Unsupportive Parents

ployjoy

I think I am mainly just looking to vent my frustrations right now. One of the driving forces as to my self-image problems has been my parents. I am sure it is mainly my culture (I'm Thai) and media pressure, but I know I'll never be thin enough in their eyes. They would rather me be unhealthy but rail-thin than fit with some of my natural curves. My body is not made to be a stick. I have a large derriere and am pretty busty for my size. I play sports and lift heavy weights. I enjoy exercise and testing the limits of my physical and mental capabilities.

I've lost 25lbs. On my 5'1" frame it has shown rather well. I am proud of my accomplishments, and my boyfriend and his family are extremely supportive. However, my dad keeps telling me that I would look better if I lost 20 more pounds. I definitely don't want to do that! My mother criticizes what I eat and has said to me: "I told my friends you were thin now, so don't make me into a liar." They were the driving force of my binge-eating and subsequent bulimia for years.

Tomorrow I will be meeting with my aunt and uncle, whom I have not seen in a few months. My mother has pressured me all week to "not eat" so I will be "thin enough to show off". I know when I get to my relative's house tomorrow (err, today I guess. I've spent all night worry about this) all they will do is talk about my weight. They will prod and grab me despite me asking otherwise. They will look closely at what I eat. If I put too much on my plate, they will say I will gain everything back. Too little, and they will sing praises of my discipline.

I wish they wouldn't hold my weight like it was the only thing about me with value. I am so much more than what a scale or the media says. I have binged a few times this week, because under pressure I caved. But I am a strong person, stronger than they will ever know. Tomorrow (err. today) I will hold my head up high, and give not into any pressure of their judgments. I know who I am, and I know the things I value. Strength. Discipline. Perseverance.

Phew!
Thanks for reading, I had to get this off my chest.
And now I can finally sleep.

Alohakrisi

Hey Ployjoy

I don't know about the past but I am positive that you look great now. You don't have a weight problem. Your parents have a love problem. If they would feel unconditionally loved by their family they wouldn't need cheap thrills like showing you off. Of course it's great to shine in front of people if the opportunity arises but being dependent on that is another story. If they were truly loving they could applaud you for what you have already achieved and support you in your ambitions no matter what those are. Now don't get me wrong: they are not bad people or hopeless because of this. It means that they expect you to somehow ease their pain although that's not your job. I can't tell you what to do and from your achievements I don't feel like you need anybody to tell you that. I know it's a cliché but the obstacles that face us are the seeds of a great triumph. I am obese and only after five weeks training can run 45 min. Of course I am looking forward to the time when I am at a healthy weight but I am enjoying what's going on right now because I know that what I am doing is great, no matter whether other people acknowledge this or not.
All the best.

HeidiMightyRawr

I'm sorry to hear how unsupportive they are Parents shouldn't be like that IMO, they should love you just as you are, and you look great btw!

You are active and healthy and that should be all that matters. I hope you manage to get through today without any problems from them, they should really butt out of your business and your weight!!

I say, eat what you like, look how you like, and when they criticise your choices say something like "I know what I'm doing" or "this is how I want to look" etc I know easier said than done though, but in the situation it sounds like the best option.

littlelaura

I dont think its just your family, I have had the same experience with mine. I was rail thin growing up , after highschool the pounds keep coming on and my own mother was ahsamed to be seen with me, so much so that she would plan luncheons with my other family just to avoid me and I would find out later they had these for years without me there, because she didnt want to tempt me into eating bad food, this is of course not true she just didnt want to be seen with her overweight daughter. She would walk at a park not 3 blocks from my home but if my weight was a concern she would never suggest lets walk together as encouragement , she would always go without me and tell me she did and that I should exercise and not eat so much (I never ate alot, I know now my choices had been high calories though, of which I was not aware) so again she was more ashamed to be seen with me than to be supportive in taking a walk with her own daughter. She still is till this day, its all about image with her and she will spend time with other family members who fit her ideal of what is perfect and introduce them to her friends , yet in years none of her friends have met me because she would not ever want them to see she has an imperfect grown daughter. You expect unconditional love and acceptance from your own mother most of all in this world , she is the one who is supose to be your champion in the face of any of the worlds harsh problems, hurts so bad when that one women who is to be your guide turns into your judge and jury, then who do you turn too? I am sorry you are going thru this, know your own self worth and in time know she loves you but you will have to love yourself more. Be confident and satisfied in who you choose to be and let go of the rest of it. Good luck at your reunion, eat and enjoy!!!