How to be yourself?

TheFitHooker

I know this sounds like a silly question. I just started my new job, I'm a server at Applebee's. If you ever been to applebee's you know it's a pretty laid back environment. Which is great. Tonight will be my 3rd night and I'm training. Well my first day I seemed ok, not to uncomfortable, I mean being the new girl is never easy haha. I've always been one who cared to much about what others think. How do I get out of that? Being over weight all my life didn't help matters there, I have always been self conscious. Last night was Karaoke night so is tonight. Most the staff did a dance called the wobble and I just stood there and watched, I know that is basically because I don't know that dance and I'm new. It's not required by any means, however I know I need to come out of this shell. I'm sick of sitting on my thumbs and not letting my personality shine in fear of what others might think. At my old job I had no issues with that, but it was a small place and only worked with 3 people at a time, wasn't hard to let myself be myself.

Urg, I felt so uptight and uncomfortable last night, and I have no idea why. I'm no longer over weight, so that's not really my issue, but then again I hate my uniform because we have to tuck our shirts in and I have a small torso so I look weird lol. Could be why I'm not so comfortable? How do you just be yourself and not care?

warmachinejt

visit the bar??? lol
i'm like this in many places too. Sometimes we're not comfortable in some places. And believe me your body shape has nothing to do with it. You will eventually be comfortable in that place after a while and you will feel right at home.

TheFitHooker

Trust me I thought about having a drink before work but I think I could lose my job haha.

warmachinejt

i worked as a cashier with many young girls and at first i was usually on the quiet side and before i left the job i would chat up all the girls ;D and talk with all the customers and everyone

oregonzoo

First step imo is you have to separate yourself JUSTABIT from your children. Even your screen name. Your identity is them. Changing is a slow process, but it needs to be done.

TheFitHooker

i worked as a cashier with many young girls and at first i was usually on the quiet side and before i left the job i would chat up all the girls ;D and talk with all the customers and everyone

That's how I was when I worked at Buffalo wild wings. I was still over weight then, but I remember at first I was really shy like, honestly I'm not a shy person. I wasn't shy in my interview and I wouldn't really call it shy, more so like uncomfortable and awkward like I don't belong yet. I noticed the other new guy who started the same day I did, seems pretty comfortable and into it all but then again he's already on his last day of training, his schedule is more flexible then mine so maybe once I get to my last day of training I'll ease up?

TheFitHooker

First step imo is you have to separate yourself JUSTABIT from your children. Even your screen name. Your identity is them. Changing is a slow process, but it needs to be done.

No one even knows I'm married at this job. I don't bring my personal life to work with me. Most of them seem to think I'm 18 years old. The only thing anyone knows about me is my name there. I have to get to know people before I can share things like that with them. My screen name on here has nothing to do with that. I really don't think it does. I'm a mom and wife outside of work.

BigDaddyBRC

Here's my 2-cents...

How are you around your friends? Be that same way. You're not there to impress, you're there to work. Be confident in who you are and wear a smile. easypeasy

creech6317

Smile! I know it is a cliche, but people respond to smiles. If you smile at your customers and coworkers more often than not they will smile back. Once people are smiling it is easier to relax and be yourself.

TheFitHooker

Here's my 2-cents...

How are you around your friends? Be that same way. You're not there to impress, you're there to work. Be confident in who you are and wear a smile. easypeasy

I don't have many friends lol, I have a few but most them I met on here and we met in person but its easy to be myself online. It's not as cut and dry as just being myself, I wear a smile all the time, it's letting my personality out, I have a huge personality, I just can't figure out how to let it out.

Kristen0526

Here's my 2-cents...

How are you around your friends? Be that same way. You're not there to impress, you're there to work. Be confident in who you are and wear a smile. easypeasy

I was going to same thing this person did, I completely agree!! Your goal there isn't to make new friends, it's to make money. If you happen to become friends with your coworkers, that is a plus, but the only way that will happen is if you are yourself, anyway! So just let your hair down, know that you are a beautiful, mature, intelligent woman who has every right to be appreciated and loved just the way you are!!

TheFitHooker

Here's my 2-cents...

How are you around your friends? Be that same way. You're not there to impress, you're there to work. Be confident in who you are and wear a smile. easypeasy

I was going to same thing this person did, I completely agree!! Your goal there isn't to make new friends, it's to make money. If you happen to become friends with your coworkers, that is a plus, but the only way that will happen is if you are yourself, anyway! So just let your hair down, know that you are a beautiful, mature, intelligent woman who has every right to be appreciated and loved just the way you are!!

