped the carbs with dinner. Get your first step down and move onto something else. You can still eat 100% clean yourself if you choose, just don’t expect the family to follow suit. Take them slow.
12. Thank the cook.
If you are the one putting in the time to cook the meals, you deserve the respect of everyone who benefits from that. No matter what you put in front of them. No complaints, no arguing. You deserve a thank you for producing the meal they get to put in their bellies. If you don’t have that, this should be the place you start. Explain how important it is to perform this basic courtesy. And let them know how to do it.
If you are a couple with kids make sure you model respect for the cook’s effort in front of your kids. There should be lots of praise for the chef no matter who or what is cooking. Even if it’s food you don’t approve of. First things first.
13. You want it, you buy it, you prepare it, you eat it.
Hold the expectation that whoever shops and cooks controls the menu. In our house, I do the shopping and the cooking so I get to determine the menu. If anyone wants non-paleo food, they have to take responsibility for providing it and that includes the kids. If they want buns with their burgers, they go buy them, toast them, put the burger in the bun, etc. They are responsible for their choices and I make sure I don’t enable. Things get very clear, very quickly this way.
14. Negotiate the menu.
You can ask your family what they would like to eat (although you don’t have to see #13 above.) Give them choices within a spectrum. For example, give them a choice between three paleo meals and let them choose one. Rotate who gets to choose. Decide if you’re willing to go off-paleo, set a limit and make choices within that framework. Do this for as long as it takes to transition.
15. Eat paleo in, free choice out.
Maintain a strict paleo household but let family members eat what they want when they’re out. You’ve pretty much lost control when you’re out and about anyway. There are too any temptations and social pressures. That includes Dad at the office, kids at their friend’s houses, etc. When we’re out, I will allow my kids to eat burgers with a bun and French fries. It pains me but I have explained what and why and they are old enough to make their own choices.
16. Gather a support network.
During the time I was the only paleo-eater in the house, I read books, blogs, commented, tried new recipes. I surrounded myself with all things paleo. This is essential. If you don’t have a support group at home, or in real life, create one online.
17. Choose your resources wisely.
Try not to influence others directly but if you do, choose a medium that works for your spouse’s or kids personalities. My family love reality shows where 21st century people recreate life in a period in history (1900 House, 1940s House.) So when I saw I-Caveman was coming up, I got them to watch it. They loved it, it spawned some great discussion and my husband particularly got a bit warmer to this whole ‘weird’ paleo thing. Perhaps your spouse will read a book – the 21 Day Transformation by Mark Sisson is good for a beginner. Or a success story which is shorter and results oriented. To my delight, there are kids books coming out shortly. And if anyone is interested in developing a board game, or even a computer game, let me know!
18. Be prepared.
If a spark of interest in the paleo way of eating does ignite, be ready. Answer the questions, have the resources available. Do not carry an attitude. Don’t nag. Be delighted, be 100% supportive, take it as far as s/he will go at that moment. That might not be as far as adopting paleo, it might fall far short, but water the seed a little. Then wait for the next spark.
19. Don’t be rigid.
Accept and plan for imperfection. We all slip up. You and me and us and them. Work on yourself, identify your triggers, accept them and move on. And accept your wife sitting next to you eating dessert. It is her life, her body. The consequences of her actions may ultimately affect you in some way but you need to let that go. You don’t know what will happen. Things change. She may change. Let it go. Be prepared. Hope. Work on yourself.
20. Allocate house space to your food and non-paleo food.
I have special places in the house for non-paleo food. It is either: difficult to get to – the freezer in the garage or a high shelf; tucked behind my own food where I can’t see it; or on a shelf that I have trained myself to overlook every time. Those cookies that were brought home as a nice surprise -they go on a high shelf for example. An added bonus is that eventually the family forgets about them too, and I can quietly throw them away. Sometimes I freeze them and wait for a time when cookies are planned.
21. Buy a thermos, teach menu scanning.
Pack him/her paleo leftovers for lunch in a thermos instead of sandwiches. Brainstorm paleo options (soups, salads, even half a sandwich and soup is better than a whole sandwich.) Teach substitutions and menu scanning in restaurants. Many spouses are completely dumbfounded on how to do this. But if they show a crack of interest, help them.
