Am I overreacting?
A little back story- my boyfriend is friends with a couple that he used to be room mates with. They're a little on the socially awkward side. They now own a home that they are in the process of evicting a roommate from because he hasn't paid them anything in a long time. They're extremely passive and hate confrontation, so instead of dealing with what was going on in their house, they've stayed with my boyfriend and I for the last week.
Initially, the guy of the other couple asked my boyfriend if his girlfriend could come stay with us for a couple days- he was working a ton of overtime, and she was very uncomfortable being in their house alone with the roommate. My boyfriend asked me if I minded, and I was like, no dude, of course not, she can stay here a couple nights, no big deal. I felt really bad about the situation they're in- they've tried to be really nice to this dude and he's basically doing everything in his power to be hostile. But then, when they showed up, it was both of them and their dog, who really, is tiny and adorable. He said he'd stay the night because she was rattled. Ok. I understand that. No biggie.........
But he stayed all week. Him, her, and the dog. Our house is not very large at all, and we also have a dog, who is big and kinda dumb and Marmaduke-ey. They weren't especially good at cleaning up after themselves. Like I'd get out of bed in the morning and pick up the prior night's dishes off the coffee table. Their dog started getting a little familiar and growling at my dog when he tried to come in his own house- and they had the nerve to scold MY dog, just because he's bigger. Any attempt I made at explaining that their ankle biter is no saint was brushed off.
They finally left last night. However, I didn't get a 'goodbye' or even a 'thank you' out of either of them. The room they stayed in, quite frankly, smells funny. Now, if I just dropped my life into someone else's house for a week, especially with a pet, I would offer at a minimum to clean up after my dog. Nope. My guest room was a furball, especially infuriating to me because I had said something to them about how my dog isn't allowed in that room because I keep my clothes in there. I definitely would have stripped the bed... or made it if I thought stripping it was going to be weird or something? Nope. It looked like a 15 year old boy had stayed there for a week.
I guess I'm just really surprised by the lack of what I thought were really basic manners. Is it me??
Initially, the guy of the other couple asked my boyfriend if his girlfriend could come stay with us for a couple days- he was working a ton of overtime, and she was very uncomfortable being in their house alone with the roommate. My boyfriend asked me if I minded, and I was like, no dude, of course not, she can stay here a couple nights, no big deal. I felt really bad about the situation they're in- they've tried to be really nice to this dude and he's basically doing everything in his power to be hostile. But then, when they showed up, it was both of them and their dog, who really, is tiny and adorable. He said he'd stay the night because she was rattled. Ok. I understand that. No biggie.........
But he stayed all week. Him, her, and the dog. Our house is not very large at all, and we also have a dog, who is big and kinda dumb and Marmaduke-ey. They weren't especially good at cleaning up after themselves. Like I'd get out of bed in the morning and pick up the prior night's dishes off the coffee table. Their dog started getting a little familiar and growling at my dog when he tried to come in his own house- and they had the nerve to scold MY dog, just because he's bigger. Any attempt I made at explaining that their ankle biter is no saint was brushed off.
They finally left last night. However, I didn't get a 'goodbye' or even a 'thank you' out of either of them. The room they stayed in, quite frankly, smells funny. Now, if I just dropped my life into someone else's house for a week, especially with a pet, I would offer at a minimum to clean up after my dog. Nope. My guest room was a furball, especially infuriating to me because I had said something to them about how my dog isn't allowed in that room because I keep my clothes in there. I definitely would have stripped the bed... or made it if I thought stripping it was going to be weird or something? Nope. It looked like a 15 year old boy had stayed there for a week.
I guess I'm just really surprised by the lack of what I thought were really basic manners. Is it me??
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Replies
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I don't think that it is overreacting to expect common decency(sp)... Febreeze the heck out of it and learn a lesson for the next time. :flowerforyou:0
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not you at all, how VERY rude, I would say NEVER again, not even for a meal, or coffee. They deserve a bill for cleaning, I am better behaved in other peoples houses than my own.0
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i agree. very rude especially since yo u were doing them a favor out of kindness.
When staying at someone else's house I ALWAYS:
-make my bed daily, then strip it on the last day and either fold it at the end of the bed to go to laundry or put it in the laundry room if they have one and make sure everything else is in the room as I left it
- make sure my towels are put in the laundry
- pick up after myself daily, they are already doing enough housing and entertaining me (say when visiting/vacation) so it's the least I can do, and get up and help with dishes, even offer to cook at least once or take my host to dinner.
- sweep/clean up after my furball mega shedder dane and his eat/drink mess, and and outdoor messes.