Thanks! I don't really think it's about making friends, I've gone 5 years with no friends, I have a few now thanks to MFP, but I'm ok with that. In my head I go in and keep trying to tell myself "be the best waitress they ever seen." I want to be the best I can, and I'm sure this will all pass soon. My last day at my old job, my old boss told me I was the best waitress he had and was sad to see me go. That helped a little with confidence. Honestly the first night of training I felt in my element and felt fine, it was last night. I seen the staff dancing and I guess it hit me that in order to really make it here I might have to let my hair down and shake my *kitten* lol. I don't dance unless I'm drunk, my hips just can't move that way unless I'm drunk haha. I think that's when the uncomfortable feeling really sat in.

trophywife24

This is a hard question, as far as the 'how'.. I don't know. Even when I was at my heaviest, I was still "me".. I've always been chatty, silly, outgoing. I know what I like and I don't really care if other people like the same. In high school I was one of the "weird theatre kids" so I never had to go through the whole "fitting in" thing and that doesn't even cross my radar as an adult. My parents encouraged my personality too, I think that has a lot to do with it. This might sound like an obvious question but.. do you know what you like? You need to act the way you like to act and people will either love it or hate it, but that's not up to you.

Since you're new to your job, you'll probably warm up. The first month at a new job is rough! I think it's normal to feel like you don't fit at first because you don't yet! You were just placed there. You'll get it.

Tsrwalker

Just try to take deep breaths it is because you are still training so your still nervous. Give it about a week or two. Don't worry about jumping in right away. Just sit back and observe and get to know your co-workers. Work hard and the rest will come. I was nervous at my job and I did the above and now we are like a family we all pick each other up when were having a bad day and we all pull together to get the job done the best way possible. Everyone has different personalities and it takes time to get to know each other. Once you fell confident in the job your personality will shine. Good luck and I wish you the best

TheFitHooker

This is a hard question, as far as the 'how'.. I don't know. Even when I was at my heaviest, I was still "me".. I've always been chatty, silly, outgoing. I know what I like and I don't really care if other people like the same. In high school I was one of the "weird theatre kids" so I never had to go through the whole "fitting in" thing and that doesn't even cross my radar as an adult. My parents encouraged my personality too, I think that has a lot to do with it. This might sound like an obvious question but.. do you know what you like? You need to act the way you like to act and people will either love it or hate it, but that's not up to you.

Since you're new to your job, you'll probably warm up. The first month at a new job is rough! I think it's normal to feel like you don't fit at first because you don't yet! You were just placed there. You'll get it.

Yeah I know what I like and what I don't like. I am usually a very vocal person. I do really think it's just being new. Like I said at other jobs I had to warm up. I guess learning everything and how it all works there, studying the menu, learning the computer, remember where things go and how they want things done there, plus dealing with other staff and learning their ways can get one to shell up a bit. I know I have what it takes, I just want that to really come out. I've done all this before. I find I'm ok around the guys that work there, its when I'm around most the girls. Even though they seem cool, I still clam up lol.

trophywife24

I'm way, way more comfortable around guys than girls. I always have been! Guys are just a lot easier to talk to.... women... are not. lol.

TheFitHooker

Just try to take deep breaths it is because you are still training so your still nervous. Give it about a week or two. Don't worry about jumping in right away. Just sit back and observe and get to know your co-workers. Work hard and the rest will come. I was nervous at my job and I did the above and now we are like a family we all pick each other up when were having a bad day and we all pull together to get the job done the best way possible. Everyone has different personalities and it takes time to get to know each other. Once you fell confident in the job your personality will shine. Good luck and I wish you the best

Thanks, I think you're right. Just hoping things won't be so uncomfortable tonight lol. I do know one person I work with, I knew her since she was 2 but I don't really know her anymore. I don't really think it's about the people there just everything, having to cram everything in and learn everything. Once I really start knowing things I think it'll be fine.

redshoeshelley

This helps me ... if it doesn't help you, at least it should make you smile !

sirocci66

Only you can determine how to be yourself. You will figure it out with time.. and maybe some medication (JUST KIDDING!). Anything new can throw someone off for a bit. Take time, don't force what doesn't feel natural, and you will land on your feet.

Best of luck!

-Lizz

TheFitHooker

Thank you guys ...

Last night I went in and I felt a little better. I think it helped that the girl who trained me last night put on my sheet to let the management know how I'm doing, that I have a great memory and I catch on quickly. I think that helped boost my confidence. Today is my last day of training. Can't wait to get it over with.

