Body Image Therapy?? Thoughts?

Biglovelovesme

I am looking into finding a therapist who specializes in body image issues and I thought maybe I could find some advice/experience here on MFP. I am living my life (probably more accurate to say "not living my life") driven by how I feel about my body. Needless to say, my thoughts are rarely good. Basically, I am beyond obsessed with my appearance, yet clearly not enough to discipline myself enough to make the permanent changes I need to make to be fitter and healthier. My issues are different than being preoccupied with vanity, although I am confident that some might think that I am extremely vain being as controlled by my appearance/weight as I am. I rarely look in a mirror, I rarely allow pictures taken of me and I have begun avoiding all of the social activities that I have always enjoyed in the past.
My overall feeling is that I am a disgusting example of what happens when someone has no discipline with respect to food and exercise. The contradiction is that I am very disciplined at work and I am pretty good mom and wife. My husband is wonderful and supportive of me but I can imagine is getting tired of all of my excuses not to go sailing anymore or do anything that requires me to leave my house.
Anyway, there is only so much that I can put into a message here, so I will stop here. I have seen a therapist in the past, but it wasn't anyone who specialized in the area of body image so I am hoping that maybe this might be what I need.
I welcome all thoughts and experiences.
Thanks
:noway:

sexy_RN88

I'm not a therapist, but I can absolutely relate to what you've written. I have struggled for years with my weight and my body image, and in the last two years, I've really missed out on some wonderful experiences because I was ashamed of my weight and I didn't want anyone to see/judge me.

Right now, I'm working on identifying why I eat what I eat. Why do I crave junk food? Why do I eat until I feel fit to burst? What are the emotional triggers that are there? Once I figure out why, I figure out how to address it. If it's because I'm feeling insecure, I go ask my husband for a hug and some positive words. If it's because I'm bored, I change up my routine. If it's because I'm tired, I take a nap. If it's because I'm stressed, I go for a walk.

It has been rough, but I'm trying to relearn how to think. When I see myself in a mirror, my usual thought is "Wow, what a disgusting cow. I can't believe your husband willingly has sex with you!" or something equally hateful. Now, that's still my first thought when I look in the mirror, but I follow it up with recognizing the negative impulse and then thinking, "I may be fat now, but I'm working on eating well and working out. I won't look like this forever unless I let myself. I can change how I look." I still have moments of doubt, and I still dissolve into tears when I see myself naked, but working on following up a negative thought with a positive one is helping me feel more at ease with myself. The first few times I did it, I totally didn't mean it. I was thinking sarcastically and thinking, "Yeah, right, you said all that **** six months ago and look, you're still FAT!" but after a couple of days, I really started to feel better and mean the positive things I said.

Basically, the rule of thumb is that if you wouldn't say it to someone you loved, you're not allowed to say it to yourself. Be mindful of your thoughts. Don't let them rule you. Distract yourself if you're feeling down. Ask your husband to give you a hug/rub your back/give you words of affirmation and support when you need it. And coming here to talk about my "real" feelings helps. I also keep a journal of how I'm feeling. I let it all out---the good, the bad and the ugly. I find that even if I'm feeling incredibly ****ty, once I've written it out and gotten it out of my brain and onto paper, I feel a little relief.

Icaw

I was truly saddened by this post. You are stunning and I see nothing wrong with you. That said, it is how you see yourself that matters most. I would definitely see someone who specializes in this area. You should be particular when choosing a therapist too. Make sure that you feel that you fit with him or her. Also, I have heard wonderful things about CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). I hope that things get better soon!

zippo32

There have been studies about neg thoughts lead to further neg thoughts and pos thoughts lead to further pos thoughts..............so watch out for a shame spiral. There are different modalities that touch on what you brought up in the original post. Do a bit of homework and find a therapist in your area that does body work. Then go have an initial session with that person. If the fit is right, you will know.

stephyj528

i read this all and i felt bad but can totally relate. my prob now is i know how to eat but i know at the end of the day im not happy. it was so easy for me to lose weight when i was happy. i laughed bc i think the same things with my husband even though hes put on weight too and can be very supportive of me but ive been in such a funk. i work in a vet office in the kennels so im in scrubs and gross and smelly all day so i feel bad. not to mention the receptionists are "perfect" and "pretty" and i feel like a fat slob. everyones always like no youre not no youre not! then i look in the mirror and the rest is history. u can add me and talk anytime..ive never went to therapy like this however i know that simply being "true" to yourself really helps and just being aware helps a lot too. good luck

KJLIII

I have to say - I have found that a change of mind about one's self can make ALL the difference! ! After reading your post, and doing a little introspective thinking, I really can relate, and would like to share a little... I can look back at my own life and see how my own negative thinking (in regards to my own body) kept me heavy and in a downward spiral for much of my life. I can look back and see myself and my negativity - "I'm so FAT!" "Can't STAND myself!" and worse. That led to depression and food seemed to lift my spirits some. But it was a terrible cycle to be in, and made my life very difficult for me and everyone around me....

