Getting back with my ex husband? long

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  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
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    PTSD isn't his fault and he was overseas during a war. When he signed the divorce papers he wasn't really in his right mind, it seems. If you want to make it work with him again then do it. I think you should let the new guy go either way.

    My husband spent a year in Iraq in 2009-2010 and he seemed different when he came home (short tempered sometimes) but I stuck by his side and he is more attentive in what I have to say or feel :happy: We were married for 1 year before he left to go overseas (we got the call a few days before our 1 year wedding anniversary) and that was the year we were getting to know eachother in person (we met online in July 2006, met in person for the first time in July 2007 in Indiana where he's from but a couple hours later I had to go home to Arkansas, married in a court house in Indiana in November 2007and I left my family 10 hours away to be with him). We spend our 2nd wedding Anniversary IMing eachother while he was in Iraq. 3rd wedding anniversary he was home and he proposed to me again. Spent our 4th wedding anniversary together. He got out of the military last year. Our 5th anniversary is coming up in November :heart:

    I hope everything turns out okay for you! :flowerforyou:
  • SkimFlatWhite68
    SkimFlatWhite68 Posts: 1,254 Member
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    Just stop in your tracks before you make any more decisions. For yourself and loved ones please seek professional counseling. This is not an easy situation easily solved by some well meaning but likely not professionals in the field who truly know your entire story and can assist you step by step to ensure you spend the rest of your life happy.

    This.

    Seek professional help and talk it out. There are a lot of issues here.

    Something I think about was a quote from a movie (perks of being a wallflower) that my ex quoted to me last year...
    "We accept the love we think we deserve"

    I cried for 3 days. Worked through it, but the quote always stays with me.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    I think those who have recommended professional counseling have made the most sense.

    Are you going to be strong enough to deal with the PTSD and any regressions? Is his word trustworthy has he really worked out his financial situation?

    If he hasn't completely healed, changed a 180 and is not getting the appropriate counseling will you be able to deal with the same man who you left a year from now, 5 years from now, 50 years from now?

    Right now you have stability and you have love. It's possible you could lose your security and eventually fall out of love with your ex if he hasn't changed completely.

    Think long and hard and seek some counseling.
  • Clameater
    Clameater Posts: 317
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    I feel sorry for this lady's Fiancé. He felt with a chick with tons of baggage, fell in love, and is now getting dumped in the gutter. Homeboy will likely be depressed for a couple years and permanently scared....
  • lovely_helena
    lovely_helena Posts: 2
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    Go for the guy you truly love. Because once love is there, it will conquer everything including your fears and inhibitions. However one word of caution before doing this, make sure the guy you are choosing is willing to sacrifice a bit to make the relationship work. which means that he has to change positively as well. Goodluck and I hope you will be happy soon. Everyone deserves to be happy, and that includes everyone in a relationship.
  • 2Heavy2Long
    2Heavy2Long Posts: 315 Member
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    Your fiance deserves better than you. Cut him loose so he can move on with his life.
  • Sylvitryinghard
    Sylvitryinghard Posts: 549 Member
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    Follow your heart in life and not ur head and you will have made all the right decisioins in your destiny.

    and "every new relationship" is amazing in the beginning with tons of butterflys... and why the hectic to get married again when you already got divorced??
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
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    I suppose I am going to be the only one who come across like a jerk here but, here it goes.
    Your post has got to be one of the most selfish posts I have ever read.
    Your husband did something only 1% of Americans had the balls to do.
    He came back wounded both physically and mentally.

    And now you are trying to figure out what is best for YOU?

    I understand he asked for the divorce. If I had to guess, he did it because he knew he was screwed up and decided that he really wanted YOU to be happy. Just one more sacrifice this young Soldier made.

    I wish I knew him personally. I would tell him to run as far away as possible from you.
    You might not agree with what I am posting here but, you are only looking out for YOU and not the man you made a promise to.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
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    Cut your fiance loose. You don't even feel like you love him right now. He sounds like a nice guy who deserves to be #1, not second banana to the love you feel for someone else because he's convenient and fits in well. Is that a picture of you two together in your profile pic? Seems kind of cruel when you're obviously still hung up on someone else and writing a forum post about how you kind of want to dump the guy in your photo.

    But I agree with everyone who says you shouldn't be with ANYONE right now. If you want to try with your ex, go to counseling. It sounds like he had some serious PTSD which (hopefully) can be worked through if that was the biggest problem in your relationship. But get yourself sorted out first.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,701 Member
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    Zombie thread. Apparently she should be married to her fiancee by now. Wonder what happened?