22. Slowly remove the tension food.
Take your time. Just as you transition healthy food slowly in, transition trash foods slowly out. This may occur naturally as you get more aware as a couple or family or you may need to ask for it not to be purchased. Politely. And then you might have to offer up reminders until the unconscious behaviors are removed as a habit. Just go slowly and keep in mind the bigger picture. Keep asking yourself – are you a healthier household than 6 months ago? If yes, you’re doing great. Baby steps, aim for progress not perfection.
23. Commit to paleo eating.
Commit yourself to paleo. Don’t waffle. Set your boundaries. Educate yourself. Believe in it. Stand for it. Don’t complain. Don’t explain. Be sure in your actions. Your spouse will see that you’re not for turning.
24. Manage your frustration with non-paleo eating.
Don’t take it out on your spouse. I once got some great advice. When you are frustrated with someone else, work on yourself. Improve your life in some way, develop an interest, or do something to offset whatever is frustrating you that you have control over – improve your own commitment to paleo, for example. Find someway to feel better about yourself. That way, the focus is taken off your partner and her actions. It’s amazing how this works. It is what it is, now what can you do about it? For you.
25. State the obvious.
When my kids were babies, I’d load them in the jogger every day for a walk. My husband’s job was to get the drinks while I did this. Every day he’d ask me what I wanted, Coke or water. Every day, I said the same thing, ‘Water.’ One day, I told him. ‘I want water. Every time. Water. Please don’t ask me each time. Every day. Water.’ He never asked me again. Sometimes, just stating the obvious is enough. ‘I don’t eat pizza. Ever.’ Don’t underestimate what appears to you to be the obvious.
26. Keep it simple.
When asked, I say I eat meat and veg. I don’t go into no grains, limited dairy, evolution or any of that. Most people can grasp meat and veg. I don’t even say ‘vegetables.’ I want to get the thought into their brain as quickly and effectively as possible. I also keep it positive so that I’m saying what I can eat, not what I can’t. If you’re having trouble with a spouse keeping up, keep your explanations and your words simple. Then employ short syllable words. ‘No,’ ‘Yes,’ and ‘Thank you,’ are very effective. I’m not kidding, either.
27. Remind yourself you’re ahead of your time.
You are probably experienced with passive aggressive and not-so passive aggressive behaviors if you’re reading this. I’ve lost count of the number of people who joke about my way of eating. Or get concerned for me. It can get exhausting! In twenty years, I tell myself, paleo will be considered the normal, healthy way of eating and people will be saying, ‘Alison was right.’ (They probably won’t think that but it’s what I repeat to myself as a kind of mantra.) We are simply early adopters and like the missionaries we have to deal with prejudice and obstacles. Our ability to deal with this in order to achieve a goal is awesome and worthy. And something to be proud of. Be proud. And stand firm in the face of naysayers. Even if one of them is your spouse.
I think like any change, it’s a delicate dance this paleo/non-paleo marriage thing.
It’s frightening sometimes to get on a different wagon, while our partner remains in place. The temptation is to fall off the one we’ve just got on and climb back on the old one alongside our partner. If we carry on on our separate wagon, though, our fear is that the two wagons will go in completely different directions. Plus it’s plain frustrating. The neutral, in-between zone, is always uncomfortable.
Stay on your wagon, go slowly, see the bigger picture and control what you can and leave the rest. It is an exercise in forbearance, patience and self-control. In other words, it is about building skills greater than eating paleo. Find a way you can live with a non-paleo spouse, for life if necessary. It is a discipline, a daily practice but you will be a better person, and parent, for it.
Children, marriage, they’re not static entities. They change, evolve, just like everything. What is happening today may be different tomorrow or next week, next year. You don’t know.
Once the transition has been integrated and you’ve both found a way to live with each other, things will level out. During the storming, adjusting phase, things are tricky. Keep at it, break it down, deal with obstacles one by one. Even if your spouse never gets on board, make sure you do the best by yourself.
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Replies
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This is good stuff- definitely applicable to any lifestyle change.0
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How about leave him alone, eat how you want, and stop nagging?
Some people on diets are like new religious converts who want to spread the gospel.0 -
This is good stuff- definitely applicable to any lifestyle change.
This is great! It hits home for me because I am on a gluten free diet and my fiance is not
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How about leave him alone, eat how you want, and stop nagging?
Some people on diets are like new religious converts who want to spread the gospel.