I also want to take a minute and say that this reminds me of a Twilight Zone episode - do you remember those TV shows? There was one episode that made a big impression on my young mind - so I had to try to find it. I found out the name of it was "Eye of the Beholder" and it was crazy, and, well, almost funny!! It was about a woman who was an outcast because of her appearance, and was getting surgery to try to correct her "abnormality". She had already had several surgeries, and this was the last one she could get - so, in essence, it was her last chance to be "normal". She didn't want to be rejected any more for her appearance.... Please take about 3 minutes or so to view this, OK? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHp9q3QTmVQ -It's an adaptation of the original Twilight Zone episode - they've condensed the basic gist of the story and added music...

I think the point I'd like to suggest is that our beauty truly comes from the inside, not the outside. The media (TV, magazines, etc.) has put forth the mistaken notion that any woman who doesn't look like a supermodel is ... well, you can fill in the blank. So might you think I am a disgusting cow? I AM overweight - just barely over the "mark" from being obese. I've been obese for much of my life! ! I think much of my reason for carrying extra weight has been because of deep seated emotional reasons (that I won't go into at this point!). But I've come into a better place (emotionally), and am "ready" to be fit and healthy. I've come to accept myself for who I am - it has taken me YEARS to be able to say that!! I'm also able to be OK with seeing myself in the mirror, as well as able to let people take pictures of me. Much of this has to do with my faith, and allowing God to help me with it. I'm not gonna harp on that, or add anything to it. It's just the way it has been with me... I also see that things could be a LOT worse - I've had friends and relatives that have died from diseases related to obesity and their diet, and I have to admit - I'm very thankful I don't have any diseases that are life-threatening or crippling. I also realize that life is short, and I don't know many people who have lived to be over 100 years old - so that makes me (probably) well past the halfway point ! ! I want to make the best of my remaining years, and I want to be as healthy as I can be ! ! I've seen friends and relatives (good people) who became incapacitated due to failing health, and I don't want to run down that same path if I can help it ! I want to prolong my health for as long as I can, and if eating better and exercising will help me to that end - then THAT is the way I wanna go ! !

And believe me, "icaw" was right in saying that you are "stunning" - I think you are a beautiful woman, and if you don't believe us, then ask your hubby ! ! ; )

My only other thought on your posting was about getting "therapy" - it can be quite costly and time consuming. It could be good, and on the other hand, it may not. If you're ready to tackle the deeper issues and know someone who you trust to share your body issues with, then go for it ! ! I think "sexy_RN88" had the best idea, and that was journaling. I've had great success with journaling (when I make myself sit down and do it!) and prayer (which I do ALL the time, anywhere!).

I have more thoughts on this, but feel I've taken up a bit of time and space here... I'd love to share more with you if you'd like to message me... Just let me know. :flowerforyou:

gingerjen7

I can totally relate to what your saying, but in a different way...

Growing up, my mom was anorexic, and she probably also suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. She was always picking apart other women, calling them names like "Crater Butt" and "Thunder Thighs." She could find a flaw in ANYONE. I have home videos of us on the beach when I was 17 or so, and she was filming and deliberately zoomed in on my cousin's butt to illustrate the cellulite on her butt and thighs--my mom was 37 and my cousin was 20. When I was 12, she pinched my thighs and then said, "Well, if you have cellulite already, then I guess it's no big deal if I do too." She also made comments about how much bigger I was than her and my sister (I'm a full 6 inches taller than them!).

Now it doesn't matter what the scale or the tape says; I can't look in the mirror without being disgusted with myself. I'm a healthy weight for my height, but I'm not as thin as I was when I was in my early twenties and I just feel gross with the shape of my body. Exercising makes me feel better at first, but then I don't see the results I want after the first five pounds or so, so I start drastically reducing my calorie intake. But then I don't have the energy to exercise (plus...I really hate exercising), so I start skipping that and cutting the calories back even more. Eventually I become obsessed with all the things I can't have so I quit altogether and just eat what I want while I sit on my butt. I've never technically become overweight, but I don't ever feel good about myself, so every few months I go through this cycle. I just started using MFP and I feel like it's the right tool for me to keep me on track, but I've only been using it a few weeks. So far, it really motivates me when I finish my journal entries and it tells me I would weigh 118.4 lbs in 5 weeks (or whatever the number that day is) but I am worried that before long I'll just be driven to get the number lower and lower, until I break down and eat 500 calories at every meal because I'm chasing a number but I'm not seeing a difference that makes me feel better about myself...