Out of the Mouth of Babes

OnionMomma

Ah yes, we've all been there, the time when that wonderful little child says something completely and utterly hilarious.

I'll start off.

So, my husband and my son were peeing together....kids think it's fun. Anyways....my son looks up and says......

Oh Daddy, your penis is lllooooonnnngggggggg.

My husband, who is trying not to laugh.....

Um, Ok.

Son: NO look Mommy, Daddy's penis is llllooooonnnnggggggg.......!!!

Me, well, yes ok.

Daddy: still trying not to completely lose it. Well, yes it is.

I mean what do you really say to that.

He was very insistent. No but it is soo llloooonnnggggg!!!

Me: Well, honey, when you get older, your's will be long too.

That seemed to stop it.

It.Was.Hilarious!!!!

spade117

My son never says that to me.

bonsaiblossom

lmaoooo! cute

OnionMomma

My son never says that to me.

I'm sorry.

My son said it when he was about 2. He's not 5.5 and still has no filter. He says what's on his little mind. He's going to be a joy to teach.

Unknown

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OnionMomma

^^ oh that's funny!!

smiley245

hahaha I love kids, they come up with some awesome things.
My son way back when he was about 3, Informed my (ex) inlaws at the dinner table that I had no hair on my "bagina".....you could litterally hear crickets chirping....They are the "very-uncomfortably-with-anything-private" type of conversations. I laugh about it now.
My son is mortified when I tell this story (he's 13)
.
My daughter(then 2ish) had a meltdown in the middle of a store because she didn't have a penis....I wasn't there to see it...but my ex husband was so embarassed. Little girl in tears screaming I WANT A PENIS!!!! over and over again. lol Seems she and her brother had to use the washroom, Her brother could pee standing up, She was beyond insulted that she couldnt.
I love my kids lol

Jani2416

Before school got out, my son who is 13 years old told me that they were doing herpes in gym class.....he meant to say burpees, he really thought they were called herpes.

tiffanyw5

ok so monday at arbys my sons 6 and this lady walks by and my son says out loud shes very small she was a midget and i felt so bad the kids they really do just say what the think another time he was bout 4 and he had to go pee well my daughter was 14 then says i do to ill take him so i said ok well we are leaveing the restraunt and she comes over and tells me i cant take him to the bathroom with me no more so i asked why and she said because he asked me why do you have hair on your peepee and i couldnt stop laughing

clee369

ok so monday at arbys my sons 6 and this lady walks by and my son says out loud shes very small she was a midget and i felt so bad the kids they really do just say what the think another time he was bout 4 and he had to go pee well my daughter was 14 then says i do to ill take him so i said ok well we are leaveing the restraunt and she comes over and tells me i cant take him to the bathroom with me no more so i asked why and she said because he asked me why do you have hair on your peepee and i couldnt stop laughing

Punctuation

Jbjessi

my three year old.. "mommy i hungwee"
me.. "ok what do you want?"
brayden.... "i want to eat the penis"
me..."you want to eat what? peanuts?
brayden...."no the penis" then he laughs and walks away. seriously wtf?

OnionMomma

I love these, thanks for giving me a laugh.

Oh and my son hisses at people....I guess it's our fault, we let him watch Avatar.

sarahp86

Had my little cousin with me on the bus when a lady with very prominent teeth got on. She was wearing very red lipstick. Diarmuid, who was 3 at the time, declared very loudly, "Sarah that lady is wearing her teeth outside her lipstick!"

I got off the bus with him and was about to get on the next one when the bus pulled up and the bus driver was a very heavy man. Diarmuid shouted (again very loudly) "that man ate all the babies!!!" didn't get on the bus and I never brought him on the bus again!!

datenshi

Here are a few from my blog that my kids have said.... S=Son, D=Daughter, H=Husband, Crimson=Me

_______________

S - Just because I’m not a hippie doesn’t mean I can’t have a poncho!

______________

H: S you gotta go in your bed now.

S: (half asleep) Wait.

H: Wait for what?

S: I’m doing something (laying still with eyes closed).

H: Doing what?

S: I have to lay here and then do something and then go to bed.

H: Go to bed honey.

S: Be quiet

________________

NaNa, do you like this music (plays a Screamo song)?

NANA: What is it? It sounds like animals fighting.

CRIMSON: (laughs!!!)

_________________

Son (who is 7 years old): I’m going to see if they have any candy left.

Crimson: Looks like they don’t, sorry sweetie.

Son (looking sad): What did I ever do that I got bad karma?

Crimson: (LAUGHS!!!!)