Yeah, that's most of the point there.0 -
I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. Although my husband doesn't "diet" because of health restrictions, he packs my breakfast and lunch every day full of fruits and vegs. and lean meats. When he does the grocerying he purchases food he knows I like that are healthy and no matter how many times I write potato chips and cookies on the list, he never brings them home. He's got my back even when I don't!0
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While I guess this could be a problem for some, I haven't found much of an issue with my diet affecting my husband and roommate this time around. Why? I stopped calling it "my diet", "my change", "my way of eating", and I started being fair. I took over the cooking completely. I create a food calendar every month. It goes on the fridge. There are no surprises. Everyone knows what's for dinner. I pack my husband's lunch with chips ahoy cookies and chips like he likes. Seriously, if I can't turn down a cookie every night while I pack them (buy in bulk and separate for cost), then I'm not ready to make a change.
The biggest change I made was not talking down on them for adopting "my lifestyle". They eat much better foods, and enjoy them now. They've made sacrifices just like me. My husband spit out his first bite of 100% Wheat bread, but now he eats a sandwich every day. I don't push the changes, but they've come around in their own time. And the food calendar gives them the chance to prepare to cook something else if they don't want it.
They haven't done it yet, though. Lastly, I changed my recipes. I experiment and try new things to keep them guessing. We've all found our favorites. I'm not offended when my roommate says she doesn't like my cooked spinach, or my husband hates broccoli. They are allowed to have opinions.
I guess my point is that this list is unnecessary unless you force your changes onto other people in an abrupt and annoying manner.0 -
This is a really terrific article, thank you very much for sharing!
Now, on to the tricky stuff:
Due to a really bad car accident, my husband's stomach can no longer process meats of any kind. He's vegetarian, although he will have dairy and eggs. Any time I even mention the word "Paleo" he spouts off onto the benefits of vegetarianism and "cites" all of this information. If I eat meat of ANY kind (never in front of him, always out on my own) he gets this "look", and out comes the veg-head sermon. I've eaten MOSTLY vegetarian for the past 3 years....I just can't do it. I can't because I don't WANT to!
He always buys LOADS of carb-laden foods. We have no less than 3 types of breads in the pantry at any one time. There is NO meat in our house at all. He will eat the meat-substitute foods, and I eat them with him. We share the cooking. I do my thing and keep it to myself.
When people who assume I'm vegetarian, too (I must be if my husband is) I tell them I don't cheat on my husband with other men - I cheat on him with bacon!0 -
How about leave him alone, eat how you want, and stop nagging?
Some people on diets are like new religious converts who want to spread the gospel.
definitely this... my husband has not come to the conclusion that he needs to lose weight. and i'm not going to cook separate food for him and me, so i make his food fit my criteria. being the one that cooks i can make healthier choices for dinner, but he does his own thing during the day. including eating hostess cup cakes 3 times a day or more. i worry about him, but i'm not going to make him miserable. i love him for who he is, its not my place to tell a grown man what he should eat.
i do tell him how great i feel exercising and eating well. i tell him how delicious my lunch was, trying to tempt him into trying it. sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't. he will let me know when hes ready to eat better.0 -
'avoid enabling'? Puh-leeze.
It's a freaking diet. Some people feel great on it. Wonderful. Glad you're happy. But for Pete's sake ... the rhetoric is far, far over the top.
If my spouse (assuming I had one) were responsible for food shopping and started passive-aggressively (because I really would view it that way) trying to convert me by refusing to buy dairy (substitute any other diet/any other item) because it didn't fit with his paleo beliefs, there'd be some serious issues. I don't WANT to eat that way. I don't LIKE eating that way. And I sure as hell don't want to run two separate food shopping trips for 'my stuff' and 'his stuff.'
FWIW, if my spouse adopted a new diet and felt great, I'd certainly support him in it by cooking dishes that would work for both of us and putting 'my stuff' on the side. But I wouldn't support him by cutting out stuff that I really like and I feel great eating.0 -
Sometimes it's the spouse that's whinning after us coz we dont eat the same has him ahahahah I know my hubby does!How about leave him alone, eat how you want, and stop nagging?
Some people on diets are like new religious converts who want to spread the gospel.0 -
Bump0
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I find it hard when she asks me to bring McDonald's or KFC home. Sometime I give in, However sometimes I just get what she wants and then Make my own food!0
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