- thank them profusely for letting me stay.
so no I'm with you, i'd be a little stunned too.0 -
i agree. very rude especially since yo u were doing them a favor out of kindness.
When staying at someone else's house I ALWAYS:
-make my bed daily, then strip it on the last day and either fold it at the end of the bed to go to laundry or put it in the laundry room if they have one and make sure everything else is in the room as I left it
- make sure my towels are put in the laundry
- pick up after myself daily, they are already doing enough housing and entertaining me (say when visiting/vacation) so it's the least I can do, and get up and help with dishes, even offer to cook at least once or take my host to dinner.
- sweep/clean up after my furball mega shedder dane and his eat/drink mess, and and outdoor messes.
- thank them profusely for letting me stay.
so no I'm with you, i'd be a little stunned too.
Yeah, apparently they also assumed that their dog poop all over the driveway was no big deal.....0 -
When ever we stay at my MIL's with or without our great dane I feel so bad as she has no spare room for us (well didn't, but sister moved out so does now yay!) so we took over the living room... our bags of clothes, our blow up bed and blankets, plus the dog bed and food.... I always felt terrible though we couldn't really help it as she wanted us there lol... and as much of a pain as it might be, each morning we woke up I deflated the mattress and folded it and the bedding in the corner so that it at least wasn't taking over the room all day...i agree. very rude especially since yo u were doing them a favor out of kindness.
When staying at someone else's house I ALWAYS:
-make my bed daily, then strip it on the last day and either fold it at the end of the bed to go to laundry or put it in the laundry room if they have one and make sure everything else is in the room as I left it
- make sure my towels are put in the laundry
- pick up after myself daily, they are already doing enough housing and entertaining me (say when visiting/vacation) so it's the least I can do, and get up and help with dishes, even offer to cook at least once or take my host to dinner.
- sweep/clean up after my furball mega shedder dane and his eat/drink mess, and and outdoor messes.
- thank them profusely for letting me stay.
so no I'm with you, i'd be a little stunned too.
Yeah, apparently they also assumed that their dog poop all over the driveway was no big deal.....0 -
i agree. very rude especially since yo u were doing them a favor out of kindness.
When staying at someone else's house I ALWAYS:
-make my bed daily, then strip it on the last day and either fold it at the end of the bed to go to laundry or put it in the laundry room if they have one and make sure everything else is in the room as I left it
- make sure my towels are put in the laundry
- pick up after myself daily, they are already doing enough housing and entertaining me (say when visiting/vacation) so it's the least I can do, and get up and help with dishes, even offer to cook at least once or take my host to dinner.
- sweep/clean up after my furball mega shedder dane and his eat/drink mess, and and outdoor messes.
- thank them profusely for letting me stay.
so no I'm with you, i'd be a little stunned too.
Yeah, apparently they also assumed that their dog poop all over the driveway was no big deal.....
OK, the poop all over the driveway would make me mad. I wouldn't be too happy with their lack of manners. I always hate it when my friends come stay a night and leave blankets all over the couch unfolded or leave their trash sitting somewhere. That irks me more than anything when someone leaves their trash. Take it with you or throw it away.0 -
Yep I'd be annoyed too! They definitely took for granted your hospitality!!! Socially awkward indeed!!0
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Rude losers not worth a minute more of your concern...sanitize the room and be glad they are GONE!!0
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Thanks guys! If nothing else, I'm getting a hell of a workout out of this fiasco!! :laugh:0
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Lesson learned i would chalk that one up to. Next time someone ask to stay make it clear that it's fine as long as they clean up after themselves. Use the others as an example so they know for sure what is polite. a stiuation i had was to let a friend and her kids stay for a couple of days and then she took off and left her kids here for a week. Poor kids didn't know what to think.0
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Lesson learned i would chalk that one up to. Next time someone ask to stay make it clear that it's fine as long as they clean up after themselves. Use the others as an example so they know for sure what is polite. a stiuation i had was to let a friend and her kids stay for a couple of days and then she took off and left her kids here for a week. Poor kids didn't know what to think.
Wow.... at least they didn't have any kids to forget.... That's messed up.0 -
It is not you at all. They are horrible people.0
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I don't blame you one bit for being pissed. You opened up your home to them and their dog.... the very least they could do was to leave the room in which they stayed exactly the way they had found it. Unfortunately, many people lack basic manners so they probably don't even realize that it was rude.0
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Well of course not! Someone that stays in your house should be expected to treat it kindly and abide by your rules, that's just considerate.0
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Kinda makes you wonder about the roommate. I mean maybe he is fed up with them..and they only stayed with you for like a week or so.0
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I'd be pissed too. It sucks to get taken advantage of when you offer hospitality. >.<0
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If they had said thank you i would let it slide, because housekeeping is fairly subjective (I know it doesn't *feel* that way, but i've learned the hard way it is). It's the lack of thank you that is really really really rude and frankly they wouldn't be welcome back at my place because of that.0
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I think it's common courtesy when staying at someone's house to pick up after yourself, leave the room how you found, and make yourself useful (doing the dishes, cooking a meal). And maybe a little gift as a thank you. This is standard even with family (minus the gift).
