Joke and Humor

jonward85
jonward85 Posts: 534 Member
edited December 2024 in Chit-Chat
OK....bored at work. Someone hit me with some jokes!

Replies

  • collinj8
    collinj8 Posts: 98 Member
    Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
  • jonward85
    jonward85 Posts: 534 Member
    too much Coffin'?
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
    Her husband was being a pain in the neck?
  • jonward85
    jonward85 Posts: 534 Member
    Her husband was being a pain in the neck?

    Oh that's not bad.
  • jonward85
    jonward85 Posts: 534 Member
    Golfer: Hey Caddy, How did you like my game?
    Caddy: Good sir, but personally i prefer golf.
  • collinj8
    collinj8 Posts: 98 Member
    Her husband was being a pain in the neck?

    Oh that's not bad.

    It is "because of his coffin", But the pain in the neck is better.
  • jonward85
    jonward85 Posts: 534 Member
    Iron Man = FeMale?

    Wanna hear a joke about sodium....Na
  • rlmadrid
    rlmadrid Posts: 694 Member
    Iron Man = FeMale?

    Wanna hear a joke about sodium....Na

    I laughed! One for you fellow science fan:

    http://chzscience.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/funny-science-news-experiments-memes-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-batman.jpg
  • jonward85
    jonward85 Posts: 534 Member
    Iron Man = FeMale?

    Wanna hear a joke about sodium....Na

    I laughed! One for you fellow science fan:

    http://chzscience.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/funny-science-news-experiments-memes-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-batman.jpg


    HAHAHAHAHAHA took me a second, but...love it.
  • jonward85
    jonward85 Posts: 534 Member
    I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

    This one is good too.
  • ethansmug
    ethansmug Posts: 159 Member
    So Uhh, what kind of jokes are we able to tell on this site?
  • jonward85
    jonward85 Posts: 534 Member
    Well i'm at work...so nothing too bad. lol.

    It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
  • jonward85
    jonward85 Posts: 534 Member
    A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
  • rlmadrid
    rlmadrid Posts: 694 Member
    What does a turkey do when he flies upside down?
    He Gobbles Up!

    -Courtesy of Frank Gorshin as The Riddler
    http://www.usfamily.net/web/wpattinson/otr/batman/shoriddl.htm
  • ethansmug
    ethansmug Posts: 159 Member
    Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?
    Sheep can hear zippers.


    A man sits at a bar moaning to his friend that his sex life sucks at home with his wife. His friend tells him it happened to him a few years back and tells him what to do. The man rushes home, tiptoes into the bedroom, and gets ready at the foot of the bed. The man crawls under the covers between his wife's legs and just eats the **** out of her for like a half hour. The wife is rolling all over the bed cumming her brains out until she can't take it no more. The man backs his way out from under the covers and heads to the bathroom with a sly grin on his face high fiving himself the whole way. He opens the bathroom door and finds his wife standing there toweling off after a shower and screams, "What are you doing in here?" His wife says sternly, " Ssshhhh you'll wake your mother!


    One day a redneck wife and her daughter are working in the family garden. Suddenly the wife pulls a huge carrot out of the ground, holds it up and says, "Reminds me of your daddy's penis." "That big?", the daughter asks. "No, that dirty!"
  • jonward85
    jonward85 Posts: 534 Member
    A man sits at a bar moaning to his friend that his sex life sucks at home with his wife. His friend tells him it happened to him a few years back and tells him what to do. The man rushes home, tiptoes into the bedroom, and gets ready at the foot of the bed. The man crawls under the covers between his wife's legs and just eats the **** out of her for like a half hour. The wife is rolling all over the bed cumming her brains out until she can't take it no more. The man backs his way out from under the covers and heads to the bathroom with a sly grin on his face high fiving himself the whole way. He opens the bathroom door and finds his wife standing there toweling off after a shower and screams, "What are you doing in here?" His wife says sternly, " Ssshhhh you'll wake your mother!


    OMG i couldn't decide if i should LMAO or go throw up....i might just do both!
  • ethansmug
    ethansmug Posts: 159 Member
    You're welcome =]
  • jonward85
    jonward85 Posts: 534 Member
    Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
  • ethansmug
    ethansmug Posts: 159 Member
    Q. What's the difference between a priest and a zit?
    A. A zit waits till you're 13 to come on your face!



    Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
    A. Marry it!


    Q. Why don't they teach drivers education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?
    A. They don't want to ware out the camel!


    Q. How do you get a Nun Pregnant?
    A. Dress her like an alter boy...


    Q.What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?
    A. About three inches.


    Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
    A. The swallow.
  • jonward85
    jonward85 Posts: 534 Member
    WOW...that went right down the gutter...through the piping and straight into the bog of eternal stench...
  • ethansmug
    ethansmug Posts: 159 Member
    Oh, those are only the ones I heard in grade school =P
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