Public Humiliation When You're Obese

smartmom0818

Being obese has been one of my biggest challenges in life. I can leave the house, smelling good, clean, looking neat and sometimes even pretty, and people still treat me like I have the plague. I stopped going out and even ask my husband to do the grocery shopping. Then, I finally just had enough and joined this site. I have only been on here for 10 days but in those ten days I have worked out, changed most of my eating habits, and even though I am still obese, I know that soon, I won't be anymore. We can't do anything but fix the mess we started but I'll be damned if I continue to let people make me feel like crap about it when I already feel bad enough inside. Good luck to you, add me if you need a friend.

islandnutshel

Wow. You have all been so great. Thanks to those of you who offered some friendship on the site! It is nice to learn about how others get through things and how we perceive things. I know I am so self conscious. I even had my picture on the website and took it off! I am working hard and I am so appreciative of your thoghts and ideas! It is rather inspiring!

Time to put your picture back on! If you are intensely private, then an avatar will work or anything that comforts and inspres you.

NovemberJune

:flowerforyou: You can do this! Be patient! Don't let set backs bother you too much. I agree that being obese affects how people perceive you unfortunately. But we know we are good people no matter what our weight. Good luck!

sarajaxon

Hanna! What a crazy story! Did your skin ever adjust to fit your body again? How di you lose the weight so darn fast the first time?

mrsslimkatie

Im a woman with a big body and an even bigger personality! I have one of those personalities that gets even more vibrant when I feel uncomfortable in order to overcompensate. I end up walking into every situation like I own the place and it puts people at ease. We all judge. Its human nature. The thing that makes judgment a negetive is when folks hold on tight to that opinion for dear life and close their mind to who the person really is. Yes I am big. Facts are that my biggness is the first thing people are going to see about me. I am also so many other things and I like to give folks the chance to get to know those things as well. I say if you let their judgement hold you back from shining like the star you are, then you run the risk of becoming as close minded as they are. Most people are genuinly good deep down. Those who hurt others are afraid and hurting. Its sad and unfortunate. I know its tough but sometimes you have to fake it until you make it. Eventually they see through to the real you. It took me months of going to the gym before I fealt like I fit in. Some women would look at me as if they couldnt forgive me for being fat. I figure maybe they are afraid to be fat themselves. In a balanced world I wouldnt have to win them over with my charm. Im personally willing to forgive them that because they too are perfect in their imperfection. There is a man at the gym I go to with a port wine stain on his entire face and the birthmark distorts his feature a lot. In my own humaness I sometimes avoid looking at him becuase I fear he will see even a casual and chance look as me staring and I dont want to hurt his feelings. Thats my problem not his and the more I see him the more comfortable I am becuase I am becoming less insecure about myself around him and everyone else in there. Am I an *kitten* because of it? No becuase I keep my mind open to change. Try giving people a chance to see through to your true self. I know its a hard thing to do but you and those judging people are worth the try.
edited to say I would love to accept anyone who wants to add me :flowerforyou:

Briantime

Unfortunately, bigotry toward obese people is still one of the safe havens for nasty people. It's perceived by them to be acceptable because fat people "choose" to be fat. While these people are able to conceal their shortcomings deep inside their psyche, we wear ours out there for the world to see, and judge and comment about...

It's almost to me like people just need someone to look down upon to make themselves feel better and overweight people are an easy mark.

Sissy4EverX3

Add away, honey.. add away. I was 365lbs when I started out 18 months ago and am now down to 277. I can smell 100lb loss so bad I can taste it.

No, I don't feel awkward posting on the interwebz -- sometimes I feel like it's the only time I can open my mouth and not give 2 craps about what anyone thinks. Second, I was the brunt of many drivebys through 13 years of standing outside changing gas prices and being screamed at not only for raising them, but for being a fat pig. I learned to let it roll off. No sense in letting idiots consume your thoughts.

I learned in my Sociology class last semester that our looking-glass self is developed when we're children. How others perceive us is how we perceive ourselves. Even today, our looking-glass self can be affected. So don't let the morons and the jerks get in your head. And what voices are already there, change them. You can do it.

TXGirl821

Aw honey, I'm more than 100lbs bigger than you are! And yes, I've been made fun of. But, I've also been loved and supported and listened to. You kind of have to develop a thick skin, and realize also that you're absolutely not alone out there!

lostwisdom

I've always been a little bigger than average, but since going through depression and anxiety over the past couple of years my weight has kinda ballooned to the point where I am 234lbs and only 5ft 1. I have severe social anxiety, but I'm starting to feel better going out and caring less what people might think of my weight, because at the end of the day I'm finally doing something about it and that's all that matters to me ^_^

This website has already helped me so much as well, just being able to openly state my weight is a totally new thing for me, and it's good to know I'm not the only one in this situation!

kelseyhere

i understand where you all are comming from! im currently about 80 pounds over weight and its tough for me to go out in public even just to pick up some quick groceries for supper! my hubby is super fit and is always saying how he loves me no matter what but he would like if i would loose the weight so i would be healthier for our kids and myself. he doesnt understand how hard it really is, because hes never had to deal with it like i have! hes alway like 'why dont you ride the bike i got you, or why dont you go for a walk?' when i tell him its because people are gonna see a fat person riding a bike and make fun of me, he tries to tell me 'no they arent they are gonna be proud of you for trying to be fit', but then low and behold, we see a 'fat'person on a bike and who is the first one to pick on them? he is! and when i point it out to him he just makes lame excuses and it makes me less inclined to workout myself! haha sorry for the vent! lol im here for support if anyone needs it, feel free to friend me!