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
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    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • sunnshhiine
    sunnshhiine Posts: 727 Member
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    July 23, 2006 I married the man I thought I would live the rest of my life with. He was in the Army and we spent our first year as husband and wife 7,000 miles apart due to war. We had a pretty good marriage (ups and downs with Army life, learning to actually be married, and coming back from a deployment wasn't easy). We felt like we had finally figured stuff out when he got moved to the Wounded Transition Unit as they decided that he was no longer fit for the military with asthma (that he got after his deployment) and PTSD. All hell broke lose. The next year was a complete blur. June of 2010 I decided to move home to get a job before he got out. He feel deeper into depression and on July 23, 2010 he asked me for a divorce.

    The following Feb he asked for my forgiveness and a second chance. I was still so pissed I blew him off. The end of March he asked if I had filed. I told him yes and that everything was basically done. He had already signed the paperwork so he couldn't stop it.

    I then started dating a guy. This guy is great. He's sweet, he gets along well with my family and he makes me laugh. A few months ago we got engaged (the wedding isn't planned til Sept of next year). Our relationship hasn't been easy. I've brough crap in from my old marriage and have had to work on that a lot, but we get along.

    Life was good til yesterday. Yesterday my ex texted me. He wanted to tell me how sorry he was and said he missed me. Now normally I'd tell someone who was in my position "oh well, his loss." and move on. The issue is I still love him. I always have. We spent 2 hours talking and he reminds me of the man I married, not the guy with PTSD that I divorced. It's a huge difference. I've spent 2 years hating my dreams of getting back together with him and wanting to be with him. My head says run...my heart says to try again.

    Right now he lives in KS and I live in FL. He did a lot of debt racking up when we were married and then getting out of the Army (and him taking all our credit card debt as well as the large car payment when we divorced) didn't help. He says he's got most of it paid off and he wants to wait to get more stable before he moves back. He wants to do this right (meaning not a ton of debt like last time). I'd write him off and stay with my fiance but in the last few weeks I've felt like I'm with my fiance more because he fits into the family than because I'm in love with him. Now I know the in love feeling comes and go (been there, done that) but it should be there when you've only been engaged 2 months. Planning our wedding has stressed me out more so I stopped (no deposits, nothing is bought!)

    Everyone is going to think I'm stupid as hell for wanting to work it out with my ex. I wonder if I'll ever be truly happy if I don't at least figure out if things have changed and if we could make it. Right now I'm not doing anything. I'm staying with my fiance because this is to big of a decision to make in one day. I'm just wondering if anyone else has been this crazy to go back to an ex spouse and it actually work.

    Sounds like you didn't give yourself the proper amount of time to truly heal before getting into another relationship.

    My advice is to break things off with your fiance -- since your unfaithful feelings are completely unfair to him...and yourself, really. My advice is also to NOT get back with yor ex-husband just yet. Take some time to just be single. allow yourself to heal. Honestly talk about these things with your parents... and even a counselor if need be.
  • sunnshhiine
    sunnshhiine Posts: 727 Member
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    I suppose I am going to be the only one who come across like a jerk here but, here it goes.
    Your post has got to be one of the most selfish posts I have ever read.
    Your husband did something only 1% of Americans had the balls to do.
    He came back wounded both physically and mentally.

    And now you are trying to figure out what is best for YOU?

    I understand he asked for the divorce. If I had to guess, he did it because he knew he was screwed up and decided that he really wanted YOU to be happy. Just one more sacrifice this young Soldier made.

    I wish I knew him personally. I would tell him to run as far away as possible from you.
    You might not agree with what I am posting here but, you are only looking out for YOU and not the man you made a promise to.

    I have to say I rather agree with this post. Well said.
  • Nickle526
    Nickle526 Posts: 239 Member
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    If you creep her profile it looks like she remarried the ex a few months after this thread. Wonder how they are.... Good, I hope.
  • 2Heavy2Long
    2Heavy2Long Posts: 315 Member
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    If you creep her profile it looks like she remarried the ex a few months after this thread. Wonder how they are.... Good, I hope.

    WTF! Clearly I need to check the date of the OP before responding.

    We can all thank SkimFlatWhite68 for bumping this extremely old thread.
  • sweebum
    sweebum Posts: 1,060 Member
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    :laugh: She did this:
    Best thing your SO did Fri 08/17/12 11:31 AM
    Marry me. Then ask me to marry him again after we divorced. 51 days til our second and last wedding ;)

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