Getting back with my ex husband? long

sunnshhiine

July 23, 2006 I married the man I thought I would live the rest of my life with. He was in the Army and we spent our first year as husband and wife 7,000 miles apart due to war. We had a pretty good marriage (ups and downs with Army life, learning to actually be married, and coming back from a deployment wasn't easy). We felt like we had finally figured stuff out when he got moved to the Wounded Transition Unit as they decided that he was no longer fit for the military with asthma (that he got after his deployment) and PTSD. All hell broke lose. The next year was a complete blur. June of 2010 I decided to move home to get a job before he got out. He feel deeper into depression and on July 23, 2010 he asked me for a divorce.

The following Feb he asked for my forgiveness and a second chance. I was still so pissed I blew him off. The end of March he asked if I had filed. I told him yes and that everything was basically done. He had already signed the paperwork so he couldn't stop it.

I then started dating a guy. This guy is great. He's sweet, he gets along well with my family and he makes me laugh. A few months ago we got engaged (the wedding isn't planned til Sept of next year). Our relationship hasn't been easy. I've brough crap in from my old marriage and have had to work on that a lot, but we get along.

Life was good til yesterday. Yesterday my ex texted me. He wanted to tell me how sorry he was and said he missed me. Now normally I'd tell someone who was in my position "oh well, his loss." and move on. The issue is I still love him. I always have. We spent 2 hours talking and he reminds me of the man I married, not the guy with PTSD that I divorced. It's a huge difference. I've spent 2 years hating my dreams of getting back together with him and wanting to be with him. My head says run...my heart says to try again.

Right now he lives in KS and I live in FL. He did a lot of debt racking up when we were married and then getting out of the Army (and him taking all our credit card debt as well as the large car payment when we divorced) didn't help. He says he's got most of it paid off and he wants to wait to get more stable before he moves back. He wants to do this right (meaning not a ton of debt like last time). I'd write him off and stay with my fiance but in the last few weeks I've felt like I'm with my fiance more because he fits into the family than because I'm in love with him. Now I know the in love feeling comes and go (been there, done that) but it should be there when you've only been engaged 2 months. Planning our wedding has stressed me out more so I stopped (no deposits, nothing is bought!)

Everyone is going to think I'm stupid as hell for wanting to work it out with my ex. I wonder if I'll ever be truly happy if I don't at least figure out if things have changed and if we could make it. Right now I'm not doing anything. I'm staying with my fiance because this is to big of a decision to make in one day. I'm just wondering if anyone else has been this crazy to go back to an ex spouse and it actually work.

Sounds like you didn't give yourself the proper amount of time to truly heal before getting into another relationship.

My advice is to break things off with your fiance -- since your unfaithful feelings are completely unfair to him...and yourself, really. My advice is also to NOT get back with yor ex-husband just yet. Take some time to just be single. allow yourself to heal. Honestly talk about these things with your parents... and even a counselor if need be.

sunnshhiine

I suppose I am going to be the only one who come across like a jerk here but, here it goes.
Your post has got to be one of the most selfish posts I have ever read.
Your husband did something only 1% of Americans had the balls to do.
He came back wounded both physically and mentally.

And now you are trying to figure out what is best for YOU?

I understand he asked for the divorce. If I had to guess, he did it because he knew he was screwed up and decided that he really wanted YOU to be happy. Just one more sacrifice this young Soldier made.

I wish I knew him personally. I would tell him to run as far away as possible from you.
You might not agree with what I am posting here but, you are only looking out for YOU and not the man you made a promise to.

I have to say I rather agree with this post. Well said.

Nickle526

If you creep her profile it looks like she remarried the ex a few months after this thread. Wonder how they are.... Good, I hope.

2Heavy2Long

If you creep her profile it looks like she remarried the ex a few months after this thread. Wonder how they are.... Good, I hope.

WTF! Clearly I need to check the date of the OP before responding.

We can all thank SkimFlatWhite68 for bumping this extremely old thread.

sweebum

:laugh: She did this:

Best thing your SO did Fri 08/17/12 11:31 AM
Marry me. Then ask me to marry him again after we divorced. 51 days til our second and last wedding