Don't be so shy. When I see a heavier person working out my first thought is, "good for them!!"

It's human nature to judge others, and if your weight is the most obvious thing, that's what people will pick on. Don't listen to haters, walk with confidence and remember that just because they're skinny doesn't mean they are healthy. Hold you head high knowing you are working on your health.

AmyP619

Past: I was depressed and put a halfassed effort to control my eating for the last 6-7 years. What a joke. I wasn't fooling anyone. I did food addict and overeaters anonomous meetings, had sponsors, the whole shabam.
Present: I just joined this website. It does motivate me and I like the idea. I am hoping to gain a few friends who understand the struggle of obesity and are committed to recovery. I am exercising 5 days per week and I really do fing it motivating to enter in my exercise accomplishments on the sites. If you are obese and want to create a group for support and accountability, let me know. Good luck everyone. Sara

add me!!!! I'm with ya!

AmyP619

Unfortunately, bigotry toward obese people is still one of the safe havens for nasty people. It's perceived by them to be acceptable because fat people "choose" to be fat. While these people are able to conceal their shortcomings deep inside their psyche, we wear ours out there for the world to see, and judge and comment about...

It's almost to me like people just need someone to look down upon to make themselves feel better and overweight people are an easy mark.

Completely AGREE!!

kashubian

I know exactly how you feel, Sara. I have about 6 pictures on my computer that I can stand to look at myself in. I have pictures on my facebook that my husband put there because of the kids or our grandson and I won't even look at them, I'm ashamed. A series of injuries and long recoveries after surgeries landed me here. According to this website I actually qualify for obese, and I hate myself even more for that. To have someone say "you just have to accept yourself as you are now, love yourself and then you can fix it" doesn't get that there is no happy switch to flip. I can act bubbly and happy, but I still hate how I look and feel and no amount of faking that will fix it. What I can do is work toward loosing the weight that is so hard for my ****ty knees to carry around. I hate everything snapping and hurting in the morning. I hate how it hurts to go up and down stairs, and the crackling I hear. I hate that I hate how I look holding my newborn grandson in those pictures. But I can eventually fix that through hard work and with the support of others when I have a bad day. Recently I've found some great people to challenge me and motivate me. That type of support system is elemental to success. Everyone has down days, that's human. Having someone to offer a hand up when you need it will help keep you from staying down. Friend me if you like, if not that's ok, too. What ever you do, keep at it, slow and sure. Never give up or give in and don't let the *kitten* keep you down. Best of luck.

Apazman

Here's the dope...

The truth is that Fat people are looked as second class citizens, just like hispanics, blacks, whatever. When people think of fat people they think they are lazy and stupid, similar words that people to describe other minorities. Its just the way it is. You are different, and as much as we would like to believe its whats inside that counts, thats a bunch of BS .. people look at your first THEN hear what you have to say.

Also being 100lbs or more overwieght is much harder than 20 -30 for many reasons, but I think there is one important distinction that people don't often talk about.

When you are 100lbs or more overwieght, when you do lose weight there is a certain amount of body dysmorphia that happens. Things often times look soo much worse. You begin to wonder "why am I doing this? I wanted to look better, not worse."
Depression hits, and it hits hard. I hope that more people begin to talk about how you will lose weight .. but you will also get depressed by the results, but you got to keep trying. People need to be prepared for that possibility.

kashubian

wow, Sissy4EverX3, awesome transformation. Best of luck hitting 100 lost. I'm pulling for ya!

Sissy4EverX3

wow, Sissy4EverX3, awesome transformation. Best of luck hitting 100 lost. I'm pulling for ya!

Thanks. I'll get there. I've slowed down on my loss, intentionally, so that I could get used to the lifestyle change and train my brain it will have to be this way for the rest of my life. It's not a quick fix. I can definitely see myself putting it all back on if I don't.

mondesa

I dont have time to read this now but i have been there so many time! Anyone wants the extra support please feel free to add me

caraiselite

it's even worse when you lose the weight.. then gain it back.

nszocinski

Sarah, you can add me! Parents would discourage their children from making rude comments about a person with a disability but don't think twice when a kid says something disparaging about someone who is overweight. Please send me a friend request. I understand your frustration.

newyearsresolutionfailure

You can add me. I'm currently at 298, down from my biggest of 307. I've been doing this for a little over a month. The goal is to get healthy. Acknowledging you have a problem is the first step. The next is to simply do something about it. That is what we are all here doing.