But then maybe common courtesy is much like common sense... not so common after all.
I'd be p*ssed too.0 -
If they had said thank you i would let it slide, because housekeeping is fairly subjective (I know it doesn't *feel* that way, but i've learned the hard way it is). It's the lack of thank you that is really really really rude and frankly they wouldn't be welcome back at my place because of that.
This is a REALLY great point, thank you for that perspective!0 -
If they had said thank you i would let it slide, because housekeeping is fairly subjective (I know it doesn't *feel* that way, but i've learned the hard way it is). It's the lack of thank you that is really really really rude and frankly they wouldn't be welcome back at my place because of that.
This is a REALLY great point, thank you for that perspective!
You're very welcome glad to have helped
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You're definitely not overacting. I'd say you under reacted. If their roommate is really being that hostile, then they can go to the police and have them kicked out that night. It's their fault that they don't like confrontation. When kicking someone out of a house, it's GOING to happen, and if they didn't realize that when they took the roommate in, they shouldn't have gotten the roommate in the first place. On the other hand, you were super nice to let them stay at your place. They should have been more respectful to you. However, sometimes you just need to be like "Hey, clean up after yourselves or you can't stay here." If they continue to not do what you've asked, kick them out! That's what would happen if I was in that situation.0
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I think it's common courtesy when staying at someone's house to pick up after yourself, leave the room how you found, and make yourself useful (doing the dishes, cooking a meal). And maybe a little gift as a thank you. This is standard even with family (minus the gift).
But then maybe common courtesy is much like common sense... not so common after all.
I'd be p*ssed too.
They did cook a couple times, but I kind of felt like it was because they didn't want to eat my cooking. I'm sure that sounds odd or paranoid, but every time I suggested I make something they were really quick to be like, well WE were gonna make (insert dish here) ...... Slow cooker stuff that was really hard for me to count in my day, too! But they managed to DESTROY my kitchen every time! Since they had cooked, I was totally ok with doing the dishes, but the fact that they were totally prepared to just ignore the mess chapped my backside more than a little.0 -
You're definitely not overacting. I'd say you under reacted. If their roommate is really being that hostile, then they can go to the police and have them kicked out that night. It's their fault that they don't like confrontation. When kicking someone out of a house, it's GOING to happen, and if they didn't realize that when they took the roommate in, they shouldn't have gotten the roommate in the first place. On the other hand, you were super nice to let them stay at your place. They should have been more respectful to you. However, sometimes you just need to be like "Hey, clean up after yourselves or you can't stay here." If they continue to not do what you've asked, kick them out! That's what would happen if I was in that situation.
Forgot to add, I've also had too many awful situations with people to let them do this to me. I've been used, and I don't like it and refuse to let it happen anymore.0 -
You're definitely not overacting. I'd say you under reacted. If their roommate is really being that hostile, then they can go to the police and have them kicked out that night. It's their fault that they don't like confrontation. When kicking someone out of a house, it's GOING to happen, and if they didn't realize that when they took the roommate in, they shouldn't have gotten the roommate in the first place. On the other hand, you were super nice to let them stay at your place. They should have been more respectful to you. However, sometimes you just need to be like "Hey, clean up after yourselves or you can't stay here." If they continue to not do what you've asked, kick them out! That's what would happen if I was in that situation.
I've gotten the whole story from a couple of different sources, including mutual friends of all of theirs, and by all accounts, the roommate is totally in the wrong. I don't really want to get too much into that end of it -that part of the story isn't mine to tell- but they were trying to avoid police action, they didn't want to take it there, but they had started formal eviction proceedings. I had already decided that this 'can we crash at your place?' thing was NEVER happening again, so I just shut my mouth and smiled till they left.....0 -
I think it's common courtesy when staying at someone's house to pick up after yourself, leave the room how you found, and make yourself useful (doing the dishes, cooking a meal). And maybe a little gift as a thank you. This is standard even with family (minus the gift).
But then maybe common courtesy is much like common sense... not so common after all.
I'd be p*ssed too.
They've had us over for a couple of BBQs, and I didn't even show up to those without a 6 pack of craft beers for them and a desert!!0
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