Summer Clothes :(

LesIsMoreXX

So, yesterday I wore my first pair of shorts since I was about 12 years old.
I've always been self conscience about my thighs and even though I've never technically been overweight, I carry virtually all my extra fat in my hips, thighs and butt. I've always had a pear shaped body even when I was very young and my parents always used to poke fun at it.
I was also in a bad relationship for several years and my partner was obsessed with my weight and since then I've been really neurotic about my size.

Anyway, I finally worked up the guts to wear shorts. And my friend told me I looked bad in them. I hadn't even asked for an opinion so I'm having trouble taking the criticism

I feel so crappy.

riouxha

Perhaps they just weren't shorts that were nice? it may not have been your body, but the cut/colour/material/style of the shorts. not everyone can pull off everything, and let me tell you, there are shorts ive worn and then saw pictures of me in and decided that it was NOT a flattering cut

Rockmyskinnyjeans

I prefer my shorts no shorter than a 3 1/2" inseam. I tend to have "beefier" thighs and I just feel comfortable a little more covered. It seems like every year the shorts get shorter.

I do not like bermuda shorts. I do, however, like crops and boyfriend crops.

twinmom430

Well I just took a look at your profile pics and you look amazing girl!!! I would kill for that body, so I wouldn't sweat it, maybe your friend is just jealous, I know I would be.

LesIsMoreXX

I dunno. Maybe. But there's been several times where he's criticized my weight or tried to tell me in a subtle way that I need to lose weight.
Sucks

LesIsMoreXX

"Well I just took a look at your profile pics and you look amazing girl!!! I would kill for that body, so I wouldn't sweat it, maybe your friend is just jealous, I know I would be. "



That's very sweet of you. Thank you x

EstherE123

That wasn't caring/considerate/thoughtful, etc. to tell you that YOU look bad. It would be a little better if she told you that it wasn't the right style, but telling you that you look bad was rude. Is it possible this was an error in word choice? It might be worth your friendship to talk to your friend to clarify what she meant. If that's not the case, I hope you have some better friends.

twinmom430

I dunno. Maybe. But there's been several times where he's criticized my weight or tried to tell me in a subtle way that I need to lose weight.
Sucks

WHAT!!?? I don't think I could be friends with someone like that. I could see if you were obese and he was concerned for your health. But unsolicited comments are uncalled for, especially when you have a body like you do.

tkacomet

well, he's wrong.

shaynak112

I'm sorry - I'm super self conscious of my legs too. Maybe you need to try a different style of shorts?
I'm not sure the type of shorts that you wore but maybe you just need to try a different kind?

I won't wear shorts that are tight or really short! My shorts go about halfway down my thighs. I'm short so I can't do really long shorts. Or short shorts. And because of my skin colour, lighter colours work for me.

Edit: Yeah just looked at your profile - your legs are much nicer than mine - I'm not sure if your "friend" is good friend?

devil_in_a_blue_dress

It sounds like you got away from the guy who was obsessed with you weight -- which is really, really good -- but don't accept unsolicited BS from "friends" either. You have pictures of your body posted in your profile, I looked -- you are pear shaped, but lovely. The shorts might not been his or her cup of tea, but presumably, if you are friends they would know you have sensitivities about your body and should STFU.

So yeah, don't feel bad and wear though shorts and be proud of your body.

ETA: Read the other comments -- you need to stay far, far away from men that criticize your weight. Period. They aren't good friends and they are not good boyfriends.

LesIsMoreXX

That wasn't caring/considerate/thoughtful, etc. to tell you that YOU look bad. It would be a little better if she told you that it wasn't the right style, but telling you that you look bad was rude. Is it possible this was an error in word choice? It might be worth your friendship to talk to your friend to clarify what she meant. If that's not the case, I hope you have some better friends.

He is naturally very thin ( underweight, actually ) and because he is so thin (thanks to genetics) he acts as though he's accomplished something by being built the way he is. He does not eat well. He does not exercise enough. He has no endurance and no strength ( I know all these things because I lived with him for 2 years ). But I keep an eye on all these aspects. I work 10 times harder than him to keep the figure I have and I'm still struggling towards my goal.
I'm not saying all really thin people have this attitude but I find that most people who have never dealt with weight loss don't understand how truly challenging it is.

LesIsMoreXX

I'm posting pictures of my shorts right now. Sorry about the photo quality. And I know you guys will all be too nice to say anything but I really didn't think they're that short. I don't need my friend to tell me I'd look bad in hot pants lol :P

jaimrlx

I'm sort of jealous that you even got as far as putting on the shorts! I wear capris only.. and I'm actually top heavy. I just do not feel comfortable in shorts at all. /:

I would feel crappy too, and I can relate with you on taking criticism as a hard hit to your ego. I would take the opportunity to go short shopping! Bring yourself back into feeling good and motivated.. I tend to use the negativity as motivation, but I do not think it is very helpful in the long run! Just one of the few things I have to work on.

I also have people in my life that say I need to lose weight. One of my friends thought I needed to lose 80 lbs. I'm 5'2, and 172. It's really hurtful, but some people are just so comfortable with you that they don't know that a little piece of you dies everytime they say something like that.

Keep going, friend. All that really matters is the way you feel about yourself, physically/mentally/emotionally. Be proud of yourself, and if you're not there yet, work on that first and foremost.