LorinaLynn

It sounds like "yourself" is someone who takes a little time to warm up to people, and that's a perfectly fine person to be. As long as you can still be friendly and sociable enough with your customers to get good tips ... just give yourself time and I'm sure you'll let down your guard with your coworkers when you're ready for it.

I'm always "the quiet one" when people first get to know me. Then I'm the "quiet but funny one." And eventually... I'm the class clown. :laugh:

Ralphrabbit

Just read your profile & now I know the answer to the question!
You know who you are in Christ. God made you & He don't make junk! He also made us to had FUN! Be honouring to God but also to yourself & let go a little & have confidence that as He made you, you are just fine!

kwest_4_fitness

I'm the same way. For whatever reason, I put too much stock in what others perceptions of me are. I go a step further, overthinking every single thing I do or say after I've done or said it as well as overthinking statements and gestures from others toward me. I feel awkward and shy in most social situations and am always the observer. Once I get to know someone, I'm fine, but the initial meet and greets at work with clients are excruciating for me!!

LonLB

First step imo is you have to separate yourself JUSTABIT from your children. Even your screen name. Your identity is them. Changing is a slow process, but it needs to be done.

No one even knows I'm married at this job. I don't bring my personal life to work with me. Most of them seem to think I'm 18 years old. The only thing anyone knows about me is my name there. I have to get to know people before I can share things like that with them. My screen name on here has nothing to do with that. I really don't think it does. I'm a mom and wife outside of work.

I still think this holds merit.
Regardless of work or not you still identify as their mom, not as you. Other things that jumped out include going 5 years with no friends. Finding YOU, will make you more confident.

In my opinion.

TheFitHooker

First step imo is you have to separate yourself JUSTABIT from your children. Even your screen name. Your identity is them. Changing is a slow process, but it needs to be done.

No one even knows I'm married at this job. I don't bring my personal life to work with me. Most of them seem to think I'm 18 years old. The only thing anyone knows about me is my name there. I have to get to know people before I can share things like that with them. My screen name on here has nothing to do with that. I really don't think it does. I'm a mom and wife outside of work.

I still think this holds merit.
Regardless of work or not you still identify as their mom, not as you. Other things that jumped out include going 5 years with no friends. Finding YOU, will make you more confident.

In my opinion.

Well I am their mom, but I also know who I am outside of being their mom, I'm so much more then that and I do know this. I know exactly who I am, I really think that Thursday night was just a bad night, because last night was a lot better. I know exactly what I like and don't like out of the mom rim. I do have a life outside of parenting, I've been a working mom now for 5 months. I have established adult time and I am pretty much aware of who I am. I believe I was just over whelmed and doubting myself when I made this post. Last night I seemed to shine a lot more, so I do believe it'll all come around, I was a lot more sociable with the people I worked with, a lot more feeling in my element. I also got a lot more hands on last night, talking to the customers is not the issue with me at all, I have no issues at all greeting customers and interacting with them. I actually had one guy last night ask me if he could tip me because he really liked my personality, had to explain that while in training I make min wage rather then the $2.13 so the tip goes to the trainer but if he comes back the following week he could ask for my section and he could tip me as much as he wanted.

I just think that Thursday was more of a scary thing because I felt like I couldn't learn nothing and I knew that today will be my last training day so had to cram everything in and find myself in the process. I was a lot more relaxed last night.

lean4life2

I don't know how old you are but I find that age is a great thing...the older I get the less and less I care about what other people think about me,the way I look,dress,my family,the way I raise my kids ect ect.....(I turned 40 in February)

I put up a great quote on FB recently it went something like this....

YOU EITHER LIKE ME OR YOU DON'T,IT TOOK ME 20 YEARS TO LEARN TO LOVE MYSELF,I DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF TIME TO CONVINCE SOMEONE ELSE!!

TheFitHooker

I don't know how old you are but I find that age is a great thing...the older I get the less and less I care about what other people think about me,the way I look,dress,my family,the way I raise my kids ect ect.....(I turned 40 in February)

I put up a great quote on FB recently it went something like this....

YOU EITHER LIKE ME OR YOU DON'T,IT TOOK ME 20 YEARS TO LEARN TO LOVE MYSELF,I DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF TIME TO CONVINCE SOMEONE ELSE!!

I'm 30, I don't really think it's so much about what people think of me, I think it's just being new and having to learn everything. I went from being the top dog at the other place to having to start all over. We have to do what we have to do, today I got to actually be on my own for about an hour, and I did awesome, so I'm sure it was just that one night I had a bad time.