_____________________

H: Hey S, wake up, do you want some pizza?

S (half asleep and still dreaming): Okay, I just have to take off my ninja mask to eat it.

_______________________

H: (shows me how his toe nail fell off because a new one grew underneath)

CRIMSON: Ewwww, now you’re a circus freak!!!!

- an hour later -

S: Mommy, do you love me as much as the circus freak?


__________________________

S, what are you going to be when you grow up? I’m going to be a veterinarian.
S: Drive police cars and fire trucks
You can only be one thing. Which one are you going to be?
Me: He can be more than one thing if he wants. You don’t have to be one thing forever.
And what else S?
S: Fix remotes and TVs
And what else?
S: Go in sheds
Me: What are you going to do in the sheds (trying very hard not to laugh)?
S: See the dead mice
And do what?
S: Bring them home
What are you going to do when you bring them home?
S: Give them water.
Me: Why would you give water to dead mice?
S: To make them alive again
Then what would you do with them?
S: Put them in water and hold them.
They can’t breathe under water.
Me: Maybe they are swimming.
S: Then get a small cup that fits in their house and give them water.
And then what will you do?
S: And then they will sleep.
And after they sleep?
S: Let them play with my toys.
They would play with your toys?
S: Yes, and then they will give them back.
Me: Sounds like very nice mice.
S: Yes, they are nice and they give them back because they like me.

KarenAnnne

This past spring, I was showing my 1st grade students the movie UP. During the scene where the old man gets in the chair and motorizes up the steps, on of my students ask what that thing was.

I replied that it was called a chair lift and I told him that when you get really old, some people can't walk up and down the stairs anymore and this chair lift helps them.

Less than a beat later he asks "Then do you have one at your house?"

Gr8ChangesAhead

We had just got home from vacation at the shore where my oldest daughter bought herself hermit crabs, when we got home her boyfriend was there to visit. My youngest daughter looks at us and says when I grow up I want a boyfriend and crabs too, all we could do was laugh.

springseternal

Not my kids but the kids where I work crack me up.

A three year old walked up to me with a piece of granola bar. He says "you can have a piece of mine bar." I tell him thank you and make a comment about how nice it is to share, and pop the piece in my mouth. At that point, M says "I sucked on it so it'll be soft for you."

An eight year old slipped off monkey bars and declared "That hurt my back like George Clooney." um. what?

A four year old asked me to peel a kiwi fruit for him. I asked him where he got it, he replied "It was in your bag. You shouldn't hide stuff at the bottom. It took me forever to find something I wanted in there."

smiley245

This past spring, I was showing my 1st grade students the movie UP. During the scene where the old man gets in the chair and motorizes up the steps, on of my students ask what that thing was.

I replied that it was called a chair lift and I told him that when you get really old, some people can't walk up and down the stairs anymore and this chair lift helps them.

Less than a beat later he asks "Then do you have one at your house?"

:laugh: In tears laughing! ahhh kids

MENichols5

My friend teaches 4th graders. One day, a boy asked her what year she was born in; she replied "1989" and he said "yeah right, if you were born in 1989, you'd be walking with a cane by now!"

sho3girl

This past spring, I was showing my 1st grade students the movie UP. During the scene where the old man gets in the chair and motorizes up the steps, on of my students ask what that thing was.

I replied that it was called a chair lift and I told him that when you get really old, some people can't walk up and down the stairs anymore and this chair lift helps them.

Less than a beat later he asks "Then do you have one at your house?"

:laugh: In tears laughing! ahhh kids

Love this thread gave me my daily :laugh:

but seriously UP at school gosh it made me and I'm a grownup (apparently)

KatieMae75

This thread cracks me up. I've always told myself I need to keep journals of the things my boys say to show them when they're older.

My oldest, who was probably 4 or 5 at the time, walked in my room while I was getting dressed. My back was to him and he says "Uh, mommy, you need new underwear, those are broken." Thongs don't make sense to children.

Just yesterday, I was listening to music. I didn't think there were any lyrics in the song that was on I needed to be concerned about, until my youngest said "Hey, he said *kitten*. *kitten*'s a bad word, right? Am I allowed to say *kitten*?"

felice03

reading a book about elephants:

DD: mommy? what is dat eating?
me: peanuts....elephants like peanuts.
DD I like penus...
Me: trying not to laugh...what did you say?
DD: I like penus!

What followed was me recording her saying this about 50 times as I am crying from laughter...then anytime she wanted a laugh she would randomly say it. In the grocery store, at grandmas, once at a funeral...I really should get mother of the year...