:flowerforyou:

schpanks

You have a cute little body. That's what women look like. If you think it looks good, wear it. :happy:

jenilla1

What's with all these guys in your life criticizing your natural body shape? And your parents poked fun at your shape as a kid? They may have set you up to unconsciously seek out relationships with people who will do the same. Good friends support you, not tear you down. Maybe it's not YOU or your body that's the problem. Maybe it's the personality types you're hanging with - more critical types who feel compelled to judge and comment because that's just what they do.

sunnie326

I think you look great. Wouldn't hurt my feelings to have a body like yours!! Your friend seems to be very insensitive. Shame on him for being so rude. You are doing a terrific job and have alot to be proud of. I cannot believe that someone that close to you doesn't realize how inappropriate that comment was.

moriahmoriah

"Your friend" doesn't sound like much of a friend, girl. You're gorgeous and you know what? If YOU liked those shorts, then YOU should wear them. And tell your friend that you don't need his fashion/body criticisms, you need his support.

randomartisrgirl

I've taken a look at the pics on your page, to me you don't look bad at all! Although you may have some extra fat on your thighs, it's not like it's unbalanced with the top half of your body. To me, you look great. Though I think we might have similar situations, so I'm not sure if it's because I have a lil extra fat there too... But I don't think that you could have looked that bad in a pair of shorts. Were they reeeeaaaaally short? I doubt it, because of your saying you're so self-conscious. But maybe if they were longer? I wouls say to just ignore your friend, look for yourself and judge with your own opinion. If you're uncomfortable, but on a different pair. But don't be scared or self-conscious. You've come so far! Own it girl, no matter how much farther you have to go.

selig0730

i looked in your profile picture and you look good so dont sweat it and not sure what ur friend was talking about

gibsy

Your friend is an *kitten*. He knows you're sensitive about this and he's saying things like that, which leads me to suspect he's hurting you on purpose. You look hot in those shorts btw, and you have a beautiful figure. Don't let him treat you that way! If he can't treat you with respect, then cut him out of your life. It wouldn't even matter if you did look bad in the shorts, he could put it delicately if that were the case. But the fact is, you look amazing and I want to throttle this jerk, to be entirely honest.

berlynn_j

I say no worries. I hadn't worn shorts in years either. I'm shorter than you and heavier, and also verrryy pear-shaped. Very much bottom heavy. But I recently started running. I'm in my fifth week of couch to 5k, and it's freakin hot here, and I've been running in pants. But I decided I didn't care. I went running in shorts, with my legs that haven't seen the light of day in years (literally my arms are several shades darker because I NEVER wear shorts). And I didn't care. Because I doing something good for me. If someone wanted to make fun of me, let them. They don't know me, or my struggles, or what I am about. Be proud of yourself. You've got great legs, show them off!

devil_in_a_blue_dress

Yep, dude is an a**hole. You look fabulous in those shorts and he was being nasty for no reason.

LesIsMoreXX

I really appreciate all the kind words. x
It's nice knowing there are people here who are so supportive and encouraging

meeksfour

Wow, look at you! If you have the balls to post pictures of yourself on MFP you are a WINNER in my book. Notice, I had to use a picture my boys created on my iPad....no guts here:ohwell:

You have CONFIDENCE that has carried you this far, that is sexy.
You have PERCIVERED and lost weight.
You have BEAUTY on your side.
You have STRENGTH to push aside the negativity.
You have MFP FRIENDS!

Have a great tomorrow and wear those shorts with pride.

ephemerata

are the dark pictures the ones with the shorts?

i think you look ****ing FANTASTIC.

you say you lived with him for two years, so i imagine that you do care about this guy. bearing that in mind, i'm going to try to be as sensitive as possible when i say that some people just can't stand it when their friends or lovers get healthy. it forces them to confront their own insecurities, and sometimes they will do whatever they can to keep you unhealthy.

not to play armchair psychologist or anything (except that i totally am), but your friend sounds borderline abusive. what right does he have to criticize your appearance, or say anything about your appearance at all? why would a friend give such unwarranted negative feedback in the first place? on top of this, he likely knows that you have these insecurities. i can't imagine him to be daft enough to know it doesn't hurt you. he likely knows it hurts you, and uses this as a way to control you somehow.

kmf42

Wear the shorts! You have nothing to be ashamed of. Your pictures are awesome!

Eleanorjanethinner

Yup, that wasn't a nice or helpful thing to say. (Whether it's 'true' or not is irrelevant! People shouldn't say hurtful things to their friends.)

So I say, you need to push back! Please don't just sit there with your feelings hurt when people are mistreating you! Either tell him now how you felt about his comment and ask that he doesn't make comments like that again, or prepare a short comeback for any future comments i.e. 'Shut up about my weight, will you?!'. Being male, he's probably used to more direct communication so stand up for yourself and tell him straight out how it is.


Good luck and kia kaha (stand strong).

Bridget0927

Ummm Your friend sounds like a B*tch, no offense :-)
My Suggestion is rock the shorts work your butt off and find new friends.

Family you cant change and they are always the hardest but you have to remember its cuz they love you.... I keep telling myself :-)

Rae6503

Honestly I think those shorts are a little high waisted which emphasizes pear shape (I know, I'm very pear shaped as well) but your legs look great especially in the bikini shots. Get some lower waisted shorts with a little bit more room in the leg and they'll look great!

DeadMarsha

Sounds like you need new friends... it's amazing what a good relationships can do for your confidence! I would like to give your parents a good talking to and probably slap around your friend a little. I hadn't worn shorts since I was a kid until I got married, and I still wear them even though I'm not at my goal weight because my husband likes them and says I look good in them (I don't like the short-shorts, a.k.a. denim undies, that are in style these days... I like my hem at least 2 inches below my crotch, thank you very much!!) Goes to show what good support from good friends can do!! :flowerforyou:

You have a beautiful shape (I'm a pear-ish shape too) and I hope to look like you when I meet my goal! I personally find women more beautiful when they're soft & curvy, and I know a lot of (GOOD) men secretly do too, even if popular culture makes them think they shouldn't.