how do you deal with negative familiy members?

Lisseth03

So I live on my own, however i'll be going to school in September and to save up a little more I decided i'll be moving back with the parents. Now my mom is a debbie downer, I mean I love her but I hate her negativity and I'm the type of person that needs to be around positive people in my life, I absolutely 100% detest negativity.

So I was watching the infomercial for Insanity with her and people are telling their stories of how Insanity changed them. So this lady starts telling hers, and I mean she looks good, tones arms, and legs, everything. &what does my mother say? "she looks square a little bit." I litterally picked up my things and left the room. When she asks where I was going, I just said, "away."
then she proceeds to say, "oh that lady was a lot chubbier when she started Insanity." as if that'll make her initial comment better....smh... it's always been like this with her, and i'm trying to shake it off but if ima be moving back, this is gonna bug the hell outta me!
It doesn't matter what size you are, to me, if you work out, and don't give up, you're amazing.
Why do people feel the need to be so critical and negative towards not only themselves but other people?

iLoveMyPitbull1225

because they have their own esteem issues.

If you dont want the negativity, you can either 1 confront the individual or 2 ignore them and the negative behavior.

PurpleEpiphany

I would bet that the reason you can't stand negativity is BECAUSE your mother is like that. Our parents tend to install those 'buttons' of what easily annoys or frustrates us. Unforatunately, the way she is isn't likely to change. Your only real options are basically what the person said before me, to confront them or to just put space between them and yourself when they're being negative. The other option I would suggest (if possible) is to try to include her in what you're doing. Maybe see if she's willing to go for walks with you, something like that (you didn't mention her fitness level, but whatever works for her). Overly critical people tend to have self-esteem issues, and it might help to try to get her involved so she doesn't feel like she's being left behind.

Either way, keep up with your own goals. If you can't get motivation and support at home, do what you're doing and get it from MFP, or wherever you can. Don't give up!

caraiselite

i tell them to fsck off.. or... i tell them i'm losing weight, maybe they should do the same.
i'm quite evil =]
then i just don't tell them anything personal.
it's none of their business, and i don't need negativity in my life.

Daniella_89

Hun, I completely understand what you are going through. My mom is the EXACT same way. To be honest, unfortunately we cant change them, the only thing we can do is be better than that and not let it get to us so much because getting annoyed/angry isnt going to make her change. Now, when my mom makes a negative comment (which is almost every day) I straight up say, "you are so negative so keep your comments to yourself." ..With my mom, she doesnt even realize shes being negative its literally who she is. I now dont watch tv with my mom because i know how frustrating it gets. Just keep being positive and you will get through it. And if it really does bug you, then tell her.

AwesomelyAmber

i tell them to fsck off.. or... i tell them i'm losing weight, maybe they should do the same.
i'm quite evil =]
then i just don't tell them anything personal.
it's none of their business, and i don't need negativity in my life.

You would talk that way to your MOM? Yikes.... :noway: Guess that I can't judge your home life but that would be quite evil...

MoveTheMountain

Moving back in with your parents will be tough - all those old dynamics will kick back in, and it will probably be miserable. Sorry, but that's pretty much what always happens when an adult moves back in with their parents, unless the parents are truly exceptional people.

First, try not to over-react. It's possible that your mom is doing this just to get some sort of response from you, and by getting upset, you're feeding the dynamic. You're putting more energy into a negative cycle. Try to detach yourself and just let it slide. (Yes, I know, it's not easy.)

Second, realize that your mom is just a person, and like everyone else, she can only be who she is. I think you have a watershed moment ahead of you in realizing that your mom has faults, like everyone else. You can still love her, but you have to meet her - and set your expectations for her behavior - on who she is, not who you'd like her to be. This is also very hard, but it's critical. Appreciate the good things about her, but recognize that, at the end of the day, you might be asking too much of her to be positive about things. This is what it really means to become an adult yourself - don't depend on your mom for more than she can realistically give you, and don't try to change her. Just love her for who she is, and let the rest go Your relationship with her will probably improve 100%.

If she's still trapped in old habits, and tries to draw you into old cycles, you need to be the one who's more mature, and keep yourself from responding. Just do your thing, don't engage the negativity, and eventually, she'll have to stop. It really does take 2 people have a fight. Be the bigger person, and don't give her any sort of response that she can use to escalate. (Ideally, you can truly just let it go - that's where the peace is. If you're faking it, you'll probably still give off body language that she can read - humans are amazing at picking very very subtle messages via body language. But if you really just let it go, and don't let it bother you, you'll see real progress. Don't disengage from her, just from the behavior that you feel is negative.

Good luck!

PS: Nice pics - you're making great progress!

Lisseth03

thanks for your replies guys, I used my "frustration" to fuel my run.
I don't think she realizes she's being negative but it's something i'll just have to walk away from.